Lessons 2004


Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day Collection
March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December

March
3/10/04
When driving & dialing a cell phone at the same time beware for a fellow motorist may suggest you dial with an alternate finger.

3/11/04
If you are too shy to make a toast at a special event don't buy a toaster.

3/12/04
If all of your friends jump off a bridge, remember it when picking new friends.

3/13/04
It's confusing to listen to two speakers at the same time.

3/14/04
Train owners in the 1800s were very bad people so that they could get much coal every Christmas.

3/15/04
Glass is shallow.

3/16/04
Dogs go on dates too if you run out of news paper.

3/21/04
Food taste good when you're cruising in the hood. Eating chicken with hot sauce don't forget to floss.

3/22/04
If you're a big fan of fans recycling has gone too far.

3/23/04
Never let a witch tell you to be quiet for you would cease to exist.

3/28/04
It's hard to tell someone what because they always think you're asking them a question.

April
4/1/04
When the dust settles be hospitable.

4/3/04
Ice Cream cones can be used as hats in emergencies.

4/5/04
The hardest lesson to learn is the one given by us.

4/6/04
Roads don't hit back.

4/7/04
Always stay close to the door & don't ask me "What for?"

4/8/04
Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

4/12/04
If you are ever late don't worry but instead be in a hurry.

4/14/04
When competing on a game show, remember nothing is real.

4/20/04
Look both ways before you cross the street because you never know what you may step in.

4/22/04
If you have a fear of failure you mind as well just stay scared.

4/27/04
The best storage container is the one that can contain your love for storing things.

4/28/04
Don't be afraid of trees but instead the bees near by.

4/29/04
Never take a wild stab in the dark.

4/30/04
Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

May
5/1/04
Eat slowly when wearing a coat.

5/2/04
You can take a stroll in a bowl if you use it as a shoe & have a lot of glue.

Lesson Mania Week
5/3/04
If you smile while soaping up with Dial you can be in a commercial.

When one finds out that one is worth more dead than alive, it is a natural move to fake one's death.

If you find out that you are worth more dead than alive don't tell your friends.

When you're told "there is nothing to fear but fear itself" fear almonds too, just for good measure.

Open your suitcase. Are there suits inside? If not you are a liar!

5/4/04
Dangerous situations require decisive action. Delicious situations require dicing action.

If you don't care forever you don't care at all.

You can stop avoiding the Noid now.

When food is hurled it is a shame to the world (world meaning incredibly fat guy).

Double your Will power by kidnapping.

5/5/04
It is customary to throw rice at weddings, not dice.

Wearing the same clothes often can confuse people's memories.

If you get dizzy while eating Doritos® stop spinning! (note please give us free Doritos for mentioning you Frito-Lay)

Don't take candy from strangers that is stealing.

Flashback Edition:
Double reverse equals go.

5/6/04
The following classic statement was spoken in a conversation between two fat people & should only be replicated as such.
"Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you."
The rubber & glue part was added later.. to protect the non inno¢ent.

To live in a land is to live in a cave.

Lonely? Then pick up the phone & don't dial. You'll have a nice one sided conversation.

Headset phones should be called headphones.

Hide & go seek gone wrong: You have a skeleton in your closet.

5/7/04
Ground up=Air

All good friends eventually have a dead end.

Nobody ever said I want to be an envelope when I grow up, nobody.

Cut & Paste is a term invented by bad doctors.

When an ox wears a crown you should be sad because of your poorness.

5/8/04
When a lazy man punches in a comic it should say slack as a sound effect.

When your knob is broken opening a door can be a bore.

Being hesitant of speaking in a difficult situation is a normal thing but when you eat a laser under the table realize that it is not a normal thing.

Lesson Mania Week more like Lesson Mania Weak!

Women like fire may look good but touching them can be dangerous.

Strong men can turn cans into can knots.

With a simple stroke of a brush the can of brushes become saddened.

End of Mania Week

5/19/04
If you don't expect anything it makes what you do get all the better.

5/20/04
Talking to your mirror is like talking to yourself.

5/21/04
It is pointless to punch sand.

June
6/5/04
Hopes are like ropes, they can help you get to the top yet they can also hang you.

6/6/04
You can get away with anything using an or.

6/18/04
Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you except in the case of whittling.

6/23/04
Light switches are not recommended when savagely beating a child.

6/25/04
When life seems like a blur slow down & make sure you don't need glasses.

6/28/04
When someone says "It takes time" they are talking about the gigantic clock stealing monster. However when someone said
"It takes time" 50 years ago they were talking about the small clock stealing monster.

July
7/3/04
If you try to change a bird you will find that birds don't wear clothes.

7/14/04
The future looks good yet constantly uncertain,
there is a window but it's always blocked by a curtain...

August
8/2/04
It's important to pay attention in order to stay out of debt.

8/5/04
If you're depressed get a shovel go into your backyard & start digging. I guarantee you'll never feel like dirt again.

8/7/04
Frankenstein wasn't confused he was a fused con.

8/8/04
Become a fat ugly moron because opposites attract.

8/9/04
When told to "take a seat" don't.

8/13/04
How to spell Piano:  P and O

8/16/04
If you can't tell the difference between the a bird, a plane, & a flying man get your eyes checked because they are of poor quality.

8/17/04
You booze you lose.

8/20/04
If you have to wait a long time, be late.

8/21/04
Practical jokes are a practical way of helping others train for emergency situations.

The summer is the best time to have hot fun.

At the end of the day sleep good, it's for your own well.

8/22/04

A sure cure for loneliness is by putting a feather in your cap. The animal rights activist will never leave you alone.

It's important to practice redundancy.
It's important to practice redundancy.

A mall fountain's change can feed a starving child for 2 years.

8/23/04
Attempting to punch out a walrus is not a good Idea.

Following a question respond "Don't ask, because you already did."

Scarecrows are scary because they too, like Zombies, want brains.

8/24/04
Patience is easily obtained if you are willing to wait for it.

Hermits are great at keeping secrets.

A shadow is like a friend that follows you around & imitates everything you do.
It is surprising that more people do not dislike their shadow.

8/25/04
The sounds of nature can be soothing.
They can also make you want to go out shooting.

Waiting until fall to do spring cleaning can really make you realize why it is primarily done in the spring.

The bigger they are the softer they fall.

8/26/04
There is no solid evidence that air exists.

Bears don't wear clothes so please don't make a joke about it.

Up & Down are opposites & that's why they like each other.

8/27/04
Some things will never change but you can be sure that one thing will, the channel.

People who live near a desert are good at leaving people alone.

Sometimes you think you've outsmarted someone when in actuality you've just made a fool of yourself.

8/28/04
The two hardest things to do are starting & finishing.

Rocking chairs need not guitars to rock.

Getting even is fun because two is better than one.

8/29/04
It is not important to practice redundancy.
It is not important to practice redundancy.

Socks & shoes go together like pizza & the blues.

Refrain from asking clothes to do work because they are always worn out.

8/30/04
Lack of hair leads to despair.

People that keep quiet need to pass it around a little more.

You're never disappointed with parades in ice cream shops or parades by the lake.

8/31/04
Sometimes you need to get out.

Bartenders should use roller coasters.

Paper has many uses. Humans have many excuses.

September
9/1/04
When you wish upon a star you're probably wishing you can get off the star before you burn to death.

When someone is late you lose wait.

The sweet song of bird is often overheard.
The sweet song of man is not heard when he's on the can.

9/10/04
Debt is the one place that most people don't want to go to yet many take permanent vacations there.

9/11/04
If your voice sounds like that of an idiot simply talk only to babies & no one will notice.

9/19/04
Better a potbelly than a pothead.

9/22/04
The key to finding something better is looking.

9/23/04
Whistling while you're lazy can't be done.

October
10/5/04

Having a guard dog can protect you.. from getting too much sleep.

10/6/04
Making music is like making a sandwich. They both sound good.

10/7/04
As time passes so shall men.

10/16/04
Never wear your heart on your sleeve because you may need to sneeze.

10/21/04
The best place to fall in love is in front of a laundromat.

10/22/04
When you reach retirement age remember..
Oh yeah people at retirement age can't remember anything, never mind.

10/23/04
If the old saying "You are what you eat" were true I'm sure there would be more cannibals.

10/24/04
Fewer people would procrastinate if the word were negativecrastinate.

10/25/04
No one ever makes fun of someone who wears a name tag.

10/26/04
When you are on the rim eat a tiger for 18 points.

10/27/04
Fear the lion not the roar.

November
11/2/04

Don't go boating when you should be voting.

11/6/04
If you hate working for McDonald's & want to take them down from the inside offer free refills of french fries.

11/8/04
Due to the modern popularization of tattoos the phrase "Read my lips." can now be taken literally.

11/11/04
The only reason people retire is because as they get older their hearts can't take the sound of an alarm clock.

11/13/04
Poor people can't have aides.

11/15/04
You can never know when Mars is blushing.

11/20/04
The faster your run the longer you'll stay inside.

11/23/04
The future is unforgettable.

11/24/04
Shooting a clock is the busy man's equivalent to wasting time..

11/30/04
Running into a wall is like running into a doorway & stopping but more painful.

December
12/2/04
Never believe anyone who says "It's backwards day." unless they say it like this:
.yad sdrawkcab stI

12/7/04
Faking your own death can be difficult but of course so can living your life.

12/9/04
Some things are best left unsaid. "Look out!" is not one of those things.

12/14/04
There's no riddance like good riddance.

12/16/04
When push comes to shove, pull ... out a baseball bat.

12/18/04
Wondering what to get that special someone this Christmas? Yeah me too.

12/19/04
You don't have to take offense it is your choice.

12/20/04
When one asks "Is the glass half empty, or half full?" Notify them that the cup does not remain at half point for long if it is ever even that precise.

12/21/04 Flashback Edition:
The latest news is no longer informative.

12/23/04
When someone says "Stranger things have happened" respond "Yes because people use that phrase all the time."

12/24/04
Christmas is coming, oh yes it's near.
Christmas is coming, a time for cheer. Christmas is coming, yes the day that is next. Christmas is coming, in Christ we can rest.

Flashback Edition:  (Original lesson from 3/14/04)
Train owners in the 1800s were very bad people so that they could get much coal every Christmas.

12/25/04
Christmas is the most joyous time of year but you can have Christmas everyday if you are not afraid of your peers.

12/26/04
All people with two eyes have double vision.

12/27/04
Looks can be deceiving but not as much as words.

12/28/04
When someone says "Are you there?" just disregard the T & everything will be just fine.

12/29/04
What is left to the imagination can be worse than what isn't set forth.

12/30/04
Getting something stuck in your teeth is like getting a needle stuck in a leaf they both create a bad lesson.

12/31/04 Procrastinator's Edition:
The more you hesitate the longer others wait & from that they may become irate. Those people will then debate your personal weight & being unable to relate to your hesitate trait they will turn to hate but won't be able to find the words to conjugate or create so their hate will abate because they can't desecrate your hesitate trait.


Top 3 Lessons of 2004
3. The future is unforgettable.
2. Train owners in the 1800s were very bad people so that they could get much coal every Christmas.
1. Up & Down are opposites & that's why they like each other.

Top 25 Lessons of 2004 (15th Anniversary Rerank)
25. If your voice sounds like that of an idiot simply talk only to babies & no one will notice.
24. With a simple stroke of a brush the can of brushes become saddened.
23. Frankenstein wasn't confused he was a fused con.
22. The best storage container is the one that can contain your love for storing things.
21. Women like fire may look good but touching them can be dangerous.
20. Never wear your heart on your sleeve because you may need to sneeze.
19. Ice Cream cones can be used as hats in emergencies.
18. Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you except in the case of whittling.
17. When one asks "Is the glass half empty, or half full?" Notify them that the cup does not remain at half point for long if it is ever even that precise.
16. Some things will never change but you can be sure that one thing will, the channel.
15. If the old saying "You are what you eat" were true I'm sure there would be more cannibals.
14. The only reason people retire is because as they get older their hearts can't take the sound of an alarm clock.
13. Some things are best left unsaid. "Look out!" is not one of those things.
12. You can never know when Mars is blushing.
11. There is no solid evidence that air exists.
10. When life seems like a blur slow down & make sure you don't need glasses.
9. Scarecrows are scary because they too, like Zombies, want brains.
8. Become a ugly moron because opposites attract.
7. The latest news is no longer informative.
6. Hide & go seek gone wrong: You have a skeleton in your closet.
5. If all of your friends jump off a bridge, remember it when picking new friends.
4. Never believe anyone who says "It's backwards day." unless they say it like this:  .yad sdrawkcab stI
3. The future is unforgettable.
2. Train owners in the 1800s were very bad people so that they could get much coal every Christmas.
1. Up & Down are opposites & that's why they like each other.

2003 | House | 2005
All Lessons 2004 except Flashback Editions
Piemerica
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Missing Text:
It was placed like a living discussion.