No more ideas vember (Leftover or extra category jokes)11/1/17
have it rough I tell ya. They have to deal with generations &
generations of scientists not making gum flavor last longer while
claiming to in ads.11/2/17
I don't want to be famous. I can't handle the stress of having to correct inaccuracies about me in my Wikipedia article.11/3/17
travelers who go to the past have a hard life, always having to worry
about stepping on something or breathing too close to someone or
ruining people's destiny by throwing away litter out of habit. But us
presenteers we can step on anything we want, breathe within any
proximity we choose & chuck wrappers without regard. It's not like
we live in anyone's past.11/4/17
people aren't always having a picnic, all the sourpusses hating on them
behind their back, geez. But they're still spreading happiness to the
bitter, making them happy by giving them someone to be judgy about.11/5/17
is the 8th anniversary of the death of my pet hamster Warrick.
#HamInHeaven #ShouldHaveKilledHimSooner #HashTagsThatChangeTheMeaning11/6/17
Second-best-case scenario: You tell someone, "I want to hump." & they buy you a camel costume.11/7/17
Second-best-case scenario: You tell someone, "I love you" & they say, "I love you two."11/8/17
Second-best-case scenario: You ask, "Will you marry me?" & they say, "Yes, but.."11/9/17
The Unfalling Slide, it's an escalator where you can lay down.11/10/17
Get a workout as you're drowsy. Wear a hat with weights for POWER nodding off!11/11/17
I just lost a pound! #SadForever #MyHeartIsMissing #RippedRightOut #HashTagsThatChangeTheMeaning11/12/17
Another great thing about a Knight in shining armor,
Shining armor means he'll do the dishes, which is all a girl really wants.11/13/17
Another great thing about being prom king & queen,
Your rule only last for the night so no lives are lost due to your tyranny.11/14/17
Another great thing about hitting a home run,
You don't have to run as fast as a normal hit.11/15/17
Another great thing about being brave,
Your teeth only chatter when it's cold out.11/16/17
Just donated my old clothes to charity. #OhCrapWhereDidILeaveMyAnthrax #HeyNSA #HashTagsThatChangeTheMeaning11/17/17
Pretend that bruh & bro aren't slang & imagine anyone who says it is traumatized by losing their brother at a young age.11/18/17
just won a $500 on a gameshow #WhatHaveIDone #ICanNeverGetClean
Hearing the difference could save your life!
It looks like you're into me.
It looks like urine to me.11/20/17
Your head on my pillow..
My pillow on your head..11/21/17
Breaking into someone's house.
Breaking out of someone's house.11/22/17
I'd sure like to bone her.
I'd sure like to debone her.11/23/17
That's like the black crayon calling the charcoal crayon black, perfectly appropriate & community building.11/24/17
Stick a fork in me cause I'm.. only useful as meat now.