Piemerica's Advice Oven
Take a Walk in Rock Shoes

Dear Add Voice Of'n,
What do you do with a rock in your shoe?
-I. Overherd

 

   When I lived in Southern California I had a pair of Rock Shoes. They were only marketed in warmer climates because the purpose behind the shoe was to emulate the feeling of a beginner on ice skates without forward motion. These Rock Shoes also unintentionally emulated several other personal states such as stumbling around drunk, leaning over people's shoulders, and being in an earthquake.
   The shoes were discontinued by minestruly after I was involved in a street fight and couldn't be knocked down. I suffered fourteen knockout blows (punches by fists) to the head. After my gashes were sewn I sued Rock Shoes Co. and won a settlement of land in Neo-Alaska which just turned out to be an iceberg. I then sued The Pinfoot Dictionary Co. over their definition of land. I was given control over the company and able to make up any fake words I wanted.
   To remove the rock you don't have to take off your sock but just to remove your shoe from you. Then you will find it easy in time to turn over and shake your shoe where the rock will come out in a few seconds. Second is the first place for the losers and a loser is nothing more than a quitter who finished. Just like a winner is nothing more than a loser who won. One is a magic number because most magic wands are shaped like ones rather than other numbers. Eight used to be the magic number but magicians children would race their toy cars on their parents wands. So then they change the magic number to three which was some time in the 1970s. Three had children's cars running off the track which was funny for a while until the parents had to buy more toys. One then became the magic number and the wands were made to be rounded. One rod had the power to spell 600,000 words but it had to be pointed correctly as to not misspell.
   Another company came up with Rock and Roll Shoes which was named after their mildly successful entrée for sophisticates. Their comfort was that like of swinging on a vine in a windstorm. The shoes were not successful but they did cause inspirations for the video game Donkey Kong Country and the untheme park ride "Ouch! I Got Dizzy and I Fell".
   The final foolish idea came from The Big Gov who sent shoes to unmodernized third world countries. These shoes, dubbed First World Shoes, had rock soles to simulate walking on a paved street and had a pollution pump on the shoe tongue. These shoes were secretly a deterrent for future African athletes to run in the Olympic Games similar to the boulder swim necklace.

2007 Piemerica-Incorperated-Eternally



Written by Emperor MAR
 September 6, 2007

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