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Tuesday, October 28, 2014
16th Anniversary of using the Name Piemerica
Enornal Thirtitood
1. I was born yesterday, just not today's yesterday.
2. I'm bilingual. I speak English & body language.
3. I'm 1/3 Vegetarian because I don't eat meat while I'm asleep.
4. I'm not a know it all. I'm a know it some.
5. I am no stranger to people I've met.

6. Brushing my teeth is in my top 3 things I enjoy in life. That top 3 being,
    3. Things I like
    2. Things I really like
    1. Things I love
7. I hate punk rockers. They always breaking when I sit in them.
8. I'm not a cannibal but I like human meat because it lets me move.
9. I hate those M&Ms puzzles they sell next to the checkout at the grocery. I never get enough brown pieces to make the picture on the front.
10. The one thing I don't like about Erasmo of Narni is that he was born in 1443. That's such a random year. C'mon Honeyed Cat, at least round up! Make it 1450, Confonnit!

11. I've seen all the Star Wars movies. It was confusing. I should have watched them one at a time.
12. I like being hugged by rain's dryness when it is not raining.
13. I sculpt hams out of chicken fingers.
14. I'm having a contraction because I'm is a contraction.
15. I used to think tourettes was another way of saying stewardesses.
16. I can put my finger on it but doing that doesn't help anything.
17. It makes me sad but only in my eyes. My shins are not sad at all.
18. This is one of those songs I made that I like so much it makes me cry every time.. someone else isn't listening to it.
19. People on chat sites are always asking me to send them topless pictures. Why would someone want pictures of open jars? Why would you assume a stranger is selling preserves?

20. I recently bought a pillow with all the latest bells and whistles.. I never get any sleep.
21. I bought some apple sauce at the store the other day. It tasted redundant eating it on my apples. It was like buying ketchup sauce for catsup.
22. My clock is awesome! It can take phone calls & is like a handheld computer. (As you can tell I've decided to start calling my phone a clock because for a phone it is cheap but for a clock it is frazzle-rackin amazing!)
23. Check out my beautiful eyes, i i

24. When it is 40° I see snow melting but when it is 90° I never see melting snow. So is 40 warmer than 90?
25. yeah... *shoots self.. in the foot.. for using too many ellipses...*... ...(because ellipses look like bullets & dot feet)
26. Wow you guys have names too! That is soooooohohohohohOH cooool!!!!! I totes have a name. My parents gave it to me & the BIG GOV® let me keep it (so far)! Ahhh!
27. ..I'm just going to put this away for danger keeping.
Link
Fornitude Flotsams: Enornal Thirtitood
  • You kids & your new age slang. Wait do those words mean "age?"
  • Wow all those people are getting in that VW bug! It is so small. I couldn't get in there because it is not my car & they don't know me.
  • I try to eat lettuce but only the lettuce I pay for or am given. I'm not a thief, I use my head when it comes to eating heads.
  • I saw him on my tv once. I was all like get off of my tv that is a flat-screen you cad! I was polite. I used lego curse words.
  • I wish I weren't made of Diet Crystal Pepsi 3000 as advertised in an alternate reality on the DuMont Television Network.
  • I don't like being censored. I never say anything censor worthy but still being cen***ed s**ks. W**t w*s t*at!? *hat *ust *ap*ene* t*e*e?
  • If I weren't a sentient skillet I would sue the farm for all of its bees. They'd have to catch them because it is not a bee farm.
  • I'm a rebel against languages. I refuse to learn most of them.
  • I've got a fire in my eye. I keep tryin' by cryin' to put it out.
  • I KILL plants for breakfast!! Look out!
  • I watch lots of hammers in case they are planning something..
  • I have 2 lions named Kid so I can say I have kids because I hateish goats & my kids don't like being sounded like they owned.
  • My opinion on Bronies? Brownies made by dudes is cool because usually women are the bakers.
  • I wore my teeth as mouth necklaces all summer long.
  • Gross income is gross because I should get all my money. They better stop taxing us when we all have jet packs since we won't need streets or schools anymore.
  • I fought my way up the stairs by stomping the steps' heads in.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sundrycember Lessons
9/1/14
It's now or never or the future.

9/2/14
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but there are no fish in space. If there were loads of people would go up there to fish.

9/3/14
Toll booths dare say, "it is my way AND the highway."

9/4/14
You are bossy if you say "Excuse me" instead of "may I be excused."

9/5/14
Some people aren't a barrel of laughs. They are more like a satchel of giggles.

9/6/14
None of us are the brightest bulb in the box unless there is a lamp in the box too.

9/7/14
If you have to change a baby carrot's diaper you're shopping at the wrong Whole Foods.

9/8/14
It is faster to thank someone from the top of your heart than from the bottom of your heart because those arteries are closer to your mouth.

9/9/14
If the world runs out of fish there are plenty of other fish to fry, just not literally.

9/10/14
Forget the Apple Watch, hold out for the tablet sized Apple Gauntlets.

How to get money is to win at basket sports.

9/11/14
If you get the short end of the stick just play a little tug of war to get more.

9/12/2014
You can't hear silence & that is why silence is golden. Silence is to be seen & not heard.

9/13/2014
If only we could swallow other people's pride starvation would end.

9/14/2014
Laughter is the best medicine because it is contagious.

9/15/2014
When you grow up they say you're raised but when you die you're lowered into the ground.

9/16/2014
You know you've seen something cool when you've seen lightning bugs stuck by lightning.

9/17/14
It's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog. But when the big dog eats the little dog that has big fight in it, look out!

9/18/14
To Blinky, Pinky, Inky, & Clyde Pac-Man is a vicious circle.

9/19/14
Interestingly, educated people are even more clever at pretending to be stupid because they use the "edumacated" cliché 43.668% less.

9/20/14
Lightning never strikes the same place twice because it always hits a just few millimeters to the left to make things much worse.

9/21/14
You are an awesome multi-tasker if you can hit the books, the bricks, the deck, the road, the nail on the head, the hay & the sack all at the same time.

9/22/14
It is pretty obvious when the fireworks industry is booming.

9/23/14
The idea that "you can't mix apples & oranges" is why you never see a math teacher working a juice stand.

9/24/14
The real reason Icarus fell was because he took someone under his wing.

9/25/14
Don't jump down someone else's throat or you may just drown in their stomach acid.

9/26/14
I've got my
I
U

9/27/14
Public transportation can be heavenly but only if there is a severe wreck.

9/28/14
Strawberries need to come with a warning label. Too many people have needlessly died whilst trying to use them as straws.

9/29/14
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish reading this & those who don't know what this part says.

9/30/14
Out of sight, out of mind.. except for the screams.

Sunday, August 22, 2014
Lesson of/for the Day Theme Months
Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day is kicking off themed months starting in October. But as a pre-kick off I'm putting out all of the lessons I came up with that didn't fit the themes, with the themeless theme month of Sundrycember!

EVERY day of every theme month will have a new lesson!

Coming in the future
Sundrycember
Oddtober
Normalvember
Doughcember
The Proverbial January
&
February is just the Tip of the Ice Burg!
There's also Poor Man's March & April Foolses & Wises

Sunday, August 31, 2014
August Lessons
8/11/14
Loki is always stealing Thor's thunder.

8/12/14
Alex had a pen & so did Al's ex because they had two pens & split them equally in the divorce.

Some people think we are supposed to bring heaven to earth, but it just doesn't work. The best we can do is to get the lion & the lamb to sleep in a bunk bed.

8/27/14
lol looks like a scared man's bow tie.

8/29/14
If your mouth lives a tongue be thankful because there are some who have no taste.

8/30/14
Anarchy has arrived when stop signs start walking.

8/31/14
Shea butter sounds dumb but Che Guevara butter sounds funny.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
July Lessons
7/1/14
Ironically real rat races only occur at the most leisurely of occupations.

7/2/14
When you are eating deer for dinner passing the buck is a good thing.

7/4/14
If you fail to see the big picture your license may be revoked.

7/6/14
The sad truth is if you rap your mind around something physically you won't be able to wrap your mind around it figuratively.

7/7/14
If you have to spill the beans please don't cook them first.

7/8/14
Atari was so successful in the early 80s that they provided all of their employees with 3 square meals a day.

7/19/14
After the magician was injured during one of his tricks he now truly has nothing up his sleeve.

7/20/14
For unsuspecting adults Legos are often stumbling blocks.

7/23/14
"I'm sorry Minnie but the yacht won't be out of the shop until next Tuesday" is an example of a white lie.

7/24/14
Both Smart Alec & Stupid Alec were smart alecs.

7/25/14
Some say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a toddler & I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came over & started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires, & digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.

7/27/14
If someone rubs you the wrong way contact your lawyer.
Monday, June 30, 2014
June Lessons
6/1/14
Cameras let us capture moments but moments aren't domesticated so sometimes moments capture us back.

6/3/14
There are so many colors that don't exist.

6/4/14
If your school chooses the right font you'll always make straight A's.

6/6/14
When you haven't seen someone in eight years say, "You haven't aged a bit, it's more like a byte."

6/9/14
It is customary in some non-Tuvaluan cultures for the parents of the bride to put a wedge in-between the bride & groom, a grapefruit wedge. This was the only way Maori businesswomen could sell any fruit because in Piemerican Ecuador you can pick fruit for free provided you have arms or toes.

6/10/14
Oven mitts were in fact designed to be used to catch ovens. They are smooth & fingerless to prevent you from actually catching an oven that has been thrown. They help the oven slip safely through your hands because no one's back & knees could handle catching an oven.

6/11/14
Caren was named after her attitude because she cared that she was born. Bill was named because his parents had no insurance. Greg was named because his parents liked dog marmoset hybrids. Now you know who you are Greg.

6/12/14
Without net neutrality web browsers would be more like web ration lines.

6/14/14
Everyone has friends in low places because the ground is a low place & we all live here.

6/15/14
Beach is Peach with a gut.

6/16/14
If you're ever wearing cleats on a basketball court.. you might be a foreign exchange student who signed up for the wrong sport.

6/17/14
Though similar to the electric blanket, the electric shirt never caught on because of their slogan, "Put on the back burner!"

6/18/14
When hiring foot racers make sure they agree to give you a run for your money.

The sky gets crowded with summer in June.

6/20/14
In his old age Taz has started going to a spin doctor.

6/22/14
If you're on top you're over the top unless you are the top.

6/23/14
Magneto is always sticking to his guns.

6/24/14
If you're going to paint the town red use a good primer first.

6/27/14
When in a physical altercation with someone who fights dirty you have to fight tooth and nail.

6/29/14
You're in trouble when, instead of throwing in the towel, you accidentally throw your hat in the ring.

6/30/14
Going out on a limb isn't risky if you bring the limb with you & lay it on the ground.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
New Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans


Jibber Jabber 2013 Established
  • The Rise & (hopeful) Fall of Products with "The Rise & fall" in the Hopefully one day my noses will grow in & I will have features too.
  • You never saw me coming.. because I was just standing here, stationary.
  • If a dime is ten cents how much is a senTENce?
  • The opposite of nothing isn't something but everything.
  • What the heck was "home room" anyway? Home plate for people who ate breakfast at home.
  • I have a coat of arms because I made a new coat out of the sleeves of all my old ones.
  • Don't ride a turtle before you send it into outerspace.
  • You have to peel 167,000 kiwis to make a knife go dull. But if you cut them long ways its just 2,300.
  • You done it done!

Jibber Jabber 2012 added to

New Lessons
5/30/14
You can't make fun of something that is already fun just like you can't make a pie that is already made!

5/31/14
Lmbo looks like you tried to say Limbo but you were limboing while writing it so you missed the i.

Thursday, May 29, 2014
Equal Non-Equal Neutral Map of The Journey
No Destinations Are Worth This Journey

New Lesson
Makeup is beards for ladies.
Wednesday-Sunday May 24-May 28, 2014
New Lessons
5/24/14
Rich people don't eat ground beef, they eat sky beef & billionaires eat space beef.

5/25/14
If your appendix is removed during surgery in your next surgery your doctor will have trouble locating your other organs because he won't know what page they are on.

5/28/14
Only super villains put paper towels in the ocean to suck up all the water so they can send it to another planet to create life there.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
New Imagery

Saturday, May 10, 2014
New Bitstrip

Thursday-Tuesday March 27-May 6, 2014
New Lessons
3/27/14
Putting the cart before the horse is a good idea if the cart floats & the horse is in water.

3/28/14
If spiders wore pants they'd have a lot of pockets.

3/29/14
The button was depressed because it was a shirt button & not a button that could be pressed & de-pressed.

3/30/14
If you put two bowls together you can create a bowling ball that doesn't roll away.

3/31/14
Zombies have prosthetic life but their body parts are real.

4/2/14
Disgusting grocery stores don't employ grochers, their employees are grochests.

4/5/14
It is good to have neighbors from hell because it means they are on their way up in life. Coming from hell is much better than going to hell. It's hard to escape hell. You have to win a fiddln' contest.

4/6/14
Hammock reviewers never review how well hammocks hold their liquor.

4/7/14
In evolutionism stew made Stu. In creationion Stu made you, but later changed His name to Jesus.

4/8/14
Despite some Americans despising illegal aliens Mexicans amazingly have diplomatic immunity on most planets.

4/11/14
If you are a shady person lose some weight so you won't cast as much shade.

4/18/14
5 armed Zeidslurtz was excited to visit earth to participate in high-fives because on his planet beings only have 4 hands. His Omnegtolitum-English dictionary misled him however & he was greatly disappointed in we two-handed humans. He was going to destroy the earth until he saw someone giving away free kittens in a shopping parking lot. He know lives in Normal, IL enjoying petting his 5 kitties.

4/22/14
Invisible question marks are true question marks because their existence is questionable.

4/23/14
A relationship with counting can easily last forever.

4/24/14
Toasters are where toasts have their funerals. Our butter & plates are their afterlife.

4/25/14
Deserts do have trees but when you're not looking invisible palm trees eat all of the other trees, roots & all.

4/26/14
Kids who grow up on a farm have more expected of them because so many other things grow on a farm thus just simply growing is not as impressive.

4/29/14
Wrenches can help build but cannot build other wrenches.

5/4/14
If you use air quotes while typing you won't get a single editing job.

5/6/14
People will like you more if you don't have any opinions or facts, & people will always like you if you don't have any lies.

Monday, March 23, 2014
New Visual Lesson


New Lesson
Dirt hoarders who store all of their dirt under their houses are never confronted.
Sunday-Saturday, March 16-22, 2014
Lesson Mania Week 2014
3/16/14 Day 1- 3 Lessons
Calendars are invertebrates.

Most of us are under the weather because clouds are high up.

A kettle was involved in an envelope crash. No one got out alive because the kettle & the envelope weren't living things to begin with.

3/17/14 Day 2- 5 Lessons
It is really hard to saw dust.

If you put DVDs over your eyes you can look yourself in the eye. This helps train you for business situations that require eye contact.

This is what separates us & the toasts. We can't fit into toasters.

You'll never meet a hemophiliac box.

You can't put googly eyes on rice. It's too small.

3/18/14 Day 3- 4 Lessons
The man who invented the door lever was just a guy trying to get home with his bananas without being robbed. Round knobs don't work for that sort of thing. But you can use a lever with a banana.

Tree carvings are tree tattoos.

Sandpaper & glass-paper should not be used interchangeably.

You shouldn't drink from a fountain pen even though it's ok to drink from a water fountain but it's not ok to drink from a fountain at a mall but it's ok to drink from a soda fountain. If you want to drink some coins, don't drink from a fountain at a mall just put some water in your wallet.

3/19/14 Day 4- 3 Lessons
Prattle & Rattle are shaped mostly the same.

It makes as much sense to eat kiwi's unpeeled or to eat pineapples from the top down as it does to write on a plastic bag when you've got a paper bag right next to it.

Eating kiwi without peeling it is like boiling an ice cube before you bury it. It doesn't make any sense.

3/20/14 Day 5- 3 Lessons
When you are the passenger in an automobile say, "I'm hyped! I'm ready! You know why?.. Because I'm driven."

Never take headache medicine that only makes it stronger!

OK is better than KO unles you de 1 dat did it.

3/21/14 Day 6- 3 Lessons
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's why I always skipped school.

You can never outsmart anyone because the people who can be outsmarted are always too stupid to figure out that they've been outsmarted.

When you're eating at Subway you don't feel like you're in a subway just like when you eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken you don't feel like you're in Kentucky & when you eat at Burger King you don't feel like you're in the king's belly. When you go to Long John Silver's you don't feel like you're wearing long johns. Fish don't make you feel like that. Eating fish can make you feel like you in the ocean if you ever took a bite out of fish while you was divin'.

3/22/14 Day 7- 3 Lessons
Cats have taken over the human race. Kitties invented technology to get us to just sit on our butts so they can always have a lap to sit in.

Home is wherever your sweat is from fun.

Couples who keep the vow of "til death do us part" don't make it out of marriage alive!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014
New Imagery
This is a picture of my invisible horse.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Why you got unpeeled Kiwis in ya Mouth?
I school the slang usin' kids on The True Meaning of® RANDOM by rambling for 40 minutes


New Lesson
You may be city folk but you can still milk a cow faster than a horse can!
Monday-Thursday, March 10-13, 2014
New Lessons
3/10/14
Wingface was a terrible super villain because he was an awesome hero.

3/11/14
After scorpions are extinct we will have private teleporters. You will be able to teleport things to strangers as gifts without having to know where they live. So go kill scorpions!

3/13/14
Bear ghosts are the only ghosts with teeth.

Sunday, March 9, 2014
New Visual Lesson


New Lesson
1 million people a day bathe in onions. They are the tiny people we eat but never see.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
New Lesson
When you fall in the woods you can appreciate the ground. You are barely over it yet so close to being under it.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
New Lesson
If you are looking for somewhere to sit just ask someone with a butt.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
New Piemericomic


New Visual Lessons



New Lesson
Don't iron your tires. Those wrinkles were tread.

Site Index Page Updated
MARS Sampler split into 3 playlists, Uptempo, Relaxing, & Epics
Chronchive section added to links.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Tuvaluan Video Game Reviews - Sonic the Hedgehog
As very few know, the country of Tuvalu was a test market for video games in the 80s & 90s. I used to write for Tuvaluan Piemerican Magazine & I've finally dug up a review of Sonic the Hedgehog I did in 1991 before the shoelace gameplay aspect was removed.

Unlike other reviewers of the era I gave in-depth analysis of the plots of games. Also keep a look out for exclusive footage & brief mention of an experimental Sega game that never made it stateside or Japanside, titled The Unknown.

Read the Review

New Lesson
If you get teleported to an empty universe you'd be the awesomest person in the universe!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Site Index Page Redesigned
Link list changed & added to, MARS Music Sampler added, photo gallery thumbnails changed to 4 columns.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Previously Unavailable Chapters of (The Joe)'s Autobiography
Interlectural & Siesta, written on this day in 2007. The Autobiography site has recently overgone a redesign as well.

New Lesson
Putting clogs down your garbage disposal results in a clog clog.

This Day in Piemerican History:  A look back at everything done on Feb 26ths.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
This Day in Piemerican History:  A look back at everything done on Feb 25ths.

New Piemerica Logo
Piemerica
New Lesson
Don't wash your pink plates with white plates. If you mix colored dishes with white dishes you'll end up with a purple monkey in the dishwasher... I think.

Monday, February 24, 2014
Piemerica's 16th Anniversary
Piemerican Highlights 1999:  Highlights from Piemerica's second year. The best comedy & poetry from 1999 including never before seen excerpt from Cats!
Wednessday, February 19, 2014
New Visual Lesson


New Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans


New Piemericomic

Tuesday, February 18, 2014
New Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans


New Piemericomic


New Lesson
If you are what you eat then eat donuts because then you'll be tasty & sweet & loved by millions.
Monday, February 17, 2014
New Piemericomic


Introducing Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans

Sunday, February 16, 2014
Introducing Piemericomics




New Lesson
Headless ghosts would bump into walls if they weren't ghosts.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
New Bitstrip

Friday, February 14, 2014
New Lesson
Jewish rappers should remember to proof read their emails because there is a big difference between "Oy!" & "Yo!"

New Bitstrips

Thursday, February 13, 2014
New Imagery
To cover all bases I was thinking outside the box & Melody was thinking inside the box.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Top 3 Worst Times to Sign Autographs
3. While inside of a bowled bowling ball (it's dark in there!)
2. While white water rafting
1. While not holding a writing apparatus

New Imagery
I'm tired of bending over back words.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
New Imagery

Sunday, February 2, 2014
Piemerica.org Online for 12 Years
Piemerica's website went online 12 years ago. When Piemerica hit the Web in 2002 the web itself was less than 12 years old. Now Piemerica has been on the Web for over half of the Web's existence! In these 12 years Piemerica.org has risen to the 23,285,274th most popular website in the world out of over 4 billion! That's gotta be worth a free pie right?

Top 3 Most Humbling Shadows (Up Close)

#3

#2

#1
Saturday, February 1, 2014
New Lesson
Houses in tropical climates are painted with light jackets of paint.

New Imagery
Let me be perfectly clear
Friday, January 31, 2014
January Lessons
1/1/14
An apple a day keeps the doctor away but how do you keep your house from burning down? Sleep with pears in your mouth. It keeps your house from catching fire.

1/4/14
No one really ever gets sick or hurt. All diseases were made by greedy doctors. They invented gravity too.

It is easier to catch a snowball with your mouth than with your hands. But catching it with your mouth makes it much harder to throw back.

1/21/14
Monks run for political office all of the time but since they've taken vows of silence no one ever hears about it.

1/22/14
Piemerica's lessons will make you laugh & they will make you cry if there are freshly cut onions nearby.

1/30/14
You can't light a fire under someone twice in the same year because once their bottom is burnt they won't sit down the same way.

1/31/14
People who waste food eat pre-trash.

Thursday, January 23, 2014
New Bitstrip

Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Top 20 Lessons of 2013
20. A clothes line is where poor clothes go to hang out.
19. Be ambitious, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, make a mountain out of an anthill. You can only get one mole out of a molehill but you can get hundreds of ants out of an anthill.
18. Abe Lincoln was named after the 16th President of the United States.
17. Only phonies use phones. So next time you call a loved one know it is not really them talking to you. But of course if you call them you aren't really you either.
16. The best photographers don't use tripods, they use successpods.
15. Never ask yourself, "Am I seeing things?" Because it is your ears that will hear you & not your eyes. You need to write that question down & if your eyes don't read it that means you aren't seeing things.
14. When deciding where to put the lane separation lines the Highway Department went with the typical middle of the road approach.
13. If life is a game we're all on the same side & our opponents are dead people which means we're all winners because they are easy to beat.
12. If you're ever in a blackout at a wax museum light Hendrix’s guitar on fire, he would have wanted it that way.
11. Some things never change. You can always rely on things like style, technology, & today's date to stay the same for years & years to come.
10. When someone calls you up & says, "You'll never guess who I just saw.." Say, "You're right" & hang up.
9. You can't tell when the tables have turned if the tables are round.
8. If your car breaks down don't call AAA. 222 doesn't connect to anyone.
7. Here's a kind thing to do. Get a gun & a mask & say to a stranger, "Gimme your wallet!" When they do fill it with loads of cash & give it back to them.
6. One way to tell someone you have a crush on them is to say, "When I think about you I feel caterpillars in my stomach."
5. Walking the plank was an effective form of execution across the board.
4. Don't shoot the messenger lest the message recites, "I am the messenger & I'm going to kill you!"
3. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can abbreviate his own name.
2. People who sign autographs are redundant.
1. Every cloud has a silver lining except the ones drawn with the cheap box of crayons. Those just have gray linings that we pretend are silver.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
New Imagery
I finally got my foot in the door. My Brief Basket Case may seem like a bad idea but if I market them exclusively to basket cases it just might succeed.

Melody likes sitting... across the board.
This is a picture of a thousand words.
A picture is worth a thousand words so a picture of a thousand words is worth 2,000!!
Monday, January 20, 2014
New Imagery
I Blew Up
I drew the short straw.I've been hittin' the bottle hard lately.
I got a new book on tape
My wife told me to take out the trash.
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(The Joe)'s Autobiography
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Index | The Song | Art Book | Survey |
Freezer Freezer Problem | The Journey

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Index 2 | What The Eat?
CHRONCHIVE:
Full Archive | 2013 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009

Warning! May contain trace amounts of food.
MARS Uptempo Music Sampler
Every Second Worry Impowers Fits 1:08
Those of us on the ledge in the wind. 2:29
Don't Hush Now :30
The night the fire gave no light. :54
Amidst rope 1:18
Ages in Bloom :29
Nothing is Similar :48
Shining darkness...... :56
Spreading out a quilt on grass that looks like a quilt :48
Style us 2:17
Holes made of glass 1:00
Life Shell :23
Dizzy Bay 1:28
At first I thought it was my mind... 1:14
dr. stoop pays his lite bill 2:04
Still Not Today :17
Safari Rhino Tracks :56
Those of us who say "We..." 4:51
Those of us with our head in the sea. 2:22
Desert Saw Name Window 1:25
Stars on a Clothes Line :28
The Ship Leaks from Above 1:03
Time Traveller :56
Master Working :43
I've both fostered sake nealing seat 1:05
Dedicated harnesses waiting for crumbs. :43
Towers again. 1:03
I have no identity so how can this be a crisis? 1:20
Tagline :51
Holld :58
EveryThing was Personally hand Washed by me 1:35
Sickle of fire...Loudest Silence, :51
HAUT 1:17
Rock drick garden 1:08
Fogless Sight 1:08
Text-tile :25
Label + (Hold) :40
Incompliable :40
Today or something like it 1:14
when is the fortuen made to rivers? 1:17
It started today 1:08
aspiring stoop exited a hole in the veranda's mind 2:01
Far too late in the early morning. :29
Expelious Sea 1:50
I run the mill like a hamster at its wheel. :30
You are not trapped 1:42
Eyce :59
It was Ok. 1:23
Ponector Kin :41
:Oyas todo nias phel elpi doh yahnah tais: 1:52
The MARk :27
Volts into you :45
Dairy Harvest 1:42
Buying Buying Bears 1:18
One Color Rainbow 1:18
Sound without Effect 2:14
Remake :32
Best of II :55
MARS Relaxing Music Sampler
The Real Iceberg 4:31
inq. :45
Those of us on the curb watching traffic. 2:51
Greatest Sequels II 2:13
Don't Hush Now :30
new dew 2:26
I'm Tired of Whispering AND Shouting 1:17
Has-been Run has been run 4:17
Prime Flower 2:41
Mind Without Affect 1:22
& the bubble took the rain dog :55
I Caught You Throwing 3:03
Fiveground 1:13
I Blew Blue 1:04
The Living Water Surface 1:00
Wet Chain Link 2:30
Messiah Waits 1:08
Mister Wonderful 3:45
vlain :49
Im sent on lot 2:22
keet-vlot 3:36
Affection stand contribution upon raise touch 1:45
My sky is tight. 1:18
Sake hardened. 1:39
Ninja O' Meter (Brain) :56
Pressure Load Caterer (feet) 1:49
If it was anywhere but here... 2:20
Softly witnessed tributaries 1:14
What we have in store for you. 1:13
No Key available. 2:06
Froj 1:32
Pen lock a cord. :51
Plow Seige People :57
Traded Society for Technology 1:21
Answer Kidge :47
Leasing any lacer 1:27
Chances no longer exist 2:05
!question of intelliline? 3:09
pineapple shotting reel in your mirror 1:37
The moon is a crust of letters 1:25
is/t that it/s? :56
I was looking through the window 1:57
Mathetactics 1:32
Play in the field until nightfall 2:01
Am I here? Am I here too soon? 1:15
re-fad :43
Today & The Years Gone Bye 2:52
off tin :33
Have you ever seen a longer longer? 2:05
Sliding Moderation 1:14
Shew Shadow :42
Fickle Illusion 1:02
A building lake 1:11
Candle whipped battle axe 1:28
Satellites Zooming In 1:11
Settlers camping in noman's land 1:58
grow wind. grow 1:45
ccxol 2:20
ond & offd 1:41
More Sound Without Effect 2:55
egdrib 1:43
Return 1:57
depositCE 1:14
Catching Up in Perfection 2:00
Greatest Sequels 1:28
None the Same 2:50
The Advent of Thunder 3:39
MARS Epics
Photo Galleries
Leisure Parkland
Leisure Parkland
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Ramily Circus
Ramily Circus
Photos 2012
Photos 2012
The Big Onion
The Big Onion
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
24 Roses for Lori's 24th Birthday
24 Roses for Lori's 24th Birthday
Water Cube
Water Cube
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Indisno
Indisno
Cordova Snow Fun
Cordova Snow Fun
Photos 2011
Photos 2011
The Love Fell Like Leaves
The Love Fell Like Leaves
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos 2010
Photos 2010
Meadow View Charms
Meadow View Charms
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Robert Randolph
Saying it without a Thousand Words
Saying it without 1,000 Words
What My Chick & I Saw
What My Chick & I Saw
Some Things Afoot
Some Things Afoot
Golfulating IX- Disc Golfulating
Golfulating IX Disc Golfulating
Golfulating VIII
Golfulating VIII
The Battle for #4
The Battle for #4
Snow Show
Snow Show
Photos 2009
Photos 2009
I saw the light.
I saw the light.
Star & Micey Live at Otherlands, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey w/ Emperor MAR at Otherlands
Henderson's Waiting
Henderson's Waiting
Accusations
Accusations
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Before Photoshop
Before Photoshop
May Day
May Day

Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
The Years Gone By
The Years Gone By
Moving On
Moving On
Lake Ship
Lake Ship
Lamp Head
Lamp Head
Photos 2008
Photos 2008
Metal Morrow
Metal Morrow
Star & Micey Live at American Apparel, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey at American Apparel
Photos 2007
Photos 2007
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Warm Shower
Warm Shower
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving
Waserg
Waserg
Lesson Mania!
Lesson Mania!
Mid
Star & Micey Mid
ED Wed
ED Wed
The Watcher
The Watcher
Sheek
Sheek
Rummage
Rummage
P. E.
P.E.
Mi Familia
Mi Familia
Muddy Waters
Muddy Waters
Playing A Ground
Playing A Ground
Tae Kwon Dumb
Tae Kwon Dumb
Dancing!
Dancing!
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle
The Wedding
Earning Stripes
Earning Stripes
Photos 2006
Photos 2006
Homes & Hearts
Homes & Hearts
No Parking
No Parking
Sticks & Stones
Sticks & Stones
The Bookster
The Bookster
Trampoline Terror
Trampoline Terror
Golfulating VII
Golfulating VII
Life?
Life?
Wonder & Time
Wonder & Time
Golfulating VI
Golfulating VI
Glen Phillips Newby's, Memphis, TN
Glen Phillips
at Newby's,
Memphis, TN
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Relative Things
Relative Things
Img_000
Img_000
Futurity
Futurity
Golfulating V
Golfulating V
Golfulating IV
Golfulating IV
Golfulating III
Golfulating III
Golfulating II
Golfulating II
Golfulating
Golfulating
Muchos Tacos
Muchos Tacos
Comfort
Comfort
Perpetual Change
Perpetual Change
Imperfect
Imperfect
April 22, 2005
April 22, 2005
Chump On A Log
Chump On A Log
Rokit
Rokit
April Fool(s)
April Fool(s)
Emperor MAR: The Beard. The Face.
Emperor MAR:  The Beard.
The Face.
Photos 2005
Photos 2005
Rose Garden Dream July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream
July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream June 26
Rose Garden Dream
June 26
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Photos 2004
Photos 2004
Tree Farm
Tree Farm
Tripple Seven Joenan
Tripple Seven
Joenan
Tripple Seven (The Joe Legend)
Tripple Seven
(The Joe) Legend
Punch My Cat in the Face
Punch My Cat in the Face
Graduation Photos
Graduation Photos
YEC
YEC
Photos 2003
Photos 2003
Photos 2002
Photos 2002
Photos 2001
Photos 2001
Photos 2000
Photos 2000
Photos 1999
Photos 1999
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1985-86
Photos 1985-86


Classic Lessons
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.

Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em unless they're beating you.

When the noose becomes the latest fashion it won't last long.

Talk is cheap, unless you are a television psychic.

If a tree falls in the forest be glad you don't live in the forest.

When I'm looking at my folder I have a paper view.

When arguing at sea don't go overboard.

Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

Hole punchers are useless.

Not all hillbillies are named Billy but they are all related to him.

Pollution is good for you. It makes you realize there should be less pollution.

Read All Lessons, Watch Video Lessons
Top 3 ways to loose money in a business:
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of your building.
2. Using the classic sales pitch & then putting it into action,
    "We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds
Comedy or Coma?
Caffeine free huh? What, that makes it cost like 15 cents less?

I'm a real vocabulary buff. In fact I just finished reading the dictionary. I didn't like it, it wasn't wordy enough for me.

I love team sports because one part of the crowd is always happy.

nah.. oops! dropped some dots

I'm going to be a record producer because i eat a lot of vinyl.

I don't lik3 it wh2n p712 tal3 li33 this. especially out loud, "lik three it wh two n p seven tweleve tal three li three three this."

I remember Living Magazine had a spin off called Dying Magazine. It had a lot of subscriptions but no one ended up paying their first bill.

When I yawn it is contagious because I always yawn again.

I have a big sore, it is so big it is like a dino-sore.

I can spoil any movie from the past 20 years. Ready?
They all end with credits.

How do you know this site is weird? Maybe this is normal and regular things are weird.
Featured Content
Lyrics/Poetry
Sometimes
Still
Lead Me
The Band
A New Song
Out There..
I know The Door
All I really know is you
Revivify
Where is your love?
Fake Feathers
Stories
Toppled Siphon Blower
Pin the Tail on the Muffin
Seedless Wrench Mime
No Reception Hall
Five Stories at the End of 2005
Other Featured Content
Homes & Other Places to Live
Paperstation
Piemerican Fun Run
The Guy With An Alarm Clock For A Roommate
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Lyrics/Poetry
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I am in correct.
I Saw a Man Keep the Faith
Wrapped in True Love
Cage Deed
Advice Ovens
The Touch of No Love
Advise the Wise
The Scope of Nope
Your Store For
Take a Walk in Rock Shoes
Stories
Glass makes sand hammers.
Today & The Years Gone Bye
Time Cotton
My Dog
Passed out in the Lawn
Other Recent Content
Piemerican Magazine #4
Quizzes
25th Comedy Quote Collection
Cats Action Comics
Equal Non-Equal Neutral Book
ie is the greatest food of all time.! If it weren't I really would have changed the name some time ago.

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