Friday's Feeling
2015 2016
2017
2015

7/17/15
I'm busier than a pitchfork on prom night.

7/24/15

I'm happier than a sentient pickle in an unopenable jar.

7/31/15

I'm thirstier than a windmill in a Zebra fire.

8/7/15

I'm more floored than a fish on a treadmill.

8/14/15

I feel like a taco in a birdbath.

8/21/15

I feel like an unloaded shotgun firing at a mobile pharmacy on a farm.

8/28/15

I'm less popular than a gator at a pett'n' zoo.

9/4/15

I'm more content than a lobster watching a rodeo.

9/11/15

I'm more ticklish than a cobra that swallowed a pet rock.

9/18/15

I feel like a loaf of bread floating in pine oil.

9/25/15

I'm more buoyant than a pillow full of love letters to a wombat.

10/2/15

I feel like a legless oil painting confusedly running from a jewel thief.

10/9/15

I feel like I was born yesterday but live 30 years in the future.

10/16/15

I feel like a 4th grade report card with no As because it's in Chinese.

10/23/15

I'm more irked than a glassless butterfly.

10/30/15

I'm hungrier than a pigeon that has been tortured to eat waffles for 3 days straight.

11/6/15

I'm more ready for seconds than a shark eating fish sticks.

11/13/15

It's the Bermuda Septagon I'm worried about.

11/20/15

I feel like a billionaire who had to leave his platform shoes behind to run away from gigantic amebas.

11/27/15

I feel like a garden of children planted like carrots into the ground because their parents thought it would help them grow faster.

12/3/15

I feel more mild than an off brand salsa.

12/11/15

I feel like a toast that's been on a wheat grain slide that ends in a vat of almost completely jelled gelatin.

12/18/15

I feel better than a sea horse in a race against a real horse.

12/25/15

I feel like a Eskimo child weeping over a whale carcass.

2016
1/1/16
I feel rougher than transcription of a dog conversation.
1/8/16
I feel like a box of crayons that melted from natural causes.
1/15/16
I feel like the star that whispers about hamburger cooking safety in sentient cows ears.
1/22/16
I feel like hearing bread testimonies about transtoasting.
1/29/16
I feel like lephrchons smoothed out an elephants skin so they could use it as a 3D water slide.
2/5/16   
I feel like a stack of daffodils used for currency by butterflies.
2/12/16   
I feel like a storm that rains mustard.
2/19/16   
I'm luckier than most atomic whale kitten analyzers
3/4/16   
I feel like a self-made man looking at his family tree.
3/11/16  
I feel like an out of style hat plugged into an orange oven socket.
3/18/16   
I'm cloudlier than a spatula returning to Spatula City after the great breakfast tornado.
3/25/16   
I feel like the warning label stuck to a package of labels.
4/1/16   
I'm less camouflaged than a geometrically ambiguous tuba.
4/8/16   
I'm more full of corned beef than a nite lite choking on a whale harness.
4/15/16   
I'm less thrifty than a snow globe built to scale teriyakied demolitioners' cranes.
4/22/16   
I'm cuddlier than the 3 push brooms that want to finally sweep up Neptune.
4/29/16   
I feel like a wombat taking a Tuvaluan citizenship test while covered in silly string.
6/3/16   
I feel like a cobra trying to swim up the stream of a Super Soaker.
6/10/16   
I feel like a bus stop on a log raft.
6/17/16  
I feel like mayonnaise mixed with Miracle Whip giving birth to packets of salad dressing.
6/24/16   
I'm cheerier than a kite going to the moon.
7/1/16   
I have more spring in my step than a concrete step ladder.
7/8/16   
I'm sadder than a bag of flour being thrown into a ceiling fan.. that is turned off.
7/15/16   
I feel like a catapult that only throws in the towel.
7/22/16   
I feel like goldenrod paper sitting next to a smart phone.
7/29/16   
I'm so cold my goose bumps feel like turtle shells with soliduses painted on them.
8/5/16   
I feel like a nodding chimp powering a paint mixer.
8/12/16
I feel like a barrel of monkeys.. going over a waterfall.. at a splash park.
8/19/16
I feel like I just used chain mail as a towel.
8/26/16
I feel like a cacti wearing a tight coat.
9/2/16
I feel like a buoyant rock enjoying the sunshine.
9/9/16
I feel like tripping on an invisible stoop.
9/16/16
I feel like wearing sunglasses made of ice cheese.
9/23/16
I feel like high "fiveing" a hand saw but not so hard that I can only high four afterwards.
9/30/16
I feel like eating pancakes on the moon.
10/7/16
I feel like giving a swordfish a greeting card that is shaped like a shield.
10/14/16
I feel like getting a hair cut just to warn the others of my upcoming haircut.
10/21/16
I feel like rowboats get a bad wrap at Christmas time.
10/28/16
I feel like firing my writer & hiring my left hand because he works for less pay.
11/4/16
I feel like a ghost that can't fly or swim stuck in a row boat.
11/11/16
I feel like a bean bag chair filled with cooked rigatoni instead.
11/18/16
I feel like a lunchbox made out of stone filled with loose pudding & locked sandwiches.
11/25/16
I feel like a catapult dangerously pulting rotisserie blue whale over the border into a hungry nation.
12/2/16
I feel like a mop made of spaghetti & a bread stick handle mopping up marinara. I also feel like eating that mop afterwards.
12/9/16
I feel like an envelope filled with Monopoly cash being slipped under the kitchen table as a bribe.
12/16/16
I feel like a black cardboard cutout laid on the floor as a shadow for another cardboard cutout.
12/23/16
I feel like Street Nicholas having his resume mistaken for Saint Nicholas’ again!
12/30/16
I feel like the color blue trying to rebrand its image to make lots of green like green has.

2017

1/6/17

I feel like a centipede with 2 feet.

1/13/17

I feel like cheese cubes rolling down the hilly street of my childhood home.

1/20/17

I feel like a 4 leaf clover wishing it could participate in autumn.

1/27/17

I feel like wearing a coat made of wax.

2/3/17

I feel sorry for old clowns who think cement mixers are gimmicked circus cannons.

2/10/17

I feel like a duck in a tree trying to swim in a bird’s nest.

2/17/17

I feel like an windbag airbag.

2/24/17

I feel like nails wishing they could be the nails across the chalkboard to dominate the entire scope of nail loudness with the hammereding AND the scratching.

3/3/17
I feel like a marble in a maze, a corn maze.
3/10/17
I feel like punching a monitor lizard's 11th slot on its 12th sno-cone is free card.
3/17/17
I feel like food packaging should be self-microwaving.
3/24/17
I feel like pinecone is the worst ice-cream flavour unless you have really bad breath.
3/31/17
I feel like a battery powered toaster hiding in a mailbox trying to heroically burn junk mail.

4/7/17
I feel like an educational French fry, the only kind of clean French fry people don't like.
4/14/17
I feel like a kitten party bus broke down in front of my house for life!
4/21/17
I feel like sending chainmail chain letters but can't afford the increased postage.
4/28/17
I feel like a space chimp that would've rather rode in a hot air balloon.

5/5/17
I feel like a pound of ducks. Ducks weigh more than one pound.
5/12/17
I feel like a gallon of liquid rope that cannot be climbed.
5/19/17
I feel like a human hybrid hybrid.
5/26/17
I feel like Private First Class Obvious.

6/2/17
I feel like a brick wishing it could speak.
6/9/17
I feel like a blank price tag should work the same way as a blank check.
6/16/17
I feel like a marble in a tiny fur coat.
6/23/17
I feel like a giraffe trying to dive into a swimming pool.

6/30/17
I feel that hats without bills should be free.

8/4/17
I feel like an elf borrowing the family scissors.
8/11/17
I feel like pocket change inside a hot pocket.
8/18/17
I feel like a sock living its dream as a windsock.
8/25/17
I feel like a microwave trying to cook a brick oven.