(The Joe)'s Autobiography Millennium 2
Once in a Lifetime - 1641

            In the fall of 1641 (The Joe) finished his exhaustive search of a vessel in which he could use to spread the tasty lovely taste of the very good tasting log milked book. (The Joe) chose 23 year old Willis Bartnetsort, a southern Piemerican gentlemen with an able body & a fast mind both which (The Joe) has never had the luxury of controlling before.

            (The Joe) went into the cupboard & got ingredients for books. “1 part logard milk. 1 part book cover” his recipe post-it note said. (The Joe) should have read the recipe before going into the cupboard for neither was in there.

            (The Joe) went out back & cooked him some cherries over a plastic fence. “Yes,” (The Joe) thought “I have itemized the last battalion” Under the overhead (The Joe) went onto logging some trees (chopping them down & up). (The Joe) then went to the Towwn Shoppe of Oldies but Goodies & proceeded to buy some empty hard book covers, which he had manufactured during his original Book Drinking Empire.

            “What doth ye want with these book covers young man?” said the Shoppe Keeep.

(The Joe) replied “I intend to start a whole new book drinking craze”

“Ye best not talketh that noneth-sense here. Don’t ye know that drinking books was outlawed & is never to be spoketh of again?” crooned the Shoppe Keeep.

“(The Joe) shalt get the recognition he deserves. I dothclaire to all.. in this shoppe that (The Joe) hath returned for I am now he & he is now I” (The Joe) announced.

“What dost ye talketh about Willis?” politely asked a short black man in the back of the shoppe.

“Listen kiddo, (The Joe) woth a menace. He dranketh so many book that we can hardly breathe anymore. If thou want to drink books fine but do it in thine own home. I telleth ye the world can’t handle another (The Joe).” Said the Shoppe Keeep.

(The Joe) exclaimed “I have found a highly replenishable source of Textable Accord that shall allow the drinking of books forever more!” An officer of the law walked up to (The Joe) & menacingly said “And what pretelleth ist this source?”

“The source is from a tree’ths log itself by way of milking!” yelled (The Joe) who then pointed to the air.

The people around (The Joe) laughed & mocked him. (The Joe) realized he was not a great man anymore for he had returned within the generation of which he had passed & ruined. (The Joe) was first hands witness to the dim reality his book drinking past had created.

(The Joe) walked out of The Towwn Shoppe of Oldies but Goodies knowing that history had forgotten & forbade his existence however the looks on people’s faces still knew who he was & what he had done to make them hurt.

(The Joe) took a log off of his log car & in the middle of the streets yelled “Come one…. Come all! Witness the rebirth of Drinking Books without the harm of tree loss” (The Joe) then proceeded to milk a log into a book cover he had just obtained. The crowd that gathered was bewildered.

(The Joe) lifted the book up saying “Come now, who will taste this new book & be immortalized?”

A mysterious longhaired man came took the book & said “This is from a hand dressed in black. This makes more than the body under attack. Ye can live like a ghost or face thine fears. This book I drink let it bring us good years” He then took the book & drank of it. He said “This is a book of the greatest delight. Listen to (The Joe) this tastes All Right” The man with TULS written on his boots disappeared into & from the crowd as the words he had spoke about the book were still ringing loud.

All came to the log car & drank. They then carried (The Joe) to the Gov’na of This Place. The Gov’na heard the people & saw (The Joe) demonstrate. He then tasted a book & saw none was a waste. He turned to his scribes “Give this message to Gov’na Skies” he said “Let him know that Drinking Books nor (The Joe) is dead.”

“(The Joe) you are alive & I Gov’na This Place give you the rest of this letter for you to write to our hero & your lone enemy” Gov’na This Place recommended.


To Gov’ne Skies from the Scribe of Gov’na This Place

Drinking Books nor (The Joe) is dead. These are good things but I attest that the two of ye should resettle your score. Here is word from the book drinking master himself.

Dear Gov’na Skies

Thou justly stopped me while I was on my book drinking tirade. I challenge ye to a Book Drinking Competition of the log milked variety the ninth of October here in This Place. We can forget the past & start anew. This is the beginning of Book Drinking if I win. If, in fairness, ye can beat me I give thou control over book drinking forever. Milking logs will do what has never been done in book drinking history. I see it only fare however that the future be put in your hands.

Challenging You
(The Joe)

     The day was October ninth, 1641. The man Gov’na Skies assigned as judge was the long haired man known as Tuls. People could not understand Willis being billed as (The Joe). Rumors had spread far & wide. No one knows who Willis is & he cannot be (The Joe). For (The Joe) has died. Gov’na Skies looked into the eyes of the book drinking master & in them he now saw brightness & laughter. (The Joe) demonstrated how logs are meelked to the wondering crowd. They knew only (The Joe) could drink a book that loudly.

            They sat to drink man to man. They lifted to drink but Tuls snatched the book from (The Joe)’s hand & ran. He ran to the east as the sun pointed west. Tuls blurred into the sunlight & only (The Joe) was left. (The Joe) stormed to the stage “In fairness!” he yelled “In fairness was the clause for you to win!”

        Gov’na Skies sat back & Tuls blurred back in. Tuls spoke these words to (The Joe) “In a moment of conquest there is no fairness ye see. This is all put to rest. I own the gov’nas thou see. Thou really thought that pie, books, & logs could keep ye in history yet still you remain small. I have seen ye since on Norvon thou appeared. On Mac thine silence spoke wonders but ye never shut up here. Thou hast hit the target yet again. But where art thine friends? Where is Seven? Where is MAR? You (The Joe) hast been alone by far. Silliness & fun art all thou ist worth. I war with thee & ye have no clue. (The Joe) time cannot cure you.”

Tuls blurred in & out in front of (The Joe)’s face then he threw a milked leaf at (The Joe) & (The Joe) was erased. (The Joe)’s spirit returned to it’s cave. He wondered who Tuls was & how he knew all he knew. (The Joe) could tell that now was not the time to bring back book drinking. He knew that there would be a time, he was sure of it.


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Written by:  Emperor MAR
Written on:   February 17, 2006

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