Pɪᴇᴍᴇʀɪᴄᴀ's 7 R̈́̄ã͐n͂̚d͒͝o͒͐m͌̀ Acts of Kindness for the Week
2014 2015 2016

2014

October 12-18, 2014

1. Remove 26 fallen leaves from your neighbor's yard.
2. Go to your sister's house at night regularly to trim her split ends while she is asleep.
3. Replace a sheet of paper with a real bookmark.
4. Hack into someone's Facebook account & correct alls of the grammatical errors in, their recent status.. updates.
5. Listen in on conversations & interject "spoiler alert" whenever necessary.
6. Refill someone's can of soda 1/9th of the way.
7. Pre-crack some eggs.

October 14, 2014

BONUS:  8 Ideas for Decorating Your Neighbor's Yard This Halloween
Decorating your neighbor's yard for Halloween is a trick & a treat, kindness & vandalism all rolled into one! Here are Eight Ideas for Decorating Your Neighbor's Yard This Halloween.

1. Drop 1,000s of spiders into your neighbor's front yard.
2. Hang any extra corpses you have in your neighbor's trees.
3. Bury your neighbor's deep freezer in their yard & crank it up to high to create a chilling fog.
4. Take a powerful flashlight & enact scary silhouettes onto your neighbor's bedroom window.
5. Find some stray black cats or boxed black kittens & feed them daily on your neighbor's front porch.
6. Instead of donating blood extract a pint yourself & use it to write threatening messages on the front of your neighbor's house & if you can get to it, their bathroom mirrors.
7. Borrow the tombstones of your neighbor's great great great grandparents to place in their grass.
8. Thaw your week's meat on their walkway.

October 19-25, 2014

1. Move a neighbor's trash can 1/7th closer to the curb each day so they'll never miss trash day.
2. Pour glue on the sidewalk of the local drug house to help the cops succeed quicker in their next raid.
3. Park someone's car 4.06400 centimeters closer to their door.
4. Squeegee your uncle's watch.
5. Put one shoe on your spouse while he or she is sleeping to help them get ready for work faster.
6. Fill a friend's back pockets with pennies.
7. Loosen the lids of all the pickle jars in the neighborhood.

October 26-November 1, 2014

1. Comment "lol" on someone's post *nudge, nudge*
2. Take a shedding dog skydiving.
3. Blow on the hot soup ordered by a table near you. Or better yet, organize a traveling soup cooling team.
4. Donate your teeth for dentures.
5. Give adults bags of candy on the 30th so they have some candy to give out to kids on the 31st.
6. Leave flashlights on sidewalks for trick or treaters.
7. Obey cheerleaders outside of sporting events by vocally encouraging animals you encounter.

November 2-8, 2014

1. Play with a stray fly.
2. Ask someone an easy question so you can shower them with praise for getting the right answer.
3. Compliment a sandwich's beauty in the presence of the sandwich's maker.
4. Give a flower to someone who isn't a nerd, because nerds have allergies.
5. Cut your neighbor's grass.. some slack by not judging it so much.
6. Rent your friends to lonely people.
7. Record intel on everyone you know just in case an action spy one day needs your help.

November 9-15, 2014

1. Invite a SWAT team to your next summer BBQ.
2. Send a random person a text that says, "I care about you" then learn to care once they begin to respond.
3. Get imprisoned for a crime you didn't commit just in case you would eventually commit a similar crime.
4. While someone's suitcases are being stored in the attic sneak some chocolate into them.
5. When visiting someone's home, whenever someone closes a door, open a window.
6. Tell someone "You can do anything! I believe in you!" And then promptly make funeral arrangements for them.
7. Surprise your friend in 20 years by secretly gathering up all of their favorite things & burying them in a time capsule.

November 16-22, 2014

1. Wear futuristic clothing every time you visit your friend in a coma just in case they wake up while you're there.
2. Attach capes to lemmings.
3. Push someone's shopping cart for them while not giving them diet advice.
4. Dance to people you overhear singing.
5. Get a license plate with small text that says, "I forgive you for tailgating me."
6. Provide local bears daily feasts so no one else will be tempted to feed them.
7. Fly your airplane low on sunny days to help those unfortunate people who don't own sunglasses.

November 23-29, 2014

1. Buy Pro-Bowl tickets then visit your local library & hide them in nerdy books.
2. Replace someone's corn flakes with gold flakes.
3. Play your friend their favorite song on your jaw harp.
4. Tell your friend who is inventing a toast scented candle that it won't work because if the candle gets lit it will smell like burnt toast.
5. Let your family know how thankful you are for them by giving them a 22 turkey loaded cannon salute.
6. If you hear someone bragging begin to out brag them so they seem like less of a jerk.
7. Mimic someone's listening cadences to flatter them.

November 30-December 6, 2014

1. Don't give a pilot your leftover turkey.
2. Wake up early & catch some worms so you can give them to those straggling late birds.
3. Pre-plunge a toilet.
4. Give hats & bumper stickers to people who don't have vehicles so they too can express their annoying clichéd opinions to the world.
5. Keep people from sucking by stealing free straws.
6. Program a robot to do your chores & errands so you can spare your friends by no longer complaining about everything you have to do.
7. Collect rain water from every rain & store it in dated jars to make even the most extreme hoarders feel better about their state of mind.

December 7-13, 2014

1. Try to knock over hungry people by street bowling with large fruits.
2. As a dinner guest discreetly replace your host's flatware with actual sterling silverware.
3. Offer people rides but instead of delivering them to their destination of choice take them on impromptu vacations.
4. Make copies of your favorite fliers to share with the world at large.
5. Gift a deathly ill person 365 apples.
6. Show up to play competitive sports you are bad at to lighten the mood there.
7. While watching a film adapted from a book recite the missing narration.

December 14-20, 2014

1. Search for the Loch Ness monster in Costa Rica. He's bound to vacation there some time.
2. Clone yourself repeatedly to completely rid all homeowners of cobwebs.
3. Create a capella versions of alarm clock sounds.
4. Help a crazed billionaire rebuild Rome in a day. C'mon, it's only a day's work.
5. Create cheers for the sun to help it get up in the morning. 'Rise sun rise, light the world for our eyes'
6. Help find a home for a stray homeless person.
7. Install a free soda machine at an orphanage so all the kids can have pops.

December 21-27, 2014

1. Give someone your 2014 calendar before it is too late!
2. Let women & children off of an elevator before yourself unless they are using cellphones.
3. Start slowly taking the tinsel off of neighborhood Christmas trees.
4. Put a note in your chimney asking Santa to "Please knock first."
5. Hide your Christmas gifts in pottery so people can know the joy Link feels when finding valuables in pots.
6. Fill someone's empty covered swimming pool with discarded wrapping paper so they can have a summer surprise.
7. Mail out after-Christmas cards.

December 28, 2014-Jan. 3, 2015

1. Translate abbreviations for hatless dogs.
2. Give a rowbot to someone with a rowboat.
3. Shoot some drugs.. with a gun.
4. Invent colors that can only be seen during New Year's hugs.
5. Keep other people's New Year's resolutions so when they fail this year they will be encouraged by your success & succeed next year.
6. Instead of throwing a fit, throw a misfit in front of a tailor.
7. Fill the potholes on your block with beef stew.
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2015

January 4-10, 2015

1. Regurgitate those puzzle pieces you've been eating out of spite.
2. Mail a traffic cone.
3. Counsel a wounded animal. A lot of them have parental abandonment issues.
4. Share your magic wand during lunch break.
5. Buy some hot wings & give them to an unattractive chicken.
6. Go to your doctor for a checkup.. on how he's doin'.
7. Donate a buttock to someone who tragically lma'od'ed.

January 11-17, 2015

1. Sell decorated lizard tails to bobcats.
2. Stop refurbishing used caskets.
3. Body paint a blind person so they can finally experience art.
4. Go on a shopping spree for that special arachnid in your life.
5. If you are a homeowner invite the neighborhood kids over to write on your walls.
6. Buy a feather pillow then hire a forensics team to help you get the bird's remains back to his or her family.
7. Forget about angel food cake & try to make authentic angel hot wings.

January 18-24, 2015

1. Start a beard farm but don't use fertilizer.
2. Sweet talk a bitter person until they become palatable.
3. Put googly eyes & mini-scarfs on stapler removers so they look less menacing.
4. Learn to juggle wads of gum.
5. Use chicken fingers to accuse people.. of being hungry.
6. At your local grocer replace the innards of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®" containers with Swiss cottage cheese so some people can finally believe it's not butter!
7. Invite your friends on a staycation inside a wanted criminal's trunk.

January 25-31, 2015

1. Put some candles on the ground at night so the falling snow can avoid falling on something that will injure it.
2. Use diced tomatoes as dice.
3. Break your poor friend's phone, laptop, or camera so they can finally justify an upgrade.
4. Save the world a wreck by not driving your motor vehicle for 17.9 years because statistically that is how often the average person has a wreck.
5. Tear a constipated person a new one.
6. Get a jump start on daylights saving time by setting all of the clocks at your work forward.
7. Crash birthday parties everyday to blow out the candles. Soon you'll have enough wish power to bring world peace.

February 1-7, 2015

1. Attach an inflatable birdhouse to your kite to give birds some sky rest.
2. Light a fire with an elaborate LED display.
3. Bury treasure that won't stand the test of time like artifacts of current technology & fashion. Bury some fake gold too just to make that treasure hunt 400 years from now more exciting.
4. Design a word a day calendar using 365 different languages.
5. Combat banditalism by putting sneezing powder on for sale bandanas.
6. Give a horse high top horseshoes.
7. Mail snow cones to our troops in the middle east.

February 8-14, 2015

1. Set out hundreds of plastic bags to catch winter breezes, tie them up & in the summer donate them to families in need of cooling.
2. Cut down all the trees in a neighborhood to prevent future tornado damage.
3. Make use of your spray tanning skills by volunteering nightly at your local seemingly abandoned bat infested castle.
4. Carry around a swear jar & put a quarter in it every time you hear someone else swear.
5. Leave parachutes on the tops of tall buildings.
6. Paint hearts around the edges of mirrors.
7. To help your local police force trim their budget throw free nightsticks at any officers you see passing by.

February 15-21, 2015

1. Wear extra shoes in case you see a person who needs some.
2. Eat bacon on Presidents' Day in honor of all of our non-Jewish presidents.
3. Pre-buckle seatbelts so when people have to unbuckle them they have one last reminder to buckle up.
4. Scoop the invisible poop of invisible dogs.
5. Put a megaphone next to running water at night to help the neighbors sleep.
6. Leave capes near trampolines.
7. Shave your beard & donate the hair to "Soul Patches of Love."

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2016

January 24-30, 2016

1. Next time you're in line at the grocery haggle down the price for the person in front of you.
2. R̲o̲a̲m̲ around with free Caesar salads.
3. Label friends' underwear.. with name brand labels. (Doesn't have to be your friends, just somebody's friends).
4. Come up with break up lines for inanimate objects in case people begin to embrace ianimateobjextuality. “Look knife this relationship just isn’t cutting it for me.”
5. Break a habitual hitchhiker's thumb, because a thumb in a cast stands out more.
6. Try to found the Royal American Society for Lazy People then be too lazy to do it so society appreciates the true value of lazy people, that of not founding pointless organizations.
7. Shovel your neighbor's driveway this winter, so they can put a pool in it this summer.

January 31-February 6, 2016

1. Teach otters the value of a dollar by feeding them money & giving them savage beatings until they cough up the cash.
2. Hire snails to seal envelopes.
3. Have a funeral for a dead mobile phone battery, recharge it, then throw a resurrection party.
4. Feed a biscuit a sausage to delight whoever eventually eats the biscuit.
5. Give a lifetime's supply of helium balloons to someone who already has a high pitched voice so they can talk to their dog in secret.
6. Curate push broom statistics.
7. Chop down all the trees in your neighborhood to prevent potential tornado damage caused by branch avalanches & squirrel hurls.

February 7-13, 2016

1. Become a nutritionist for cannibals then quit just before discovering the terrible secret that cannibalism is the healthiest diet of all time.
2. Tip your waitress twice, first as you're leaving the restaurant, then as she's leaving the restaurant.
3. Finally record & release your jazz mime album, or just release a square photo of you dressed as a mime. No one will know the difference.
4. Replace your roommate's peanuts with packing peanuts to let him know it's time to move out!
5. Accost a bank teller & volunteer to clean some coins with your ultra-realistic water gun.
6. Treat yo self, to a garden snake salad.
7. Train to become a juggler in case an octomom has to throw you four of her babies to go save her other four babies.

February 14-20, 2016

1. Pick up someone's bill without then putting it down & laughing at them for having to pay it.
2. Hire an understudy to take your place when you leave your family to become a fossil model.
3. Catch a tiger by its toe & manicure, manicure faster than you've ever manicured before!
4. Stop trying to "give the sun a day off" by lighting yourself on fire. It's not helping anyone.
5. pRuuf wreid htis centense four m.e
6. Freeze tag people who look really tired.
7. March right up to your boss's office & tell him, "I'm starting a parade for great bosses. Do you want to come see it? If you're too busy I'm having someone tape it & I can send you a link to the video later."

March 27-April 2, 2016

What was your last random act of kindness?
Larry: I helped an old lady cross the road.. into a euthanasia clinic.
Brianroy: I helped a lady who's car broke down. It was the first time I'd ever seen a car cry.
Tyler: I held a door open for someone.. at 40,000 feet, there were no survivors.
Caleb: I pulled my neighbor out of a snowbank. The bank didn't even have a freezer, it was a scam!
Mainbwd: I took my wife to dinner tonight, by leading her by the hand to our dining room table for a meal of Hot Cargo Pockets.
Alex: I helped an elderly woman to her Porsche but she had misplaced her keys so I hotwired it for her & everything.
airbrush: I gave a bum money today. That a-hole didn't give a crap.

June 5-11, 2016

1. Make your pig's bed out of bread so it can get used to being a sandwich.
2. Secretly get copies made of everyone's keys & surprise people with a copy if they ever lose theirs.
3. Travel the planet screwing in light bulbs for all the races of the world.
4. Show up uninvited to a trial as a surprise "witness."
5. Open your neighbor's mail & put it back in their mailbox without reading it.
6. Put a treadmill in front of the ordering counter at the donut shop you own.
7. Provide public staircase reviews online by falling down every stair you come across.

August 14-20, 2016
1. Call the medic! And tell him he has the day off.
2. Sneak into a clothing store, read the tags & wash anything that says it should be washed before worn, then return the clothing at dawn.
3. Invent sticky corn so any tube can become a corn cob. A whole new kind of corn dog! Or even a corn corndog!!
4. Create ice cream scoops from the tub for family convenience & store them in a Tupperware® brand container.
5. Convince dust that it doesn’t need to settle.
6. Untie the shoes of the friends you’re trying to set up so they both trip together & hopefully fall in love.
7. Buy Christmas decorations for 2018-2022 because those years Christmas will lose the war on Christmas & be replaced by Halloween II: The Giftening, Directors Cut Cut! Cut!!

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