Script written August 7, 2008 Produced August 16, 2008
Script [Hallway] Head Usher: Alright ushers, keep an eye out for anyone who looks dressed for a funeral. Y'know someone wearing all black, people like that. Bring them into the chapel. You may have to be a little forceful, After all these people are mourning and may not be in their right mind. Alright get to it guys. Usher 1: Yes sir! Exit Head Usher Ushers wait Enter Girl in Black User 1: Are you here for the Larry A. Bout funeral? Girl: No User 2 (to usher 1): she must be stricken with grief Usher 1: Right this way mam. pushes girl Girl: Hey hands off creep! exit all [Chapel] Enter girl shoved by usher into isle Girl: I'm telling you I don't know the guy Ushers begin to exit Usher 2: Denial Usher 1: Yes, so sad Exit Ushers Cop: Alright it looks like everyone is here. Let's get started. We are gathered here today to pay tribute to a man which otherwise has never had anything paid to him. A man who's thirst for life and stupidity left him poor and alone. How hilarious that he died locked in a bank vault. Today we say our farewells to Larry A. Bout Here to deliver the eulogy is Larry A. Bout's oldest friend Seņor Extranjero Seņor Extranjero: Zoom in I first met Larry in a large tube in my lab. Larry was our first model of human clones. At the time we couldn't clone the entire human brain correctly. As a result Larry model clones were complete idiots. I don't know why you humans are here today. You must seriously be more pathetic than Larry to have cared for him. Therefore I am prepared to have pitty on you. Well actually I need to get rid of a lot of old models we have no use for So here he is, Larry Model 2! Now with 8% more brain functionality. Larry exits casket, shocked crowd Seņor Extranjero: And anytime you need another Larry just let me know. I've got literally tons of this worthless garbage. People begin to walk out after they speak Rich Guy: Thanks for ruining my day Dad: I finally get that kid out of my garage and you want to put him back? No thanks. Larry gets sad Kitty: 8% more brain power? That means I'm only 90% smarter than him. I need some time to think about this. Girl: I didn't even know this old geek. Cop: Oh great now he's smart enough to shoot a gun. I'll deal with you, Seņor Extranjero, when I get into the FBI. Larry: Can I come with you to the moon? Extranjero: {spanish with english text} You came with me. How do you not know where I live? Larry: Well can I? Extranjero: Sad Si