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Total Updated Days: 3
New Excerpt from (The Joe)'s Autobiography:  The Dreaded Ankle Race
2010 Piemerica Year in Review
Jibber Jabber 2010 Updated
New Lingo
The 10th Anniversary of Piemerica's Lessons with 8 New Lessons!

Updates Expanded
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Excerpt from (The Joe)'s Autobiography:
The Dreaded Ankle Race
(The Joe) knew that if he could win this ankle race that he'd be able to peel an onion anytime he wanted. But the questions continued to arise in his mind, "Do I want to? Do I even know what an onion is?"

Earlier that week (The Joe) started working on his new humble onion farm. How can an onion farm be humble? I don't know. I never really got the whole "words" thing. Anypath, (The Joe) wised up and started growing vegetables for his people at the advice of Metacom because he said it was all the rage in Abodrites. (The Joe) had a calm appreciation for rage so he promptly followed Metacom's advice. (The Joe) chose onions as the vegetable of choice because of the onion depeelers he had passed out previously to battle ineptitude related famine. (The Joe) thought if he named a "peeler" a "depeeler" that it would peel in reverse and thus create onions for everyone out of nothing. It didn't work. (The Joe) chalked up this impossibility to the fact that the English language didn't really exist yet rather than the fact that words and names no longer create matter.

(The Joe) was tired of only sleeping twice a week so he left his assistant, Ciniod the Imaginary Horseshoe, to farm the onions. Metacom tried to get (The Joe) to reconsider his decision a few days later because Ciniod was really lazy at farming on account that he don't exist. (The Joe) was furious at the idea and said, "This is an outrage! Or an inrage, or satisfying, yeah that is it." Furious about his satisfaction (The Joe) allowed Metacom's late friend Jia Fu to be the new onion farmer. Metacom pleaded with (The Joe) that dead people couldn't farm but (The Joe) confidently said, "He's under the ground so he can do a better job than we can."

(The Joe)'s moronicity caused Metacom to appeal straight to the Piemerican people who he rallied behind himself to challenge (The Joe) to a governing contest the only way he knew how, a dreaded ankle race! The ankle race was especially dreaded because it was so boring and impossible to drag yourself with just your ankles. Once the Piemerican people heard Metacom's dumb idea for the ankle race as he challenged (The Joe) they decided that they enjoyed enjoyment, rest, & pleasure far more than boring old 'control of our government and well being races' and left never to be written about again. Oh, except in this book and on the sign for the race that said "Come one, come all!" They would be included in the all. But other than that they were never written about again, at least not anything I've read, whoever I am.

(The Joe) was ready for the race because he was already laying in bed and he quickly won the race by a long shot because Odicin the Real Horseshoe shot Metacom in the ankle with a horseshoe arrow. Metacom did not like a life altering injury anymore than he liked losing ankle races. Metacom's wife Joy was broken hearted because she knew after this sentence that her character would never be mentioned in (The Joe)'s autobiography again. Joy was angry and attacked (The Joe) because not only had her husband been horseshoe arrowed but she was wrong about her assumption that (The Joe) wouldn't write about her attacking him in his book. Ciniod and Odicin placed bets on who would win the fight between Joy and (The Joe). But (The Joe) wouldn't hit a woman he'd only edit out how much she hit him.
Links:  (The Joe)'s Autobiography

Other Updates:
2010 Piemerica Year in Review
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Jibber Jabber 2010 Updated
*  What do you have to say about talking?
* Speak in post-egg accents
* Do matches match?
* In the summer I decided to take out the trash during the rainfall so I took my raincoat. The result due to the heat ended in the same soaked result.
* You sound like you're sleeping because you aren't saying anything and that is what you do when you are asleep.
* What is this.
  This is what.
* Can you give me directions to your farm? If you don't have a farm that is ok I just want some more corn.
* Can I tell you what I think or would that be talking and not thinking?
* Bluegrass tastes better than rock and rap. Unless the rap you are talking about is the tortilla with food in it.
* YouTube kept the tube alive because we are going to flat screens with no tubes.
* Today I am 300 months old. What will I be tomorrow? Only time will tell.
* Here are some notes I took: ♫♪♪♫
* I heard today is a month. Do my ears tell time?
* Break the Sauce
* I like shoes because they keep me from knowing how hard the ground of places I don't take my shoes off is.
* Masked potatoes
* Those goons! Next time I see the government I'm gonna be really confused because how can you see an entity like that?
* What neutral color do you feel most neutral about?
* What is your fourth favorite primary color?
* Talk like a keyboard you say "Enter" at the beginning and
  "Escape" at the end.
* Is this a question.
* How many fingers am I holding down?
* What is your eighth favorite day of the week?
* How old aren't you?
* Monotype instead of stereotype
* You gotta crank this down some.
Links:  Jibber Jabber 2010

New Lingo:
Terrible Tearableness -  Being terrible at tearing paper.
Links:  Piemerican Lingo
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The 10th Anniversary of Piemerica's Lessons with 8 New Lessons!
Comedy is for losers (of seriousness contests).

If cults had denominations they'd be called diffecults.

A good way to refer to nothing is by saying "almost something."

Jerks suck especially when I call them jerks. They get all mad and act like jerks.

If you don't like Wednesday you'd be like "When's this day gonna end?"

Naval oranges are grown on boats.

Europeans suck at being from somewhere else.

The sense of humor is taste.

Here is Our First Lesson from January 22, 2001
Don't play dead in a freshly dug grave.

Links: Lessons 2011