- MAR: I live on Brown Street.
Person: Brown like the color?
MAR: No brown like the sound you hear when someone says brown.
Stranger: Why are you sad?
MAR: It was a typo I meant to smile.
- Stranger: Can I see a pic of u?
MAR: I don't know are you blind?
- Person: I called you earlier.
MAR: I know but that's not my name so I didn't answer.
Child: My mommy said I was stupid.
MAR: She was right
MAR: Yeah just not about that.
Human: I'm pretty sure that's amusing.
MAR: You're not even confident when it comes to what you are amused by? Your parents failed you.
Human: You're not aware of sarcasm?
MAR: I'm not good with geolgraphy. I don't know much about casms, sorry.
- MAR: Somehow being a critic is considered clever these days. That is
like a guy with a sign pointing at a fire calling himself a firefighter.
Human: That literally made no sense
MAR: I used an existing language so it couldn't have LITERALLY made NO
sense. Only something that lacks the palpability of the 5 senses could
LITERALLY make NO sense to us.
Human: oh you were being literal to the nth degree?
MAR: Literal doesn't have degrees. That is the point of it!
- Human: How are you doing?
MAR: I feel like a shelf caught in a windstorm while wiping a chuckwagon.
Human: ooh is stormy where you are?
MAR: I had a horse in my circus days that walked on four globes. We called him the globe trotter.
armyghost88: I once digested a diary and drew the perfect parallelogram.
MAR: Was it the diary of a bear ghost with teeth? Because they are the only ghosts with teeth.
armyghost88: I have yet to see such shining sails and rubber hoses. I
doused the treble in the orange paint and kept on marching.
- Mabel: That's really dangerous. The guy from Blendtec says so all the time.
MAR: He talks too much then.
- David: Do you smoke pot?
MAR: What is that like boiling water on a grill?
David: Ur joking right? Cause I hope so cause its a pretty funny joke
MAR: I'm not sure b/c ever since I saw the joker in that batman
movie I'm not sure if jokes are supposed to be funny or scary.
David: can I send pics to this.number?
MAR: If you have any pictures of air or time or thoughts I'd like
to see those because I've never seen any of those before.. at least not
without misting the air.
David: Haha ok dude ur turning a little weird so ima say goodbye now :)
MAR: That's good because the only time you can say it is now,
except you did it in the past too... but you totally can't say it in
the future, that much I assume. -Reverse Greetings
- Mike: So what's the US like?
MAR: We have more bunny graves in the US than anywhere else in the world!
- Mike: ..i tried but i gave up
MAR: who'd you give it to?
- MAR: oh no i didnt jst msplel somtehing! uhg 'im so embarissed
Class: Are you now?
MAR: I don't know when else I would be.
Class: so do you eat nonsense for breakfast?
MAR: I eat non-cents for breakfast.
Class: I was quite certain on that one
MAR: yeah only rich guys named Rich eat money. Narcissistic clods!
Class: and you are one of them?
MAR: No, I'm all six!
Class: [Leaves Chat]
- Tyler: where have you been all my life?
MAR: eating toast AT GUNPOINT!
Tyler: oh no, quick, is there butter?
MAR: Pre-melted on random pieces. That is the real torture!
- Human: Is your birthday next month?
MAR: What are you talking about? I think it is pretty obvious that I was already born.
- MAR: My favorite hark is "hark hark." How many harks can you fit into a noise made by your tire nails?
MAR: I'm counting 8 abbreviated harks there. Impressive
- Kerry: yay
MAR: Did you just say yay backwards?
Kerry: sure did
MAR: yay is like two thugs taking away an a
YaY is a house between large powerlines
427 looks like a groovy bus
Stranger: This conversation is going well, don't you think?
Me: I do think, but not about that
- MAR: Say a generic compliment to your stranger that
would actually apply to someone you've never seen or spoke with before.
Stranger 1: I bet you breathe oxygen real well
- Lori: Don't ask me why..
- MAR: bros bros sounds less manly than bros
Justin: bro slow down the weed man
MAR: How can I be expected to stop the wind? You want me to put a barn around the weed?
Justin: what happen to you dillon u used to be sombody i could trust
MAR: I changed my name to Sachel Book to show up Sachel Paige that's what!
MAR: USA USA USA USA!
Justin: no canada man, canada
MAR: I just mispelled canada 3 times. uanada sanada aanada & it came out as USA
Justin: that is isane man
MAR: see you just mispelled too, proving that it is sane
Justin: I can't spell to save a dying rabbit
MAR: looks like you spelled it right to me
- MAR: I was hired by SPAMŽ to have meaningful conversations online to
improve their image. How meaningful would you rate this conversation on
an electronic scale of Aleph to Yod?
MAR: with Aleph being the highest or lowest?
Edward: I think it's the lowest.
MAR: Ok. One final question then. Has this conversation made you depressed
enough to eat SPAMŽ? Diet is so important. Eat more SPAMŽ (visit
www.spam.com or your local grocer).
- Kid: You're my hero.
Hero: I'm my hero too kid.
Assembled and Organized May 31, 2014 & October 26-27, 2014 & December 27, 2014
All convos with Emperor
MAR in 2012-2014
Enornal Fornitude Published by: P-I-G-S,