Pin the Tail on the Muffin
(As the muffin shouts "no!" but I assured the muffin being embarrassed is better than being eaten)
| I was with my friend one day. What is that you say? I have a friend? No Way! Ok this story is made up, happy?|
Well my friend & I were always together. Because my friend was my classic autographed 1999 "You Suck" shirt from that bully that used to write on my clothes. We were always together, (as I have previously stated!) until wash day when we were torn apart. Don't worry folks the "You Suck" won't come off.
I had nothing to wear! Except for those billions of outfits I have, which the world never sees. None of those say "You Suck". Now you must be thinking why would I wear a shirt that bashes me. Well I don't! The shirt says "You Suck" although originally pertaining to me, now anyone who reads it gets the bashing. O how the wind blows in the open parking lot. When I say "pa-rk-ing l-o-t' I don't mean soup. Although you probably knew that.
I thought of all the great times my shirt & I have had together the stomach tucks, the celery stains, the run ins with the law that time I ran down the hill next to the police station. Nothing more can I say but "Good Times." How long the day can be, when your shirt is being cleaned. Without my shirt I'm nothing more than a guy without a shirt & if you know me that ain't pretty.
I tried to look on the positive side of not having a shirt but I couldn't. It seems like it's the 4th day it's been in there. If I could just hold on a few more minutes. I'd break my record for holding this pen. The pen dropped & I stopped. Stopped caring about life, about the world, about lemon scented pillow mints on my birthday, but not about my shirt.
I looked at the clock. I wondered "What am I looking at a clock for? I'm wearing 2 watches." It felt as though the ticking would never end & all 3 were digital! I finally decided "if I'm going to wear that paper hat I'd better do it before night falls or else I'll block out the moon's mystic rays.. of light." When I get that shirt back I promise I won't cry, because my tears are made of glue, after I visited that horse ranch, & it would have to be washed again.
The wash was finally done but now was time for the dry. I took the shirt out & said another sad goodbye. The dryer turned for such a long time. I attempted to get my mind off the shirt. I tried dancing, gardening, & after making millions in my worldwide Garden Dancing Act, I forgot about the shirt! I rushed home in my high $ automobile. I rushed so much I crashed into a burning house.
Somehow I survived the crash, at least that's how the story goes, I found the house to be mine. I'd left the dryer on & the shirt burnt up. All that gardening & dancing had ruined my life. The only things I had left were my money & burn wounds. I took the money, bought a new shirt, & paid the bully to sign it again. The only thing was it's no longer 1999. Tried so hard, I wanted to find a time machine but all I could find was a watch, a bowl, a tad of pole from the flag of socks, a rundown resource plant with sad little ants who waved & sang up high, a living man's tombstone, a rotten coupon, a laced trolley but sized. Somehow all this worked out & the time machine was mine.
|Written by (The Joe) Legend|