Updates
Previous Month | Current Month | Next Month
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If wishes came true would you wish for wishes to not come true? Because I think that is what happened.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 7-13, 2014
1. Try to knock over hungry people by street bowling with large fruits.
2. As a dinner guest discreetly replace your host's flatware with actual sterling silverware.
3. Offer people rides but instead of delivering them to their destination of choice take them on impromptu vacations.
4. Make copies of your favorite fliers to share with the world at large.
5. Gift a deathly ill person 365 apples.
6. Show up to play competitive sports you are bad at to lighten the mood there.
7. While watching a film adapted from a book recite the missing narration.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Think About it Thursday
You ever put batter on your batteries?
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 14-20, 2014
1. Search for the Loch Ness monster in Costa Rica. He's bound to vacation there some time.
2. Clone yourself repeatedly to completely rid all homeowners of cobwebs.
3. Create a capella versions of alarm clock sounds.
4. Help a crazed billionaire rebuild Rome in a day. C'mon, it's only a day's work.
5. Create cheers for the sun to help it get up in the morning. 'Rise sun rise, light the world for our eyes'
6. Help find a home for a stray homeless person.
7. Install a free soda machine at an orphanage so all the kids can have pops.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If birds were real would you take one as a pet?
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 21-27, 2014
1. Give someone your 2014 calendar before it is too late!
2. Let women & children off of an elevator before yourself unless they are using cellphones.
3. Start slowly taking the tinsel off of neighborhood Christmas trees.
4. Put a note in your chimney asking Santa to "Please knock first."
5. Hide your Christmas gifts in pottery so people can know the joy Link feels when finding valuables in pots.
6. Fill someone's empty covered swimming pool with discarded wrapping paper so they can have a summer surprise.
7. Mail out after-Christmas cards.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Wow I can't believe it! It's a Christmas miracle! ... or a December 23rd miracle.. which is even better.. because.. no one ever hears about those.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
I was quoted in a book
I was quoted as one of 23 identified "modern grace teachers" in Michael L. Brown's book Hyper-Grace: Exposing the Dangers of the Modern Grace Message released January 2014. I found out about this over Thanksgiving & yes I am very thankful for it. I feel like God allowed 3 short megaton bombs of truth in a book that speaks against the fullness of God's grace.

Here's a link to the excerpt from the book I am quoted in as well as some additional clarifications upon what I was saying.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Improv Rambling Audio
Smuggling Cats in a Sombrero
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 28, 2014-Jan. 3, 2015
1. Translate abbreviations for hatless dogs.
2. Give a rowbot to someone with a rowboat.
3. Shoot some drugs.. with a gun.
4. Invent colors that can only be seen during New Year's hugs.
5. Keep other people's New Year's resolutions so when they fail this year they will be encouraged by your success & succeed next year.
6. Instead of throwing a fit, throw a misfit in front of a tailor.
7. Fill the potholes on your block with beef stew.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Chati2de
1.
MAR:  I live on Brown Street.
Person:  Brown like the color?
MAR:  No brown like the sound you hear when someone says brown.
2.
MAR:  :(
Stranger:  Why are you sad?
MAR:  It was a typo I meant to smile.
3.
Stranger:  Can I see a pic of u?
MAR:  I don't know are you blind?
4.
Person:  I called you earlier.
MAR:  I know but that's not my name so I didn't answer.
5.
Child:  My mommy said I was stupid.
MAR:  She was right
Child:  Really?
MAR:  Yeah just not about that.
6.
Human:  I'm pretty sure that's amusing.
MAR:  You're not even confident when it comes to what you are amused by? Your parents failed you.
Human:  You're not aware of sarcasm?
MAR:  I'm not good with geolgraphy. I don't know much about casms, sorry.
7.
MAR:  Somehow being a critic is considered clever these days. That is like a guy with a sign pointing at a fire calling himself a firefighter.
Human:  That literally made no sense
MAR:  I used an existing language so it couldn't have LITERALLY made NO sense. Only something that lacks the palpability of the 5 senses could LITERALLY make NO sense to us.
Human:  oh you were being literal to the nth degree?
MAR:  Literal doesn't have degrees. That is the point of it!
8.
Human:  How are you doing?
MAR:  I feel like a shelf caught in a windstorm while wiping a chuckwagon.
Human:  ooh is stormy where you are?
9.
MAR:  I had a horse in my circus days that walked on four globes. We called him the globe trotter.
armyghost88:  I once digested a diary and drew the perfect parallelogram.
MAR:  Was it the diary of a bear ghost with teeth? Because they are the only ghosts with teeth.
armyghost88:  I have yet to see such shining sails and rubber hoses. I doused the treble in the orange paint and kept on marching.
10.
Mabel:  That's really dangerous. The guy from Blendtec says so all the time.
MAR:  He talks too much then.
11.
David:  Do you smoke pot?
MAR:  What is that like boiling water on a grill?
David:  Ur joking right? Cause I hope so cause its a pretty funny joke
MAR:  I'm not sure b/c ever since I saw the joker in that batman movie I'm not sure if jokes are supposed to be funny or scary.
David:  can I send pics to this.number?
MAR:  If you have any pictures of air or time or thoughts I'd like to see those because I've never seen any of those before.. at least not without misting the air.
David:  Haha ok dude ur turning a little weird so ima say goodbye now :)
MAR:  That's good because the only time you can say it is now, except you did it in the past too... but you totally can't say it in the future, that much I assume. -Reverse Greetings
12.
Mike:  So what's the US like?
MAR:  We have more bunny graves in the US than anywhere else in the world!
13.
Mike:  ..i tried but i gave up
MAR:  who'd you give it to?
14.
MAR:  oh no i didnt jst msplel somtehing! uhg 'im so embarissed
Class:  Are you now?
MAR:  I don't know when else I would be.
Class:  so do you eat nonsense for breakfast?
MAR:  I eat non-cents for breakfast.
Class:  I was quite certain on that one
MAR:  yeah only rich guys named Rich eat money. Narcissistic clods!
Class:  and you are one of them?
MAR:  No, I'm all six!
Class:  [Leaves Chat]
15.
Tyler:  where have you been all my life?
MAR:  eating toast AT GUNPOINT!
Tyler:  oh no, quick, is there butter?
MAR:  Pre-melted on random pieces. That is the real torture!
16.
Human:  Is your birthday next month?
MAR:  What are you talking about? I think it is pretty obvious that I was already born.
17.
MAR:  My favorite hark is "hark hark." How many harks can you fit into a noise made by your tire nails?
Stranger:  SHHHHHHHH
MAR:  I'm counting 8 abbreviated harks there. Impressive
18.
Kerry:  yay
MAR:  Did you just say yay backwards?
Kerry:  sure did
MAR:  yay is like two thugs taking away an a
YaY is a house between large powerlines
427 looks like a groovy bus
19.
Stranger:  This conversation is going well, don't you think?
Me:  I do think, but not about that
20.
MAR:  Say a generic compliment to your stranger that would actually apply to someone you've never seen or spoke with before.
Stranger 1:  I bet you breathe oxygen real well
21.
Lori:  Don't ask me why..
MAR:  Z?
22.
MAR:  bros bros sounds less manly than bros
Justin:  bro slow down the weed man
MAR:  How can I be expected to stop the wind? You want me to put a barn around the weed?
Justin:  what happen to you dillon u used to be sombody i could trust
MAR:  I changed my name to Sachel Book to show up Sachel Paige that's what!
MAR:  USA USA USA USA!
Justin:  no canada man, canada
MAR:  I just mispelled canada 3 times. uanada sanada aanada & it came out as USA
Justin:  that is isane man
insane
MAR:  see you just mispelled too, proving that it is sane
Justin:  I can't spell to save a dying rabbit
MAR:  looks like you spelled it right to me
23.
MAR:  I was hired by SPAM® to have meaningful conversations online to improve their image. How meaningful would you rate this conversation on an electronic scale of Aleph to Yod?
Edward:  Bet.
MAR:  with Aleph being the highest or lowest?
Edward:  I think it's the lowest.
MAR:  Ok. One final question then. Has this conversation made you depressed enough to eat SPAM®? Diet is so important. Eat more SPAM® (visit www.spam.com or your local grocer).
24.
Kid:  You're my hero.
Hero:  I'm my hero too kid.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Cracked Fire, Cracks in Flames - New Double EP by MARS
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Doughcember Lessons
12/1/14
You are rich if you never wake up at the crack of dawn.. because you had the crack fixed.

12/2/14
You are rich if your toilet water is imported... from Mars!

12/3/14
You are rich if, when your teacher told you to put on your thinking cap you put on your headdress that connected you to the ancient Mayan hive mind.

12/4/14
You are rich if the ice you use in your beverages comes from the iceberg that wrecked the Titanic.

12/5/14
You are rich if you bite the hand that feeds you because you are fed by an edible robotic hand.

12/6/14
You are rich if the money you are saving for a rainy day is so you can build a giant retractable dome over your city to keep the rain from getting to you & to the crops of the poor.

12/7/14
You are rich if you spill the beans.. by reversing the earth's gravity!

You are rich if your limo has an officially licensed full sized NASCAR racetrack with other golden limos on it racing each other.

12/8/14
You are rich if every cloud has a silver lining because you had some extra silver lying around.

12/9/14
You are rich if you take a back seat to no one.. because your cars cover both lanes by having 7 front seats.

12/10/14
You are rich if you are a son of a gun, a cloning gun.

12/11/14
You are rich if you visit your doctor everyday just so you can huck an apple at him.

12/12/14
You are rich if the salmon you buy swims upstream.. in the salmon olympics!

12/13/14
You are rich if you hire a narrator to narrate all of your actions just in case your actions don't speak louder than your words.

12/14/14
You are rich if you buy everything hook line and sinker because you only shop from mermaids.

12/15/14
You are rich if your clone calls in sick.

You are rich if when you say you're going to "surf the web" you mean the web created by your mutant silk-ice spider.

12/16/14
You are rich if your alarm has all the latest bells and whistles.

12/17/2014
You are rich if, because you were tired of people saying, "Rome was not built in a day" you paid to have Rome rebuilt in a day & it worked!

12/18/2014
You are rich if you call it a day before the sun even comes up.

12/19/2014
You are rich if, as a child you heard someone say, "It's raining cats & dogs out there!" & you thought "that's a good idea" so you had your parents build you a cat/dog sprinkler system by putting a bowling alley on its side so the ball return would be the cat & dog return.

12/20/2014
You are rich if you still write letters because you can pay to have them sent just as fast as a text.

You are rich if your money burns a hole in your pocket because you accidentally took your self-warming winter coins with you on a summer trip to the gumball machine.

12/21/2014
You are rich if you live like there is no tomorrow because of your time machine never forcing you to experience tomorrow.

12/22/14
You are rich if your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor because you use your experimental emevator for that.

12/23/14
You are rich if when you start the day off on the wrong foot you have time rewound so you can restart the day on the right one but sometimes you forget why you rewound time so you have to rewind it again a few times before you get it right.

12/24/14
You are rich if you are heading for the poor house.. to knock it down.

12/25/14
You are rich if you know that breaking priceless ancient pottery for fun isn't all it's cracked up to be.

12/26/14
You are rich if your house is made of ice but you live in the desert.

12/27/14
You are rich when your idea of "pushing the envelope" is fighting a guy dressed as a giant envelope.

12/28/14
You are rich if the only time you have a bone to pick with someone is at the billionaires' dinosaur BBQ.

12/29/14
You are rich if you abandon ship just because the ship got wet.

You are rich if you shoot the messenger.. out of a canon so he can deliver the message faster.

12/30/14
You are rich if you own an indoor drug fog powered emotional roller coaster.

12/31/14
Rich guys named Rich who embrace themselves for who they are are the richest people in the world.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Enornal Thirtithreed
1. I hope you can find it in your heart.. & by "it" I mean blood.
2. I miss the good ol' days when you didn't have to pray a blessing over your meal because you could trust that the farmer had already blessed it.
3. You guys are totally out of the looop. I bet you didn't even know they added an extra o to looop.
4. You should have seen the look on his face. It was the type of look that said, "Wow look at the look on that other guy's face."
5. Have you ever agone existin'?
6. Remember that time Edgar gave you that wooden toast & you were in the hospital for 3 years? No? Yeah we thought you had lost your memory.
7. By my count your picture only says 999 words. This means it is of the devil because 999 is 666 upside-down.
8. Can you spell the word cube for me? I am terrible at spelling the word cube.

9. That awkward moment when someone writes something starting with "that awkward moment" & you're tired of the cliché.
10. If you can hear me say, "I can't hear you."
11. When you dream about banks who is sitting to the 3rd door to the left in the 2nd seat from the right?
12. The refrigerator is riding a motorcycle. The mini-fridge is riding a motortricycle.
13. I heard the Dollar Tree is having a Black Friday sale.. Everything is 99 cents.
14. In school they told us to pass the tests but when I got caught passing a test to another kid I got in trouble. What a world!

15. Melody isn't wonderful..
She's wonderoverflow!!
16. She's in a class by herself & she's the teacher.
17. How did I get such a good picture? It's because Melody is in it.
18. Melody is the best baby & she eats things that are the consistency of gravy.
19. Some say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a toddler & I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came over & started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires, & digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.

20. Show of hands, who has the most hands here?
21. Are you cheerful that floors happen when you are standing?

22. Glick had 5 toasters stationed outside his backdoor just in case any of his toasts tried to escape to say kind things at parties.
23. Gnell learned how to fry an egg on her back porch. She got strange looks for having a porch attached to her shoulders.
24. Glark was only interested in owl sounds coming from the dashboards of wrecked cars.
25. Gnish had an app that scanned her surroundings & pulled up user reviews of everything in existence. Yet she still didn't trust a soul.
26. Gleef never learned anything in class so he took a class on how to take classes & because of the circular nature of it all he never learned anything, not just in class but anywhere in life. It was a good thing he was already 150 years old & knew everything he needed to know.
27. Gnord is busier than a pitchfork on prom night.

28. People decompose in dirt but plants compose in dirt so what do submarines do?
29. What you said was so disgusting I've been sick for 16 years & I just found out why.

30. Half Infinity

31. When they were passing out disasters in heaven he didn't take one. The rest of us went through the line multiple times because we foolishly thought it was noble.
32. Sports teams are usually named after animals. But what if there were a team called The Humans. The crowd would cheer, "Go humans go!" & it would bring a warm tear to all of our eyes.

33. This is Precious Roy & my Idaho is made of fresh cooked meat.
No Precious what about the steam ice maker?
Buy my elastic cinnamon razors. Suckers!

Total Updated Days: 12
Piemerica