Piemerica

Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Concert Matches
Yankeedoodletiger was riding the wind like a toast riding a butter slide. Cee the Bee saw him flying by. Cee thought to herself, "Why do human eyes like varnish?"

Yankeedoodletiger flew into an outdoor hammer, exploding into more bits. He lost what was himself & his family at the same time. As Cee made her way to him she remembered all the times she grabbed onto flowers that wouldn't blow away.

Cee wasn't a shell of herself, no that was the locust. But Cee couldn't rhyme in Chinese while visiting Florida for fear of remembering the helpless or brave Yankeedoodletiger & the hammer that could just as well have been another flower.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Some'n You Don't See Everyday

Monday, July 13, 2015
New Vine


New Bitstrip

Saturday, July 11, 2015
+=- I'm out of      .
[You are my laugh track.]

I hold the world record for most hands. I have a whopping two. But the record is a 7 billion way tie. :'(

I picked up a magazine about "100 people who changed the world." To my disappointment it was mostly gardeners.

I love cracking seriousness with jokes.

So the point of these new smart watches is now when you have to put down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing idea. You can hug while discretely reading this very post.

I think cows & pigs & chickens are ruining the planet by being so tasty & thus making us fat. They evolved tastiness so they could survive by us breeding them. They didn't much fancy being hugged like dogs & cats do. It is actually meat eaters that have prevented these animals from going extinct.

Meowkaiser:  ikr?
MAR:  i don't know if you know

Does LoL stand for soccer?

don't be a pacifist, pass dat fist!

I'm like an American Hero because I use the bathroom just like they do.

MAR:  How many Irish sunsets have you seen while in a cave?
Kangi Andrew:  None you?
MAR:  None unless sleeping with your eyes open counts, then thirty-six-thousand. Oh sorry I'm thinking sunrises, of course I don't go to bed before sun sun sun.

pecans are apples for sailors?

Roman wants answers from Wyatt? That's like asking for a good comparative analogy from me.

I don't need to get used to. I've already got used to & right now.

Since June of last week

Stroons kick cactus nickels!

I'd like to punch the internet in it's wifi because that wouldn't hurt my hand!

MAR:  It would be a real surprise if someone literally "threw a surprise party" from like a giant catapult or something.
Lori:  And what would a thrown surprise party look like? U know so I can be on the lookout
MAR:  People & streamers falling from the sky but balloons falling up into the sky.

an arch of rebel wings?

Hunkering around

Time before eyelids

The twist ending is love.

Site Updates
Some missing content from 2011-2015 added to archives pages.
Missing photos added to 2011 galleries.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
New Imagery
I was bitten by the acting bug.
Wednesday-Thursday, July 8-9, 2015
80s Gaming Controversy




Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Rare Double Remix

Thursday, July 2, 2015
Mr. Piemerica on Vine
Follow on Piemerica on Vine to get lesson vines plus many more videos. To save page space/load Lesson vines will later be linked here at the end of each month. Make sure to unmute videos to watch them.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Soon June Lessons
6/1/15
Soon TVs will start to watch us back & promptly wish they could change the channel.

6/2/15
Soon salmon will start preventing forest fires just to make Smokey look like an idiot.

6/3/15
Soon other brands of food will have names similar to I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®, such as:  I Can Totally Believe It's Not Charred Cantaloupe®, I Would Like to Believe It Doesn't Contain Pig Anus Hotdogs®, I'm Having Trouble Believing It's Taste is Worth It Ricecakes®, & I Believe This is Tasty But Don't Believe in God Atheikosher Pickles.

6/4/15
Soon it will be revealed that all silent prank calls were made by lonely mutes.

6/5/15
Soon smooth peanut butter will be outlawed for wooing people into becoming PBsexuals.

6/6/15
Soon Hollywood will go bankrupt after a boycott of films with "Rise of" or "Resurrection" in the title.

6/7/15
Soon the tatthree will replace the tattoo because it will come with bluetooth.

6/8/15
Soon cell phones will again be called mobile phones. They will have legs & they will come when we call.

6/9/15
Soon shoes will rise up & become stinky hats.

6/10/15
Soon machetes will find everyday kitchen usage after linoleum becomes fertile.

6/11/15
Soon people will stop saying "sooner or later" because sooner is still always later. In its place will be, "sooner or less sooner."

6/12/15
Soon flying cars will be getting stuck in your potato salad.

6/13/15
Soon all payphones will have cameras too as photo booth makers & phone booth makers join "forces."

6/14/15
Soon many sports will cease to exist after all spheres evolve into a new 5D without any of the Ds being the 3 we know & love.

6/15/15
Soon firefighting will be fighting like prowrestling is fighting. Our firefighter heroes will begin to work together with the villainous fire we love to boo to put on a good show.

6/16/15
Soon roosters will unite for a global alarm clock heist.

6/17/15
Soon Disney will send marketing messages to fetuses through ultrasounds.

6/18/15
Soon ants will be trained to bring food to share at picnics.

6/19/15
Soon down on their luck angels will come to earth to sell their wings as hotwings.

6/20/15
Soon the lazy will rise up & create a social justice movement because of all the discrimination they've suffered. Boy that sounds like a lot of work, nevermind.

6/21/15
Soon the Penultimate Fighting Championship will be founded & fights will take place in a 7 sided Mocktagon.

6/22/15
Soon Morse Code will make a comeback as the first form of communication that can be sent directly to your mind.

6/23/15
Soon Apple will introduce the Apple Ankle Monitor to help enforce consequences & boundaries for addicts, ex-cons, & dieters. Sadly only the richest & suckerest of people will be able to afford it.

6/24/15
Soon trash cans will take themselves out because their lives stink.

6/25/15
Soon ghost hunters will be exposed as frauds by very successful ghost fishers.

6/26/15
Soon in the US Lays will release crisp flavored potato chips. Nerds who can taste semantics will buy them in droves.

6/27/15
Soon peaches will finally grow mustaches.

6/28/15
Soon MMA will inspire other arts to mix together. Tattoo artists will be accompanied by interpretive dancers. Graffiti artists will tag urban locations while jazz bands improv a soundtrack to their work. Poetry will be primarily written during laser shows. Movies will have music & paintings in them.

6/29/15
Soon politically correct terms will be replaced with single syllable terms because most racists will be revealed as lazy rather than prejudice because the number of syllables in political correct terms are higher than those in prejudice terms.

6/30/15
Soon the making of violent video games will come to an end as the human race comes to an end.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
New Imagery
My but is on the line.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
My 105 Game Controllers

Link to Unfinished Webpage
Videos of me talking about each one:
My 57 Game Controllers from the 20th Century (Chronologically)
My 21st Century Game Controller Collection Part 1 Part 2
Sunday, June 7, 2015
New Imagery
Old Digital Camera Photo
This was taken with my old digital camera back before digital cameras used pixels. They only used color digits, that's why we call them digital cameras today. This one is so old it only used 0s & 1s.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
MiscelMaynia Lessons
5/1/15
If it's true that you are what you eat then don't eat vegetables. Being a vegetable is not a good thing.

5/2/15
Everyone who ends up in a grave changes the world.

5/3/15
A bicycle without wheels is not a cycle at all.

5/4/15
If you own a black cat keep your kids in the corner so it can never cross their path.

5/5/15
Belenor's 11th sister was named Elanor.

5/6/15
If pennies were made of Lincoln impersonators they'd be worth more than 1 cent.

5/7/15
The reason we pay attention is because it is so valuable to others.

5/8/15
I guarantee my new line of steam soap will be a hot seller.

5/9/15
Some people are such cowards when it comes down to it they can't even save a buck!

5/10/15
Burying bunnies in a cotton field is like giving them unmarked graves.

5/11/15
This is a trick question.

5/12/15
The first name "Real" will grow in popularity so future generations' twitter handles will make more sense.

5/13/15
The word "good" doesn't look good. It is filled with holes!

5/14/15
Robots will use curly landline phone cords for their weaves. So keep some extras in your pockets because fembots will rob you for phone cords instead of money.

5/15/15
If someone tells you "I'm quite a catch," remember in fishing quite catches are hard to get.

5/16/15
If a ghost invited you to dinner you would be eating alive animals & fruits attached to roots.

5/17/15
If there was just one parachute left on earth it would only be useful for jumping off of a cliff.

5/18/15
It is worse to pass out in the gutter above the house.

5/19/15
In some cultures they wear pants to hold up their belts because their English is so bad they call pants belts.

5/20/15
Great minds actually think exactly alike but when born in different time zones they think 1 or more hours off from each other.

5/21/15
Werewolves suffer from narcolepsy & amnesia.

5/22/15
Recipes are food for thought.

5/23/15
Keep your chin up, stop looking at your phone all the time.

5/24/15
All of us can shoot spider webs, with our guns.

5/25/15
Greedy parachutes take too many people along.

5/26/15
If it weren't for ghost repairmen there would be a whole lot more resurrections.

5/27/15
The reason why Donkey Kong was such an arcade hit was because every barrel was a barrel of monkeys.

5/28/15
You eat a lot of corn if you have cob webs.

5/29/15
Be glad buttons aren't mini-zippers instead.

5/30/15
Since mummies & zombies are dead they also have ghosts, yet you never see them team up with their ghosts.

5/31/15
This is how a robot types goodnight.
Saturday-Monday, May 23-25, 2015
Missing Updates added to index & archive
Recent Facebook posts ticker added to top of page to keep site always up to date
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Superlatives I'd Like to See
Most likely to..
lure hidden staircases out into the open
use ointment in front of the FedEx Pope
die six times in one day
take a Left to dinner
juggle turnips when you aren't looking

Least likely to..
use shards of dried bread as tape
use a Smartie to open a sardine can
kill a monkey using a monkey wrench while trying to save the monkey with said wrench

Mediumliest likely to..
compliment a flying duck's kneepad durability
take a carrot's temperature.. too seriously

Best Dressed cacti
Most ticklish during a horse race
 
Least likely to be named Wiltmor by their parents:
Winner, everyone but Wiltmor Fids

New Imagery

Friday, May 22, 2015
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
No Buts
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
New Comic Series Reflections



New Imagery
My new chameleon skin shoes are awesome!


Sunday, May 17, 2015
New Bitstrip


New Visual Lesson

Monday, May 11, 2015
So the point of these new smart watches is so now that when you have to put down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing idea. You can hug while discretely reading this. ‪#‎morehugs
Thursday, May 7, 2015
New Videos
Unappreciated 21st Century Artist Gimmick Promos (Short, Medium, Long)
These are prowrestling character sample rants/promos of an unappreciated artist character. Bad guy promo on entertainment, technology, parenting, opinion, personal identity, & education.

Heel Promo on Charismaless Tough Enough Auditions
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Michael Reyes is Tough Enough (WWE Tough Enough Application Video)
Sunday, May 3, 2015
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Infinite Love
Thursday, April 30, 2015
April Fools & Wises Lessons
On April 1st the internet is filled with fools.. uh I mean April Fools jokes. But only Piemerica.org is talking fools all month long with Piemerica's Lessons of/for the Day's newest theme month April Foolses & Wises.

4/1/15
The wise man orders pizza in the morning. The fool orders pizza to do his morning chores.

4/2/15
The dofus peels his lemon with his eyes wide open but the smarty pants never shaves with glass.

4/3/15
The brainiac wears his clothes in winter but the blockhead wears winter in his clothes.

4/4/15
The clod refills his gastank with bees. But the virtuoso only fills his beetank with bees.

4/5/15
The nincompoop keeps all of his eggs in one carton but the maven hides his eggs throughout his yard more than once a year.

4/6/15
The pundit will buy watermelons with change whether sticky or loose. But the desperate ignoramus will try to split logs with chop sticks.

4/7/15
The Stanislaus has an extensive vocabulary & spells the word HAM nicely but the Bubba couldn't spell the word toast with a hammer.

4/8/15
The dignitarious doyen captures monkeys in cages but the pulp headed pupil irons apes instead of hiring a stylist.

4/9/15
The schmuck stores his winter coat in a freezer but the science-noggin uses mannequins as ringers in freeze tag.

4/10/15
The goon wears umbrellas on his feet but the graduate strategically hangs umbrellas from balloons for hands free dryness.

4/11/15
The fitness guru works out frequently but the laziness guru doesn't have to buy socks as often.

4/12/15
The esteemed expert explicates entertainingly. The goof uses "goof" as an insult.

4/13/15
The intellectual charms his or her constituents. The illiterate uses Lucky Charms to buy mice in Cardif, Wales.

4/14/15
The mixer modulates publicly but the monk high-fives in private.

4/15/15
The buffoon only knows the names of 5 colors but the boffo can color her hair a realistic red.

4/16/15
The binger stops a headache with pills but the Blargg prevents headaches caused by pounding plumbers by living in lava.

4/17/15
The prudent lad buries his comicbooks in mylar but the improvident chum buries his groceries behind the fence at the police station impound lot.

4/18/15
The erudite homeowner uses Liquid Plumber. The dumbudolt homeowner calls a plumber & melts him despite having no plumbing issue.

4/19/15
The mindscaper male portends pugilation but the Macho Man drops elbows from the top rope. OOOOH YEEAH!

4/20/15
The protester may sound like an optimist but is actually a pessimist. The antitester however is pro protests ending.

4/21/15
The old hand shakes hands to improve his status but the young hand literally rubs elbows until he is asked to leave.

4/22/15
The learned only indulge in candy as often as YOU think they should. The lout thinks the 1st M in M&M's stands for B & the 2nd M stands for lower case b.

4/23/15
The architect uses CAD software to create blueprints. The airhead eats blueberries to create blueprints & demands a refund when the prints turn out to be purple.

4/24/15
The magician sets things on fire only to entertain. The moron sets things IN fire repeatedly because he keeps trying to set things ON fire.

4/25/15
The inordinate dress in a revealing manner. The bordinate wear clothing with their revealing blog posts printed on them.

4/26/15
Greats pen memorable messages. Giddiots photobomb the blind.

4/27/15
The wittish buys a plane ticket to an island paradise. The wumpus removes the seeds from a strawberry, fills a hat with dirt, & leaves the hat on the floor.

4/28/15
The thinker disparages bandanas. The thunker deeply searches Amazon for solodanas.

4/29/15
The thrifty superficial hunt for clothing deals at stores. The thrifty stuperficial look for clothes in decks of cards.

4/30/15
The bequeather passes down money to his family. The dequeather passes croquet mallets upfield at senior tee-ball games.
Friday, April 10, 2015
+=- Bending Colors
Jhon10:   Have you ever played Oujia?
MAR:  no but I almost smelled one once
Jhon10:  Where are you from?
MAR:  today

I don't read Spanish, though I speak it perfectly. I'm semi-bi-illiterate.

Well doesn't that just shake a glazed ham in the wind?

I only believe what I hear, not what I see. The bad part is sometimes I hear lies.

Texas Marco Polo:  Where are you from?
MAR:  I prefer no regional bias be in conversations, but you being from Texas wouldn't understand that oooooh!

Texas Marco Polo:  I come to you in speed of microwave
MAR:  When it is set on 80 hours right?
Texas Marco Polo:  Yup

I will not be boxed in by nouns like box or swami. 

Adjacent aces borrow your colours good lad?

Court:  I saved a turtle that was in the road
MAR:  like hiding in a pot hole?

We are from earth. This earth to be less specific.

You cloud wearing, egg thumping, Charminavores!

Large liver, small dier.

Plays, I write plays. I just wrote two plays & finished a third one.
Here comes a fourth one.... "plays"

I'm serious guys. I write plays in my spare time.

Captain M.:  And your name is?
MAR:  Nothing" "is" there 'is' only was & ever will be.  The present is an illusion fabricated by the past & paid for by the future.  The first time someone truly lives in the moment is when they die.  Because there are no moments, only momentum.  So when you live in something false like a moment you fully lose momentum & the momentum of your life ceases.  Or so a cartoony sea barge once told me.
Friday, April 10, 2015
+=- Orbit without the sun.
Hearing is like a mirror if you can hear them they can hear you right? Is that why people yell at movies?

Lori:  Are you sure you're not remembering something else?
MAR:  I'm not remembering at all. I made it up.

vanity bucket

My me loves that!

Pokes You:
-->U

My memory is so good I unscrewed my head.

I'm in IN.

Ether in Simon Gotch’s mustache oil! Truly one of the finest ideas ever put to #FFFFFF
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Poor Man's March Lessons
3/1/15
You know you're poor if you're still saving up for that other scis.

3/2/15
You know you're poor when you use birdbath water as the base of your soups.

You know you're poor when you squirt lemons in your eyes to go colorblind just so you won't be covetous.

3/3/15
You know you're poor when you can't afford to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken so you eat at Puerto Rican Raw Bird.

You know you're poor when you use lightning bugs to light your house at night.

3/4/15
You know you're poor if instead of insurance you have well-probably-not-ance or mildly-unlikely-ance.

3/5/15
You know you're poor when the only toppings you can afford on your pizza are your own tears.

3/6/15
You know you're poor when you use cheese as a mirror.

3/7/15
You know you're poor if you've antagonized someone because you were so hungry you'd settle for a knuckle sandwich.

You know you live in a poor city when the water tower ain't nothin' but knee high.

You know you're poor when your windshield looks like it's been used in an actual war.

3/8/15
You know you're poor when you couldn't afford tooth-picks so you had to settle for tooth-we-tell-you-what-to-dos. Emancipated tooth cleaning sticks just cost way too much!

3/9/15
You know you grew up poor when you encourage your kids to litter just so other folk can find somethin' real nice.

You know you're poor when the only crayon you can afford is the color blue.

3/10/15
You know you're poor when you've got a gun with no ammo, a soup with no moisture, a dog with no legs, a shirt with no front, & a scarf with no arf.

3/11/15
You know you're poor when you never take anything out of a box except for yourself!

3/12/15
You know you're poor when you get stuck in traffic & you aren't in a rush to get home because you're already home.

You know you're poor if you've never recycled aluminum cans because you need them for the coils in your homemade mattress.

You know you're poor if the only steak you've ever eaten was the steak to your tent because it was softened by protein filled termites.

3/13/15
You know you're poor if in lieu of buying a hat or sunglasses you only go outside when it is cloudy.

You know you're poor if the speedometer on your car never goes past zero either because it is broke or because you car is.

3/14/15
You know you're poor if the birds in the park leave you bread.

3/15/15
You know you're poor when your wardrobe consists of short, glass, & pant.

You know you're poor when you commit a crime just to get some free police tape to use as a clothes line.

3/16/15
You know you're poor if you only go to the movie theater to collect discarded ticket stubs so you can burn them for warmth.

3/17/15
Penny pinchers keep a sack of corroded pennies just so they won't go nuts on St. Patrick's Day.

3/18/15
You know you're poor when your favorite meal is shadow toast. Mmmm taste that shaddy!

You know you're poor if save your kid's hair clippings so you can give your kids beards for the winter because you can't afford scarves.

You know you're poor when you can pick up your pickup truck because you done sold all the parts off that dang thang.

3/19/15
You know you grew up poor if your parents asked you what you wanted for Christmas & you said "A firetruck!" so they just took the truck you already owned & set it on fire & gave it to you. Fortunately they didn't try to wrap that one & put it under the tree.

You know you're poor when the only reason you dye your hair is to either absorb or deflect the sun's warmth.

3/20/15
You know you're poor when you go to the mail room on your lunch break just so you can lick the envelopes for sustenance.

You know you're poor if your tires are retired.

3/21/15
You know you're poor when the blinker on your car just stares.

You know you're poor when instead of buying strawberry jam you buy imitation strawberry sortacrappydubstepsong.

3/22/15
You know you're poor when your idea of an air freshener is to just stop fartin'.

3/23/15
You know you're poor if you get into too much monkey business, which is any & all monkey related business ventures.

3/24/15
You know you're poor if when you talk about "change" no one ever assumes you are talking about politics.

3/25/15
You know you're poor that when you look for enough money to buy an air conditioner you have to settle for either an air-junkfooder, an air-heathrisker, or an air-baconsundae.

You know you're poor if the closest you've ever come to royalty is that time your uncle rented a bouncy castle for your cousin.

3/26/15
You know you grew up poor if your momma didn't let you play as a princess. She only let you play dead because it was the one thing you could realistically aspire to.

You know you're poor when the only basketball you've ever owned was made out of old baskets. It bounc'd a littl' bit.

3/27/15
You know you're poor if the closest thing you've ever had to a mirror is your finger nails after you ran em through your greasy hair.

You know you're poor when you have hardwood floors in your house.. because your floor is made of tipped over trees.

3/28/15
You know you're poor when instead of a cheese greater you've got a cheese worser.

3/29/15
You know you're poor when instead of painting your house, you sharpie it.

3/30/15
Flashback Edition:
You know you're poor when you're afraid to look at billboards because you're afraid you'll get charged for it.

You know you're poor if you've never had a birthday cake with candles to wish upon so you go to the scene of local fires & try to blow them out to make one big wish.

You know you're poor when your trash can doubles as your soup pot.

3/31/15
You know you're poor when you request your last meal to be beans & cornbread because you ain't never had the luxury of eatin' either one.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Very Poor Man's March - Lesson Leftovers Rejected Lessons from Poor Man's March
You know you're poor if the closest you've ever been to an airplane is when they were dropping off crates of food for your people.

You know you're poor when your tricycle is a bicycle.

You know you're poor when you look for products that will help you go bald so you can save money on haircuts.

You know you're poor when the closest you've ever been to an airport is that hole in a manhole cover.

You know you're poor when you can't afford mustard on your sandwich even though it is free of charge.

You are poor if on your 16th birthday instead of a car your parents got a you a job.

You know you're poor if the only musical instrument you've ever owned was a triangle made out of a medical syringe & a paper clip bent into a passable triangle.

You know you're poor when you eat off your license plate.

You know you're poor when you save used corn cobs to use as hair brushes.

You know you're poor when your breakfast isn't fruity peddles, its just pebbles & your teeth go "Bam! Bam!" as they break.

You know you're poor if, instead of eating fast food, you eat snails, the slowest food there is!

You know you're poor if you eat your oranges peel & all, just calling it natural marmalade.

You know you're poor when your cell phone is made out of radishes because radishes have cells right?

You know you're poor when your water hose ain't nothin' but an air hose.

You know you're poor when city hall comes & condemns your bath tub.

You know you live in a poor city when at the border the road stops having pavement & just has a sign that says, "Meant to be paved."

You know you're poor if the only time you've been on a golf course was to hunt the geese there to have something to eat that night.

You know you're poor if the only meal you eat in the winter is chilly, not chili the food but chilly the frosty air.

You know you're poor if need glasses but all you can afford is white plastics. They don't call you 4 eyes, they call you no eyes.

You know you're poor when the only thing you can do to save more money is to flush less.

You know you're poor when you support illiteracy campaigns because books cost too much money.

You know you're poor when you lose weight just so your kids can give you their clothes as hand me downs.

You know you're poor when your bed is a flower bed in your neighbor's yard & your only blanket is the stars.

You know you're poor when you gather up the hay people decorate with in the fall to have something to sleep on.

You know you're poor when look for open graves to sleep in because rustled dirt is much more comfy than unrustled dirt.

You know you're poor when putting your best foot forward requires you gettin it out of the case first.

You know you're poor when your backyard & your frontyard are the same yard because you don't have a house on your land.

You know you're poor when you show up to JC Penny hoping to buy whatever you want & they're like, "You're crazy." And you're like "Doesn't JC Penny stand for Jesus Christ Penny. I know Jesus I've got a penny how come I can't have whatever I want in this store?"

You know you're poor if the only Christmas tree you've ever had was made of twigs with pine cones tied to them using blades of grass because you couldn't even afford tape.

You know you're poor if the way you get haircuts is by rubbin' grease on your head & just lettin' the animals in the woods chew your hair off.

You know you're poor when you went to a school where the math books were also history books because they were written before anyone know what the heck math was.

You know you're poor when instead of having a toy 18 wheeler you just had a 1 wheeler made out of a matchbox & a tainted Cheerio. Because you gotta eat those untainted ones.

You know you're poor when your first box of crayons ain't got no crayons in it, it was just a box.

You know you're poor when the only doctor you've ever seen is the one that guesses weight at the fair.

You know you're poor when your favorite hat is a cloud.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Melody Tickled My Shadow
Melody Tickled My Shadow
Friday, March 6, 2015
New Artwork
Saturday, February 28, 2015
February is just the Tip of the Iceberg for Lesson Theme Months!
2/1/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If an iceberg tells you, 'Come on in! The water is fine.' remember that temperature preference differs between the animate & inanimate."

2/2/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't wreck into me."

2/3/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "To boost their self-esteem whales stopped wearing clothes so they could always be skinny dipping."

2/4/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "I don't like ice breakers. I'm huge why would I like small talk?"

2/5/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Simply wear a chin guard & you are ready to ride a pretend sled."

2/6/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Statistics wrought by poller bears have a bias that is heavier than the bears themselves."

2/7/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "It's so cold where I live you can literally hold your breath underwater."

2/8/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Wearing snow shoes is only slightly better for crossing a bed a nails than a bed of hot coals. I suggest you use them for neither."

2/9/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "In the coming centuries if you ever go to an iceberg zoo, make sure to feed us iceberg lettuce to keep us from floating violently toward you."

2/10/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Not all of us Icebergs are Jewish. Some of us just married in."

2/11/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "I think you're the one that's slippery."

2/12/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Snow is not a good fertilizer."

2/13/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can actually see the wind but since it keeps giving you & everyone else the cold shoulder mankind has unconsciously chosen to ignore the sight of it."

2/14/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Ice fishing is best done with a net."

2/15/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't slip on me, it tickles."

2/16/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Last year I vacationed at the beach & lost 440,000 lbs!"

2/17/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't play polka near ice, it is too heartwarming."

2/18/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you have to shave your ice cream you shouldn't eat it."

2/19/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Where I come from water doesn't get ice cold, ice gets water cold."

2/20/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you don't want your snowmobile to have an accident put a diaper on it."

2/21/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you think really hard while you see your breath in the arctic it will become a brief thought cloud."

2/22/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't use ice cubes they are an affront to my kind."

2/23/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you're coming to see me bring some crayons. All I ever see is white & blue!"

2/24/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Penguins aren't flightless birds. They fly underwater. Hey whaddahya want from me? I'm an ice burg. I don't know the vocabulary for that underwater movin' thingy."

2/25/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Santa Claus used to travel by ship but I showed him!"

2/26/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Never trust a seal to open your mail."

2/27/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can melt the entire polar ice caps with only 9 ramen seasoning packets."

2/28/15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can defrost anything with sunlight if you get close enough to the sun."
Thursday, February 26, 2015
New Imagery
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Piemerica's 17th Anniversary
The Wrong Words for Sleep - New EP by MARS
Thursday, February 19, 2015
New Imagery
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of February 15-21, 2015
1. Wear extra shoes in case you see a person who needs some.
2. Eat bacon on Presidents' Day in honor of all of our non-Jewish presidents.
3. Pre-buckle seatbelts so when people have to unbuckle them they have one last reminder to buckle up.
4. Scoop the invisible poop of invisible dogs.
5. Put a megaphone next to running water at night to help the neighbors sleep.
6. Leave capes near trampolines.
7. Shave your beard & donate the hair to "Soul Patches of Love."
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of February 8-14, 2015
1. Set out hundreds of plastic bags to catch winter breezes, tie them up & in the summer donate them to families in need of cooling.
2. Cut down all the trees in a neighborhood to prevent future tornado damage.
3. Make use of your spray tanning skills by volunteering nightly at your local seemingly abandoned bat infested castle.
4. Carry around a swear jar & put a quarter in it every time you hear someone else swear.
5. Leave parachutes on the tops of tall buildings.
6. Paint hearts around the edges of mirrors.
7. To help your local police force trim their budget throw free nightsticks at any officers you see passing by.
Friday, February 6, 2015
New Bitstrips
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
New Bitstrips

Sunday, February 1, 2015
Piemerica's Website has been online 13 years!

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of February 1-7, 2015
1. Attach an inflatable birdhouse to your kite to give birds some sky rest.
2. Light a fire with an elaborate LED display.
3. Bury treasure that won't stand the test of time like artifacts of current technology & fashion. Bury some fake gold too just to make that treasure hunt 400 years from now more exciting.
4. Design a word a day calendar using 365 different languages.
5. Combat banditalism by putting sneezing powder on for sale bandanas.
6. Give a horse high top horseshoes.
7. Mail snow cones to our troops in the middle east.


+=- Dust Carried to Land
I'm halfway to Mexico by now… from Canada because that is where I live.

The McDonalds golden arches make you think of their french fries. Yeah they make you wonder if the arches & the fries are made out of the same material.

I don't have a musical bone in my body. Yeah I have all my marrow.

I couldn't see a thing, unless black is a thing.

I resist a rest when I'm not tired.

I am out of my mind because my mind is in me.

I like to beat savages to the punch of kindness.

Salman: are you this random with everyone?
MAR: No, I haven't met everyone yet. People keep dying before I can finish my list.
MAR: I'll just pretend you're everyone who ever lived, except me. Boy you sure are all over the place, one minute you're Gandhiing & next minute you're Mussoliniing.
Salman: yeah, I am also being blown up and get born simultaneously
MAR: ♫♪We are the world... but mostly just you♫♪

MAR: that is not how it works my dude
Salman: "my dude" never heard that
MAR: yeah & you still haven't unless you read it aloud
Salman: I read it aloud now

Nick: I empathize with you
MAR: Me too. I empathize with me. That makes me a good person right?

I am an amalgam of cereal mascots being forced to watch paint dry in the ocean.

Check briefcases for baby bears & one day you will win ah PRIZE!

I place $1,000 dollar orders all the time. I'm like "hey you, give me $1,000 dollars!
Saturday, January 31, 2015
The Proverbial January Lessons
1/1/15
The dog with the biggest bite is also the dog with the highest dentist bill.

1/2/15
The road less traveled has less pot holes, unless the local hillbillies warm their soup in it.

1/3/15
A buzzard without teeth & a clock with no hands are the same. You can use neither to tell time. That is unless they are both wearing digital watches.

1/4/15
A puzzle with 6-14 pieces missing is like a car missing its engine. Unless you've ever driven a car, in which case the comparison is laughable.

1/5/15
The road less traveled enunciates "quaff" no better than the motorway covered in marmalade.

1/6/15
You can't teach a fish to juggle cheese whiz but you can teach an elk how to limp.

1/7/15
A barrel of dead monkeys isn't much fun at all.. unless you are very very VERY hungry.

1/8/15
An ambitious person without wings can fly just as high as a lazy bird that has no wings.

1/9/15
Sometimes the smallest people have the biggest hearts so shorties, go get that checked out by your doctor.

1/10/15
One bad apple spoils the whole bunch but the whole bunch, left uneaten, spoils together. So eat a whole bunch!

1/11/15
The weasel with the longest tail is easier stepped upon than the farthest asteroid.

1/12/15
Some people are best left alone & those people are already buried.

1/13/15
One man's rainbow is another man's "I'm not sure what you call it but it sure looks cool."

1/14/15
Money can't buy you contentment but it can buy you a gorilla that jogs in place.. if you're willing to shop around for a while.

1/15/15
The man with 7 houses does not have more to be thankful for than the man with one. Or is that the other way around?

1/16/15
The bigger the pillow, the more oblivious we are to the ostrich behind it.

1/17/15
The most embarrassing angels are those who choose the harpsichord over the harp.

1/18/15
Those who always keep their chin up will likely be scared of their own shadow.

1/19/15
A blister earned by hard work is far sweeter than a blister covered in motor oil & chalk dust.

1/20/15
Even the prettiest flower cannot be seen or smelled by a boxlet of staples.

1/21/15
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.

1/22/15
You can teach a deaf man's parrot to talk, but.. why?

1/23/15
A child with a stick of butter is more powerful than imaginary ocelot fur.

1/24/15
The light at the end of the tunnel is always brighter than the light in the trunk while it's closed.

1/25/15
A wise man does not build his house on hairy ice but a wise man does stock his house with quality Ronco® products.

1/26/15
The smallest pebble can be thrown but the largest rock cannot be lifted. So in the end the tiny pebble makes the bigger splash. Likewise the smaller Cheeto dissolves in Mellow Yellow slower than the larger cheesepuff.

1/27/15
A pilot can steer the plane but the passenger doesn't have to.

1/28/15
People with their eyes closed cannot see the the glass as half full but they can still drink out of it.

1/29/15
Teach a kid to catch a football & he could become a millionaire. Teach a kid to juggle & he may never earn a cent.

1/30/15
The man who feels enslaved to his shoe strings needs to look up what the word "enslaved" means.

1/31/15
Whoever has the most gold doesn't win in the end but he sure can fix a lot of games while he's still around.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 25-31, 2015
1. Put some candles on the ground at night so the falling snow can avoid falling on something that will injure it.
2. Use diced tomatoes as dice.
3. Break your poor friend's phone, laptop, or camera so they can finally justify an upgrade.
4. Save the world a wreck by not driving your motor vehicle for 17.9 years because statistically that is how often the average person has a wreck.
5. Tear a constipated person a new one.
6. Get a jump start on daylights saving time by setting all of the clocks at your work forward.
7. Crash birthday parties everyday to blow out the candles. Soon you'll have enough wish power to bring world peace.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 18-24, 2015
1. Start a beard farm but don't use fertilizer.
2. Sweet talk a bitter person until they become palatable.
3. Put googly eyes & mini-scarfs on stapler removers so they look less menacing.
4. Learn to juggle wads of gum.
5. Use chicken fingers to accuse people.. of being hungry.
6. At your local grocer replace the innards of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®" containers with Swiss cottage cheese so some people can finally believe it's not butter!
7. Invite your friends on a staycation inside a wanted criminal's trunk.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 11-17, 2015
1. Sell decorated lizard tails to bobcats.
2. Stop refurbishing used caskets.
3. Body paint a blind person so they can finally experience art.
4. Go on a shopping spree for that special arachnid in your life.
5. If you are a homeowner invite the neighborhood kids over to write on your walls.
6. Buy a feather pillow then hire a forensics team to help you get the bird's remains back to his or her family.
7. Forget about angel food cake & try to make authentic angel hot wings.
Sunday, January 7, 2015
New Imagery
These aren't moles. I just used to be black & the tatthree artist missed a few spots. #dontworrythatwasntracist
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 4-10, 2015
1. Regurgitate those puzzle pieces you've been eating out of spite.
2. Mail a traffic cone.
3. Counsel a wounded animal. A lot of them have parental abandonment issues.
4. Share your magic wand during lunch break.
5. Buy some hot wings & give them to an unattractive chicken.
6. Go to your doctor for a checkup.. on how he's doin'.
7. Donate a buttock to someone who tragically lma'od'ed.
COMEDY QUOTES:
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Fornitudes
COMEDY Sections:
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Journals | Piemerican Airlines |
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Games & Activity | Book Drinking CentralChat |
Jibber Jabber | 'ot 6 Review | Quizardry

INFO. & HISTORY:
About Us | Lingo | History | Encyclopedia |
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Pledge of Pielegiance

COMICS:
Comics | The darkened Reality of Real-Estate
PERIODICALS:
Piemerican Magazine | Piemerica Christmas Catalog | Piemerican Elementary Knews
MUSIC:
MARS | I'm Tired. Sleep Tonight. |
Rose Garden Dream | Piemerican Records
VIDEOS:
VideosDailymotion | Locked in.. | Multimedia Site |
Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh?
PEOPLE:
Photo Galleries | Emperor MAR | Laslo PanafleX |
Meet Piemerica | Renderings
BOOKS:
Lesson Mania! | The Essentialness of Essentiality |
(The Joe)'s Autobiography
EQUAL NON-EQUAL NEUTRAL:
Index | The Song | Art Book | Survey |
Freezer Freezer Problem | The Journey

MORE PIEMERICA:
Lyrics & Poems | Piemerica Swood | Index 2 |
Piemerica Shoppe | Help | Pieuro
Banana Towels | FacebookLinks | What The Eat?
CHRONCHIVE:
Jump to:  January, February, March, April, May
Full Archive | 2014 | 2013 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009

Warning! May contain trace amounts of food.
MARS Uptempo Music Sampler
Every Second Worry Impowers Fits 1:08
Those of us on the ledge in the wind. 2:29
Don't Hush Now :30
The night the fire gave no light. :54
Amidst rope 1:18
Ages in Bloom :29
Nothing is Similar :48
Shining darkness...... :56
Spreading out a quilt on grass that looks like a quilt :48
Style us 2:17
Holes made of glass 1:00
Life Shell :23
Dizzy Bay 1:28
At first I thought it was my mind... 1:14
dr. stoop pays his lite bill 2:04
Still Not Today :17
Safari Rhino Tracks :56
Those of us who say "We..." 4:51
Those of us with our head in the sea. 2:22
Desert Saw Name Window 1:25
Stars on a Clothes Line :28
The Ship Leaks from Above 1:03
Time Traveller :56
Master Working :43
I've both fostered sake nealing seat 1:05
Dedicated harnesses waiting for crumbs. :43
Towers again. 1:03
I have no identity so how can this be a crisis? 1:20
Tagline :51
Holld :58
EveryThing was Personally hand Washed by me 1:35
Sickle of fire...Loudest Silence, :51
HAUT 1:17
Rock drick garden 1:08
Fogless Sight 1:08
Text-tile :25
Label + (Hold) :40
Incompliable :40
Today or something like it 1:14
when is the fortuen made to rivers? 1:17
It started today 1:08
aspiring stoop exited a hole in the veranda's mind 2:01
Far too late in the early morning. :29
Expelious Sea 1:50
I run the mill like a hamster at its wheel. :30
You are not trapped 1:42
Eyce :59
It was Ok. 1:23
Ponector Kin :41
:Oyas todo nias phel elpi doh yahnah tais: 1:52
The MARk :27
Volts into you :45
Dairy Harvest 1:42
Buying Buying Bears 1:18
One Color Rainbow 1:18
Sound without Effect 2:14
Remake :32
Best of II :55
MARS Relaxing Music Sampler
The Real Iceberg 4:31
inq. :45
Those of us on the curb watching traffic. 2:51
Greatest Sequels II 2:13
Don't Hush Now :30
new dew 2:26
I'm Tired of Whispering AND Shouting 1:17
Has-been Run has been run 4:17
Prime Flower 2:41
Mind Without Affect 1:22
& the bubble took the rain dog :55
I Caught You Throwing 3:03
Fiveground 1:13
I Blew Blue 1:04
The Living Water Surface 1:00
Wet Chain Link 2:30
Messiah Waits 1:08
Mister Wonderful 3:45
vlain :49
Im sent on lot 2:22
keet-vlot 3:36
Affection stand contribution upon raise touch 1:45
My sky is tight. 1:18
Sake hardened. 1:39
Ninja O' Meter (Brain) :56
Pressure Load Caterer (feet) 1:49
If it was anywhere but here... 2:20
Softly witnessed tributaries 1:14
What we have in store for you. 1:13
No Key available. 2:06
Froj 1:32
Pen lock a cord. :51
Plow Seige People :57
Traded Society for Technology 1:21
Answer Kidge :47
Leasing any lacer 1:27
Chances no longer exist 2:05
!question of intelliline? 3:09
pineapple shotting reel in your mirror 1:37
The moon is a crust of letters 1:25
is/t that it/s? :56
I was looking through the window 1:57
Mathetactics 1:32
Play in the field until nightfall 2:01
Am I here? Am I here too soon? 1:15
re-fad :43
Today & The Years Gone Bye 2:52
off tin :33
Have you ever seen a longer longer? 2:05
Sliding Moderation 1:14
Shew Shadow :42
Fickle Illusion 1:02
A building lake 1:11
Candle whipped battle axe 1:28
Satellites Zooming In 1:11
Settlers camping in noman's land 1:58
grow wind. grow 1:45
ccxol 2:20
ond & offd 1:41
More Sound Without Effect 2:55
egdrib 1:43
Return 1:57
depositCE 1:14
Catching Up in Perfection 2:00
Greatest Sequels 1:28
None the Same 2:50
The Advent of Thunder 3:39
MARS Epics
Photo Galleries
Leisure Parkland
Leisure Parkland
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Ramily Circus
Ramily Circus
Photos 2012
Photos 2012
The Big Onion
The Big Onion
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
Water Cube
Water Cube
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Indisno
Indisno
Cordova Snow Fun
Cordova Snow Fun
Photos 2011
Photos 2011
Games New Years Play
Games
New Years Play
The Love Fell Like Leaves
The Love Fell Like Leaves
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos 2010
Photos 2010
Meadow View Charms
Meadow View Charms
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Robert Randolph
Saying it without a Thousand Words
Saying it without 1,000 Words
What My Chick & I Saw
What My Chick & I Saw
Some Things Afoot
Some Things Afoot
Golfulating IX- Disc Golfulating
Golfulating IX Disc Golfulating
Golfulating VIII
Golfulating VIII
The Battle for #4
The Battle for #4
Snow Show
Snow Show
Photos 2009
Photos 2009
I saw the light.
I saw the light.
Star & Micey Live at Otherlands, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey w/ Emperor MAR at Otherlands
Henderson's Waiting
Henderson's Waiting
Accusations
Accusations
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Before Photoshop
Before Photoshop
May Day
May Day

Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
The Years Gone By
The Years Gone By
Moving On
Moving On
Lake Ship
Lake Ship
Lamp Head
Lamp Head
Photos 2008
Photos 2008
Metal Morrow
Metal Morrow
Star & Micey Live at American Apparel, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey at American Apparel
Photos 2007
Photos 2007
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Warm Shower
Warm Shower
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving
Waserg
Waserg
Lesson Mania!
Lesson Mania!
Mid
Star & Micey Mid
ED Wed
ED Wed
The Watcher
The Watcher
Sheek
Sheek
Rummage
Rummage
P. E.
P.E.
Mi Familia
Mi Familia
Muddy Waters
Muddy Waters
Playing A Ground
Playing A Ground
Tae Kwon Dumb
Tae Kwon Dumb
Dancing!
Dancing!
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle
The Wedding
Earning Stripes
Earning Stripes
Photos 2006
Photos 2006
Homes & Hearts
Homes & Hearts
No Parking
No Parking
Sticks & Stones
Sticks & Stones
The Bookster
The Bookster
Trampoline Terror
Trampoline Terror
Golfulating VII
Golfulating VII
Life?
Life?
Wonder & Time
Wonder & Time
Golfulating VI
Golfulating VI
Glen Phillips Newby's, Memphis, TN
Glen Phillips
at Newby's,
Memphis, TN
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Relative Things
Relative Things
Img_000
Img_000
Futurity
Futurity
Golfulating V
Golfulating V
Golfulating IV
Golfulating IV
Golfulating III
Golfulating III
Golfulating II
Golfulating II
Golfulating
Golfulating
Muchos Tacos
Muchos Tacos
Comfort
Comfort
Perpetual Change
Perpetual Change
Imperfect
Imperfect
April 22, 2005
April 22, 2005
Chump On A Log
Chump On A Log
Rokit
Rokit
April Fool(s)
April Fool(s)
Emperor MAR: The Beard. The Face.
Emperor MAR:  The Beard.
The Face.
Photos 2005
Photos 2005
Rose Garden Dream July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream
July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream June 26
Rose Garden Dream
June 26
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Photos 2004
Photos 2004
Tree Farm
Tree Farm
Tripple Seven Joenan
Tripple Seven
Joenan
Tripple Seven (The Joe Legend)
Tripple Seven
(The Joe) Legend
Punch My Cat in the Face
Punch My Cat in the Face
Graduation Photos
Graduation Photos
YEC
YEC
Photos 2003
Photos 2003
Photos 2002
Photos 2002
Photos 2001
Photos 2001
Photos 2000
Photos 2000
Photos 1999
Photos 1999
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1985-86
Photos 1985-86


Classic Lessons
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.

Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em unless they're beating you.

When the noose becomes the latest fashion it won't last long.

Talk is cheap, unless you are a television psychic.

If a tree falls in the forest be glad you don't live in the forest.

When I'm looking at my folder I have a paper view.

When arguing at sea don't go overboard.

Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

Hole punchers are useless.

Not all hillbillies are named Billy but they are all related to him.

Pollution is good for you. It makes you realize there should be less pollution.

Read All Lessons, Watch Video Lessons
Top 3 ways to loose money in a business:
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of your building.
2. Using the classic sales pitch & then putting it into action,
    "We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds
Comedy or Coma?
Caffeine free huh? What, that makes it cost like 15 cents less?

I'm a real vocabulary buff. In fact I just finished reading the dictionary. I didn't like it, it wasn't wordy enough for me.

I love team sports because one part of the crowd is always happy.

nah.. oops! dropped some dots

I'm going to be a record producer because i eat a lot of vinyl.

I don't lik3 it wh2n p712 tal3 li33 this. especially out loud, "lik three it wh two n p seven tweleve tal three li three three this."

I remember Living Magazine had a spin off called Dying Magazine. It had a lot of subscriptions but no one ended up paying their first bill.

When I yawn it is contagious because I always yawn again.

I have a big sore, it is so big it is like a dino-sore.

I can spoil any movie from the past 20 years. Ready?
They all end with credits.

How do you know this site is weird? Maybe this is normal and regular things are weird.
Pie is the greatest food of all time.! If it weren't I really would have changed the name some time ago.

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What? You mean not everything is true?