With a simple stroke of a brush the can of
brushes become saddened.
An Extreme favorite of Emperor MAR
Sticks and stones may break your bones but words
can never hurt you except in the case of whittling.
Light switches are not recommended when
savagely beating a child.
It's important to pay attention in order to
stay out of debt.
If you're depressed get a shovel go into your
backyard & start digging. I guarantee you'll never feel like dirt
You booze you loose.
A sure cure for loneliness is by putting a feather in
your cap. The animal rights activist will never leave you alone.
Its important to practice redundancy.
Its important to practice redundancy.
Attempting to punch out a walrus is not a good Idea.
Scarecrows are scary because they too, like Zombies, want
A shadow is like a friend that follows you around & imitates
everything you do.
It is surprising that more people do not dislike their shadow.
The sounds of nature can be soothing.
They can also make you want to go out shooting.
Up & Down are opposites & that's why they like each other.
Refrain from asking clothes to do work because they are always worn out.
People that keep quiet need to pass it around a little more.
The sweet song of bird is often overheard.
The sweet song of man is not heard when he's on the can.
If the old saying "You are what you eat" were true I'm sure there would
be more cannibals.
Less people would procrastinate if the word were negativecrastinate.
Due to the modern popularization of tattoos the phrase "Read my lips."
can now be taken literally.
The only reason why people retire is because as they get older their
hearts can't take the sound of an alarm clock.
The future is unforgettable.
When push comes to shove, pull ... out a baseball bat.
You don't have to take offense it is your choice.
When one asks "Is the glass half empty, or half full?" Notify them that
the cup does not remain at half point for long if it is ever even that
The latest news is no longer informative.
Christmas is coming, oh yes it's near.
Christmas is coming, a time for cheer. Christmas
is coming, yes the day that is next. Christmas
is coming, in Christ we can rest.
Getting something stuck in your teeth is like getting a
needle stuck in a leaf they both create a bad lesson.
The more you hesitate the longer others wait & from that they may
become irate. Those people will then debate your personal weight &
being unable to relate to your hesitate trait they will turn to hate
but won't be able to find the words to conjugate or create so their
hate will abate because they can't desecrate your hesitate trait.
While playing a musical instrument one can be
quiet & loud at the same time.
Crackers are one of the few ways to exert
dominance over large & powerful animals.
There is plenty of room on a spaceship.
If you ever get the feeling that someone is
watching you that person has a very piercing stare.
Birds can easily hear high pitched voices.
The reason why high fives are so popular is
because a large percentage of U.S. currency bears traces of cocaine.
The only way to hear a seashell is to hold the ocean to your ear.
The best place to have a fit is a tailor shop.
Due to the popularity of plastic surgery the
term "picking your nose" takes on a whole new meaning.
The sun is the solar system's space heater.
One day cell phones will get so small people will call them cell phones.
The longer cops patrol the more petrol they
The newcomer is always undefeated.
One of the worst ways to taste da feet is to
get kicked in da mouth.
Lessons from 5/15/05
People who fish in the stream of
consciousness are usually hungry.
The highest that one can count is in an
Wild celebrations may lead to dangerous
Driveways are used for parking too.
Lessons from 5/16/05
Happiness is like a drug except it is harder
Booby traps are the best traps to fall into.
It isn't wise to be stupid.
Slick surfaces are revered by nerd surfaces.
A pick ax is like a magic 8 ball except used
for much more dangerous decisions.
Left just isn't right.
Lessons from 5/17/05
The sky is the limit but not for astronauts.
People who tend to panic for no apparent
reason have an advantage of not having to "stay calm" when directed to
because they were never calm to begin with
Elevator operators are often in pressing
The worst way to give your child the sex talk
is by personally showing them how it is done.
Simply breathing can be referred to as
"blowing your nose"
You can't always say 'the right thing'
because people will become annoyed at your repetitions & shut your
Right angles like to gloat.
Lessons from 5/18/05
A problem with a museum can be dealt with by
facing or defacing.
Don't believe everything you hear because
sometimes you will hear lies.
Capital punishment isn't listening to a
Someone who mimics you without permission is
guilty of copyright infringement.
Having a pitiful life stinks.
Sadly in the 80s many poor kids had to play
with the other kind of transformers. May God rest their souls.
Just as the USA has a threat level color
system so do most people. When someone turns red that person is highly
Some people tell you "It is not polite to
point" yet those same people have no problem pointing that out to you.
Lessons from 5/19/05
A fresh can of soda cannot fix a flat tire.
Lazy people try to jog their memories of
things in order to not sound bad when their friends & co-workers
talk about jogging.
Surprisingly it is more dangerous to carry a
windshield around in a hurricane.
If practice makes perfect then no one has
If someone knocks a hole in the wall let them
know they were supposed to knock on the door.
Be careful what you wish for because you are
almost certain to be disappointed.
It is not what you do that counts but rather
why you do it. Unless what you do is count.
Taking the Bible out of context is like
trying to bake a cake with only one ingredient, it's not going to be
good & cake never is anyway.
It is wise to say to your clock "Do not be
Most people just condition their air rather
than their bodies.
Violence is never the answer because there is
no question as to whether you should use it.
Drinking from a straw always sucks.
You cannot put a piranha in a toilet as a
practical joke on a friend because if you do this person obviously
wasn't your friend.
Lessons from 5/20/05
Many people can spell but few can dispel.
The catapult wasn't named as such because it
launched cats into the air but rather because it launched pults.
Sharing is halfway between giving &
taking yet so few can make this compromise.
People who drive wrecklessly seem to wreck
Slides are fun but they can be dangerous if
you are a bad photographer.
The more light you let in the more the light
lets you out.
Be sure to understand the difference in
figurative language & literal language. Wait that is an order..
shouldn't we be teaching them something rather than bossing them
around? Oh I see that is how the schools do it.
Inside jokes aren't as loud as outside jokes.
Bicycles will let anyone ride them.
Exchanging ideas can lead to the person you
exchanged them with exchanging your idea for cash.
Lessons from 5/21/05
Golf will become hipper when golfers begin to use
Screw Drivers®, &
No one has ever run out of time before.
Being in the company of strangers is strange
Floods are devastating & sad yet most people seem to keep their
Courts always buy sturdy tables.
The straw who broke the camel's back was a fat farmer who
blamed his hat.
It isn't possible to tell someone a secret.
If noon were at 5pm gunslingers would say, "Its high five."
The past creates the present.
Face the facts. Read a book.
You can be a cowboy even if you don't live on
the range all you need is to be a fat young man.
Poking fun is the only thing that makes fun
Remember always safety first.. well actually always remember first.
The term "rock & roll" was coined in the caveman days
when cavemen would spark rocks together but then get dangerously caught
on fire so they would stop, drop, & roll. The most amazing part is
that cavemen spoke English!
If you keep believing in luck you're out of luck.
Feelings are like the cherry on top or the poo on yo shoe
Depending on whether good or bad
Seeing is believing that you are not blind.
The future always waits
If you don't apply what you learn then you really haven't learned
Love in your tummy is like the least yummy place to have it.
Caring is like sharing except better because you don't have to share.
Baking a pie is like getting poked in the eye except one makes you want
to live & the other could cause you to die.
The perfect excuse for a kid to disobey his parents would be to say "I
thought you were using reverse psychology & that you wanted me to
The reverse of thirst is when you've drank so much you could burst.
Having no choice is like having every choice but unpickable.
If one wanted to be a grave digger as an adult & was asked "Where
will you be in 10 years?" the person can legally say "In a grave."
without sounding depressing.
When people usually lose their eyesight they loose the sight part &
not the eyes.
If you lose weight being a loser is good.
The hardest thing about being young is getting old.
The tooth draft has the most interesting tooth picks.
A wooden speed limit sign.. yeah that's pretty limited.
There is one good kind of heart attack and that is when your heart is
attacked by love.
The only restaurants that can really have homemade food are ones which
used to be old people's houses.
The great thing about rain is that you can urinate & no one would
even know it.
Chili is one food which contradicts itself because it is hot but it
Breaking records is like broken records because people do it over &
The scariest room in the house is the living room because it is alive!
Everyone starts out small.
It isn't always easy to ease drop.
Question questions & you'll always have something to do.
Dinner time is never getting thinner time.
You can't tell unless you hear first.
It is hard to make friends with ice because it is so cold.
Being unprepared is an easy way to get scared.
Throwing caution to the wind is safer than throwing danger to the wind.
One cannot catch a breeze.
When one thinks one knows it all that is when one really has more to
It is easy to be romantic when you are in love. All you have to do is
tell the truth.
Someone that is kind. Is a great find.
Love is like butter. It is better when spread.
The club sandwich is the most dangerous sandwich.
It is always smart to agree with facts. That way you seem right more
Almost everyone is gifted on their birthday.