Top 11 Lessons of 2014
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11. Putting clogs down your garbage disposal results in a clog clog.
10. Public transportation can be heavenly but only if there is a severe
9. If you are what you eat then eat donuts because then you'll be tasty
& sweet & loved by millions.
8. Forget the Apple Watch, hold out for the tablet sized Apple
7. Don't jump down someone else's throat or you may just drown in their
6. Monks run for political office all of the time but since they've
taken vows of silence no one ever hears about it.
5. No one really ever gets sick or hurt. All diseases were made by
greedy doctors. They invented gravity too.
3. You are weird if your hamster has a hamster wheel made
out of your old hamsters.
2. Some say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend.
But those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a
toddler & I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine
came over & started throwing food on the floor, playing with my
wires, & digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.
1. If you are a shady person lose some weight so you won't cast as much
Top 20 Lessons of 2014
20. When hiring foot racers make sure they agree to give you a run for your money.
19. Putting clogs down your garbage disposal results in a clog clog.
18. If your appendix is removed during surgery in your next surgery
your doctor will have trouble locating your other organs because he
won't know what page they are on.
17. Rich people don't eat ground beef, they eat sky beef & billionaires eat space beef.
16. Houses in tropical climates are painted with light jackets of paint.
15. You are rich if you are heading for the poor house.. to knock it down.
14. If you're going to paint the town red use a good primer first.
13. You are weird if you have 10 fingers.. that aren't yours.
12. Dirt hoarders who store all of their dirt under their houses are never confronted.
11. There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish reading this & those who don't know what this part says.
10. You are rich if the only time you have a bone to pick with someone is at the billionaires' dinosaur BBQ.
9. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's why I always skipped school.
8. If you are what you eat then eat donuts because then you'll be tasty & sweet & loved by millions.
6.You are weird if your shirt has two sleeves.. of hard taco shells.
4.You are weird if you like to travel.. but only because you are looking for mother nature's baby.
2. You are weird if you like to watch sports.. through the scope of a sniper rifle.
1. You are rich if you hire a narrator to narrate all of your actions
just in case your actions don't speak louder than your words.