Lessons June


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June
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30

June 1
²⁰07
All you need to do to be ahead of the curve is to see the signs.

²⁰13
Fraternities have punch lines without the jokes while hazing.

²⁰14
Cameras let us capture moments but moments aren't domesticated so sometimes moments capture us back.

²⁰15
Soon TVs will start to watch us back & promptly wish they could change the channel.

²⁰16
Soon shredded cheese will let itself go & become cottage cheese.

²⁰17
Soon ovens will prank us by screaming, "Ow! That's hot! Get me out of here! I'm trapped! Help!!"

²°18
India gets more jobs because they have more babies then we do. So get bizaay.

June 2
²⁰09
Don't let the cat out of the bag or people will know you're not a good pet owner.

²⁰13
The underground music scene tends to be darker.

²⁰15
Soon salmon will start preventing forest fires just to make Smokey look like an idiot.

²⁰16
Soon the vegetables you refused to eat as a kid will call you from their deathbeds to thank you for allowing them to lead long, rich lives.

²⁰17
Soon all newspapers will be oldspapers.

²°18
Most likely is not at all likely.

June 3
²⁰05
Life sure would suck if the wind didn't blow

²⁰13
Lurch went to church because it rang.

²⁰14
There are so many colors that don't exist.

²⁰15
Soon other brands of food will have names similar to I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®, such as:  I Can Totally Believe It's Not Charred Cantaloupe®, I Would Like to Believe It Doesn't Contain Pig Anus Hotdogs®, I'm Having Trouble Believing It's Taste is Worth It Ricecakes®, & I Believe This is Tasty But Don't Believe in God Atheikosher Pickles.

²⁰16
Soon people will not only sneak into movie theaters but also into the homes of Netflix subscribers.

²⁰17
Soon all hoaxes will be revealed as truth and all truth as hoax, including that last thing.

²°18
That's.
^That's beside the point

June 4
²⁰03
Keep your friends close & your enemies closer. And no, fat people that doesn't mean eat them.

²⁰13
Teasing hair can be a good thing or a bad thing.

²⁰14
If your school chooses the right font you'll always make straight A's.

²⁰15
Soon it will be revealed that all silent prank calls were made by lonely mutes.

²⁰16
Soon shadow boxing will be called Wi-Fi punching.

²⁰17
Soon jellyfish will finally accept a sponsorship from Jello® & be called Jellofish®.

²°18
The best way to win a race is to hire a patsy to feign injury. That will slow all the other racers down so you can go for the goal.

June 5
²⁰04
Hopes are like ropes, they can help you get to the top yet they can also hang you.

²⁰
13
Open minded people need surgery.

²⁰
15
Soon smooth peanut butter will be outlawed for wooing people into becoming PBsexuals.

²⁰16
Soon cats will become even lazier. Instead of walking in front of us to trip us they will bat marbles towards our feet to trip us from afar.

²⁰17
Soon tacos will come out of their shells when the earth's axis tilts further. Yeah yeah seasons would get messed up too, but our taco meat!

²°18
The fools who oppose meat with GMOs don't know that GMOs will lead to animal sentience & liberation. So eat em while you can!

June 6
²⁰04
You can get away with anything using an or.

²⁰05
If you keep believing in luck you're out of luck.

²⁰13
It is no justice when your to-go drink is just ice.

You can have your appetite curbed by a diet pill and still be curved afterwards.

²⁰14
When you haven't seen someone in eight years say, "You haven't aged a bit, it's more like a byte."

²⁰15
Soon Hollywood will go bankrupt after a boycott of films with "Rise of" or "Resurrection" in the title.

²⁰16
Soon a "Why?" button will appear alongside the Google Search button to help parents answer their toddlers' questions.

²⁰17
Soon broken elevators will have spiral escalators placed in their shafts.

²°18
If you are thinking about becoming a cannibal just remember that human beings only come in one flavor so eat as few people as possible, ok?

June 7
²⁰09
Everything is easy if you don't do it.

²⁰13
The best way to get to the root of a problem is to use a lumber jack.

²⁰15
Soon the tatthree will replace the tattoo because it will come with bluetooth.

²⁰16
Soon the lion will lay down with the lamb because the nation's zoos will become overcrowded.

²⁰17
Soon apes will fully evolve into humans & the only way to tell us & the genetically identical race of new humans apart is that they will continue to refuse to wear clothes.

²°18
Always have your company's hold music performed live. "Quick get the pianist over here, I've gotta put this guy on hold!"

June 8
²⁰09
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen or just open the fridge.

²⁰13
When we start living under the sea high-pressure salesman will be even worse.

²⁰15
Soon cell phones will again be called mobile phones. They will have legs & they will come when we call.

²⁰16
Soon voice recognition software will be needlessly replaced by expensive typing drones.

²⁰17
Soon mops will vacation in chicken buckets.

²°18
Backe in thee olde daes watere didn't run, it just flowede.

The ocean is made of a billion waterbirds that will one day leave us high & dry.

June 9
²⁰09
Sometimes life really stinks but death always smells worse.

²⁰13
A cuckoo clock is when someone is hit on the head & it makes him or her crazy.

People who are double crossed the right way become stars.

²⁰14
It is customary in some non-Tuvaluan cultures for the parents of the bride to put a wedge in-between the bride & groom, a grapefruit wedge. This was the only way Maori businesswomen could sell any fruit because in Piemerican Ecuador you can pick fruit for free provided you have arms or toes.

²⁰15
Soon shoes will rise up & become stinky hats.

²⁰16
Soon the criteria for a species being endangered will be if every member of the species can fit into a clown car.

²⁰17
Soon drones will deliver all mail, even email. It will be so financially wasteful that poor people will become furious & conquer the rich Ewok style.

²°18
All good things come to an end. Good things ends with the letter s. Bad things are misspelled, thnsgi.

June 10
²⁰13
It's easy to catch a train because it leaves tracks everywhere it goes.
²⁰05
Strictness creates restriction

²⁰14
Oven mitts were in fact designed to be used to catch ovens. They are smooth & fingerless to prevent you from actually catching an oven that has been thrown. They help the oven slip safely through your hands because no one's back & knees could handle catching an oven.

²⁰15
Soon machetes will find everyday kitchen usage after linoleum becomes fertile.

²⁰16
Soon the Michelin Man will marry the Goodyear Blimp & she will lay balloons as eggs.

²⁰17
Soon ghosts will throw awesome parties for themselves called FUNerals.

²°18
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb little lamb. Mary had a little lamb with mashed potatoes as a side.

June 11
²⁰05
Feelings are like the cherry on top or the poo on yo shoe
Depending on whether good or bad

²⁰13
Fireworks don't always work but fire works every time.

²⁰14
Caren was named after her attitude because she cared that she was born. Bill was named because his parents had no insurance. Greg was named because his parents liked dog marmoset hybrids. Now you know who you are Greg.

²⁰15
Soon people will stop saying "sooner or later" because sooner is still always later. In its place will be, "sooner or less sooner."

²⁰16
Soon humans from another dimension will visit us but because their dimension is so small, we’ll never know it.

²⁰17
Soon trapezists will juggle flapjacks in mid-air & even more impressively juggle loose syrup.

²°18
Think outside the box, real hoarders don't use boxes, chump!

June 12
²⁰05
People who live life in the fast lane travel in RVs.

²⁰13
Business damages caused during a bar fight can be repaired with scotch tape.

²⁰14
Without net neutrality web browsers would be more like web ration lines.

²⁰15
Soon flying cars will be getting stuck in your potato salad.

²⁰16
Soon dropping the mic will extend to boom mics & thousands will die.

²⁰17
Soon hashtagging will be called pounding.

²°18
When a leaf falls on ice it's not because it slipped.

June 13
²⁰05
Seeing is believing, that you're not blind.

²⁰13
Dogs & cats didn't used to be enemies until they started watching cartoons.

²⁰15
Soon all payphones will have cameras too as photo booth makers & phone booth makers join "forces."

²⁰16
Soon dinosaurs will return from outer space to look for a lost set of keys.

²⁰17
Soon wills will become so powerful that you can legally leave things you don't own to people. The result, genocide.

²°18
Film an out of focus camera with an out of focus camera with your eyes out of focus. Why? I don't know, I haven't thought of a reason. Sorry, this lesson doesn't have any focus.

June 14
²⁰05
Cars are always exhausted when on the go.

²⁰13
Kangaroos are the best at growing leaps & bounds.

²⁰14
Everyone has friends in low places because the ground is a low place & we all live here.

²⁰15
Soon many sports will cease to exist after all spheres evolve into a new 5D without any of the Ds being the 3 we know & love.

²⁰16
Soon Peter Pan will take all of his peanut butter back to Neverland.

²⁰17
Soon dancing will be outlawed & Prancing will be inlawed after his sister finally gets married. Also prancing will become the mandatory form of perambulation.

²°18
Money would be a lot more funny if nickels were named cadmium, pennies were called paninis & trains were call panini presses.

June 15
²⁰13
If you ever lose your eyeballs the best place to look for them is.. oops sorry.
²⁰05
Hind sight is 20-20 if you like what you see.

²⁰14
Beach is Peach with a gut.

²⁰15
Soon firefighting will be fighting like prowrestling is fighting. Our firefighter heroes will begin to work together with the villainous fire we love to boo to put on a good show.

²⁰16
Soon some w's mill identify as m's.

²⁰17
Soon an amazing caveman artist will travel to the present & say, "What? My work didn't survive? Just because I painted on the rocks outside the cave!?"

²°18
Wild goose chases are harder than domesticated goose chases because you can just stand there & hug the goose cage.

June 16
²⁰13
Single people, live everyday as though it were the last day of your life. Even better married guys, live everyday as though it were the first day of your wife.
²⁰05
The future always waits.

²⁰14
If you're ever wearing cleats on a basketball court.. you might be a foreign exchange student who signed up for the wrong sport.

²⁰15
Soon roosters will unite for a global alarm clock heist.

²⁰16
Soon other seasonings will be added to the ocean & we’ll all have fish soup.

²⁰17
Soon many heptagons will announce that they are transshape making the jobs of triangle realtors nearly impossible.

²°18
Why going down a rabbit hole was the winning expression is anyone's guess. Mole hole rhymes, it should be the best.

June 17
²⁰13
When someone wins millions of dollars there are many screams & hollas.
²⁰05
If you don't apply what you learn then you really haven't learned anything.

²⁰14
Though similar to the electric blanket, the electric shirt never caught on because of their slogan, "Put on the back burner!"

²⁰15
Soon Disney will send marketing messages to fetuses through ultrasounds.

²⁰16
Soon armies of the world will unite against history's greatest foe, illiteracy.

²⁰17
Soon everyone will forget to wear green on St. Patrick's Day & all of that pinching will start World War III, which won't be nation against nation, but every man for himself in a world wide battle royale.

²°18
Stupid teen birds. They're need to get off their phones & stop tweeting to each other all the time & start tweeting to each other again.

June 18
²⁰04
Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you except in the case of whittling.

²⁰05
Love in your tummy is like the least yummy place to have it.

²⁰13
Chinese shoes made of leather are called mooshoes.

A sun set is a beautiful thing. Too bad you humans will never find that out. Ahahahahahar (Flies away in spaceship)

²⁰14
When hiring foot racers make sure they agree to give you a run for your money.

The sky gets crowded with summer in June.

²⁰15
Soon ants will be trained to bring food to share at picnics.

²⁰16
Soon self-driving cars will try to also learn putting.

²⁰17
Soon aliens will come to earth.. to take our best parking spaces, & for absolutely no other reason.

²°18
Everyone loves striking gold, except lightning.

June 19
²⁰05
Caring is like sharing except better because you don't have to share.

²⁰13
The reason why white supremacists are bald is because they don't even like black hair.

²⁰15
Soon down on their luck angels will come to earth to sell their wings as hotwings.

²⁰16
Soon people won't think of fries when they see McDonalds golden arches because the arches look like fries, but because they found out that the fries are made of the same material as the arches.

²⁰17
Soon rich business guys will use their understudies for power point presentations. Because they don't know the material well, in place of laser pointers, they will use broader pointing objects like spot lights & red dwarf stars.

²°18
Rocking horses are like fractionally reverse centaur rocking chairs. The head of a horse, the body of a horse, & the feet of.. a rocking chair.

Bowling with globes can make you feel like a god.

June 20
²⁰05
Baking a pie is like getting poked in the eye except one makes you want to live & the other could cause you to die.

²⁰13
Money well spent is spent on time well spent with family and friends.

Failure is a fact of life. This is why so many people have differing opinions on what failure is.

²⁰14
In his old age Taz has started going to a spin doctor.

²⁰15
Soon the lazy will rise up & create a social justice movement because of all the discrimination they've suffered. Boy that sounds like a lot of work, nevermind.

²⁰16
Soon firefighters will be overworked when cats start growing on trees.

²⁰17
Soon the government will make speedometers embellish so more of us will unknowingly drive the speed limit.

²°18
Foreshadowing occurs within a lifetime but twentyshadowing is for like 20,000 years from now.

In America you are innocent until proven guilty but if you kill the jurors in front of the judge, that proves you're guilty too.

June 21
²⁰13
Most people cannot keep a secret because they don't know where it is.
²⁰05
The only time the future changes is when it becomes the present.

²⁰15
Soon the Penultimate Fighting Championship will be founded & fights will take place in a 7 sided Mocktagon.

²⁰16
Soon autocorrect will correct prejudice & bullying. "You mother appreciating.." "You human angel.." "You are an intelligent advocate for positive change.."

²⁰17
Soon the world will become less peaceful when, in addition to squirt pistols, children begin to operate water tanks.

²°18
The easiest people to do phone support for are tight rope walkers. All you have to do is keep them on the line.

Chucking wrappers isn't litter, it's free advertising.

June 22
²⁰05
The perfect excuse for a kid to disobey his parents would be to say, "I thought you were using reverse psychology & that you wanted me to do it."

²⁰13
It can be difficult to carry on the family business but to life guards I say dive right in!

²⁰14
If you're on top you're over the top unless you are the top.

²⁰15
Soon Morse Code will make a comeback as the first form of communication that can be sent directly to your mind.

²⁰16
Soon cruise ships will take vacations in the desert.

²⁰17
The pen is no longer mightier than the sword because you can type with a sword. And if you don't feel like typing you can hold someone at sword point & get them to type for you or even write something with a pen.

²°18
Always carry a pen with you, that way if you see a delicious looking lunch in the breakroom you can write your name under theirs. "Jebney Swarweigi" "AND Webnon Jarjooli too!"

June 23
²⁰05
The reverse of thirst is when you've drank so much you could burst.

²⁰13
Being tickled by a deadly weapon is a conflicting experience. It makes you laugh yet it also makes you fear for your life.
²⁰04
Light switches are not recommended when savagely beating a child.

²⁰13
When you act perfect doing so proves that you are not.

²⁰14
Magneto is always sticking to his guns.

²⁰15
Soon Apple will introduce the Apple Ankle Monitor to help enforce consequences & boundaries for addicts, ex-cons, & dieters. Sadly only the richest & suckerest of people will be able to afford it.

²⁰16
Soon staples will take up yoga, causing papers to loosen free & travel back to their home world of Gazpacho Moncton.

²⁰17
Soon everyone will let their hair down by getting stupid trendy hairdos that people will laugh at for decades.

²°18
Earth starts with the word "ear" so that means you've gotta listen, man!

If someone grills you to the third degree, that's cool, you won't burn up but you may freeze.

June 24
²⁰05
Having no choice is like having every choice but unpickable.
²⁰13
Award shows are famous for their thanksgiving speeches, which is why the losers don't get to make speeches.

²⁰14
If you're going to paint the town red use a good primer first.

²⁰15
Soon trash cans will take themselves out because their lives stink.

²⁰16
Soon smart phones will become obsolete when super genius phones are invented.

²⁰17
Soon life will really begin at 40 when babies choose to unnecessarily gestate for 40 extra years. So hurry up & have your kids now.

²°18
You know what job is future proof? On location hurricane reporter. Drones ain't taking that job, they can't stand the wind. Even if the machines become sentient they'll be like, "I ain't doing that job. I ain't no beepin fool! Beep boop boop."

June 25
²⁰04
When life seems like a blur slow down & make sure you don't need glasses.
²⁰13
A penny saved is a penny earned but in the south a penny saved is a penny ironed.

²⁰05
If someone wants to be a grave-digger as an adult & is asked "Where will you be in 10 years?" the person can legally say "In a grave" without sounding depressing.

²⁰13
If an elevator's weight limit is surpassed a new seemingly unlimited wait will ensue.

Cashiers handle the most money but make the least.

²⁰15
Soon ghost hunters will be exposed as frauds by very successful ghost fishers.

²⁰16
Soon kaleidoscopes will become so popular that people will collide with each other while walking around looking into them. The impact of the collision will be so great that it will create a kaleidoscope of its own.

²⁰17
Soon everybody will be like two peas in a pod as we are all forced, two by two, into living in pods together, pea pods in fact, because we'll also be shrunken, to pea size, & it will be really confusing to know how much toothpaste to use.

²°18
Everything's worse than your worst nightmare because nightmares aren't real and they happen while you're sleeping and sleep is awesome!

June 26
²⁰03
The best way to be first in a line is to say "Everybody follow me."

²⁰13
Rock climbers usually get thrown off the stage.
²⁰05
Do what you have to do when you want to do it unless there is a time you have to do it.

²⁰13
Setting short-term goals for yourself can lead to a better life if you're on the right road.

²⁰15
Soon in the US Lays will release crisp flavored potato chips. Nerds who can taste semantics will buy them in droves.

²⁰16
Soon the hole in the top of traffic cones will have free single scoop ice cream cones stored in them during winter, as God intended.

²⁰17
Soon crossing your fingers will be the only way left to pantomime hope because there won't be any wood left to knock on.

²°18
It's better to say, "How are you today?" than the alternative, "What are you today?"

June 27
²⁰05
When people usually lose their eyesight they lose the sight part & not the eyes.
²⁰13
Due to the current state of American teenagers, when one of them is thinking, everyone thinks that something is wrong with them.

²⁰13
Electricians shouldn't be shocked when they get electrocuted that way it won't hurt.

²⁰14
When in a physical altercation with someone who fights dirty you have to fight tooth and nail.

²⁰15
Soon peaches will finally grow mustaches.

²⁰16
Soon heptagons will be replaced with bigons.

²⁰17
Soon people who say, "My bad" will say "My good" when accidentally doing something good.

²°18
The world isn't going to hell in a hand-basket. All hand-baskets go to heaven fool!

June 28
²⁰04
When someone says "It takes time" they are talking about the gigantic clock stealing monster. However when someone said "It takes time" 50 years ago they were talking about the small clock stealing monster.
²⁰13
Everyday is a new day. There are new things to learn and old things to burn.

²⁰05
The past is our stepping stone to new & wonderful futures.

²⁰13
The Jolly Green Giant is jolly because he has never had to eat vegetables; he claims, "Eating vegetables would be like cannibalism to me."

²⁰15
Soon MMA will inspire other arts to mix together. Tattoo artists will be accompanied by interpretive dancers. Graffiti artists will tag urban locations while jazz bands improv a soundtrack to their work. Poetry will be primarily written during laser shows. Movies will have music & paintings in them.

²⁰16
Soon the ghosts of tacos will haunt your bowels.

²⁰17
Soon we'll all be on Easy Street after all streets are renamed Easy Street making things much harder. GPS, "Turn left on Easy Street, no not that one, the other one. Ugh, that's it, I don't need this. My husband is a satellite. I quit."

²°18
Dequeathing is when you're robbed by a ghost for squandering your inheritance.

June 29
²⁰13
Daydreaming can actually help you concentrate.. on what went horribly wrong.
²⁰05
If you lose weight being a loser is good.

Rock, Paper, Scissors isn't so good for settling disputes when you use the real rocks, cutting white paper, & extra sharp scissors.

²⁰14
You're in trouble when, instead of throwing in the towel, you accidentally throw your hat in the ring.

²⁰15
Soon politically correct terms will be replaced with single syllable terms because most racists will be revealed as lazy rather than prejudice because the number of syllables in politically correct terms are higher than those in prejudice terms.

²⁰16
Soon zebras will be arrested for the extinction of unicorns.

²⁰17
Soon love will spread the world over like never before.. when cupid upgrades to a machine gun. #ThanksGunLobby

²°18
Sadly potential penultimate wishes never come true like final wishes do.

June 30
²⁰05
Each day changes things or makes them more the same.

²⁰13
People who get trapped in a maze never seem to say "I'm aMazed!" They should!

²⁰14
Going out on a limb isn't risky if you bring the limb with you & lay it on the ground.

²⁰15
Soon the making of violent video games will come to an end as the human race comes to an end.

²⁰16
Soon after the next major election, riots will become so widespread that people will be willing to loot lutes.

²⁰17
Soon people will no longer seek to escape reality, because there will be no reality.

²°18
Fiber optic dogs shed light on everything.

January, February, March, April, MayJuneJuly, August, September, October, NovemberDecember

House



































June Lesson Mania II Book Rejects:
Strictness creates restriction

Hind sight is 20-20 if you like what you see.

The future always waits.

If you don't apply what you learn then you really haven't learned anything.

The only time the future changes is when it becomes the present.

Light switches are not recommended when savagely beating a child.

When you act perfect doing so proves that you are not.

Award shows are famous for their thanksgiving speeches, which is why the losers don't get to make speeches.

A penny saved is a penny earned but in the south a penny saved is a penny ironed.

Do what you have to do when you want to do it unless there is a time you have to do it.

Setting short-term goals for yourself can lead to a better life if you're on the right road.

Due to the current state of American teenagers, when one of them is thinking, everyone thinks that something is wrong with them.

Everyday is a new day. There are new things to learn and old things to burn.

If you lose weight being a loser is good.

Original Versions of Changed Lessons:
6/4
Keep your friends close & your enemies closer and no fat people that doesn't mean eat them

6/13
Seeing is believing that you are not blind.

6/18
A sun set is a beautiful thing too bad you humans will never find that out. Ahahahahahar (Flies away in spaceship)