Piemerica's Advice Oven
Your Store For

In one got any info or advice for opening my own store? -Scary Smile Man


   You should open your store at the beginning of regular business hours. If your goal of having a store is for financial profit you should do more than just store things there but also let people utilize monetary transactions to obtain what you store.
If money were recycled it would be true that it takes money to make money however money is not recycled so you should use any land you obtain to plant trees because it takes trees to make money. Some would call planting a tree an investment but only those who wear vests. If you want to look your best don't dress in a vest. Install a vestibule if you predict your store shall have long lines but be aware that waiting lines, which concern time, are not the shortest point between A & B. People should be more worried about point J to point C. Spinning around doesn't mean you've gone around the world. To circumvent the world you have to use it to lose it.
   Be sure your store has loads of class, particularly upper class because they are frivolous with wampum and you can earn a lot of gelt from them. But kale isn't the only thing running a business is about. If your business provides a service to help your fellow (wo)man then you've struck Au because people (Americans) will always be too lazy to do things for themselves despite how selfish they may be (this means they are willing to spend money and time, but not effort, selfishly on themselves).
Determining what type of door you will have put in is integral to how you will open your store and how others will as well, lest you leave the door open for them. An open door is equivalent to free publicity it just screams "Thieves Welcome!" because there wouldn't be a ding when they leave the store.
   A free carwash is also a chance for annoying advertisement and is of great use to spread the word of your non-carwash related business. People love outward appearance, so much so that they usually neglect inward well-being and character. Many are willing to speed illegally (we wish illegal was a stronger word as it used to be) then slam on their breaks during the last few moments available at a stopping light or sign which doesn't change the outward appearance of the auto yet invisibly wears out the breaks faster or so the break pad companies could tell us.
   Spreading lies about your business is also an option. Many business practice lie spreading with "call our bluff" style advertisements such as "If we're not smiling your (object/subject) is free!" or cards where you can get a free item after buying a half dozen other items you don't need. Come up with your own deceptive slogan to advertise with and you may become one of the hot shots of the industry. Here are some deceptive slogans and the truths behind them that businesses spread about themselves:
  • You're Welcome here anytime (except when we're closed).
  • Have it your way (if your way is for dangerously immature teens and often uneducated adults to handle your food).
  • You're worth it (Because our products only cost a few bucks)
  • Because we care (about your money)
  • Can you hear me now? (If not you've gotten into a wreck or have a brain tumor)
  • So easy to use, no wonder it's number 1 (AOL #1 in PC World's list of the 25 worst tech products of all time)
  • Piemerica: Comedy or Coma? (Coma)
  • Keeps going and going and going and going dead.
  • Have you had your break today? (Inside joke by McDonalds Executives who know that eating McDonalds food makes your bones brittle)
  • Live in your world, Play in ours. (Even we think you're too addicted to PS2)
  • Play B3yond (your budget)
  • Staples: Yeah, We Got That (but it takes 20 minutes to find the actual staples)
  • A diamond is forever (so it should take you forever to pay for one).
  • Don't leave home without it (because you need more debt)
  • Nothing sucks like an Electrolux (That's funny)
  • Gotta Catch 'Em All! (Pokémon: "We're Kids' gateway drug to crack.")
  • Harrah's Casino, your biggest nights happen here (because you'll never forget losing all that money)

2007 Piemerica-Incorperated-Eternally

Written by Emperor MAR
 September 12, 2007

Advice Oven