BothWalk to podium and meet
Laslo PanafleX(The Joe) did you hear about our old buddy?
(The Joe)No.
Laslo PanafleXIt died yesterday.
(The Joe)

Oh no but I never got the chance to give it a 
horrible incurable disease.

Laslo PanafleXI feel your pain.
(The Joe)And so will everyone else with this new product
(The Joe)Are people sucking? Making you want to give them savage beatings?
Laslo PanafleXCan't give incurable diseases on the run?
(The Joe)Well now you can with
Laslo PanafleXNew
(The Joe)& Improved?
BothDisease Jelly!
Laslo PanafleXFun for kids of all ages
(The Joe)11 & under
Laslo PanafleXShocked Expression
Shakes Head & returns to normal
Laslo PanafleX

Try our new? regular size
Fits right on the shelf in the fridge next to the real jelly

(The Joe)Also original..
Laslo PanafleXcoughs rip-off
(The Joe)travel size for the times when you want to spread horrible viruses to other parts of the country other than yours
(The Joe)& introducing
Laslo PanafleXOur brand-new
(The Joe)Very old
Both2 in 1
Laslo PanafleXFor the time when you want to kill a person
(The Joe)but you don't know which disease to give 'em
Laslo PanafleX& our greatest invention ever..
Glen Killer for when you see Glen on the street & want to give him horrible diseases
(The Joe)& unprecedented
Laslo PanafleXbecause we'd be hanged if it was
(The Joe)Conspiracy Edition!!
Laslo PanafleXYaY!
performs retarded snake dance with joy
(The Joe)For when you want to take out an entire government
Laslo PanafleXor species
(The Joe)Covers mouth
Such as human beings
uncovers mouth
in one fatal swoop
Laslo PanafleX

And brand new Pocket Size!
Unseen! and Undetectable at airports

Laslo PanafleXWalks through airport metal detector, it goes off, & he gets a Savage Beating
Laslo PanafleXAnd listen to the exciting & life threatening diseases
(The Joe)We've got polio
Laslo PanafleXdiabetes
(The Joe)small pox
Laslo PanafleXAIDS
(The Joe)lime disease
Laslo PanafleXmalaria
(The Joe)maliCe
Laslo PanafleXblack plague
(The Joe)bubonic plague
Laslo PanafleXebola
(The Joe)syphilis
Laslo PanafleXleprosy
(The Joe)flesh eating virus
Laslo PanafleXDon't forget our wide variety of cancers
Laslo PanafleXmouth, lip, throat, teeth, gum, book, shoe, plate
(The Joe)Etc
Laslo PanafleXBegins to eat disease jelly
(The Joe)So join the fun & give someone an incurable disease today
Laslo PanafleXFalls down & dies
(The Joe)Or Else!

Disease Jelly Written & Originally Performed by
(The Joe) & Laslo PanafleX

Written November 30, 2000

There were props for the commercial also. Laslo brought the smaller ones Pocket Size & Glenn Killer. (The Joe) brought the regular size (a jar of regular jelly with a label & cap. He also brought the Conspiracy Size which was held in this container & has a label labeling it as such.
After Disease Jelly was performed (The Joe) & Laslo PanafleX performed another commercial which info can be found here.

See Also:
Disease O' Jelly | Disease Jelly! | Disease in a Can! | Speech Print

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