- I'm a lot like Spider-Man. I'm a man. Hey I didn't
say we were completely alike.
- When someone tells me that I'm funny the pressure is
on to think of a funny response.. because comedy is better than
reciprocal graciousness, at least that is what they taught me in jerk
school. Boy my teacher at jerk school was such a.. nice guy. He should
have been fired but I guess when you are tying to learn to be a jerk
someone teaching you to be nice is a real jerk move. Perhaps I should
punch him in the face as a sign of gratitude..
- I went to a five star resort. Yeah, the view at night
- I always knew that I'd never think of this day coming.
- I'm a millionaire because I have a million air.
- That doesn't smell smart.
- T/i\r/e\s/ (Slashed tires)
- I'll keep an eye out for it and by that I mean I
will keep my eye out of your head and in mine.
- I want to be a single dad. I don't want my wife to
marry anyone else. I want to be the only dad for my kids.
- I realize that they are comedians. That's what they
do, they comeed. But why do they have to be so disrespectful?
- Are you a he or she or a sheesh!?
- What are your 2 1/1 favorite things about where you
- Can you tell me where the nearest far away is?
- If you could live anywhere you want but only for 5
seconds where would it be? It would have to look good and not be deadly
cold but if it is too good you can only live there for 5 seconds and
that would be a bummer.
- These jokes are for the .7 fans Piemerica has. .7,
how is that possible? Well the one fan we have has decreased his
interest in us by 30%.
- I hear you have age too.
- Wow, context, I like that word and the thing that it
- I believe dinosaurs existed and I make no bones about
- I need to compact (instead of stretch).
- I'm addicted to air. I breathe in 29,307 times a day
and I'm thinking of getting a surgery to where I don't have to breathe
- I kept it a secret until I talked to someone.
- This sort of thing is not my 39.
- Nathan Barnatt: Watching dolphins!!
Emperor MAR: California passed a law that forces everyone
there to watch dolphins?
- Stranger: this is fun
Emperor MAR: yeah I use the word "this" some times!
Stranger: i use it all the time, i think
Emperor MAR: that is too much and irresponsible
- Stranger: ohh okay sweet..
Emperor MAR: your sweet dropped some sugar
- Stranger: Jamaicans? I've never met one.
Emperor MAR: You've always met them in pairs huh?
- Stranger: how so
Emperor MAR: yes it is very so
- Stranger: hah
Emperor MAR: i am going to use the magic of typing and type what you
just said backwards
Emperor MAR: hah
- Boss: Are you working hard or hardly
Emperor MAR: I'm hardly working hard. Which, I guess, is just
- Young Adult: I grew up on Apple Jacks cereal!
Emperor MAR: That's sad, my parents gave me a bed.
- Stranger: That is very sound advice.
Emperor MAR: Yeah especially when I say it out loud.
- Being 1: You know what?
Being 2: No what?
Being 1: You just said what, that means you know what
Being 2: Oh sorry
- Empress Lori: Just forget about it.
Emperor MAR: You are asking too much of me.
- Being 1: My Stomach says growl
Emperor MAR: My stomach says meow
- Being 1: Lord, please bless this meal I have cooked.
Being 2 to Being 3: Why is he doing that? Is he that bad of a cook?
- If my dad had a dog it would be dog and dad, pup and
pap, puppy and pappy, k9 and uh father...
- I had a great time the other day at a place which
remain nameless. I don't know why they refuse to name it. It makes it
so hard for me to reference.
- It didn't take that long, it only took oneever.
and Organized October 27, 2011
All written by Emperor
MAR in 2011, except written #10 written in 2010.
Enornal Fornitude Published by: P-I-G-S,