Lessons November


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November
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30

November 1
⁰13
If you think you've lost the will to live you're confused. A will is for someone who has died.
⁰02
Have a neighborhood party where everybody rings their doorbells & knocks on their doors to a hep beat & then get dowN!

Love is a many spendered thing. Spending money for women lets the woman realize that you value her enough to spend the money you earned slaughtering chickens and/or wombats at the Wonderbread factory. As the greedy corporations said in the 20th century “Money is the honey to get honeys.”

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like selling your soul but you do like selling your unused exercise equipment.

⁰15
You are normal if you prefer luxury cruises to luxury colonoscopies.

⁰16
Success is 50% inspiration, 50% perspiration, & 50% being good at math.

November 2
⁰02
If you set meat on fire it's called grilling but if you set anything else on fire it's called arson.
⁰04
Don't go boating when you should be voting.

⁰13
Mimes never run out of time but they do run into it. Ouch!@mime.com

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like biting the dust but you do like biting fresh fruit.

⁰15
Sporting a comb-over in a cancer ward, that's a no no.

⁰16
If your steam powered motor device has manual backup power you can run out of steam twice.

November 3
⁰02
Cheese don't say please, so don't be mad if it's impolite.

⁰13
Remember, "If spiky hair with an insane glare don't go there!" Actually you really only need the insane glare.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like being caught on fire but you do like being caught while jumping out of a window to escape from a fire.

⁰15
Let us not use sub sandwich bazookas for evil.

⁰16
Using a yardstick to measure campfire height causes it to become kindling.

November 4
⁰02
In this crime filled world today, You don't need to lock your doors, nobody wants to go to your house.

⁰13
Time was the way you knew a man was content was if he didn't know how to properly open a newspaper.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like paying taxes but you do like paying for goods & services of your choice.

⁰15
You are normal if you don't like getting apples from a shady person but don't mind getting apples from a shady tree.
⁰16
4 has a 2 2.

November 5
⁰13
Statistically people who steal are the ones who have stolen the most things ever in history.
⁰02
Today is Tuesday. I'm sure some of you needed to know that.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like eating out of the trash but you do like eating pre-trash.

⁰15
Dancing without a helmet, that's a no no.

⁰16
There is no 5 second rule in space because nothing ever falls on the floor.

November 6
⁰02
When the noose becomes the latest fashion it won't last long. wink wink

⁰04
If you hate working for McDonald's & want to take them down from the inside offer free refills of french fries.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like being driven crazy but you do like being driven to the donut shop.

⁰15
Let us not reverse the gravity of the oceans to create a global bidet.

⁰16
A picture is worth a 1000 words but a picture of 1000 words is worth 6000 words, because synonyms.

November 7
⁰02
Buy a big box of ribbons & keep them as long you can. That way if ribbons ever become scarce you'll be the richest person in the world.

⁰13
Renting a box for shelter can be expensive if it rains because box rental services have no box insurance for rain related weather.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like throwing in the towel but you do like throwing in the first pitch at a major league baseball game.

⁰15
You are normal if you wouldn't like to be boiled alive & you aren't too groovy on the idea of being boiled dead either.
⁰16
If you juggle trashcans do it with the lids on so the 7 dwarves won’t escape.

November 8
⁰02
The proper way to handle anger is with a handle, duh!

⁰04
Due to the modern popularization of tattoos the phrase "Read my lips." can now be taken literally.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like the smell of defeat but you do like the smell of fresh baked bread.

⁰15
Donating your blood to a soup kitchen, that's a no no.

⁰16
It's all fun & games until someone gets hurt. Then it's 8 minutes of hushed silence while someone is carried off the field. Then it's all fun & games again.

November 9
⁰13
Even stoppers stop sometimes. Actually stoppers in sinks, tubs, showers, & sinks spend more time not stopping than they do stopping.
⁰02
Television is a perfect way to learn.. about bad acting.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like being called yellow but you do like being called on the phone by your best friend.

⁰15
Let us not serve cucumber oatmeal to invading aliens.

⁰16
9 out of 10 dentists recommend giving into peer pressure.

November 10
⁰13
The best secret you've ever heard was still a pretty lousy secret because you heard it.

Wish people a terrible weekend so the next weekend will be great, if by nothing else but comparison.
⁰02
If you point a camera at a shoe store, it will leave. Also 500 miles of sludge is infirmed to 8 admonishing turboes.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like losing your mind but you do like losing the maniac who is vehicularly chasing you.

⁰15
You are normal if you can enjoy a ham & cheese sandwich but you have trouble finding positive the aspects of ham & cheese soda.

⁰16
Countdowns predictably always end at 1. Countups however hold the mystery & tension of potentially going on forever.

November 11
⁰02
If you reach for the stars & don't reach them you're lucky because stars are hot & can hurt.

⁰04
The only reason people retire is because as they get older their hearts can't take the sound of an alarm clock.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like mailing threatening letters but you do like mailing birthday cards.

⁰15
Verbally taking a vow of silence, that's a no no.

⁰16
Turning it up to 11 is cool but clocks turn it up to 12 TWICE A DAY. CLOCKS ROCK!

November 12
⁰02
If you reach for the stars you are a stalker.

⁰13
Throwing money into the air (non-coins) is a great feeling & catching it is even better. Refs who do coin tosses just don't know what they're missing on the next level.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like picking up the check but you do like picking up your favorite pet.

⁰15
Let us not make frequent wagers of, "If I'm wrong I'll eat my hat" as an excuse to frequently consume nacho hats.

⁰16
If you run out of time you’ve run too fast.

November 13
⁰02
The only reason the U.S. is the world's best country is because Godzilla keeps destroying Japan.

⁰04
Poor people can't have aides.

⁰08
Here's a healthy cooking reminder:  If you fry you die. If you bake it you make it.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like borrowing money but you do like borrowing money.

⁰15
You are normal if you like syrup on your pancakes but you don't like syrup in your socks.. unless there are pancakes in your socks too.

⁰16
Bill collectors have due diligence.

November 14
⁰02
The ocean is a troubling place to be if you can't swim.
Milk is a terrible thing if skim.

⁰13
Some don't like how bologna tastes so they name it (usually O-S-C-A-R) instead of eating it because they know it will be around a while like a pet unless it is eaten by the pet.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like facing your fears but you do like facing your television while watching it instead of having all of your furniture facing the opposite direction.

⁰15
Wearing a bowtie to a funeral, that's a no no.

⁰16
Cash registers… and so does being broke.

November 15
⁰02
Old people have adventures with their dentures.
No wait, they're just senile.

⁰04
You can never know when Mars is blushing.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like wasting time but you do like wasting waste.

⁰15
Let us not cuddle a half dozen bound pigeons instead of using a pillow.

⁰16
Turn any ordinary kitchen table into a multiplication table by using it for conception.

November 16
⁰02
Stupid people are like goopkeinivot, they make no sense.

⁰13
You can be sure of this, being sure of things is easier than you think. Well not easier than you thinking, but at best it is as easy.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like wearing a beard of hornets but you do like wearing your favorite shirt.

⁰15
You are normal if you like receiving free prizes but don't like receiving free savage beatings.

⁰16
A half a candle is still a candle. A half an orange is still an orange but half a ball is not a ball at all.

November 17
⁰02
Ugly people are like sunlight they are nice to have around but you don't want to look directly at them.

⁰13
If you could go back in time & read the history books you'd think "What about starships?" & I'd think, "What about canteen shards?"

In times of trouble be appreciative that you are not in a time of troubles. Replace the word lucky with the word blessed & you may sound more thankful.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like waiting at the doctor's office but you do like waiting for meat to be thoroughly cooked.

⁰15
Bringing "Get Well Soon" balloons to the hospital room of a family member of a victim of the Hindenburg disaster, that's a no no.

⁰16
There are 17 ounces in a baker's fluid pound, and 201 years in a baker's bicentennial.
Additionally bakers refuse to vote until they turn 19. A boxer who is also a baker may fight 1lb about his weight class. Bakeries frame their 1st 2 dollars made, and bakers' cats have 10 lives

November 18
⁰13
If you've never been crushed by a panda you don't know what you are missing.. & trust me, you don't want to know.
⁰02
If you've never met (The Joe) you don't know what you are missing & trust me you don't want to know.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like seeing doctors play god but you do like seeing doctors play hopscotch.

⁰15
Let us not cry over spilt milk. May we instead mourn with that spilt milk.

⁰16
The number 18 is the one after 17 & waaay before 1,496.2.

November 19
⁰02
You can fit an elf on a shelf.

⁰13
Breaking something while dancing is not uncommon in hypothetical circles. But are hypothetical circles really squares?

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like carrying a heavy burden but you do like carrying your bones & guts in your skin.

⁰15
You are normal if you prefer cashing your checks to checking your cash.

⁰16
If you're ever chased by 19 goats with sticks, it's probably a dream. Your aspirations are admirable.

November 20
⁰02
Abolish crate curves, soda lunger.

⁰04
The faster your run the longer you'll stay inside.

⁰13
Elevators on farms have a lot of hick ups but they have just as many hick downs too.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like being cut from the team but you do like being cut from a giant alien's spider web.

⁰15
Painting someone's portrait, that's a no no.

⁰16
The best favorite number is or is an anagram of 9,876,543,210.

November 21
⁰02
Talk is cheap, unless you are a television psychic.

⁰13
A fun game for friendless persons to play is "chase the chaser" because all you do is run around in a circle.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like watching a car wreck but you do like watching your favorite movie.

⁰15
Let us not use floppy disks as nerdy coasters.

⁰16
The reason it's harder to remember things when you're older is that you have to remember your age & bigger numbers take up more space in your brain.

November 22
⁰02
If the couch says "owch" there's something in it.

⁰13
What could be better than the worst? Everything, that's right.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like feeling sad but you do like feeling things to know you still have a sense of touch.

⁰15
You are normal if you dislike birds pooping on your car but birds are still your first choice to do it.

⁰16
Carry around 22 straws with you so if someone says, "That's the last straw!" You can say, "Actually, great news! I've got plenty of extras!"

November 23
⁰02
If somebody says, "if you ask me.." & nobody asked them.. they got no business talk'n.

⁰04
The future is unforgettable.

⁰13
The strongest case always carries the most weight.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like linebackers tackling your grandparents but you do like linebackers tackling your to-do list.

⁰15
Shaving in line at a buffet, that's a no no.

⁰16
You are 23 times more likely to be swallowed by a whale than swallowed by a bug. #FakeMathIsFun And if you try to swallow a swallow you're gonna choke! #ChokingIsNotFun #LearnTheHeimleich #LearnHowToSpellHeimlichCorrectly

November 24
⁰02
Only smart people need be afraid of headshrinkers.

⁰04
Shooting a clock is the busy man's equivalent to wasting time..

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like passing a golden opportunity but you do like passing people with golden teeth.

⁰15
Let us not get life insurance for our earthworms.

⁰16
Make a list of 24 reasons you're thankful for days being 24 hours long. If it takes you 25 or more hours to complete the list, throw it away in frustration.

November 25
⁰02
Thieves may be able to steal your material possessions but they can't steal your sadness &/or anger.

⁰13
I don't know what a bel is but when a bel happens twice a rebel is born.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like hearing about a tragedy but you do like hearing your favorite tune.

⁰15
You are normal if on death row you don't want your last meal to be fast food.

⁰16
If your bowling ball suddenly has more than 3 holes it was abducted by aliens.

November 26
⁰02
Tourists can be annoying, but don't blame them for not being from your country, blame their despotic ruler.

⁰13
Thoughts let you say things in your head, feelings let you say things in your heart, hunger lets you say things in your stum, gas lets you say things in & out of your.. butt.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like burning your morning toast but you do like burning the wicks of scented candles.

⁰15
Serving hot dogs at a puppy's funeral, that's a no no.

⁰16
The time to visit online forums is when you've said four "ums" about a subject.

November 27
⁰02
Bees are nice if you give them honey.
Bees are mice if you dress them funny.

⁰13
When people own each other it is slavery but when they own pets the animals are treated like ancient kings.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like getting shot out of a cannon but you do like getting shot out in an escape pod.

⁰15
Let us not skip lunch if that lunch is a tuna sandwich. The bread will get too soggy to skip & the fish will find it offensive.
⁰16
Don’t hand out cabbage coupons at the hardware store.

November 28
⁰02
If you want to have Thanksgiving for a living be a 'yes man' or 'yes woman'

⁰13
Dependency does not have a holiday but Thanksgiving is close.

From decades in the past came the present.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like arrogant people but you do like feeling superior to arrogant people.

⁰15
You are normal if you don’t like bad movie remakes & you don't like any fruit remakes.

⁰16
If you can draw a sausage that means it's still alive!

November 29
⁰02
Scared of life on other planets?
Well you should be more scared of life on this planet.

⁰13
If you're on the 2nd floor of a 2 story structure with the kids only on the 1st floor, you're not down with the kids.

Spinning around doesn't mean you've gone around the world.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like being stepped on but you do like stepping on a planet with reasonable gravity.

⁰15
Firing a gun.. in front of his family.. days before retirement, that's a no no.

⁰16
If you refuse to acknowledge leap day instead subtract 1 second from every 30 minutes of everyday for 4 years.

November 30
⁰02
If you don't use deodorant, you truly love it.

⁰04
Running into a wall is like running into a doorway & stopping but more painful.

⁰14
You are normal if you don't like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some turbulence" but you do like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some nacho surplus."

⁰15
Let us not bludgeon owls because they keep asking us the same question over & over.

⁰16
Scientists did in fact invent a gigantisizing ray but linguists kept it from seeing public light because they couldn't reach a consensus on what to call a gigantisized inchworm.

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