Jibber Jabber 2011

  • I need your help. The evil Dr. Scientist is going to turn all the world's beans into rabbits.
    This will wreck the world's economy because rabbits are harder to prepare than beans.
  • What is a pact? Is that like when you squeeze the glass jelly jar really hard?
  • I was at the carnival last month and I got mugged! Yeah they had this great booth where they put your face on a mug. I love it!
  • I'm reading a Reader's Digest my wife brought home. I like it but it is not back lit! What is this 1992?
  • If you broke an E it would form an F. So how come Full is more than Empty? Can you tell me that?
  • This is a men's room. This is a men's room. But it ain't nothin' without a toilet.
  • Is the moment this moment or an unrelated important moment?
  • I can call you a lot of things but I am too polite or not polite enough to do so.
  • i got a wombat in my hat and it went splat when my neighbor hit me with a bat
  • We are chums FOR SHARKS!
  • You like the sweater my goat made on Friday for your tree stump?
  • Grow up! (slowly by staying alive)
  • "the fear" is a funny term, so funny I'm scared it concerns me (in a pertaining sort of way)
  • Phil is cool and bald, a shiny combination
  • things are things except that thing
  • If English is my first language is body language my zeroth language?
  • Hey! Don't put that toy cow skull in her bed! She's gonna wake up with a skull in her face! Well I guess she always does that.
  • I'm only afraid to be myself when I'm in big trouble.

  • When the truth hurts I knOW.
  • The sense of humor is taste. I laugh at my ice cream all the time.
  • I would get more friends if they would get me. Get it?
  • I always spell zer0 wrong. I put 0 at the end but no one seems to notice
  • Discuss the difference in color of a lemon and a stick of butter.
  • An is short for Ann with two ns.
  • Adds comedy to outfit.
  • Zany is a combination of outrageous, radical, and silly.
  • I need the William Crease from your forearm-bag.
  • Take a break at 4:30????:??????????????????????????????
  • I was thinking that my dad and I would have been age buddies, 62 and 26. This is the first time I thought of this but when I was 15 he was 51 and when I was 04 he was 40.

  • ./|\. A dot jumping over a wall
  • I had a piece of paper that was too wrinkled to fax so I made a copy of it and faxed the copy. When I was sending it I said to myself (and them sorta..), "Now you're gonna get it!"
  • You want to know what I hate? When you tell people what you hate then they annoy you by doing it on purpose. I hate that.
  • Pre-ouch means you are ready for a break.
  • Just because everybody doesn't dig it doesn't mean you should stop shoveling.
  • I've never been on an aeroplane but I have been on a ground plain. They don't sound much different to me, only about 50% different to be exact(ish).
  • If I can get away with eating it that means I am smarter than it, that is how I never eat the sun, I blow at the sky but it never cools.
  • If I owned a buffet I would die of non-starvation.
  • Which is the latter part of a ladder?

  • I don't know why noodle is a slang term for head. I guess it was named before the proliferation of Italian food in America and someone confused a meatball for a noodle but I digress because in the winter gress isn't as green no mor'.
  • I wonder how many times I've said, "I'll never forget the time..." and have actually forgotten. I guess I'll never know.. I guess because maybe in the distant future of 2012(!) there will be a brain science man who reads my brain and tells me.
  • You're right I should sell my barn before the cow stealing convention comes to Muncie.
  • To me the new Pepsi logo is like having the Coca-Cola logo/signature in Comic Sans MS.

  • Something to say on January 31, "If it doesn't snow tonight I'll have to wait until next month!"
  • I held Popsicles under my chin and froze my adam's apple. A fresh new experience.
  • People laughed at my joke from 3/14/04? Its a Christmas miracle! ... or a December 19th miracle.. which is even better.. because.. no one ever hears about those.
  • Archibald the Snow Man had a name that was hard to rhyme so we thought all day and we thunk all night and nothing we could find. We tried to change his name but he would have no such thing. He insisted then he listed his family tree for it to stay the same.
Conan O'Brien Twitter Bio Suggestions
  • Tom Hanks named me CoCo now I'm naming Him ToTo. #TeamToTo
  • COB in LA on TBS & T (Twitter doesn't abbreviate well).
  • Yes, I know the FedEx Pope. Jealous?
  • Hi this is Aaron Bleyaert because Conan doesn't know how to tweet by himself yet.
  • Welcome to the Cone Zone
Chuck Norris Style Jokes for Ray Amsley
  • Ray Amsley eats lightning and his leg regurgitates it onto your FACE!
  • Ray Amsley taught Gawl Senglelis every action sequence pro that he knows.
  • Ray Amsley knows all the vowels, including the six you've never heard of.
  • Rain forests aren't cut down by loggers. The trees commit suicide when they realize that they can never be Ray Amsley's leg.
  • One time Ray Amsley fell asleep in the woods and the moss that gathered on his leg was used to make the ooze that mutated the Teenage Mutant Amsley Turtles. They were later renamed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because ninjas are considered less violent than Ray Amsley.
  • Ray Amsley was going to star in Streets of Rage 4 but "Rage" and "4" weren't superlative enough to describe Ray Amsley. But Ray still grand uppers someone every time you press "A" on your Sega Genesis controller.
  • Ray Amsley doesn't need a Blockbuster Rewards card. He rewards Blockbuster every time he walks into one because his mere presence makes every action scene in every movie 15 minutes longer. This is also why Ray is banned from standing next to the internet.
  • Mega Man is based on Ray Amsley but the wooden leg was changed to the mega buster because the game was too easy with the wooden leg.
2011 Piemerica
Written by Emperor MAR
Jibber Jabber
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