Survey Saturdays
2016 2017


On a scale of -5 to 0 how would you rate your satisfaction with being literate?


Who told you about our ivory black liquorice?
▢ A friend
▢ An enemy
☑ An enemy that thinks he/she is a friend
▢ What? Nobody ever tells me anything! They say I overreact & get pouty. Hmph!
◪ I'm color blind to white & black . Instead I see eggshell & charcoal. But not like you think. I see white as charcoal & black as eggshell. Oh & sometimes I mistake lime green for lemon lime green. And needless to say, oranges taste red to me.



Have you read any words today (other than these)?
If you could rate your mood on a scale of 1-7, leaving out 4-6, what would it be?


Who has the most film in their back pockets:
▱ Caged bears.
▣ Solid harmonicas.
⧉ Beans with wishes.


Which superhero has the best toupee?
◪ Superman
▥ Wolverine
⊡ Aquaman
⎔ Shaft
❑ Punk rock Green Lantern


If you could feed 1 sentient hobo a month what would you require to do it?
▢ A 2 tooth minimum.
❑ Having him prove his sentience by typing 5 random alphanumeric unicode characters.
▱ Food, a gettaway car, & a stayahere car.
◪ Proof of sobriety & financial responsibility as required by your god &/or conscience.
⊟ A "gentleman's pancake"
⧉ Running into a hobo while having enough money to feed your nobos at home.


What kind of milk makes you thirstiest?
▣ Space milk
▥ Homemade milk (made from water & chalk)
☑ Moth milk
⊡ The one with the ball peen hammer that says I can't have any more milk unless I finish my cookies.


I see myself as a went gotter.
☒ Strongly agree to disagree
◪ Wussfully disagree to agree to disagree


How many [insert nationality you are least favorable of here] does it take to screw in a light bulb?
▱ 1
▱ 1/2
◪ ?/? (Whatever fraction of the body a single hand is)
▱ It depends on if they are alive.


How likely are you to take this survey?
⎔ Likely
⎔ Unlikely
◈ You know the deal, your existence must be ignored.


What is your legal name?

▢ Kettle Jim

☑ Mayolorka

☒ Tehtwobrush

⊡ Asinkojimenshi

▣ Chefarabeshkamoonjoi

How many silk hacksaws I can put you down for?
❑ 1
⊡ 2
⧉ 6.12 (7th one is damaged, you get the 1/8 at a discount).
▣ I'm not sure how many silk hacksaws it would take to kill me. As a saw I'd die of old age before it could kill me. Oh? It's frozen silk? Ech, I don't want to think about this right now!


Where is the best place to keep an extra umbrella?
❑ In a 1970s science book.
☒ In science
☑ Outside of the realm of science


Which organ is your favorite to donate weekly?
☑ Heart (metaphorically)
❑ Skin (it's the biggest organ so that makes me the biggest hero!)
☒ Pancreas (because you love unnecessary surgery)

What is your ideal date?
❑ April 29, 2017
❑ Barmundah 21, 1733
❑ Sha'ban 2, 1438
❑ Iyar 3, 5777
❑ April 16, 2017
☑ That new calendar we'll use after the apocalypse later today.

How easy was it to take this survey?
❑ Easy
❑ Easier
❑ Easiest
❑ Easiest ever
❑ Easiest thing ever in life
☑ Easiest thing in the history of the world
☒ You're making it sound like this is easy for everyone else & I found it hard so now I am internally despondent.
❑ It was so hard I didn't finish reading it or anything else you've ever written thus my opinion doesn't count.

Do you hate it when musicians play by ear?
☑ Of course, that's too loud! Back up, get out of my bubble!
☒ If it's a drummer I'll stop my horse & listen for a bit.
❑ I hate music in general that's why my flamethrower auto-activates upon detecting monophony.

Which flavors of lemon do you like?
☑ Cheese
☑ Monkey Bread
☑ Iron
☑ Skittle Fish
☑ Gasoline & tar
☑ BBQ Rope
☑ Lime
❑ Lemon

How long does the gum's flavor last?
▱ I've never tasted my gums before. I guess I'd have to stop brushing for a very long time to do that.
▱ I always spit it out before the flavor's gone because it isn't strong enough.
▱ Flavor can end?
▱ When I wake up in the morning it doesn't taste the same.
⧉ My gum's flavor is mayonnaise & (dusty) light bulbs, thankfully the flavor is gone before it reaches my buds.