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Sports Humor

Sport Lessons (courtesy of our book Lesson Mania! on sale now!)
  • When in a race fall down & yell, "Help!" to slow the others down.
  • Mastering the game of golf is difficult, but not as difficult as breathing (in outer space).
  • If you're ever playing a game play dumb that way, though you may loose, you won't feel stupid.
  • If someone asks you to go fencing with them & you bring your sword. Just run the guy through for being so culturally insensitive.
  • Paranoid people need not worry about aliens enslaving the entire human race as long as they do not run in competitiveness.
  • Get an old man who used to play a sport to play it again.
    If he says, "I'm a little rusty" report this to the government for they do not like androids. (Robots for you dumb people)
  • Being forced to compete in the Olympics can be stressful.
    That is all.
  • The newcomer is always undefeated.
  • One of the worst ways to taste da feet is to get kicked in da mouth.
  • Fans catch baseball games; the baseball players catch the baseball yet they are the ones who get paid.
  • Golf will become hipper when golfers begin to use Butter Putters®, Screw Drivers®, & Potato Wedges®.
  • The tooth draft has the most interesting tooth picks.
  • Breaking records is like broken records because people do it over & over again.
  • With the invention of basketball a white man gave back to black men over time billions of dollars and billions of hours of fun. Seems like the white man has paid in full.
  • Second place is the first place loser.
  • The reason why old people play golf is because they can use the club as a cane and not look like their using a cane.
  • The opposite of sitting is standing. The opposite of walking is standing still. Therefore the opposite of sitting is walking.
Original Quotes:
  • "If you're ever standing around & the sound resounds over the baseball pitcher's mound, it's gonna feel like Kentucky" ~The Wika Wika Guy
  • I'm so much of a quitter I give up when I'm not even doing anything.
  • Over shooting is always better than undershooting this only works in real shooting not promotional mishaps.
  • I tried to punch out a walrus. Not a good idea.
  • If I were fatter I could be the heavy weight champion of the world
  • I take pride in being the number one biggest waste of potential there is because if i used that potential I wouldn't be #1 anymore.
  • I'm too big to get caught.
  • To chase the chaser also known as run in a circle
  • I'd hate to be water because that means I'd have to run.
  • My heart races but it never wins and both are because I'm out of shape.
  • I walked by a sign that said "Slow 15 miles an hour" & I was like "Slow?! I can't go that fast to begin with!"
  • I've never broken my leg before but one time a baseball bat did.
  • A Dyslexic Race: Whomever can drive the fastest backwards wins.
  •  I'm not a professional, I'm a poefessional but that is still better than a confessional because I ain't in jail.
  • I wrote the quitter's anthem, well I never finished it.
  • Keep the Tennis Down
  • I love team sports because one part of the crowd is always happy.
  • The first step towards walking is walking.
  • Able bodied able minded but not willing Well not able bodied
  • Emperor MAR always wins in terms of losing
  • I'll be a sky diver until I hit the ground.
  • lonerwholifts: bench press?
    Emperor MAR: I'm a Christian but I prefer for benches to press me without movement (sit)
  • Emperor MAR: Is that the golf course over there?
    Joenan: Of course it is.
  • R4: i love orange sherbet push ups!
    Emperor MAR: yeah but it does hurt the purpose of the exercise of push ups
  • Why is Nestle Quik so slow in a foot race?
  • Insects are tough. You ever punched a fly? Neither have I they're too fast.
  • I don't roll I stroll or is that stroke? (death wise)
  • People seem to hate hate, those hypocrites! Prejudice against all racists Jogists against all tad poles & on & on it goes
  • If I had a hammer I'd chisel my physique
  • Give me a brief description to jog (i don't want to run) my memory
  • I'm gonna start walking & then gradually walk faster to find out if I speed up. Wow that didn't take long.
  • I could be a quarter back or a running back but I couldn't be a wide receiver. I got the wide part but I just wasn't good at receiving.
Original Lingo:
  • Leg Foot
    Definition:  Walk
    Origin:  An idea to use nouns in place of verbs -around 2000
  • Mexercise
    Definition:  A Mexican Exercise
    Origin:  Golfulating IV Audio -5/30/05
  • Sidestride
    Definition:  A hip sidewalk
    (The Joe)'s Autobiography Siesta Ch.
  • Mathetactics
    Definition:  A yet unefined Piemerican Martial Art
    Link:  A song titled Mathetactics appears on the 2008 MARS album
    Today & The Years Gone Bye
The Official Piemerican Sports
Piemerica Ball
(The Joe)'s Autobiography:  World Heavyweight Champion
Videos:  Snowy Falley Water McFall Snow- Round 1, Round 2
(The Joe)'s Worthless Advice Oven:  Losers
Piemerica's Advice Oven:  Let the Good Times Bowl
Scripts:  Secondary Sports DraftSecondary Sports, Rope Life , 'ot 5 Review
Flyer:  Piemerican Fun Run
Piemerican Knews:  Risky Lung Train, Principal Heeken Wins Book Lifting Contest, Just out of Beach, Shot Gun Shot
Ads:  Heart Attack Powder 2000, Heart Attack Powder 2000- Olympic Sponsor, Beaties
Public Classifieds:  Roller Blades, Bowling Shoes
Comics:  The darkened Reality of Real-Estate Episode D- Hun Gree, Are the(y) children(?), Frozen Ninja Training, Funny, Happy, Diver,, Winners & Quitters, Salesman's pitch, Courtyard Basketsign
Photo Galleries:  Trampoline Terror, Playing A Ground, Golfulating
High School Journals:   What is your favorite thing about Homecoming week?What would you change to make homecoming better?What would you do to Change Homecoming?How important are sports in school?

Video:  Emperor MAR shamelessly in the audience of Memphis Wrestling
2001-Present Piemerica