- I hope you can find it in your heart.. & by
"it" I mean blood.
- I miss the good ol' days when you didn't have to pray
a blessing over
your meal because you could trust that the farmer had already blessed
- You guys are totally out of the looop. I bet you
didn't even know they added an extra o to looop.
- You should have seen the look on his face. It was the
type of look that said, "Wow look at the look on that other guy's face."
- Have you ever agone existin'?
- Remember that time Edgar gave you that wooden toast
& you were in the hospital for 3 years? No? Yeah we thought you
had lost your memory.
- By my count your picture only says 999 words. This
means it is of the devil because 999 is 666 upside-down.
- Can you spell the word cube for me? I am terrible at
spelling the word cube.
- That awkward moment when someone writes something
starting with "that awkward moment" & you're tired of the
- If you can hear me say, "I can't hear you."
- When you dream about banks who is sitting to the 3rd
door to the left in the 2nd seat from the right?
- The refrigerator is riding a motorcycle. The
mini-fridge is riding a motortricycle.
- I heard the Dollar Tree is having a Black Friday
sale.. Everything is 99 cents.
- In school they told us to pass the tests but when I
got caught passing a test to another kid I got in trouble. What a world!
- Melody isn't wonderful..
- She's in a class by herself & she's the
- How did I get such a good picture? It's because
Melody is in it.
- Melody is the best baby & she eats things
that are the consistency of gravy.
say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But
those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a toddler
& I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came
& started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires,
digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.
- Show of hands, who has the most hands here?
- Are you cheerful that floors happen when you are
- Glick had 5 toasters stationed outside his backdoor
just in case any of his toasts tried to escape to say kind things at
- Gnell learned how to fry an egg on her back porch.
She got strange looks for having a porch attached to her shoulders.
- Glark was only interested in owl sounds coming from
the dashboards of wrecked cars.
- Gnish had an app that scanned her surroundings
& pulled up user reviews of everything in existence. Yet she
still didn't trust a soul.
- Gleef never learned anything in class so he took a
class on how to take classes & because of the circular nature
of it all he never learned anything, not just in class but anywhere in
life. It was a good thing he was already 150 years old & knew
everything he needed to know.
- Gnord is busier than a pitchfork on prom night.
decompose in dirt but plants compose in dirt so what do submarines do?
- What you said was so disgusting I've been sick for 16
years & I just found out why.
- Half Infinity
- When they were passing out disasters in heaven he
didn't take one. The rest of us went through the line multiple times
because we foolishly thought it was noble.
teams are usually named after animals. But what if there were a team
Humans. The crowd would cheer, "Go humans go!" & it would bring
warm tear to all of our eyes.
- This is Precious Roy & my Idaho is made of
fresh cooked meat.
No Precious what about the steam ice maker?
Buy my elastic cinnamon razors. Suckers!
Assembled and Organized May 31, 2014, October 26-27, 2014,
& December 31, 2014
All written by Emperor
MAR in 2012-2014
Enornal Fornitude Published by: P-I-G-S,