Lessons February


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February
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8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29

February 1
˛⁰13
In Dnalsdrawkcab Three Strikes Laws are based on bowling instead of baseball so criminals are rewarded for committing crimes 3 times.

˛⁰14
Houses in tropical climates are painted with light jackets of paint.
˛⁰01
Yelling at fish may make them flee but yelling at apples will make them fall off that tree. At least it worked for Mr. T.

˛⁰02
Ya c dahts de problem with you kids today, you get bored too easy. (The Joe) only gets bored when there's nothing to eat.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If an iceburg tells you, 'Come on in! The water is fine.' remember that temperature preference differs between the animate & inanimate."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about waking up late is that you may sleep long enough to see the credits to your dream.

February 2
˛⁰01
When someone tells you it's good to give, they are not talking about savage beatings or other violent acts.

˛⁰13
Never start a bet saying, "I bet you can't guess.." because anyone can guess. Instead say, "I bet you can't guess right.."

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't wreck into me."

˛⁰16
Phantom limbs are even scarier when they wear masks.

February 3
˛⁰13
One way to tell someone you have a crush on them is to say, "When I think about you I feel caterpillars in my stomach."
˛⁰01
When seeing a plastic bag blow in the wind, don't go after it because it's usually blowing across the heavily trafficated road.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "To boost their self-esteem whales stopped wearing clothes so they could always be skinny dipping."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about forearms is they are the only body part that are clearly labeled as to what they are for.

February 4
˛⁰05
Good news reverses the blues.

˛⁰13
If you're really in love with someone you won't just have butterflies in your stomach, you'll have caterpillars too because the lifespan of a butterfly is less than that of a human so for true love you'll constantly be producing new butterflies in your belly.
˛⁰01
Trees grow faster when they're small.

˛⁰02
Ever heard of a sleep-walker? No. That's because they try not to wake anyone up.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "I don't like ice breakers. I'm huge why would I like small talk?"

˛⁰16
The scary thing about your eyes is they can see you but you can never see them.

February 5
˛⁰01
Hiring a thug may help someone to get savagely beaten. Hiring a mug may help someone to drink something after they've eaten.

˛⁰02
If anyone ever tells you to put on a happy face & you see someone smiling & decide to rip their face off they nor their face will be happy anymore.

˛⁰13
Walking the plank was an effective form of execution across the board.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Simply wear a chin guard & you are ready to ride a pretend sled."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about trees is if you try to kill them they grow back & out live you.

February 6
˛⁰01
Food taste good, Results only occur when eaten.

˛⁰13
Any Tom, Dick or Harry can abbreviate his own name.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Statistics wrought by poller bears have a bias that is heavier than the bears themselves."

˛⁰16
Don't worry about what other people are thinking about you. The only thought anyone ever has about you is, "What do they think of me?"

February 7
˛⁰01
If you think you're ever wearing red glasses & don't remember putting them on you might be bleeding through the eye.

˛⁰13
Whoever came up with the Hebrew alphabet called off all bets but one.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "It's so cold where I live you can literally hold your breath underwater."
˛⁰05
Kids draw pictures but the only thing grownups draw is lottery tickets.

˛⁰16
The scary thing about pharaohs is that the first 14 pyramids were made out of ice cubes.

February 8
˛⁰01
Remember those cans in the garage aren't melted ice cream. No matter how many colors & wooden spoons there are.

˛⁰13
Everyone is as old as Methuselah just not as old as he was when he died.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Wearing snow shoes is only slightly better for crossing a bed a nails than a bed of hot coals. I suggest you use them for neither."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about toast is if you burn it, it will get its revenge by ruining your breakfast.

February 9
˛⁰01
Microwaves are not robots, so they do not count as dependents on tax forms. Even if you do feed yours everyday.

˛⁰05
Both fast & slow moving people may tell you to "hold on."

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "In the coming centuries if you ever go to an iceberg zoo, make sure to feed us iceberg lettuce to keep us from floating violently toward you."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about fingers is it only takes one to blow up the whole world.

February 10
˛⁰09
While a while is some, some while is a while longer.

˛⁰13
If you are going to try to write with chalk underwater it will be easier if it is not running water.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Not all of us Icebergs are Jewish. Some of us just married in."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about bending over in space is that it could send you into a tailspin.

February 11
˛⁰03
Sticks & stones may break your bones but that doesn't mean your bones are made out of sticks so stop rubbing your hands together, Now!

˛⁰05
Read something twice so it will sound familia

˛⁰07
You are what you eat which is why people who eat too much are called pigs and cows.
People who eat chicken are scared to eat unhealthy.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "I think you're the one that's pery."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about caves is that one is probably below you right now!

February 12

˛⁰03
People that sneeze a lot are just trying to get blessed.

˛⁰
05
You can make music without sound if you write it & no one plays it.

˛⁰07
For a loner every bye is a good bye

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Snow is not a good fertilizer."

˛⁰01
You can't peel a carrot with an ice cube.

˛⁰16
The scary thing about distractions is that they make it so this joke isn't written very well.

February 13
˛⁰01
They say that Jon Shaft is a bad mother. Although Jon Shaft is not a woman and has no children.

˛⁰02
If you ever get to the point where you can't take it anymore.... give it out.

˛⁰03
Beware! Homeless people may have houses because a house is not a home.

˛⁰07
There is no such thing as nothing.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can actually see the wind but since it keeps giving you & everyone else the cold shoulder mankind has unconsciously chosen to ignore the sight of it."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about blueberries is they are so sad they want you to eat them.

February 14

˛⁰03
The best time to teach someone how to dance is when there is snow on the ground that way they can see all the steps.

˛⁰13
"Back to basics" could mean a return to basics or a departure from basics.
˛⁰01
Disease Jelly is not a good Valentine's Day gift.

˛⁰07
Jesus is the Rock So Rock Music is good

˛⁰14
Jewish rappers should remember to proof read their emails because there is a big difference between "Oy!" & "Yo!"

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Ice fishing is best done with a net."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about commas is that they bring everything to a halt.

February 15

˛⁰02
Think Positively!
"I always fail to succeed, unless I succeed to fail"

˛⁰03
Life isn't about accomplishments. It's about eating things that shouldn't go in your mouth but are still edible.

˛⁰07
Electricity is good at meditating because it has so many ohms.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't slip on me, it tickles."

˛⁰01
You can run for position of Judge at any age.

˛⁰16
The scary thing about stars is that they are cheating on their solar systems while shining upon us & once their planets find out about this we're in big trouble.

February 16
˛⁰07
The only thing most rappers have murdered is the English language.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Last year I vacationed at the beach & lost 440,000 lbs!"
˛⁰01
When using an appliance sure the start button may seem like a good way to use it but what about the on button?

˛⁰16
Crocodile tears are scary, especially considering most tears are snail tears.

February 17
˛⁰01
Eat bread it make glass shine.

˛⁰07
A stupid cook makes Duh-licious food.

˛⁰14
Headless ghosts would bump into walls if they weren't ghosts.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't play polka near ice, it is too heartwarming."
˛⁰03
Want to become president of something but just can't be elected? Well as long as you don't have original ideas you shouldn't have to.

˛⁰16
Memories are scary because they keep track of everything you do.

February 18
˛⁰13
Those with the gift of gab also have the apprehension of abbreviated alliteration.
˛⁰07
Don't regret, regress.

˛⁰14
If you are what you eat then eat donuts because then you'll be tasty & sweet & loved by millions.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you have to shave your ice cream you shouldn't eat it."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about peaches is when they get sad everyone thinks they are still just peachy.

February 19
˛⁰02
It's hot when summer rolls around so: Killing in cold blood won't cool you off & if you ever say to yourself, "Animals shed fur to cool off maybe I should shed blood" Well, don't give it a second thought or else you might do it twice.

˛⁰03
If you ever buy brown shoes but the other shoes of the same type aren't brown, there's a bum in the store.

˛⁰07
The size of your waist line indicates how much waste you intake.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Where I come from water doesn't get ice cold, ice gets water cold."

˛⁰16
Bank vaults increase the number of home break-ins by being so secure.

February 20
˛⁰01
It is nearly over when All that is left are dime lickers & envelope glue addicts. It is completely over when people begin to eat crackers on TOAST!

˛⁰02
If anyone ever says to you 'How are you doing today?' in the morning, just say 'It is too early in the day to properly evaluate this question.'

˛⁰03
If anyone ever alludes to what will be written on your grave, don't argue for graffiti is always a possibility.

˛⁰07
At the buffet it is survival of the fittest. The fat people who eat too much die young and the fit people survive.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you don't want your snowmobile to have an accident put a diaper on it."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about your brain is that it makes a backup copy into a turnip anytime you confuse radishes with turnips.

February 21
˛⁰01
If someone asks a group of people "Is everything ok?", the person who is not ok probably can't answer due to not being ok.

˛⁰05
Due to the popularity of plastic surgery the term "picking your nose" takes on a whole new meaning.

˛⁰07
You can always afford to pay attention.

˛⁰13
Only the most confident salesmen knock on Death's door.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you think really hard while you see your breath in the arctic it will become a brief thought cloud."

˛⁰02
If you take away the 'y' in "It's all your fault" "It's all our fault"

˛⁰03
I got some confess'n this ain't no lesson.

˛⁰16
The scary thing about hamburgers is that you can get them anywhere, except the places that need them the most.

February 22
˛⁰01
If it is raining at night & you go out for a stroll in the sunshine, it won't work.

˛⁰03
When climbing a ladder here's a thing to remember.
Don't climb a ladder up a tree after someone says "timber!"

˛⁰05
Man can love gold & money it is true but those things will never love you.

˛⁰07
The first Chinese caveman was named Ug Lee.

˛⁰08
Words do hurt when you try to bite them.

˛⁰13
When the ball is in your court but you're a judge, it's time to call the bailiff.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't use ice cubes they are an affront to my kind."
˛⁰08
The reason God chastens us is because we’re running

˛⁰16
The scary thing about standing still for a long time is that a line may form behind you & you may have to lead them to greatness.

February 

˛⁰03
It is Sunday there is a thing you must learn.
Although it is called SUNday it does not mean things must burn.

˛⁰08
God caused people to lose their sight as they get older to make it easier on them when having to look in the mirror.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you're coming to see me bring some crayons. All I ever see is white & blue!"

˛⁰01
When going on a car trip the best way to ensure you get there is keep enough gas in it to not run out.

˛⁰16
The scary thing about steaks is that when the steaks are high you know they've been pumped with GMOs.

February 24
˛⁰03
When packing a Christmas box you must remember, do not give it away until late December.

˛⁰08
It is creative people who now make normal people normal.

Dial up was so slow it was as if one was dialing in the 1s & 0s manually.

˛⁰13
News stations are both great & terrible at cutting to the chase.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Penguins aren't flightless birds. They fly underwater. Hey whaddahya want from me? I'm an ice burg. I don't know the vocabulary for that underwater movin' thingy."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about atoms is that they hid in plain sight for 1,000s of years.

February 25
˛⁰02
Don't know the difference of past, present, & future? Here you go:
past- Something in front of you
Present- a form of gift
Future- a small amount of ture

˛⁰08
It is smart to scratch most itches but not all if abiding by public decency laws.

˛⁰12
I don't know why 3D is such a big deal. Before movies and television everything was in 3D.
˛⁰03
Being forced to compete in the Olympics can be stressful.
...
That is all.

˛⁰16
The scary thing about walls when a building collapses is they expect us to return the favor for leaning on them by "leaning" on us.

˛⁰14
Don't wash your pink plates with white plates. If you mix colored dishes with white dishes you'll end up with a purple monkey in the dishwasher... I think.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Santa Claus used to travel by ship but I showed him!"

February 26
˛⁰01
Just because you can work on the railroad doesn’t mean you can whistle.

˛⁰02
Getting so mad that you could dig until you find dirt isn't getting mad at all.

˛⁰03
If you're ever caught in a blizzard.. paleontologist aren't for juggling.

˛⁰08
Orange is the only sweet color.

˛⁰12
Chauffeurs make the best minions. They never steer you wrong, although if you're their boss you should be steering them.. Chauffeurs are a complex people. Mad props for life to all those chauffeurs out there. You know who you are.

˛⁰13
Your days are numbered buddy! But of course they are because everyone else's are too. Ain't you ever seen a calendar pal?

˛⁰14
Putting clogs down your garbage disposal results in a clog clog.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "Never trust a seal to open your mail."

˛⁰16
The scary thing about dinosaurs is that they actually went extinct by bullying because all the other animals called them big boned.

February 27
˛⁰01
Hoop does not mean pick.

˛⁰02
Treading on thin ice is much more dangerous than walking on it.

˛⁰03
Let something drive you crazy.
It's better to be chauffeured than to drive yourself there.

˛⁰08
The simple way to disguise a pimple is to act like it is an outie dimple.

˛⁰12
Gangs are "for life" because the lives of most gang members don't last long.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can melt the entire polar ice caps with only 9 ramen seasoning packets."

˛⁰16
Jet powered gloves give the scariest high fives.

February 28
˛⁰01
When someone gives you a gift it is better to not repay them, than to lock them in your basement, feed them nothing but bow ties until they say "I admit I'm a leprechaun."

˛⁰02
If you have a music band that is doing poorly, buying a box of band-aids won't help them. You need Neosporin®

˛⁰03
The perfect time to run in slow-motion is when it's windy out, that way it fells like you're really going fast.

˛⁰05
Memory is important so.............

˛⁰12
"Mosey! Mosey! Mosey!" has never been a chant at a race.

˛⁰15
Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can defrost anything with sunlight if you get close enough to the sun."

˛⁰16
The skeleton key to stopping bullying is to give your kid an intimidating name. No one would dare bully in a school full of kids named Thanos Norris & Rhonda Xena.

February 29
˛⁰16
The scary thing about onions is when you hack them to bits, they make you cry, even if you didn't know them very well.

The scary thing about ghosts is that there is no solid evidence that they exist.. unless this is the afterlife & we are all the ghosts of golems.

Finding a spider in the blankets is scary but finding a blanket in the spiders is a whole nuther kind o disturbing.

The scariest floors are transicerink.

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