Lessons 2009


Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day Collection
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August

January
1/12/09
Just because we're made from dirt doesn't mean it's better than us.

1/13/09
When looking for something to major in while in college don't become a history major. Become a future major instead, it will save you a lot of study time.

1/19/09
If you forget about a deadline, don't worry, just hurry.

1/20/09
The underlying problem with lying under the bed is that you may hit your head.

1/22/09 Flashback Edition for the 8th Anniversary of Lessons:

When someone says to you, "It's a small world." tell them to go take a walk.

1/26/09
Instead of in love some people are just in luck.

February
2/10/09
While a while is some, some while is a while longer.

March
3/18/09
Losing your mind is good for you but better still is taking it off and out.

3/24/09 Flashback Edition
The opposite of sitting is standing. The opposite of walking is standing still. Therefore the opposite of sitting is walking.

3/25/09 Flashback Edition
Traveling through New Mexico is never boring if you bring another city with you and a very large truck.

April
4/15/09
The past always seems like more fun than the present but only because the past is much longer.

4/16/09
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't, if you don't have a horse.

4/17/09
Anyone can be an amputee but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.

4/18/09
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but only if the beholder's eyes are beautiful.

4/19/09
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, except when your child goes missing.

4/21/09
If you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth your mother didn't understand proper prenatal nutrition.

4/24/09
If you're eaten out of house and home don't build your house out of gingerbread next time.



May
5/12/09
Zebras were glad when prison jump suits were changed from striped to solid colors.

5/13/09
If you're a man and you think the woman's place is the kitchen that is fine to think but just don't ever say it out loud.

5/22/09
Keeping in touch with someone usually doesn't involve the sense of touch but rather that of the sense of hearing.

5/25/09
Heaven:  If you don't know you won't go.

5/26/09
Exercising on a stair-stepper is a lot more fun if you imagine that you are squashing grapes.

5/28/09
If we used leaves as paper it would be just like recycling except you wouldn't have to.

5/29/09
Don't wet your whistle because whistles sound better when dry.

5/30/09
Less is more.. but not really.

June
6/2/09
Don't let the cat out of the bag or people will know you're not a good pet owner.

6/7/09
Everything is easy if you don't do it.

6/8/09
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen or just open the fridge.

6/9/09
Sometimes life really stinks but death always smells worse.


July
Lesson Mania Week
7/13/09
Day 1- 5 Lessons
If you're afraid of losing your home you really should have bought a bigger house. Most people's houses are very easy to see.

Flashback Edition:
Yet another bad combination:  Quick as a cat yet blind as a bat.

Have a Sad Birthday! Because only if you have a sad birthday will you appreciate a happy one.

Some holidays are observed on their nearest Monday rather than on their actual date. The reason why Independence Day, more commonly referred to as The Fourth of July, is not one of those holidays should be obvious.

Oven mitts are the best things to catch hot ovens with but you still shouldn't be playing catch with ovens.
7/14/09
Day 2- 5 Lessons
Silence is golden because you can't hear gold.

Yet another bad combination:  Rich and famous yet childish and aimless.

It is much more difficult to vanish into thin air than into an air of average thickness.

When asked "What part of no don't you understand?" Your response should be "What part of homophone don't you understand?"

People that get mad when someone wastes food don't understand the concept of digestion.

7/15/09
Day 3- 5 Lessons
Always keep your priorities straight unless one of your priorities is bending.

Yet another bad combination:  Delicious and gooey but too loud when you're chew'n.

This lesson just goes to show you that anything can go to show you.

If your boss is always yelling at you suggest an Inter-Office Phone System.

It's easy to lose sleep because when you're asleep you can't pay very good attention.

7/16/09
Day 4- 4 Lessons
People that think hot dogs have disgusting ingredients should consider that they are called hot dogs so any ingredient they have that isn't dog is pretty much up from there.

Yet another bad combination:  Cute and funny but no money.

If your yard catches fire put up a sign that says, "Please Do Not Throw Fire"

It is never tomorrow.

7/17/09
Day 5- 4 Lessons
If you don't like the word bad it's probably because it is no good.

Yet another bad combination:  Loud and proud in a hostile crowd of a differing opinion.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator so you can say, "I'll see you even later."

If you don't know the answer to a question use reverse psychology and ask a question.

7/18/09
Day 6- 10 Lessons
If someone tells you to "Get Real" and you do so. Come back the next week and see if they tell you to "Keep it Real."

Four legged animals are usually faster than 2 legged people but if you want to feel the thrill of victory with something that has four legs, race your table and you will win because it is not an animal.

March is the most fit month.

Yet another bad combination:  Big and fat yet sleeping on a thin mat.

Thank you racists because if it weren't for you no one would know racism is bad.

If you don't like jokes about being rich you have a poor sense of humor.

Doing dangerous things for fun will make you feel alive but will make you feel dead much longer.

July is the least trusting month.

If you're walking down the street and get shot with a harpoon you should totally tell everyone you know about it because most people on the street get shot with boring old guns.

In athletics often pros are cons.

7/26/09
When sneezing people often say "achoo" but what people really mean to say is something else entirely. When you're about to sneeze you gasp and you can't make the sound of a T when you gasp. So you say "aah" and you end up saying "achoo" but what you really mean to say is "tissue" because that's what you need when you sneeze.


8/3/09
The best part of waking up is getting to go back to sleep.




Top 10 Lessons of 2009
10. If you're afraid of loosing your home you really should have bought a bigger house. Most people's houses are very easy to see.
9. Always keep your priorities straight unless one of your priorities is bending.
8. Don't let the cat out of the bag or people will know you're not a good pet owner.
7. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen or just open the fridge.
6. If you're eaten out of house and home don't build your house out of gingerbread next time.
5. When someone says to you, "It's a small world." tell them to go take a walk.
4. Oven mitts are the best things to catch hot ovens with but you still shouldn't be playing catch with ovens.
3. Sometimes life really stinks but death always smells worse.
2. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, except when your child goes missing.
1. In athletics often pros are cons.
Top 13 Lessons of 2009 (2017 Rerank)
13. If you're afraid of losing your home you really should have bought a bigger house. Most people's houses are very easy to see.
12. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen or just open the fridge.
11. If someone tells you to "Get Real" and you do so. Come back the next week and see if they tell you to "Keep it Real."
10. If you don't like jokes about being rich you have a poor sense of humor.
9. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't, if you don't have a horse.
8. If you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth your mother didn't understand proper prenatal nutrition.
7. Sometimes life really stinks but death always smells worse.
6. Anyone can be an amputee but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.
5. Don't let the cat out of the bag or people will know you're not a good pet owner.
4.  When someone says to you, "It's a small world." tell them to go take a walk.
3. Always keep your priorities straight unless one of your priorities is bending.
2. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, except when your child goes missing.
1. In athletics often pros are cons.

2008 | House | 2010
All Lessons 2008-2009 (unless noted)
Piemerica
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