Monday, February 1, 2016
Piemerica the Website, 14 Years Online!
We must hold some kind of world record for our ratio of unpopularity to plethoric size, longevity, & update frequency.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
90s Clipart Commentary
Pɪᴇᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀ's 7 R̈́̄ã͐n͂̚d͒͝o͒͐m͌̀ Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 31-February 6, 2016
1. Teach otters the value of a dollar by feeding them money & giving them savage beatings until they cough up the cash.
2. Hire snails to seal envelopes.
3. Have a funeral for a dead mobile phone battery, recharge it, then throw a resurrection party.
4. Feed a biscuit a sausage to delight whoever eventually eats the biscuit.
5. Give a lifetime's supply of helium balloons to someone who already
has a high pitched voice so they can talk to their dog in secret.
6. Curate push broom statistics.
7. Chop down all the trees in your neighborhood to prevent potential
tornado damage caused by branch avalanches & squirrel hurls.
The great thing about sleeping through midnight on New Year's Day is
that when you wake up, you know you've successfully slept all year long.
The great thing about losing a limb is that you get a phantom limb to
replace it & a phantom limb sounds cooler than a regular limb.
Giving yourself a pat on the back is hard work. The reason you do it is
because you've worked hard. So pat yourself on the forearm instead,
Eyes make everything easier, especially getting poked in the eye.
Nature would love it if we burned down all the trees! I'm referring to
Cousin Nature, because Mother Nature is all like, "Don't kill the
It is fun for people to have thinks about you in their thoughter.
The great thing about ice cubes is that they challenge our perception of cube.
Toast is great because you can use it for stubble simulations.
The great thing about hands is that they double as egg holders, if you have some eggs handy.
The great thing about having big hands is that you can pick up more debris per bendover.
The great thing about not having big muscles is that you can be a
better spelunker, more easily fitting through tight cave crevices .
The great thing about being distracted easily is that someday you'll make one special robber very very happy.
Blueberries aren't blue on the inside because they've had good lives.
"This is," I wrote, hoping to be humorous, "the great thing about commas."
The great thing about Darth Vader appearing on products is that it lets
you know which ones to avoid. Someone from the dark side would only
endorse low quality items that ruin your day.
If lack of snacks has you weeping openly, tears are great for satisfying your salty cravings!
One great thing about having a memory is when it remembers the end of a joke…
A peach is great because it's a fuzzy food that isn't rotten.
Vaults are great because they are more athletic than safes.
Brains are great because they can read this.
The great thing about some pawn shops is that they'll let you hock a hamhock.
The great thing about July IV is that he's still single, ladies.
A restaurant that delivers steak can drive a steak into your heart.
The great thing about atoms is that you can see them & not see them at the same time
The great thing about walls is that they can't talk!
The great thing about dinosaurs is that they can't make you fat.
The great thing about gloves is that you can give them the finger, in every sense.
The great thing about tourniquets is that no one has been named Tourniquet.. yet.
The great thing about finding poop on the floor is that it raises your heart rate.
Onions are great because you can throw them at lousy stage actors who failed to cry during a show to make them cry for real.
The great thing about ghosts is that they will never harm us. The only
reason ghosts exist on earth is because they were too lazy to float to
Hearing is like a mirror if you can hear them they can hear you right? Is that why people yell at movies?
Does LoL stand for soccer?
What is this "ios" I keep hearing about? Is it the cool new way of saying Cheerios?
I empathize with me. That makes me a good person right?
I feel rougher than transcription of a dog conversation.
I feel like a box of crayons that melted from natural causes.
I feel like the star that whispers about hamburger cooking safety in sentient cows ears.
I feel like hearing bread testimonies about transtoasting.
I feel like lephrchons smoothed out an elephants skin so they could use it as a 3D water slide.
If you could rate your mood on a scale of 1-7 leaving out 4-6 what would it be?
Who has the most film in their back pockets:
▱ Caged bears.
▣ Solid harmonicas.
⧉ Beans with wishes.
Which superhero has the best toupee?
❑ Punk rock Green Lantern
Fight Promos/Pro-Wrestling Promos (January 'ot 16 Vines)
Saturday, January 30, 2016
I've got my Eyes on the Parting Gift, Isn't everything a waste in a wasteland?, I am Above Tomorrow
Friday, January 29, 2016
Sunday-Monday, January 24-25, 2016
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Pɪᴇᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀ's 7 R̈́̄ã͐n͂̚d͒͝o͒͐m͌̀ Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 24-30, 2016
1. Next time you're in line at the grocery haggle down the price for the person in front of you.
2. R̲o̲a̲m̲ around with free Caesar salads.
3. Label friends' underwear.. with name brand labels. (Doesn't have to be your friends, just somebody's friends).
4. Come up with break up lines for inanimate objects in case people
begin to embrace ianimateobjextuality. “Look knife this relationship
just isn’t cutting it for me.”
5. Break a habitual hitchhiker's thumb, because a thumb in a cast stands out more.
6. Try to found the Royal American Society for Lazy People then be too
lazy to do it so society appreciates the true value of lazy people,
that of not founding pointless organizations.
7. Shovel your neighbor's driveway this winter, so they can put a pool in it this summer.
Friday, January 22, 2016
In those 15 years there have been 2,272 lessons. Today is our 512th
consecutive day with a new lesson. Lesson section now has a new font & background (1st time the background has changed since 2002). My pick for greatest lesson of all
time (for laughs & personal reasons):
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Misc January 'ot 16 Piemerica Vines
Monday, January 18, 2016
Page load time, code, & images optimized, new system used for video embeds, smaller audio player implemented
Nitpigging - Being excessively critical & enjoying it, Pigging out on nitpicking
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Friday, January 15, 2016
What hasn't already been said about.. Iron Man 2
Monday, January 11, 2016
30 year old man talks to himself in different voices
about his failed internet show [Bonus from Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh?
Christmas Adam Special]
90s Clipart Commentary
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Hobby Lobby & a Fourth Word
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Bye bye to The Haunters, Which smile do I want?
Monday, January 4, 2016
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Top 30 Lessons of 2015 (as Chosen by
30. People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw
29. You are weird if you regularly drive your car.. off a cliff.. as a
28. A barrel of dead monkeys isn't much fun at all.. unless you are
very very VERY hungry.
27. If it's true that you are what you eat then don't eat vegetables.
Being a vegetable is not a good thing.
26. It is worse to pass out in the gutter above the house.
25. Soon down on their luck angels will come to earth to sell their
wings as hotwings.
24. The thinker disparages bandanas. The thunker deeply searches Amazon
23. Bone dry isn't dry at all. Bones are soaked for like 80 years.
22. You know you're poor if when you talk about "change" no one ever
assumes you are talking about politics.
21. You are dumb if you think the "right to bear arms" is the right to
be cuddled by pandas in a zoo whenever you feel lonely.
20. All computers are nerds except the ones inside of robots, those are
19. You are normal if you wouldn't like to be boiled alive & you
aren't too groovy on the idea of being boiled dead either.
18. You are weird if your cell phone has a camera.. that uses flash
17. In the Spider Navy all subs are footlongs.
16. You know you grew up poor if your momma didn't let you play
princess. She only let you play dead because it was the one thing you
could realistically aspire to.
15. The reason college sports teams wear their state's name on their
jerseys is so if they get lost people know what state to return them to
or if they get too drunk or high they know what state to return
14. Soon it will be revealed that all silent prank calls were made by
13. There's more than one way to skin a cat. 3D modeling software for
12. If the dangers of food coloring worries you as a cult leader,
driving a clown car off a cliff is another excellent form of mass
11. You know you're poor when you request your last meal to be beans
& cornbread because you ain't never had the luxury of eatin' either
10. A can opener can also be used as a jar opener, if you throw it hard
9. You are weird if you wear many hats at work because it is cheaper
for them to pay you than it is to buy mannequins.
8. Soon smooth peanut butter will be outlawed for wooing people into
7. Life is an egg. Sometimes it's scrambled, sometimes it's sunny side
up, & sometimes it's over easy.
6. You know you're poor when you never take anything out of a box
except for yourself!
5. You are dumb if you commit genocide because you think everyone would
have more fun as ghosts.
4. You are weird if you feel embarrassed when your shadow touches other
people's shadows yet you can't help but gawk at how intimate the
shadows get with one another.
3. You are weird if like to play God.. at shuffle board because you can
always win by default.
2. Let us not make frequent wagers of, "If I'm wrong I'll eat my hat"
as an excuse to frequently consume nacho hats.
1. You are weird if you fear death.. will never find a good woman to
settle down with.
Piemerica Font now used in Journals Section
Thursday, December 31, 2015
12/1/15 [Vine Video]
You are dumb if you spray tan exclusively with buttery garlic sauce.
12/2/15 [Vine Video]
You are dumb if you think tickets to football games only cost 4
12/3/15 [Vine Video]
You are dumb if you keep a giant soup pot strapped to your back to
12/4/15 [Vine Video]
You are dumb if you rent your accordion to mummies.
You are dumb if you've ever tried to wipe up a spill using a bone.
You are dumb if you buy six barrels of monkeys to have the funnest
party ever.. & you let the monkeys out of the barrels.
You are dumb if you're writing a musical about the joys of silence.
You are dumb if you think sleepwalking is when you put a leash &
collar on a sleeping person & drag them around the neighborhood.
You are dumb if you think escalators are stairs that got scared of
people stepping on them so they tried to run away.
You are dumb if you cut off your hand so you could get five finger
You are dumb if when you can't get a song out of your head you reach
for a drill.
You are dumb if you think you have to get a liquor license before you
You are dumb if you train crickets to play cricket when you should have
been training them for the Olympic long jump.
You are dumb if you put hot sauce in the freezer to cool it off but
smart if you put hot sauce in the freezer to create hot ice.
12/15/15 [Vine Video]
You are dumb if you refuse to become a drummer out of fear of being
caught by a snare drum.
You are dumb if you decided to be a cactus hugger instead of a tree
You are dumb if you think robbing a bank is rubbing a bank using a guy
You are dumb if you think bombs spell trouble.
You are dumb if you monitor your flatulence by keeping a live canary in
You are dumb if you risk your life renaming cheeses.
You are dumb if you think it is perfect weather for a skeleton.
You are dumb if you carry your blanky with you while you fight fires.
You are dumb if you think the space key on your keyboard is some kind
of awesome futuristic key that has something to do with outer space.
You are dumb if you're going to give someone an authentic puma claw
You are dumb if you use loose cranberry sauce as a stocking stuffer.
You are dumb if you think not having a musical bone in your body means
you have all your marrow.
You are dumb if you wear camouflage to assassinate trees.
You are dumb if you think pacifist means, "violent person" because it
sounds like "pass a fist."
You are dumb if you think the "right to bear arms" is the right to be
cuddled by pandas in a zoo whenever you feel lonely.
are dumb if you commit genocide because you think everyone would have
are dumb if you think the present is an illusion fabricated by the past
paid for by the future.
Dumbcember .091 Lesson Vines
was the first year in Piemerican history to have a lesson every
single day from January 1-December 31st! Not only that it was the 1st
year Piemerica had an update of any sort for a full calendar year.
December Think About It Thursdays
Is your diet always ready for unexpected boat rides?
Would you eat dogfish or peoplefish?
Does your middle name get jealous of your first name?
Hey, what's shakin'?
Yo, what's cherrylimeaidin?
Hey, what's bottledwaterin'?
Yo, what's liptonbriskicedtean'?
December Friday's Feelings
I feel more mild than an off brand salsa.
I feel like a toast that's been on a wheat grain slide that ends in a
vat of almost completely jelled gelatin.
I feel better than a sea horse in a race against a real horse.
I feel like a Eskimo child weeping over a whale carcass.
Lyrics added to site
this man, Who's
Dies with Lies, Levels,
are.. In the longest night, One
more not asked for, Dear
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
1. Some say talking to me is like pulling teeth.
They're right. It should only be done by professionals.
2. I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing for you, so you can see the
humor in the situation.
3. I couldn't see a thing.. unless black is a thing.
4. I'd only date you if I were an archaeologist & you were bones.
5. You're all so young. I've got antiques older than you.
6. I see you have an iPod. When you've misplaced your earbuds do you
ever set it to vibrate to experience the songs?
7. I saw your video. I have that same remote! The ransom is set at 5 Gs.
8. The answer in short is yes, in slightly less short is yeah, & in
medium is indeed.
9. I like that you use verbs. I can understand you that way.
10. I am expressing my appreciation in this sentence, this sentence
right here, the one you are reading now because you can only read now.
11. I knew you'd understand.. after you indicated that you concurred.
12. Y'know... If I had a fridge for every color in the alphabet I don't
know what I'd have.
13. People think it is silly when I say, "Back in my day.." yet they
have no problem asking "How was your day?" You're the reason I think I
had a day!
14. I suggest you call The Police or maybe just Sting..
15. Usually fingers don't fing but when they do ohohoh nelly, you
better have a full size cabbage in your back pocket!
16. That's what they call in the window business a window.
17. My daughter Melody is so smart all of her teeth are wisdom teeth.
….have a lot of extra dots. Do you want some?………
19. I'm an expert in uninary. It's easy, it's just zeros.
20. beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans
beans beans beans beans
Sorry, looks like I spilled the beans.
22. That is truly one of the finest ideas ever put to #FFFFFF.
23. I don't go to bed before sun sun sun.
24. Plays, I write plays. I just wrote two plays & finished a third
Here comes a fourth one.... "plays"
25. My memory is so good I unscrewed my head.
26. I hold the world record for most hands. I have a whopping two. But
the record is a 7 billion way tie. :'(
27. I place $1,000 dollar orders all the time. I'm like "hey you, give
me a thousand dollars!"
28. I don't know Spanish but since I'm half Hispanic I figure I don't
need to know it until I'm middle-aged.
29. I can read almost any language. I just don't know what the words
mean or how to pronounce them properly.
30. I can't afford dark chocolate so I just eat regular chocolate with
the lights off.
31. I'm no expert when it comes to communication. I don't even know
what a pert is, so there's no way I coulda been one.
32. I always wanted to talk to a block of ice, that's why I do it
33. I live by the motto:Don't make up a motto to live by because you'll
box yourself in.
34. I graduated high school when I was 17 because I was smart.. enough
to be born at the right time of the year.
35. I know more about camels than jars of nails do but you don't see me
bragging about it more than once.
36. To say next to the least.. I'm fearless because I don't take up new
37. I'm some about using subtle word differences. If I were all about
it that would be peculiar.
38. I’m good at keeping secrets. It's getting secrets I have the
39. I love cracking seriousness with jokes.
40. Roman wants answers from Wyatt? That's like asking me for a good
41. I am older than most peaches at the grocery. At least I hope so.
42. I'm so old I've got grandkids.. of my parents, otherwise known as
43. I'm older than the oldest person you know by at least 3 days. If
the oldest person you know disagrees with me I will fight them!
44. I'm out of.
MARS website navigation also future proofed
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Monday, December 28, 2015
Section redesigned with Mr.
Piemerica font, new high res versions of many comics, thumbnails added
to comics page, Scripts & More page updated, Soundtracks page now has streaming music
& a new playlist for the Christmas Adam Special, Character collages
added to Characters page, other misc
Saturday, December 26, 2015
A font from my handwriting. Due to the personal nature of it I'm now
using it in the..
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
After 6 years the fourth episode is finally here for all humanity &
doganity to ignore!
Tuesday, December 22, 2016
Misc December 'ot 15 Piemerica Vines
Monday, December 21, 2015
This page & Index II have had strokes
added to text, links
rearranged, & the top of page ticker has been redesigned.
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Have you read any words today (other than these)?
Friday, December 18, 2015
Clipart Commentary V
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Enornal Thirtiford related Vines
I'm like an American Hero because I use the bathroom
just like they do. & I'm like a genius! Because like all geniuses
I've never tasted the minor planet Aakashshah.
I picked up a magazine about "100 people who changed the world." To my
disappointment it was mostly gardeners.
Tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids to expect the package in
I don't have a musical bone in my body. Yeah, I have all my marrow.
I resist a rest when I'm not tired.
I am out of my mind because my mind is in me.
If only bears were as confident as you, we'd all be dead. Good thing
bears are still self-loathing. That is why they sleep so much.
Cats taught me everything I know, except "what aren't cats like?" Well
I guess they did teach me that inversely.
My me loves that!
I don't read Spanish, though I speak it perfectly. I'm
You cloud wearing, egg thumping, Charminavores!
[You are my laugh track.]
So the point of these new smart watches is now when you have to put
down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by
looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing
idea. You can hug while discretely reading this very post.
I think cows & pigs & chickens are ruining the planet by being
so tasty & thus making us fat. They evolved tastiness so they could
survive by us breeding them because they didn't much fancy being hugged
like dogs & cats do. It is actually meat eaters that have prevented
these animals from going extinct.
Having living animals in your pie is the healthiest way to eat because
the sport of it lends vigorous exercise. If you have gorilla pie with
living gorilla in it make sure he has a less than 3 day life expectancy
or else he'll be too strong for all humans.
You look like you could fit in my hat.
My ghost is my spirit animal.
I put it away for danger keeping.
What a coincidence! It's New Years day & my first band was named
New & I live in years!
Who's the nicest person you've ever.. kicked in the family jewels?
Mine was the first pope, then he made a whole rule about popes &
priests & nuns not having kids to cover his embarrassment. I did it
because he wouldn't let me wear his pope hat. I don't take nope from a
I don't think I know everything but I do think I know a decent bit
about things I care to know. Knowing everything is boring. Knowing
something is what's awesome.
Once & a half
I'm from the corner of here & now.
The twist ending is love.
MAR: My therapist says, "I'll be your
therapist if you pay me."
MD: Don't they all?
MAR: Not the French ones. They speak French.
I’m good at keeping secrets. It's getting secrets I have the problem
When you're reincarnated you can be a dead cat & a living man at
the same time. And I unoffensively use the word "man" in the way
woodland creatures would use the term while be threatened by
I saw your video. I have that same remote! The ransom is set at 5 Gs.
That's what they call in the window business a window.
Breaking into someone's house.
Breaking out of someone's house.
Gouda tastes go….. swell.
Live from New York City, Pennsylvania
I have feelings in my appropriate innards.
Nature would love it if we burned down these trees. I'm referring to
Cousin Nature, because Mother Nature is all like, "Don't kill the
When I was a kid we didn't have windows, we could only stare outside by
looking under the crack of the door.
YouNow is a video auction site where you can bid on things in people's
I'm just gonna go outside & watch the real star wars. Sucka stars
don't ever do anything unless comets are flyin'.
I only use wicker spoons.
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
What hasn't already been said about.. Iron Man
Monday, November 30, 2015
You are normal if you prefer luxury cruises to luxury colonoscopies.
Sporting a comb-over in a cancer ward, that's a no no.
Let us not use sub sandwich bazookas for evil.
You are normal if you don't like getting apples from a shady person but
don't mind getting apples from a shady tree.
Dancing without a helmet, that's a no no.
Let us not reverse the gravity of the oceans to create a global bidet.
You are normal if you wouldn't like to be boiled alive & you aren't
too groovy on the idea of being boiled dead either.
Donating your blood to a soup kitchen, that's a no no.
Let us not serve cucumber oatmeal to invading aliens.
You are normal if you can enjoy a ham & cheese sandwich but you
have trouble finding positive the aspects of ham & cheese soda.
Verbally taking a vow of silence, that's a no no.
Let us not make frequent wagers of, "If I'm wrong I'll eat my hat" as
an excuse to frequently consume nacho hats.
You are normal if you like syrup on your pancakes but you don't like
syrup in your socks.. unless there are pancakes in your socks too.
Wearing a bowtie to a funeral, that's a no no.
Let us not cuddle a half dozen bound pigeons instead of using a pillow.
You are normal if you like receiving free prizes but don't like
receiving free savage beatings.
Bringing "Get Well Soon" balloons to the hospital room of a family
member of a victim of the Hindenburg disaster, that's a no no.
Let us not cry over spilt milk. May we instead mourn with that spilt
You are normal if you prefer cashing your checks to checking your cash.
Painting someone's portrait, that's a no no.
Let us not use floppy disks as nerdy coasters.
You are normal if you dislike birds pooping on your car but birds are
still your first choice to do it.
Shaving in line at a buffet, that's a no no.
Let us not get life insurance for our earthworms.
You are normal if on death row you don't want your last meal to be fast
Serving hot dogs at a puppy's funeral, that's a no no.
Let us not skip lunch if that lunch is a tuna sandwich. The bread will
get too soggy to skip & the fish will find it offensive.
You are normal if you don’t like bad movie remakes & you don't like
any fruit remakes.
Firing a gun.. in front of his family.. days before retirement, that's
a no no.
Let us not bludgeon owls because they keep asking us the same question
over & over.
November Think About It Thursdays
Have you ever wanted to catch fish just so you can
Is it disturbing to mail a letter to an envelope?
Which 9 syllable word are you most thankful for?
November Friday's Feelings
I'm more ready for seconds than a shark eating fish
It's the Bermuda Septagon I'm worried about.
I feel like a billionaire who had to leave his platform shoes behind to
run away from gigantic amebas.
I feel like a garden of children planted like carrots into the ground
because their parents thought it would help them grow faster.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
90s Clipart Commentary III
Tuesday-Wednesday, November 24-25, 2015
November 22, 2015
90s Clipart Commentary II
Saturday, November 21, 2016
The 1st Survey Saturdays
On a scale of -5 to 0 how would you rate your satisfaction with being
Who told you about our ivory black liquorice?
▢ A friend
▢ An enemy
☑ An enemy that thinks he/she is a friend
▢ What? Nobody ever tells me anything! They say I overreact & get
◪ I'm color blind to white & black . Instead I see eggshell &
charcoal. But not like you think. I see white as charcoal & black
as eggshell. Oh & sometimes I mistake lime green for lemon lime
green. And needless to say, oranges taste red to me.
November 19, 2015
Mid-90s Clipart Commentary
November 14-18, 2015
section created with navigation & backgrounds.
New future proof navigation for Photo
Galleries & Lessons
Background colors added to some galleries.
dates & Top 3 dates
shrunk for better readability
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog: Jesus'
Victory Over Sin
Monday, November 15, 2015
2015 is the 20th Anniversary of Cats, my first creative foray. The Cats site now has a reading
panel as well as issue covers & other changes.
Redesigned Photo Galleries
Punch My Cat
in the Face
(The Joe) Legend
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Menu Music (Full Version) by Rose Garden Dream
Long unreleased, the tiny :10 version
appeared on 2004's Neon
by Rose Garden Dream. Written & played by Corey "Joenan" Spicer.
Full version video taped April 4, 2009, Released online November 8, 2015
Friday, November 6, 2015
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Originally released October 28, 2006, Lesson
Mania! contains the 1st 5 years of lessons categorized. Also released
as an eBook is the previously
unreleased full Lesson
Mania! Chronological & Categorical Ed.
Mania! Webpage has been redone with more links & scrapped
|Monday-Friday, November 2-13, 2015
New +=- section,
New Watch Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh? page, Some
redesigning & updating of Lessons
The data CD box set from 2005, The Florilegium
Compendium of Miscellany, has been restored. Page also now has Embedded
Presentations & images of downloads
Visit new Misc Downloads Page
More Site Updates
Emojis added to main links on front page.
All Piemerican Game download links restored.
New bonus images added (The Joe)'s First
Book Drinking Fantasy
Broken "Related Blogs" links fixed site wide.