November 14, 2013
New album by MARS for the 10th Anniversary of MARS' debut release
Its the 10th Anniversary of the First MARS Album so
we bring to you a new MARS album Those Songs About
Us. It is guitar based
& a rival for my catchiest album.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
October Lessons 10/1/13
If you listened every once in a while you wouldn't listen very much.
If you think the weather is bad today just wait for the past. There was some serious weather back then!
A fine way of teaching an old dog new tricks is to hit the dog a few
times in the head so it'll forget the old tricks. The problem with that
method is that it is a complete waste of time lest you enjoy hitting
A finer way of teaching an old dog new tricks is to teach your dog
nothing its whole life until it is old & then teach it tricks &
there you go. You've taught an old dog new tricks.
If money were recycled it would be true that it takes money to make
money however money is not recycled so you should use any land you
obtain to plant trees because it takes trees to make money.
Sweeping broken things creatively can actually cause those things to break dance.
10/7/13 Flashback Edition:
You don't have to walk sideways on a sidewalk.
Some animals have hands yet they don't wear hand me downs because they wear fur because for them fur isn't murder, fur is life.
A candle may not be a game but it, like most light matter, can be used in a game of catch.
If you can fit in a tank it probably isn't a gas tank.
If you forget the name of your shoe you are too prideful with your head in the air & all.
If you forget the name of your horse it runs, possibly away, but horses
will run anyway, as in any direction AND regardless of you forgetting
WHO they are.
Being late multiple times equals getting fired. And standing next to
fire makes you sweat just like being broke & jobless (in the summer
Spending large amounts of time driving could mean you are a retired golfer or a retired golfer's caddy.
Some things never change. You can always rely on things like style,
technology, & today's date to be the same for years & years to
People disagreeing with you can be a harsh thing. So harsh in fact that
some people change what they think just so they can be agreed with.
A loser is nothing more than a quitter who finished, just like a winner is nothing more than a loser who won.
Like is spelled like lick (using letters) so when someone likes
something crappy it is like they are tasting it thus getting an
acquired taste for crud. This is why baloney means guff.
A D fence isn't so smart.
Off color remarks usually mean that the teacher’s regular pen has run out of ink.
Candy taste good going in but should only be eaten once.
One is a magic number because most magic wands are shaped like ones
rather than other numbers. Eight used to be the magic number but
magicians' children would race their toy cars on their parents' wands.
So then they changed the magic number to three, which was some time in
the 1970s. Three had children's cars running off the track which was
funny for a while until the parents had to buy more toys. One then
became the magic number & the wands were made to be rounded to make
any & all cars fall off of them.
Umpires are like vampires but with less va va va & more u u u (pronounced as a grunted 'oo').
Shallow people & ugly people can both enjoy Halloween together.
Celebrating Halloween is like eating a hollow bean because Halloween is
all about the surface. Except the internal digestion of candy which
later becomes an external thing..
The best time to train up a child is on Halloween. This way you won't
look weird dressing your child up like a train. Even better if you have
multiple children you can dress them as one cart each.
Because people go around looking maimed already Halloween is the
perfect night to give someone a savage beating & get away with it.
October 28, 2013
Piemerica's 15th Anniversary
Two new songs from MARS
October 8, 2013
New Album by MARS, When Blue Blew
September 30, 2013
Cheesecake is pie's undercover agent in the evil world of cake.
Take it from me, Emperor MAR, building an empire is tough. I know this
because I still haven't.
There is nothing wrong with being perfect.
If you own a store don't just store things there. Let people utilize
monetary transactions to obtain what you store.
A tidily wink is when you wink while crying.
One man's meat is another man's poison especially after digestion has
completed its course.
10 out of 10 recommenders recommend recommending.
Some people have a taste for blood but I say let blood taste its own
Following by this example can annoy it. Be sure to follow at a safe
distance behind the example.
You're better off tooting your own horn than someone else's.
Letters are free online. We can use as many ms as we want but I only
want to use 1 m. Happy Birthday Melody Joy!
The only surefire way to get rid of nightmares is to sleep during the
day. Anyone every heard of a daymare? Sure they have but at least it
won't be dark when you wake up in terror.
Everyone has problems & telling people that is patronizing
Advice is a difficult thing to give especially when you don't know
A four seater made of four cedars would intimidate aliens.
You can hold off forever but can only hold on for so long.
Babysitting is the worst kind of sitting.
An eggplant is what happens when you bury an egg or place an egg in
Funning is like running but with a different letter.
If someone tells you that they'll think about what you said for a bit,
demand instead they think about it for at least a byte.
It's good to be out of your mind because your mind is the one who
should be in you.
If you are afraid of someone who is bad to the bone just give them a
whole chicken & their badness will have to stop there.
The easiest way to find anything out is to go through your front door
& away from your home.
Imaginary knives have moot points.
Most people are smarter than you think. Their mental hard drives are
pretty full, of course it mostly consists of poorly encoded video files
of movies & tv shows.
If you turn the hose on them then the hose won't have any friends left.
Do not fret losers for victory is not all that far away.. for the
winners. In order for there to be winners there must be losers, so feel
proud about your role in society.
Some say "Why am I a loser? Why can't that jerk from wherever be a
loser?" Well winning makes you a jerk. Be happy you're a loser because
people never dislike a loser.. unless they're depending on one.
The loser doesn't get a free dinner like the winner but look at it this
way, they stay thinner.
Nothin says lovin like somethin from the oven and nothing says oven
like a yak. Really you've got to hear it to believe it!
You can't tell when the tables have turned if the tables are round.
If you spend your time way below sea level you won't be able to see
September 13, 2013
+=- One Day They Will Take Our Faces Too
I've spelt with B's before. Like,
the word before before.
Belts made of glass.
It is like septic elves spinning cartoon projections onto a forged
If I weren't a sentient skillet I would sue the farm for all of its
bees. They'd have to catch them because it is not a bee farm.
Invisible question marks are true question marks because their
existence is questionable.
I have 7 equal signs in my trunk because 7 is an uneven number.
I'm not a cannibal but I like human meat because it lets me move.
The sky gets crowded with summer in June.
Being cool sucks & so does being lame because you have to un-be.
I watch lots of hammers in case they are planning something..
I may be city folk now but I can still milk a cow faster than a horse
Just being here with you makes me want to cry with a bushel of arrows
on my lap.
MAR: Your Welching the pillow dome?
Edward: No I'm stuffing the welch with toilet paper and
it off to sea
MAR: Are you a super villain who is trying to soak up the
Edward: Where would I put it in?
MAR: Another planet to create life there.
Edward: Yeah no one would find it there
MAR: Except the new guys that are born from the space ocean.
Edward: I'll put in on dark side of the moon, the moon is
giant sponge. They won't know cause it'll be too dark.
MAR: But I thought the moon was flat.. Oh I guess flat things
have too sides two.
MAR: Do you ever count your tears so you can become a living
Edward: How would counting my tears make me a geology?
MAR: Yeah you must not have tried it then since you are
Edward: I have tried counting my prayers so that I can become
MAR: Because you can hear yourself?
Edward: I can also see myself.
MAR: I love it when people know their terror soup!
Edward: I use terror sauce on my crime burger with my
MAR: Offensive like a futbol player or like a guy we hate
he says verbal hot dogs?
Edward: Offensive like people who talk on the phone loudly
you are waiting for the light to change on the street
MAR: You have streets where you live? I live in a vending
(for now). This hungry poor guy keeps eyeballing me.
Edward: I'm actually a tree. At night I uproot and move to
with better sunlight and less smoke in the air.
MAR: Can you smell smoke?
Edward: It sticks to my leaves and blocks my pores.
MAR: So when you dream about banks who is sitting to the 3rd
to the left in the 2nd seat from the right?
Edward: The man who is up when he is down while the bread
are besides the oven which is to the left of the freezer.
MAR: I hate that guy (on Tuesdays). I hate punk rockers too.
always breaking when I sit in them.
MAR: *GASP GAPS*
Edward: You are the last tear of the sun, dried.
MAR: I was hired by SPAM® to have meaningful conversations
to improve their image. How meaningful would you rate this conversation
on an electronic scale of Aleph to Yod?
MAR: with Aleph being the highest or lowest?
Edward: I think it's the lowest.
MAR: Ok. One final question then. Has this conversation made
depressed enough to eat SPAM®? Diet is so important. Eat more SPAM®
or your local grocer).
September 11, 2013
+ = - A Van of Regular Turtles.
It's a superliminal delauch
array. If you
unfocus your eyes for 3 months.. you're on the team!
2 page real trace review. Look again.
How many cubes do you have? I've spelt the word cube.
People decompose in dirt but plants compose in dirt so what do
Gross income is gross because I should get all my money. They better
stop taxing us when we all have jet packs since we won't need streets
or schools anymore.
Yeah I'd deliver boat crust too if I were a marmoset.
I'm willing to bet Edgar's gramnana 3 cents that you can cut the
unfrozen mustard without leaving a streak on the napkin.
Do you remember that guy.. the president. He sure has wacky hair huh? I
used to be the president.. of a van.. of turtles. They weren't ninjas
MAR: I had a horse in my circus days that walked on four
We called him the globe trotter.
armyghost88: I once digested a diary and drew the perfect
MAR: Was it the diary of a bear ghost with teeth? Because
are the only ghosts with teeth.
armyghost88: I have yet to see such shining sails and rubber
hoses. I doused the treble in the orange paint and kept on marching.
I saw him on my tv once. I was all like get off of my tv that is a
flatscreen you cad! I was polite. I used lego curse words.
MAR: You don't blend hippos do you?
Stranger: Are you drunk?
MAR: Yeah this vampire totally made me light headed without
I had a bowl then I saved up for 6 fortnites & bought another
but then that one broke so I borrowed a bowl to trade for 2 bowls at
the Sandpete so I could make a bowling ball that doesn't roll away.
You are too rich to have so many lands. You should give yourself a
robot that acts as shoulder pads that can talk & be a cartoon
player who uses pads.
No one ever misspells frost they just invent 3rd world editions of
I have 2 lions named Kid so I can say I have kids because I hateish
goats & my kids don't like being sounded like they owned.
I wish I weren't made of Diet Crystal Pepsi 3000 as advertised in an
alternate reality on the DuMont Television Network.
I KILL plants for breakfast!! Look out!
yeah... *shoots self.. in the foot.. for using too many ellipses...*...
...(because ellipses look like bullets & dot feet)
September 9, 2013
Time Inside Flowers Art Gallery
When Blue Blew - Album Preview
September 9, 2013
YOU ARE NORMAL IF..
You don't like selling your soul
but you do
like selling your unused exercise equipment.
You don't like being driven crazy but you do like being driven to the
You don't like biting the dust but you do like biting fresh fruit.
You don't like throwing in the towel but you do like throwing in the
first pitch at a major league baseball game.
You don't like the smell of defeat but you do like the smell of fresh
You don't like being caught on fire but you do like being caught while
jumping out of a window to escape from a fire.
You don't like paying taxes but you do like paying for goods &
services of your choice.
You don't like being cut from the team but you do like being cut from a
giant alien's spider web.
You don't like picking up the check but you do like picking up your
You don't like passing a golden opportunity but you do like passing
people with golden teeth.
You don't like feeling sad but you do like feeling things to know you
still have a sense of touch.
You don't like eating out of the trash but you do like eating pre-trash.
You don't like mailing threatening letters but you do like mailing
You don't like wasting time but you do like wasting waste.
You don't like being called yellow but you do like being called on the
phone by your best friend.
You don't like losing your mind but you do like losing the maniac who
is vehicularly chasing you.
You don't like having your pants fall down in public but you do like
having your pants fall down while testing the consistency of earth's
gravity to keep you from being paranoid about your car floating away on
your morning commute to work.
You don't like waiting at the doctor's office but you do like waiting
for meat to be thoroughly cooked.
You don't like seeing doctors play god but you do like seeing doctors
You don't like facing your fears but you do like facing your television
while watching it instead of having all of your furniture facing the
You don't like arrogant people but you do like feeling superior to
You don't like hearing about a tragedy but you do like hearing your
You don't like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're
experiencing some turbulence" but you do like the pilot saying, "Ladies
and gentlemen, we're experiencing some nacho surplus."
gazpacho with armoured billie goat pendants.
I hate those M&Ms puzzles they sell next to the checkout at the
grocery. I never get enough brown pieces to make the picture on the
front. What a rip off!!
Found under a pound of warp. Nice tree, nice tree. Don't fall my sound.
I can ever. You'll be the last frame. They'll never see us again. The
stillness is the world & motion is imagination. Three minks
coughing shadows. Daytime. The ledge of a lost envelope. 0-22 are 23
spurious numbers. 1 or none. 23 or none. Helping a heap. Helping a
heap. Helping a heap. Mylar explodes ostrich bandages. Color was my
taste & five wings flew over nothing. Wingface was a terrible
villain because he was an awesome hero. We are the vestiges of the
future. Hold your grip while your crew stands. They were all lying.. or
was it laying? The button was depressed because it was a shirt button
& not a button that can be pressed & de-pressed.
Putting the cart before the horse is a good idea if the cart floats
& the horse is in water.
September 5, 2013
+=- Who is the sandwich?
Who is the sandwich?
I write my alabama sideways. 67 envelopes deplore happiness because
they have to be ripped open for ours. If fire were colours that you
couldn't see, how many Frenchmen would have flat tires? The water was
dusty. I picked a cloud from the dirt. Pleated was inspired by hooks on
the wall. Headless ghosts would bump into walls if they weren't ghosts.
Caren was named after her attitude because she cared that she was born.
Bill was named because his parents had no insurance. Greg was named
because his parents liked dog marmoset hybrids. Now you know who you
He heard bats with his eyes & heard liver with his spleen. In
climate they only painted with light jackets of paint. The light
growled as its spectrum inverted. There are so many colors that don't
exist. I fought my way up the stairs by stomping the steps' heads in.
He looked both ways before crossing a friend. His way & his
A pile of parties fumigated in the backyard. The lawn never wanted to
be mowed again. Cameras let us capture moments but moments aren't
domesticated so sometimes moments capture us back. Francis was at the
hill cooking stew without a pot & cooling pots without stew.
Spiders have a lot of pockets because of their awesome pants.
He was the flotsamest man in the universe.. after he was teleported to
an empty universe.
Who is the sandwich & what did I truth?
August 31, 2013
August Lessons including Lesson Mania Week
Census workers are out for the count & so are Dracula's
Let's hope they aren't one & the same.
If you replace your desk chair with a pilates ball your boss will be
forced to compliment you by saying that you are always on the ball.
Your number's up when the number held up by your judges goes down.
8/4/13, Day 1- 3 Lessons
If life is a game we're all on the same side & our opponents
dead people which means we're all winners because they are easy to beat.
Some people are faster than others. For example, someone read this
lesson faster than you.
Every story is a true story, an authentic story.
8/5/13, Day 2- 4 Lessons
When someone calls you up & says, "You'll never guess who I
saw.." Say, "You're right" & hang up.
People who take pictures are strange thieves & are probably
When your favorite thing is leaving places half of your life sucks
because there is no way around having to go to places in order to leave
If you're ever in a blackout at a wax museum light Hendrix's guitar on
fire, he would have wanted it that way.
8/6/13, Day 3- 4 Lessons
Masking a mask is also called stacking.
The Big Gov aimed for one day where people wouldn't say "one day" but
the only name for the holiday they could come up with was "One Day" so
the idea was scrapped.
Only something that lacks the palpability of the 5 senses could
LITERALLY make NO sense to us.
When someone exaggerates saying something like, "It was literally 200
degrees out there." Say, "Oh I bet.. against it."
8/7/13, Day 4- 6 Lessons
If someone is copying your style don't worry, even if they use a color
copier their paper clothes will look stupid. Of course this still
wouldn't stop them from becoming the hit of the high fashion world.
People are too scared to walk on the hot sun. I don't blame them, I
blame the sun.
If you're stupid forget about success & just get something
Even the worst jokes are funny if someone laughs at how much of a loser
you are for making bad jokes. Trust me :'(
There are a lot of things that suck but nothing sucks more than Vacubat
the Cyborg Vampire.
Everyone who has seen a cow has seen a cow with 3 legs.
8/8/13, Day 5- 4 Lessons
The technical term for food is unnessecarous technicalnamous.
Sports are nerdy things for jocks. Knowing sports stats is like knowing
wizard & orb names from some nerd book. Jocks are the ultimate
nerds. At least the real nerds aren't memorizing annual numbers.
Some people's eyes bug out when they see bugs.
Free Willy ultimately drowned because he was SO free he decided to
breathe air while still living underwater. This is why they are called
killer whales. If you gave them magical freedom (or tons of cash like
Willy) they'd be so stupid they'd kill themselves.
8/9/13, Day 6- 7 Lessons
The golden pirate has a treasure chest.
The reason high schools lack car racing classes is because doing laps
couldn't be considered punishment.
Things that make you blue are often out of the blue.
You can't start a camp fire by rubbing two marshmallows together but if
you can figure out how to rub them apart on each other the sun will
unexplode & turn into Italian Ice.
Hard to find cuisine: A vampire cooked super rare.
One of the best thing about elevators is that if you let people off in
front of you they will say "Thank you." This is great because people
thank you for standing still.
When someone tells you to "get outta town" tell them, "I'm tired of
wandering this harsh & foreboding earth. I try to be a nice guy
& do what my friends say but all of my so called friends always
up telling me to get out of town. Well I'm finished listening to you
people! YOU get out of town! YOU GET out of MY town!" then weep openly.
Never ask yourself, "Am I seeing things?" Because it is your ears that
will hear you & not your eyes. You need to write that question
& if your eyes don't read it that means you aren't seeing
A dingo is just a backwards bingo and a bingo is a forwards dingo. So
this must mean that dingos spin around a lot.
People who write their fours rounded make a b line four.
Most people don't sit in the streets so it is quite easy to be an
There is a point in every person's life that gives them directions.
Tire irons do not promote tire traction.
Deaf people can hear at least one thing, silence.
Kids who spend a lot of time in a tree house are in the arms of that
tree more than they are in the arms of their parents.
Bad builders use briquettes instead of bricks.
Saying goodnight is like saying goodbye. Yet saying Good day or good
evening is like saying hello.
There are plenty of conflicting situations & decisions which
about in life. Such as which stove to buy or how many times to peel the
Blind & deaf cooks have the best taste.
Airplanes are like people because they enjoy taking off then landing.
Cannibals enjoy foods such as ear rings, eye balls, finger food, ham
hock burgers, buns, ribs, chopped liver, hand shakes, & thumb
for freshening breath.
Thieves prey on the unsuspecting which is why thieves themselves never
The reason old tymey kings had multiple wives is because it takes a lot
of women to do castle work as opposed to housework.
The first time someone was called a pig for eating too much was at a
I can show you a good time but you wouldn't be in it unless there are
Winter could have been called fall because of all the slippery ice.
On certain occasions partners in crime have to part ways during a
chase. The slower partner sometimes says "Make a run for it!" The
faster, often dumber partner, confused runs for it but not knowing what
it is. While traveling down the street in leg foot fashion he passes a
sign then chooses to stop and take it along with him. Returning to the
hidden layer with his partner arriving soon thereafter they begin to
discuss the sign and the potentials it expounds regarding a run for
public office. They decide doing so would be more profitable, stealing
money wise, than robbing banks ever had been and thus another
politician is born.
A prisoner is an inmate but a jailer is not.
Money can't buy love unless it is Valentine's Day apparently.
A burning toast can be disappointing especially from your friends.
Most of the things you can get for free come with no strings attached,
especially free guitars.
Non-Equal Netural was a song later become album with the
& most senseless lyrics of all time. +
= - is its sequal but is more of a collective umbrella of anything goes
art & writing released as it is produced. +=- will be posted to Piemerica
whenever I come up with things. The first posts ares linked above which
include visual art, jokes, scripts, future lessons, & my
uncategorizable creative thoughts.
July 31, 2013
The reason we have index fingers is to help us remember to file our
Hollywood's young starlets often suffer from StaRvation.
Reading and writing are the fundamentals of education but don't worry
if you can't read or write itdle be aight just become a famous rapper.
I'd rather be friends with an odd number than an even number because
even numbers always have to get revenge.
Posters are most often under a tack.
The smartest thing on earth is the temperature in summer. It has like
over a 100 degrees.
If it walks like a fish & talks like a fish it doesn't exist.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery & the second
cause for assault & battery.
Don't try to give heart transplants to aquatic plant life because they
show you no love.
The brief case says, "This won't take long."
Going out of the frying pan into the fire is actually better. The
frying pan makes you suffer longer.
Summer isn't a bummer but kids do get dumber.
If the moon really were made of cheese its smell or lack thereof would
certainly sway some people in the evolution vs. creation debate.
If you are bad at guessing things & answering questions draw a
on your fingernail so that way people will be forced to say you hit the
nail on the head even when you are wrong.
The term "politically correct" is an oxymoron. Since when are politics
& politicians correct?
In and out that is what it is all about, digestion.
For some getting approved for a credit card is equivalent to being
sentenced in court to pay a fine monthly.
Going to school can make your dreams come true. Particularly the dream
about going to school in your underwear.
7/12/13 Flashback Edition:
The only restaurants that can really have homemade food are ones where
the broke owners sleep in the back.
Animals that are eaten alive see pearly gates the soonest.
When deciding where to put the lane separation lines the Highway
Department went with the typical middle of the road approach.
Mumbo jumbo gumbo is Cajun alphabet soup.
Be ambitious, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, make a mountain
out of an anthill. You can only get one mole out of a molehill but you
can get hundreds of ants out of an anthill.
The reason people are buried six feet under is so that no one can hold
a candle to them.
Puppets always speak off the cuff.
Sure being on cloud nine sounds great but from all the talk of it the
cloud is probably so crowded no one there is actually happy.
Chefs who are in a rush to have things minced don't mince words.
It is better to call fall autumn so it won't hurt as much.
Mothers should be the ones who get presents on their children's
Money is the root of all evil and pirates buried their treasure which
means pirates are far more evil than we ever imagined.
When a shoe salesman tells you to "put a sock in it" they aren't
telling you to shut up. So you can put down that gas can &
People never pay attention to their windows, they always look right
through them instead.
People tell you to pull your own weight because if you push your own
weight you'll always be falling over.
A currently unspecified percent of trashcans don't have lids because
I'm too lazy to do the research.
What is it called when a prisoner
is set free
and leaves the prison?
What is the difference between jello and jello mold?
A few weeks.
Jibber Jabber 2012 Complete
What makes you tick,
Ahhh I like eating
I ain't no lie I'm a
some people like
climbing puddles y'know
Thanks to Jesus now I
only feel empty
inside when I'm hungry!
Cruise control could
be called coasting.
That football player
casts a long
shadow, that can't be good for his kids.
Most people can only
count from 1-10 on
their fingers but I can count from 1-17 using Roman Numerals.
toad with a
mowhawk Blahblahblahblahblah relationship trouble Blahblahblahblahblah
crazy relatives Blahblahblahblahblah PUNCHLINE Blahblahblahblahblah
& that's how Jim used his space heater as an eyedropper.
I don't do any
vocally but I do do any impersonation of the back of Tom Cruise's hand.
Google that hand, this is a good impersonation.
Because updating a website with the editing
uploading is time consuming Piemerica has a new Swood
content will be posted. We've got new Advice Ovens over there
Also New Lessons are being
posted on Piemerica's
Facebook Page all year long.
April 30, 2013
Written by an Elephant Edition:
"An elephant never... uh.. how does that saying go again?"
Well I guess elephants do forget. However, amazingly they can type with
those big feet.
Circles always make ends meet, so much so that you couldn't even tell
that they once had ends.
The moon orbits the earth, by & large.
Its easier to turn over a new leaf than it is to leave no stone left
Clown is the perfect occupation for cross dressers.
Tall walls fall and make you drop your jaw when it's on y'all.
Summer salt & seasoning salt is the same thing.
Thick fog can lead to thick log.
A drug addict’s favorite time of day is high noon.
More school kids use high lighters than it may seem by looking at their
If you have a yellow belly that means you eat too much butter.
Pharmacist will prescribe you medicine because farms didn't insist you
Money can be expensive so that is why it is important to save.
Take pictures of gum it'll last longer.
Even though they are called 'waiters' we are the ones waiting.
At revivals Methodists use the sprinkler system to accept people in the
If you're out of shape go back inside.
Not even sunglasses could make the sun look cool.
If you ever think to yourself "It is hot as Hell in here" you probably
Offering people coins is a good way to get them to change.
Kitty cats' favorite types of instruments are stringed.
The cheese stands alone because it cuts itself.
The sky is blue all day and wears black at night it must be depressed,
possibly because it looks beat up.
When the mob throws someone in the river there is plenty of concrete
Chicken pox is still better for you than chicken nuggets.
The early bird gets the worm. This principle is also why your dogs
& cats should sleep in.
Big business leads to big consumers.
The grass is always greener when you sneeze.
Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots inspired Tom Cruise’s role in Risky Business
March 31, 2013
If you double dot your i's your one i will have two eyes. If you double
cross your t's they won't be happy.
If your mind is drawing a blank you have amazing powers!
It is good to have a Chip on your shoulder if you have a Dale on the
It is strange that people in SoCal are more concerned about their diet
than people in NoCal.
Every cloud has a silver lining except the ones drawn with the cheap
box of crayons. Those just have gray linings that we pretend are silver.
The grass is always greener on the other side, except during winter,
then the grass is always snowier.
A trainee cook is the one person who is ok with hearing "fork over the
dough" while at work.
A bucket ain't water but it draws water well. Chalk ain't milk but it
draws milk well.
The way to win at rock paper scissors hand over fist is to put hand
over fist when someone throws rock.
The Atkins Diet really goes against the grain.
Never let your toddlers wear long sleeves at breakfast or else they
will end up with a few Trix up their sleeve.
He who laughs last laughs best.. unless he's part of a studio audience.
In that case he's getting kicked out of the taping.
If you're looking to relax after lunch don't use a toothpick because
toothpicks are often in a pickle.
Touring bands rock before they roll.
Early executioners tried hanging by a thread but instead of leaving the
criminals hanging by a tread to life the executioners found their jobs
hanging by a thread as they scrambled for a thread of hope in the newly
contrived item they called the rope.
A gingerbread house is a home sweet home.
Fair & square is not fair for circles.
When regular guns run out of ammo you have to put bullets in them. When
phasers run out of ammo you have to jump the gun.
Everybody wins in online arguments because no one ever goes away
thinking they were wrong.
Mr. Bucket was "buckets of fun" but he could only be 1 bucket of fun at
If you're looking for a way to break the ice with your date stir her
drink with a knife rather than a spoon.
When your back is to the wall at least you have some back support. I'd
rather have my back up against the wall than fall over a balcony or
Sometimes you've gotta walk away from a fight to live to fight another
day so you can die on that day instead.
February 27, 2013
My grandpa passed today.
This is about him
Without a Wink
Death is a fracture that keeps us apart
It doesn't heal until we're all broken off
There are so many reactions & so many words that don't exist
Tears from our eyes, clinch of our fists
I can't let you know what I'm longing to say because words don't feel
& you're not here anyway
But let me at least tell you that you were quite a man
Joy in your heart, care in your hands
You made us laugh you made us think
You loved us without a wink
If there comes a time when my mind can't remember much of you
My heart will still remember everything
We were safe & relaxed in your tender house
I thank God for the hours & the years
I love you grandpa & that's from the life of my heart not from
an event puppeteer
He was the one who was a son
He had a father like no other
He wanted to free himself
He wanted to be himself
And his father would not let his son be buried under the world
Some would say he was a mistake
Some would want, his life to rake
But his dad would not let his son be run
Whether fall or fun
Even if everything could come undone
He left the Mike on
He would fight for him
He would adore him
With his social eyes he found the prize
But with risk of demise he would have no lies
He couldn't try calling
The lights were falling to be picked up again when the world was worth
The father let his son be free
To be whoever he wanted to be
And his son's night turned to dawn because he left the Mike on
He left the Mike on... for him
Life isn't something to win
It is a place to begin & a time to spend being who you are
(being who you are, being who you are)
& knowing who's palm is in your hand
& knowing who's palm is in your hand
You want to be a man I'll let you be
You don't have to fake a thing, I'll let you be
Because you mean so much to me & I so want the world to see me
leave the Mike on
My loving heart will be with you
In your time & in your room
Don't change but stay new
Leave the Mike on
Leave the Mike on
I love who you are
Your days are numbered buddy! But
of course they are because everyone else's are too. Ain't you ever seen
a calendar pal?
February 24, 2013
Piemerica's 15th Anniversary Piemerican
Highlights from Piemerica's first year. This time we're not
talking a cold list of accomplishments or major events. We're talking
entertainment! The Biggest laughs Piemerica had to offer 15 years ago.
News stations are both great
& terrible at cutting to the chase.
The dream was yours not mine
But I have to live sometime
And that time is right now
I am letting me out
I am letting me out
Out of my shell that was made by you
Out of the hell that you put me through
And now do you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna say I'm through, I don't need you
I'm forever new
Now I am being what a man was meant to be
Not treating himself like a flea
If I have gone a little wild
That's just the joy that freedom brings
If I'm not living like a child I'm dying on a tree, I'm dying on a tree
And I will not let you limp into my heart again
You won't call Him a warring friend
So I choose not to be used, not to be taught, not to be confused
So I choose to lift my hands, grab the sky & free my legs
I am forever new, forever free, I don't need you to shackle me
I'm resting but I'm not waiting
The food is already on my table
I thought you were insightful but you were the one doing the stabbing
& now the knife I pull..
Now the knife I pull out
Out of my back & out of my brothers
I want to take your knife out of all of the others
Who are forever new, forever free, forever how they should be
Your news was deadly & I won't wait for you to kill again
To lie & call Him a warring friend
Now I'm warning you that you are fading
I feel heaven's pulse & His love is amazing
February 22, 2013
Geoff Smith Playlist on Swirltube
Piemerican & Star
& Micey Bassist & Vocalist's solo music relased on
MySpace in 2007-2008. Some of this awesome music has been offline for
years. You won't regret listening.
February 5-22, 2013
Walking the plank was an effective form of execution across the board.
Any Tom, Dick or Harry can abbreviate his own name.
Whoever came up with the Hebrew alphabet called off all bets but one.
Everyone is as old as Methuselah just not as old as he was when he died.
If you are going to try to write with chalk underwater it will be
easier if it is not running water.
"Back to basics" could mean a return to basics or a departure from
Those with the gift of gab also have the apprehension of abbreviated
Only the most confident salesmen knock on Death's door.
When the ball is in your court but you're a judge, its time to call the
February 4, 2013
Home page now has thumbnail links to most
photo galleries on the site Galleries
on index linked with thumbs
Some photos from Photos 1996-2003 have been
replaced with better quality or retouched photos.
If you're really in love with
someone you won't just have butterflies
in your stomach, you'll have caterpillars too because the lifespan of a
butterfly is less than that of a human so for true love you'll
constantly be producing new butterflies in your belly.
One way to tell someone you have
a crush on them is to say, "When I think about you I feel caterpillars
in my stomach."
February 2, 2013
Never start a bet saying, "I bet
you can't guess.." because anyone can
guess. Instead say, "I bet you can't guess right.."
February 1, 2013
Piemerca's Spider Vision Online 11 Years
Piemerica.org went online 11 years ago Friday,
Piemerica will make you laugh & Piemerica will make you cry if
there are onions near by.
In Dnalsdrawkcab Three Strikes Laws are based
bowling instead of baseball so criminals are rewarded for committing
crimes 3 times.
January 6-31, 2013
It would be a real surprise if someone literally "threw a surprise
party" from like a giant catapult or something.
Everyone is a natural, except androids.
The Future is Now! except.. no its not. Now was the future but now now
If you add a lock to anything it is safer. So if you have to lock a
safe it was not very safe to begin with.
Spotting the differences could save your life!
If you ever get into a car wreck..
If you ever get into a car, wreck.
When arriving at a planned destination people say, "Well, this is the
place." When arriving at an unplanned destination when lost you can
say, "Well, this is a place."
When someone says they've told you something "over & over
tell them, "That is impossible. You can't tell me something over again
because that would mean it wasn't over in the first place."
It is good to get your priorities out of whack.
It is strange that being pressed is hard but being depressed is harder.
Even stranger is the fact that the press depresses people.
If someone tells you, "I love you more than words can express" they're
lying to you because they just used words to tell you. If someone
really loved you like that they'd just say, "I love you more than......"
You can't be married to your work unless your boss is a minister
even then it is only legal in 6 states & D.C.
How to make people into hypocrites:
Complain so much that people will begin to complain about your constant
If men are from Mars & women are from Venus none of us are
An excon is the 3rd worst kind of con.
The best photographers don't use tripods, they use successpods.
You can always have a white Christmas if there are white clouds in the
Everyone is a child of the 60s because minutes are 60 seconds &
hours are 60 minutes.
Corn Flakes® do not look like corn flakes. I know I've shucked corn.
January 4, 2013
Artwork for A.M. Rang a Song
Of course history is written by the victors.
would the losers want to keep records of their loss?
January 3, 2013
Lesson Mania Year
We already have lessons for every day of the
This year I am having new lessons for every day of the year that only
has one lesson or needs funnier lessons.
No one will ever see you coming if you are
Top 3 ways to loose
money in a
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of
2. Using the classic sales pitch &
it into action,
"We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds