- I'm a lot like Spider-Man. I'm a man. Hey I didn't say we were completely alike.
- When
someone tells me that I'm funny the pressure is on to think of a funny
response.. because comedy is better than reciprocal graciousness, at
least that is what they taught me in jerk school. Boy my teacher at jerk
school was such a.. nice guy. He should have been fired but I guess
when you are tying to learn to be a jerk someone teaching you to be nice
is a real jerk move. Perhaps I should punch him in the face as a sign
of gratitude..
- I went to a five star resort. Yeah, the view at night was terrible.
- I always knew that I'd never think of this day coming.
-
I'm a millionaire because I have a million air.
-
That doesn't smell smart.
- T/i\r/e\s/ (Slashed tires)
-
I'll keep an eye out for it and by that I mean I will keep my eye out of your head and in mine.
-
I want to be a single dad. I don't want my wife to marry anyone else. I want to be the only dad for my kids.
-
I realize that they are comedians. That's what they do, they comeed. But why do they have to be so disrespectful?
- Are you a he or she or a sheesh!?
- What are your 2 1/1 favorite things about where you live?
- Can you tell me where the nearest far away is?
- If
you could live anywhere you want but only for 5 seconds where would it
be? It would have to look good and not be deadly cold but if it is too
good you can only live there for 5 seconds and that would be a bummer.
-
These
jokes are for the .7 fans Piemerica has. .7, how is that possible? Well
the one fan we have has decreased his interest in us by 30%.
-
I hear you have age too.
- Wow, context, I like that word and the thing that it is.
- I believe dinosaurs existed and I make no bones about it.
-
I need to compact (instead of stretch).
-
I'm
addicted to air. I breathe in 29,307 times a day and I'm thinking of getting a
surgery to where I don't have to breathe out.
-
I kept it a secret until I talked to someone.
- This sort of thing is not my 39.
- Nathan Barnatt: Watching dolphins!! California rules!
Emperor MAR: California passed a law that forces everyone there to watch dolphins?
- Stranger: this is fun
Emperor MAR: yeah I use the word "this" some times!
Stranger: i use it all the time, i think
Emperor MAR: that is too much and irresponsible
- Stranger: ohh okay sweet..
Emperor MAR: your sweet dropped some sugar
- Stranger: Jamaicans? I've never met one.
Emperor MAR: You've always met them in pairs huh?
- Stranger: how so
Emperor MAR: yes it is very so
- Stranger: hah
Emperor MAR: i am going to use the magic of typing and type what you just said backwards
Emperor MAR: hah
- Boss: Are you working hard or hardly working?
Emperor MAR: I'm hardly working hard. Which, I guess, is just regular working.
- Young Adult: I grew up on Apple Jacks cereal!
Emperor MAR: That's sad, my parents gave me a bed.
- Stranger: That is very sound advice.
Emperor MAR: Yeah especially when I say it out loud.
- Being 1: You know what?
Being
2: No what?
Being
1: You just said what, that means you know what
Being
2: Oh sorry
- Empress Lori: Just forget about it.
Emperor MAR: You are asking too much of me.
- Being 1: My Stomach says growl
Emperor MAR: My stomach says meow
- Being 1: Lord, please bless this meal I have cooked.
Being 2 to Being 3: Why is he doing that? Is he that bad of a cook?
-
If my dad had a dog it would be dog and dad, pup and pap, puppy and pappy, k9 and uh father...
- I had a great time the other day at a place which shall
remain nameless. I don't know why they refuse to name it. It makes it
so hard for me to reference.
- It didn't take that long, it only took oneever.
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