Monday Night Memories
2016 2017
Back in my day if you saw a clown getting a haircut you had to switch occupations with it. This resulted in almost nothing but clown barbers.
Back in my day we kept our clones from asking questions by telling them that we were adopted twins.
Back in my day we didn't play cops & robbers. We just played robbers & giant mother bird.
Back in my day we were so modest that even our parachutes had pants.
Back in my day we didn't have tv shows like Ghost Hunters because people had the decency to only hunt pre-ghosts.
Back in my day a bag of chips cost a quarter & a bag of quarters cost $37.16 because all bags of quarters were sold with 147 quarters in them & the bag cost 41 cents.
Back in my day all puppets were sock puppets because we wore puppets on our feet.
Back in my day calling The Police always resulted in a Sting.
Back in my day people who couldn't afford to bring jello molds to parties brought frog eggs instead.
Back in my day local oafs like me were held in high regard but nowadays foolish behavior is being outsourced to YouTube & we oafs have to compete with the entire world to get even an abbreviated h..
Back in my day snow dogs lived in clouds & once in a lifetime one would fall from heaven with the snow.
Back in my day phones didn’t have cameras unless they were spy phones.
Back in my day the only high definition we had was the definition of high in the dictionary.

Back in my day the only pokémon you could catch was a Jamaican cactus & nobody wanted to catch that!
Back in my day people hoarded trading cards.

Back in my day men & women knew their place.. earth. Then the astronauts came along..
Back in my day the only time we said 2016 was when answering the question, “How many pounds are in a ton, & how many ounces are in a pound?” “2000! 16!”
Back in my day restaurants would not only sing to you on your birthday but also on your half birthday & even your 1/12 birthday if you requested it. Sadly the “Happy 1/12 Birthday” song is as lost as the years of our lives, only a memory to those who still know how to sing it & have written down the sheet music to it & have uploaded their performance of it to YouTube.
Back in my day there weren’t any ghosts because nobody had died yet. The 1st guy that became a ghost surprised & scared us so bad that he vowed to make all future ghosts uphold the ghost code, “To never to appear to the living.”
Back in my day the only tablets we read were the loose ones in the medicine cabinet.
Back in my day the only servers people wanted to connect to worked at restaurants.
Back in my day the only person who would load web sites was Spiderman.
Back in my day you could answer the phone by saying, “This phone is off the hook!!”
They can put a man on the moon, but they can't film a decent moon landing hoax.
Back in my Christmas Eve day the mayor would catapult reindeer across town to help rich families believe in Santa & to give poor families free reindeer meat for January.


Back in my day we had all our ducks in a row. Then we hurled rocks at them & that's how we bowled.


Back in my day we didn't have cubes. The best we had was a sqacirtrispir. It was a square on top, a circle on the side, a triangle on the other side & an Archimedean spiral on the bottom. We didn't have no time for high highfalutin 6 sided shapes. I never even saw a heptagon until I was 30 years old!


Back in my day we didn't get participation trophies, we didn't get any trophies. Graven images were not kosher.


Back in my day the only showers we could afford to take were when we snuck our heads under people's watering cans. And doing that meant the flowers didn't get watered properly & thus we robbed beauty from the world.


Back in my day nobody had Underscore as a middle name.
Back in my day if you saw a donkey wearing pants it would mean there's a thunderstorm approaching & you've gone deaf.
Back in my day we didn't talk about the weather unless the weather talked about us. "And the wind cries.."
Back in my day carhops at drive-in restaurants were also mechanics because they needed to drum up business for the declining industry.
Back in my day omg stood for One Man Gang.

Back in my day we had to syphon bowling balls from the ball return, it wasn't automatic.
Back in my day we didn't have Emotions, cheerleaders hadn't perfected the vowels yet.
Back in my day we only had 2 oceans, but of course my day was on a different planet.
Back in my day everyone lost their marbles that's why kids don't play with marbles anymore.
Back in my day calculators didn't have 1s or 3s because they didn't want anyone to do math with unlucky 13. They were afraid if they did it would collapse the consistency of mathematics itself & fill all the row boats with goo. And unlucky for us the mathematical formula that disproved the theory had the number 13 in it.
Back in my day even the ghosts wore togas!
Back in my day lab mice never had to make their own sandwiches.
Back in my day we could skewer ice cubes & let them melt to create holy water.
Back in my day the only airports we had were our nostrils.
Back in my day we didn't have toasters. We had to toast our bread the old fashioned way, on the end of a clothes hanger over an open fire & it would always catch & fall in the fire. In other words, back in my day we didn't have toast!
Back in my day you wouldn't replace a space heater with an outer space heater, stars were too big & hot to bring into our homes in those days.
Back in my day we'd chalk-outline cats who were sleeping on the sidewalks.