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Piemerican Magazine #4

Piemerica's Advice Oven
The Touch of No Love
Dear Advice Cookery,
What do u do when u dont have true love in your life? -The Big and Great 1

    Depending on one’s age, one must consider that writing in shorthand is not considered a romantic gesture. Teenagers may find this type of chat like shorthanding charming but only because they don’t actually know how these words are spelled in real life. Nicknames are also important. Your’s seems to say “I am prideful and my favorite number is one.” Remembered love is a many spendered thing. Spending money for women (please realize the difference of spending money on women) lets the woman realize that you value her enough to spend the money you earned slaughtering chickens and/or wombats at the Wonderbread factory. As the greedy corporations said in the 20th century “Money is the honey to get honeys.”
     Up to this point I have supposed that you would like to obtain true love rather than taking the less taken stance of “How to celebrate that you don’t have true love in your life” so now I will take that stance. To take the stance yourself you must realize that in reality it is a series of stances performed in the manner of cheerleading. A great form of celebration is to transform tears of loneliness into tears of joy. Another great celebratory method is to try to convince your friends in relationships that it is way better being single. Cite examples such as how feminist are cheerful and have no apparent bitterness towards all men; how single men never objectify females via various forms of media and wondering eyes, how they certainly don’t get so diluted by fantasy that they are never able to have any clue about pleasing a woman thereby justifying feminist bitterness towards men. And don’t forget to go out to many social events where you can feel far lonelier in a crowd than you ever could alone. Doing these things scream “True love sucks (and I’m dying inside)!”

2009 Piemerica

Written by Emperor MAR
February 23, 2009

Advice Oven

Piemerican Magazine #4