(The Joe)'s Autobiography Millennium 2

Siesta - February 26, 1973
    (The Joe) went to the local fruit market to buy a hollowed out watermelon. The jaunt soon became dangerous however as (The Joe) fell asleep at the wheel while he was walking! (The Joe) collapsed on the sidestride (because Piemerican sidewalks are hipper than the common type). Just before passing out he said, “How can someone quote what I’m saying when there is no one around?”

    The dozens of spectators cheered at (The Joe)’s hilarious snoring/unconsciousness. The cheering often woke him up exclaiming, “Keep it down! Don’t make me wake up! I’ll see you there! Hey, since when did they have these nice little cabbages purporting as street pillows? Were these cabbages always black and so smoky? Did the smoke smell like smog? Anyway I’m trying to sleep under the wheel of this parked automobile so could you please quiet down within this town?” Then the people laughed and cheered even louder than before. One man even decided to tell a story to (The Joe) about how his grandfather used to be young.

    “My granddad,” the man started, “grew up being young then after he grew up he started to get older. The day I was born he told me that aging is genetic. I didn’t believe him then but the next day came and I realized he was right. When I was two days old my granddad got me a job at the watch factory. I got paid well considering all I had to do was watch the factory, at the end of the day he said I was the best employee he ever had. The next day I was fired for sleeping on the job. How I got on the roof I’ll never know. When I was three days old, right after she had just finished breast feeding me, my mother told me that I was adopted. My granddad told her that I wouldn’t remember what she said so to just go ahead and tell me to get it off her chest. I didn’t know what she meant at the time but I do remember it very well. I should look that word up someday don’t ya think (The Joe)?”

“Nah you’ll just get an emotional complex.:” replied (The Joe)
    “Well back to my story,” the man said. “When I was found days old I went to my very first late baby shower. I thought since I was already born that certainly I would get gifts specific to my gender but my mom’s friends didn’t like me because they were single and all wanted babies. My mom told them to get married and that their husband would give them babies but they said that no man was worth putting up with. My granddad took offense to that remark because his wife left him right after she got pregnant. My mother still turned out to be a good womb despite the fact that she had to crawl 31 miles to live with my granddad who lost his legs during the war in a gambling bet. Don’t worry though he won someone else’s legs in a different gambling bet 13 years later, tragically just after his wife had left him by walking on foot.”

“Listen, this has been soo interesting that I can’t put the book down but really, must you recount everyday of your being to me? I have been attempting to siesta but I didn’t get home in time. Should you not also siesta on time señor? And that goes for the rest of you commodious populance.” (The Joe) questioned.

    The people knew that (The Joe) was correct and so they all fell asleep where they were. Some fell asleep in cars and in trees. The ones in cars soon woke up the ones in trees as they crashed into the trees. These sounds however soothed (The Joe) and lulled him into a state of nationalistism.

Previous Chapter Autobiography Contents Next Chapter



Written by: Emperor MAR
Written on: February 26, 2007

Piemerica.org House