Lessons April


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April
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30

April 1
⁰04
When the dust settles be hospitable.

⁰13
Written by an Elephant Edition:
"An elephant never... uh.. how does that saying go again?"
Well I guess elephants do forget. However, amazingly they can type with those big feet.

⁰15
The wise man orders pizza in the morning. The fool orders pizza to do his morning chores.

⁰16
The world is filled with creepy skeletons in disguise & you're one of them!

⁰17
Science is a lot like butter, it proves that butter exists.

⁰18
The more you learn, the more oak trees peek over your shoulder to cheat off your drug tests because trees are so dumb they don't know how drug tests work.

April 2
⁰01
Mastering the game of golf is difficult, but not as difficult as breathing (in outer space).
⁰01
Even a simple container busts when poorly smashed.

If you have been vitally injured & the only person to help you is your moron friend who has to call 411 to get the # for 911 you probably won't live through the night.

⁰13
Circles always make ends meet, so much so that you couldn't even tell that they once had ends.

⁰14
Disgusting grocery stores don't employ grochers, their employees are grochests.

⁰15
The doofus peels his lemon with his eyes wide open but the smarty pants never shaves with glass.

⁰16
Hippos are deadly because they aren't lively.

⁰17
A blanket is a lot like a bus on fire. If one lays on you you'll get warm & sleepy.

⁰18
Never settle for second best. Just decide in the first place to get second best because you ain't gettin best. Probably should just shoot for 7th best if we're being real here.

April 3
⁰01
Flash Forward Edition: 2036 Piemerica
These new jet packs going around may seem fun but they can give you cancer if you crash into a cancer testing center.
⁰01
???

The only way I know to get out of a cage is not getting in it.

Taking residence in a shoe improves can lake cord have seat blast crop ham yacht bone valid activity.

⁰04
Ice Cream cones can be used as hats in emergencies.

⁰15
The brainiac wears his clothes in winter but the blockhead wears winter in his clothes.

⁰16
China has more English speakers than the United States, that's why "Made in China" is never written in Chinese.

⁰17
Plastic is a lot like the Web, it's a better alternative to paper.

⁰18
If you've ever been rear ended by a cannon ball you parked too close to the pool.

April 4
⁰01
If trying to train a German Shepard it is easier when not wearing a suit made of meat.
⁰01
Drinking Books cannot buy you a house. Drinking books can however get you thrown into a mental ward.

⁰13
The moon orbits the earth, by & large.

⁰15
The clod refills his gastank with bees. But the virtuoso only fills his beetank with bees.

⁰16
A flock of crows is known as a murder & that thing you did to that guy who stopped moving forever, that's a murder too, even though you didn't see any crows nearby.

⁰17
Software is a lot like tableware, neither are used as insults.

⁰18
Don't ever say, "Can you two just agree to disagree?" because obviously, "We already agreed to disagree, that's why we're arguing. It's an unspoken agreement."

April 5
⁰01
Hands are no match for zcalvs, the 1,600 B.C. name for hands.

⁰04
The hardest lesson to learn is the one given by us.

⁰13
It's easier to turn over a new leaf than it is to leave no stone left unturned.

⁰14
It is good to have neighbors from hell because it means they are on their way up in life. Coming from hell is much better than going to hell. It's hard to escape hell. You have to win a fiddln' contest.

⁰15
The nincompoop keeps all of his eggs in one carton but the maven hides his eggs throughout his yard more than once a year.

⁰16
Fingernails never stop growing. That means one day they'll be mature enough to accept you for who you are, someone who has a really itchy butt.

⁰17
Leaves are a lot like candied yams, they're both terrible to use as forks.

⁰18
Don't be alarmed if your sentence has a late period It's just a ty.po, you didn't get it pregnant.

April 6
⁰01
Cars cannot fly so stay away from that downed bridge.

Busy People have a problem with not being able to turn into sugar.

Cats can see at night, by this I conclude many people sleep at night.

Paint does not wash windows well.

Cans don't bleed unless they are full of blood.

Giant rocks can't swim.

⁰04
Roads don't hit back.

⁰01
A chemical reaction

if you are looking for answers first you need questions.

16%

⁰13
Clown is the perfect occupation for cross dressers.

⁰13
Tall walls fall & make ya drop ya jaw when it's on y'all.

Summer salt & seasoning salt is the same thing.

⁰14
Hammock reviewers never review how well hammocks hold their liquor.

⁰15
The pundit will buy watermelons with change whether sticky or loose. But the desperate ignoramus will try to split logs with chop sticks.

⁰16
No two snowflakes are exactly alike, that is until they've melted, after that you can't tell them apart.

⁰17
A shadow is a lot like a teacup, if the shadow is the shadow of a teacup.

⁰18
Soon spring cleaning will take place in every season due to Omega Battlebot maintenance requirements. "Clean our springs every season to keep you safe from toast bats so we can eat em. Then we'll reconstitute the toasts in our bellies & poop them out covered in choice jellies."

April 7
⁰02
Old mayonnaise may be wiser than new mayonnaise but new mayonnaise won't give a life defying disease.

Signs that say "soliciting not welcome" do not prohibit soliciting. It just means the people are impolite.

⁰04
Always stay close to the door & don't ask me "What for?"

⁰13
Thick fog can lead to thick log.

⁰14
In evolutionism stew made Stu. In creationion Stu made you, but later changed His name to Jesus.

⁰15
The Stanislaus has an extensive vocabulary & spells the word HAM nicely but the Bubba couldn't spell the word toast with a hammer.

⁰16
I is the shortest word that is typed with only the right hand.

⁰17
Squirrels are a lot like mops, you can use both to dent mailboxes.

⁰18
You can buy that old factory for cheap & make lots of money if you turn it into a rust factory.

April 8
⁰02
Shoes protect your feet but aren't good to eat unless they're filled with food.
⁰02
If you're cry'n so much you're die'n drink some water.

If you ever find yourself in a tree & you want to get out of it just make sure you don't C a B or else it'll be a different letter.

If you're gonna kill make sure to thrill. That way people won't get as mad.

Feeling dirty? Then get off your soap box because that's where your soap is.

⁰04
Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

⁰13
A drug addict’s favorite time of day is high noon.

More school kids use high lighters than it may seem by looking at their notes.

⁰14
Despite some Americans despising illegal aliens Mexicans amazingly have diplomatic immunity on most planets.

⁰15
The dignitarious doyen captures monkeys in cages but the pulp headed pupil irons apes instead of hiring a stylist.

⁰16
Hundreds of cannibals die of starvation every day but then they are eaten by the other cannibals so everything works out.

⁰17
Mist is a lot like fog but misty eyed & foggy eyed are very different.

⁰18
It is only cool to act a fool in a school if you are playing the fool in a play.

April 9
⁰02
Popsicles will never stop being popular unless the name is changed.

Whenever you think to yourself "the only way to sop is with a mop?" You should think "I'm an idiot with no life because why should I ask myself a statement that's so true."

Computers are afraid of dogs because in a way they have become mail men.

When fishing with a pine cone there's always gonna be a little bit of sorrow from the seal.
⁰02  Flash Forward Edition!:
You may think that tele vision is going away but you probably haven't heard of the new hypnotic contact lense

If you're going to put on a purple noose at least try to look stylish.

⁰13
Money can be expensive so that is why it is important to save.

⁰13
If you have a yellow belly that means you eat too much butter.

Pharmacist will prescribe you medicine because farms didn't insist you eat vegetables.

⁰15
The schmuck stores his winter coat in a freezer but the science-noggin uses mannequins as ringers in freeze tag.

⁰16
11% of the world is left-handed, 89% is right-handed, 1% is ambidextrous.

⁰17
Nails are a lot like lettuce, they both have heads that don't wear hats.

⁰18
You have to be really fast to catch a wave because people only wave from far away.

April 10
⁰02
Hailing a cab is sacrilegious.

If you cover your ears before something loud happens w-ho are you to tell the future?

You're really selfish when you don't even share coughs & sneezes.
⁰02
If someone asks you to go fencing with them & you bring your sword. Just run the guy through for being so culturally insensitive.

When a baby leaks some call it an accident. When a car leaks the hole is plugged.

⁰13
Take pictures of gum it'll last longer.

⁰15
The goon wears umbrellas on his feet but the graduate strategically hangs umbrellas from balloons for hands free dryness.

⁰16
All porcupines float in water, except the bald ones with holes in them.

⁰17
Santa is a lot like furniture. If you're the one sitting everything is fine. If you're the one being sat on, there's a problem.

⁰18
Be the best you you can be. You set the bar for being you. So the best you you could be could be you doing absolutely nothing. Loophole!

April 11
⁰02
I trained the train to run me over. I was sad to see it go.

If 47 plateaus won't make you smile... then you probably don't like plateaus.

When you are sick here's a trick, "eat poison"
⁰02
It is impossible to stand at the end of a line because a line never ends.

You like lessOns? Well I'll tell you one thing that won't lessEn...my weight.

Getting hit in the head with a hammer & not getting a head ache usually means you are no longer alive.

Almond sized teapots do not contain plant ripped mobile homes, just stationary.

Rock malfunction? There's nothing you can do.

⁰13
Even though they are called 'waiters' we are the ones waiting.

⁰14
If you are a shady person lose some weight so you won't cast as much shade.

⁰15
The fitness guru works out frequently but the laziness guru doesn't have to buy socks as often.

⁰16
The average Kodiak Marmoset laughs zero times a day.

⁰17
Pine needles are a lot like marbles, they aren't good salad ingredients.

⁰18
Stand next to catering on a set with bad actors so every time the director says, "Take two..." you can gank some gooey goods.

April 12
⁰02
If you're ever walking down the street & a bum begins talking, hurry away for it will stink there soon.

When someone says "bombs away" there's no need to worry bombs are not near.

Fortune cookies will not make one rich unless the fortune says "you will become rich" not "your well became wretch."
⁰02
Attempting to do something is not hard. Being successful at doing that is.

Paranoid people need not worry about aliens enslaving the entire human race as long as they do not run in competitiveness.

If storing corn in a shed don't shed the corn 1st.

Making a time machine is easy. Take apart a clock & put it back together.

Planting a radish garden? Make sure to not use varnish soaked land mines.

If you think winter is cold just wait till after fall then it will be cold.

Rabbit sculptures look like rabbits but if carved up enough will look as something else.

If someone ever tells you to "clean up that spill" but you don't see a spill.. spill something on them. Then they'll say "This bucket of rice develops faster than film. After all soft celery does clean up in an random assortment. Picking up the slime coat of a single pant. Rhetorical rock pile sat up in bluish gloom of a crane kite monolithic memory...." Wait, that's if (The Joe) talks to you.

⁰04
If you are ever late don't worry but instead be in a hurry.

⁰10
Every day is a new day.. except yesterday and all the days before it. So really today is the only new day.

News is ok but of course no news is good news right?

Being caught on fire isn't as bad as being caught while on fire because there is more than one person involved in the second situation.

If you are pessimistic about pessimism you are an optimist.

Preflexes are better than reflexes.

There are stupid questions but stupid questions are better than stupid statements.

⁰15
The esteemed expert explicates entertainingly. The goof uses "goof" as an insult.

⁰16
The deathspan of a fruit fly is 1 moment.

⁰17
Advice is a lot like a flier, it's amazing if you can get someone to take yours.

⁰18
If someone calls you a loser say, "Won one & I'm done. It was fun but I no longer wanna run. It was nice but the shoes aren't worth the price. I'm gonna hit the snooze instead of watch the news. Retire on a win & I'm a winner for life. My joy is rife. Takes one to mistake one, loser."

April 13
⁰02
Take a map of your nap you'll be surprised where you have gone.

Don't polish a match book with gasoline.

Don't let a pouch scare you. Only be afraid of 2 pouches.

Wrinkled pieces of paper aren't old they just smoke a lot.

Don't shoot a canteen it's frightened by flashes.

If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.
⁰02
Organizing a mile's worth of dirt is a pointless task.

Walking on a rafter will make you feel alive unless you stop walking the bad way.

Don't go on a trip because public urination is illegal.

Living in a buffer zone is dangerous when laying down.

If you break something before you get it wet, the water won't hurt it.

⁰10
People use the phrase "out like a light' but if a light is out it isn't a light anymore.

The S in Swell stands for super. Swell means super well.

Trying is better than dying unless you are trying to die.

A blem is like a minor problem y'know like a blemish.
A problem is like a pro blem it has been professionally hired to bug you.

While falling down the stairs is bad falling up the stairs is much worse because it indicates that either gravity has changed or you are in something that is upside down.

Most entertainment is crap because there are about a trillion stars per person yet no film or record gets more than 5 stars.

⁰15
The intellectual charms his or her constituents. The illiterate uses Lucky Charms to buy mice in Cardif, Wales.

⁰16
A cat's purring doesn't echo in outerspace.

⁰17
Oranges are a lot like sinks, neither rhyme with rail.

⁰18
Being sarcastic is Great. It's not annoying AT all.

April 14
⁰04
When competing on a game show, remember nothing is real.
05
Calm is always easy before the storm.

⁰10
Age is a state of mind, the state of how old your mind is.

A photo ID can confirm your identity. Your face can confirm that you own a photo ID.

When someone requests "Listen to me." they are only referring to verbal communication and not other noises they may make.

A good idea is to put a pillow in your backpack. It will give you comfort while standing and walking like you never thought possible. Putting a backpack in your pillow is not a good idea unless you have already put a pillow in your backpack.

The great thing about performing stunts in a wheelchair is that if you get hurt you already have a wheelchair.

⁰15
The mixer modulates publicly but the monk high-fives in private.

⁰16
98% of Japanese are cremated, the other 2% are still alive.

⁰17
Rolls are a lot like everything, they taste better in soup.

⁰18
Pop the answer. Every time you answer "Yes" react as if you're saying yes to someone popping the question. Just start crying & hugging them then shakily hold your ring finger out. "You want fries with that?" "Yes!..." But when you get proposed to for real it will be suspect. "You act like that for everything are you sure you really want to get married?" "Yes!..." "Here we go again!" (Heart Wipe to black)

April 15
09
The past always seems like more fun than the present but only because the past is much longer.

⁰10
Fun Food Fact:  Humans invented pizza in the past.
⁰10
Jealousy turns enemies into rivals.

The common usage of mirrors solidify the backwards views of some.

An excellent way to earn quick cash is to rent out space in your wallet.

Wow! Now this lesson is something! Of course almost anything is something.

England is the easiest place in the world to lose pounds.

When you use the phrase "More or less" you cover all possible options.

Fun Food Fact:  God invented fruit on the third day.

⁰15
The buffoon only knows the names of 5 colors but the boffo can color her hair a realistic red.

⁰16
"Hello" is a quote from 4,600+ movies.

⁰17
Blood is a lot like water, it's better to use a filter before you drink it out of a tap.

⁰18
If you ever get lost in a big big big field just start digging cause there's bound to be a city on the other side of the earth with an airport.

April 16
⁰09
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't, if you don't have a horse.

⁰10
Here's a good 1.

If you don't not not have nobody it is because you are too negative!

Wheels were put on desk chairs because too many lazy people would lean over and fall out of their chairs to reach for things instead of getting up.

Every moment is the greatest moment of itself.

Claw hammers cannot be used properly by clawed animals.

Manliness has gone from taming wild animals that roar to controlling inanimate engines that roar.

⁰13
At revivals Methodists use the sprinkler system to accept people into the church.

⁰15
The binger stops a headache with pills but the Blargg prevents headaches caused by pounding plumbers by living in lava.

⁰16
There are more than 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building. Why they're just sitting in the basement is anyone's guess.

⁰17
A bucket of water is a lot like a man holding a glass of Easter eggnog, if you juggle them, they'll both spill.

⁰18
At least have the bare minimum of decorum, don't scratch your belches as they come out of your mouth.

April 17
⁰09
Anyone can be an amputee but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.

⁰10
People sometimes say "Cheers!" before drinking an alcoholic beverage. This is funny because what they are drinking is actually booze.

When someone invites you to their home and refers to you as company they are hinting that their relationship with you is not personal.

Cursive handwriting is rarely used to write curses. This is interesting because the formal look to the writing makes one wish to oblige to its otherwise violently forceful suggestion.
Go bite an orange sandwich you cantaloupe twisting wrench handler!!

Being fortunate is having unexpected good fortune or being lucky. Being unfortunate is being unlucky. But unfortunate is really just less than fortunate so it could just be regular fortune instead of bad fortune.

One day you'll get older and that day is today, tomorrow, and all the days after that.

Trains are invisible except for the solid parts.

⁰15
The prudent lad buries his comicbooks in mylar but the improvident chum buries his groceries behind the fence at the police station impound lot.

⁰16
Earthworms have 5 hearts. Their Valentine's Day cards are insane.

⁰17
Roosters are a lot like crows, they both crow in the morning.

⁰18
You get candles on your birthday & if you die tragically enough candles on your deathday (observed).

April 18
⁰09
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but only if the beholder's eyes are beautiful.

⁰13
If you're out of shape go back inside.

⁰14
5 armed Zeidslurtz was excited to visit earth to participate in high-fives because on his planet beings only have 4 hands. His Omnegtolitum-English dictionary misled him however & he was greatly disappointed in we two-handed humans. He was going to destroy the earth until he saw someone giving away free kittens in a shopping parking lot. He know lives in Normal, IL enjoying petting his 5 kitties.

⁰15
The erudite homeowner uses Liquid Plumber. The dumbudolt homeowner calls a plumber & melts him despite having no plumbing issue.

⁰16
Slugs have 4 noses & so does the average dad.

⁰17
Gymnasts are a lot like fugitives. It's particularly exciting when they jump off of something.

⁰18
Don't be lazy, always finish what you st

April 19
⁰09
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, except when your child goes missing.

⁰13
Not even sunglasses could make the sun look cool.

⁰15
The mindscaper male portends pugilation but the Macho Man drops elbows from the top rope. OOOOH YEEAH!

⁰16
The average American never takes a single survey to determine what is considered average in America.

⁰17
Doctors are a lot like lunch meat, they can both fit between properly sized slices of bread.

⁰18
If you ever get robbed go to the Lord in prayer & pray that that no good sucker doesn't get.. tasted because it could make the thief think, "Eww-w this sucker is yucker!" Then his pet ewe will be be like, "You talking trash about me?" & he'll be like, "No, it was eww like eww yuck." Then the Ewe will get mad & use the time machine her owner stole to kill the person that named ewes "ewes." And that person was your great great great grand..son who owned/will own a time machine too & if he dies the writer of Babe will get stumped & not finish the screenplay & that means they'll be no Babe: Pig in the City!

April 20
⁰04
Look both ways before you cross the street because you never know what you may step in.

⁰13
If you ever think to yourself "It is hot as Hell in here" you probably died.

⁰15
The protester may sound like an optimist but is actually a pessimist. The antitester however is pro protests ending.

⁰16
1 in 400 chickens is a human who was successfully hypnotized into a full species transition.

⁰17
Eyeballs are a lot like cue balls. They are both alphabet based balls which do not contain the letter they sound like.

⁰18
In the city, standing while looking through binoculars & drooling is creepy but walking while looking through binoculars & drooling isn't creepy at all.

April 21
⁰09
If you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth your mother didn't understand proper prenatal nutrition.

⁰13
Offering people coins is a good way to get them to change.

⁰15
The old hand shakes hands to improve his status but the young hand literally rubs elbows until he is asked to leave.

⁰16
The human body is comprised of 80% water, most of which are the tears we hold back.

⁰17
Windows are a lot like whips, if you crack them you'll feel a breeze.

⁰18
When winter beats fall, fall makes a comeback & beats summer, then summer makes a comeback & beats spring, then spring makes a comeback & beats winter. Then oregano is like, "People eat me all year long, I'm the real champ!" Then all the seasons of the year give oregano a savage beating.

April 22
⁰04
If you have a fear of failure you might as well just stay scared.

⁰13
Kitty cats' favorite types of instruments are stringed.

⁰14
Invisible question marks are true question marks because their existence is questionable. But how could they be "marks" if you can't see them?

⁰15
The learned only indulge in candy as often as YOU think they should. The lout thinks the 1st M in M&M's stands for B & the 2nd M stands for lower case b.

⁰16
The cheese slice was invented in the 13th century & modeled after the sun which was then believed to be a flat square.

⁰17
Fingers are a lot like missiles, if you point 'em at the wrong place people could blow up.

⁰18
If you find a book on your shelf that you don't recognize throw it into the air & if it flies away it's actually an oversized bat hat.

April 23
05
One of the worst ways to taste da feet is to get kicked in da mouth.

13
The cheese stands alone because it cuts itself.

14
A relationship with counting can easily last forever.

15
The architect uses CAD software to create blueprints. The airhead eats blueberries to create blueprints & demands a refund when the prints turn out to be purple.

⁰16
Just 23 bars of soap can produce enough suds to fill the entire Grand Canyon.. gift shop.

⁰17
Zippers are a lot like alligator mouths, they're scariest when opened.

⁰18
If you ever get caught wearing your tin foil hat just yell, "I'm not crazy man! I'm wearing this because I just escaped from a cannibal's oven!"

April 24
⁰09
If you're eaten out of house and home don't build your house out of gingerbread next time.

⁰13
The sky is blue all day and wears black at night. It must be depressed, possibly because it looks beat up.

⁰14
Toasters are where toasts have their funerals. Our butter & plates are their afterlife.

⁰15
The magician sets things on fire only to entertain. The moron sets things IN fire repeatedly because he keeps trying to set things ON fire.

⁰16
A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime. I bet you thought they used buckets.

⁰17
Outer space is a lot like a negotiation, both are a lot more exciting in movies.

⁰18
Domestic flowers are not pansies (unless they're pansies). "All I need is a pot or a bed, one or the other, I don't need both."

April 25
⁰13
When the mob throws someone in the river there is plenty of concrete evidence.

Chicken pox is still better for you than chicken nuggets.

⁰14
Deserts do have trees but when you're not looking invisible palm trees eat all of the other trees, roots & all.

⁰15
The inordinate dress in a revealing manner. The bordinate wear clothing with their revealing blog posts printed on them.

⁰16
A small child could swim through the veins of a blue whale. Why this hasn't been made into a video game remains a mystery.

⁰17
Scarves are a lot like cosplaying pythons, soft.

⁰18
Going outside in the rain will really make that VR stroll in the rain app come to life. And walking out into a war zone will really make that VR getting shot & falling down app come to life by making you come to death.

April 26
⁰13
The early bird gets the worm. This principle is also why your dogs & cats should sleep in.

Big business leads to big consumers.

⁰14
Kids who grow up on a farm have more expected of them because so many other things grow on a farm thus just simply growing is not as impressive.

⁰15
Greats pen memorable messages. Giddiots photobomb the blind.

⁰16
There are more plastic flamingos in the U.S that there are real ones. There are also more plastic ninja turtles than real ones.

⁰17
A camera is a lot like a bank vault. If you touch your eye to one you'll soon have a picture taken.

⁰18
People with a short attention spa▯ ▯▯▯▯'▯ ▯▯▯▯ ▯hat was said in the middle of this lesson.

April 27
⁰03
Instead of being interesting I'm just resting.
⁰03
If people's skulls were transparent some people would be embarrassed.

It's easy to be a pickpocket just choose.

Never Invite the paparazzi to a party with balloons.

⁰04
The best storage container is the one that can contain your love for storing things.

⁰15
The wittish buys a plane ticket to an island paradise. The wumpus removes the seeds from a strawberry, fills a hat with dirt, & leaves the hat on the floor.

⁰16
There are more clocks in this world than there are hours in a day.

⁰17
Drawers are a lot like mouths, if you shut 'em people can't see the clothes. So, shut yo mouth! Or people will know you've been eating clothes.

⁰18
All animals become friends after you lock them in a close quarters cage together. Once they kill each other they're like, "Wow heaven is awesome! Thanks for helping me get here!" Animals killing each other is nature's way so all animals that commit animacide automatically go to heaven. When pickles die their spirits split in two & one goes to pickle heaven & the other goes to cucumber hell.

April 28
⁰03
The one thing the past has taught me is that time goes by.
⁰04
Don't be afraid of trees but instead the bees near by.

The things I am reminded of the most are memories.

When I'm looking at my folder I have a paper view.

⁰15
The thinker disparages bandanas. The thunker deeply searches Amazon for solodanas.

⁰16
Vegetables grown in Alaska grow gigantic due to longer exposure to the sun. Vegetables grown on the sun are planet sized & already cooked. Yummerific!

⁰17
Typewriters are a lot like mailmen, they both bring you letters.

⁰18
The boy who cried wolf made the wolf cry once the wolf heard about his reputation being sullied.

April 29
⁰03
If your puppet cries put it in the dryer.

Vampire bats make great hats. The problem is they want to be necklaces.

When planning for the future use a calendar. When planning for the past.. don't plan for the past.
⁰13
Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots inspired Tom Cruise’s role in Risky Business

⁰17
Flowers are a lot like corpses, they don't move much when a bee lands on 'em.

If your water cries throw it on the fire.

An excellent way to start a diet is to eat glue.

When face to face with a dastardly salesman don't nod.

⁰04
Never take a wild stab in the dark.

⁰13
The grass is always greener when you sneeze.

⁰14
Wrenches can help build but cannot build other wrenches.

⁰15
The thrifty superficial hunt for clothing deals in stores. The thrifty stuperficial look for clothing deals in decks of cards.

⁰16
Dogs are colorblind. That's why you never see any K9 art critics.

⁰18
All the class's completed assignments are passed up to the teacher. Teachers get things done.

April 30
⁰03
Rituals can become ritualistic so spice it up by setting pepper on fire & throwing it in your face.

When crashing a car on purpose remember you are crashing a car on purpose!

"Home is where the heart is" does not mean to cut out people's hearts & live there or sell them, you real-estate agents you.

If tea isn't your cup of tea.. thermos maybe?...

If you want to beat someone up, beat up a mime. They can't yell for help or tell on you.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em.. unless they're beating you.

Money isn't everything, if it was everything would look the same.
⁰01
The only way to truly lie on a bridge is to get hit by a car. Then you are lying flat on the bridge.

⁰03
If you plan to eat turkey on thanksgiving, it has been done.

If bees had fleas I think I would sneeze.

The best time to catch a thief is daylight savings time say, "Don't forget to give back my clock."

Sweep a vacuum. Vacuum a broom.

Bright light can burn the skin. No light can burn within.

If your moth likes cucumber shoes & you don't have light serf, buff your floor with mashed up salmon hair until the dog eats an envelope of varnish & then tackle an infected tree.

⁰04
Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

⁰15
The bequeather passes down money to his family. The dequeather passes croquet mallets upfield at senior tee-ball games.

⁰16
Over 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows. That number is expected to rise significantly next month, when flying cars become the norm.

⁰17
A pet turtle is a lot like a taco, it has a hard shell & it upsets you when it spills your cheese.

⁰18
If second place is the first place loser then second to last place is first place not last place.

January, February, March, April, MayJuneJuly, August, September, October, NovemberDecember

House


































April Lesson Mania II Book Rejects:
Even a simple container busts when poorly smashed.

???

Drinking Books cannot buy you a house. Drinking books can however get you thrown into a mental ward.

A chemical reaction

if you are looking for answers first you need questions.

16%

Clown is the perfect occupation for cross dressers.

If you're cry'n so much you're die'n drink some water.

Flash Forward Edition!:
You may think that tele vision is going away but you probably haven't heard of the new hypnotic contact lenses.

If you're going to put on a purple noose at least try to look stylish.

Money can be expensive so that is why it is important to save.

If someone asks you to go fencing with them & you bring your sword. Just run the guy through for being so culturally insensitive.

When a baby leaks some call it an accident. When a car leaks the hole is plugged.

It is impossible to stand at the end of a line because a line never ends.

You like lessOns? Well I'll tell you one thing that won't lessEn...my weight.

Attempting to do something is not hard. Being successful at doing that is.

Paranoid people need not worry about aliens enslaving the entire human race as long as they do not run in competitiveness.

Organizing a mile's worth of dirt is a pointless task.

Walking on a rafter will make you feel alive unless you stop walking the bad way.

Don't go on a trip because public urination is illegal.

Living in a buffer zone is dangerous when laying down.

If you break something before you get it wet, the water won't hurt it.

Calm is always easy before the storm.

Jealousy turns enemies into rivals.

The common usage of mirrors solidify the backwards views of some.

If people's skulls were transparent some people would be embarrassed.

Don't be afraid of trees but instead the bees near by.

Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots inspired Tom Cruise’s role in Risky Business

Flowers are a lot like corpses, they don't move much when a bee lands on 'em.

The only way to truly lie on a bridge is to get hit by a car. Then you are lying flat on the bridge.

If you plan to eat turkey on thanksgiving, it has been done.

If bees had fleas I think I would sneeze.

The best time to catch a thief is daylight savings time say, "Don't forget to give back my clock."

Sweep a vacuum. Vacuum a broom.

Bright light can burn the skin. No light can burn within.

Original Versions of Changed Lessons:
4/6
Tall walls fall and make you drop your jaw when it's on y'all.

4/8
Shoes protect your feet but they aren't good to eat unless they're filled with food.

4/11
When you are sick here's a trick "eat poison"

4/16
At revivals Methodists use the sprinkler system to accept people in the church.

4/22
If you have a fear of failure you mind as well just stay scared.

Invisible question marks are true question marks because their existence is questionable.

4/23
Just 23 bars of soap can produce enough suds to fill the entire Grand Canyon gift shop.

4/24
The sky is blue all day and wears black at night it must be depressed, possibly because it looks beat up.

4/29
The thrifty superficial hunt for clothing deals at stores. The thrifty stuperficial look for clothes in decks of cards.

4/30
"Home is where the heart is" does not mean to cut out people's hearts & live there or sell them you real-estate agents you.