Tuesday, Decemer 31, 2013
Ages in Bloom, new 10th Anniversary Double Album by MARS
Monday, Decemer 30, 2013
Minds XXVI-XXX, new noise/soundscape album by MARS
Mind 26. Exist 12:28
Mind 27. Don't... 10:24
Mind 28. When the goal becomes the memory 9:57
Mind 29. The Future We Can't Touch 13:49
Mind 30. What Your Dreams Heard Just Before You Woke Up 3:24

December Lessons
School life is like a sitcom. There are all sorts of background characters that never get any lines in your story & you don't get any in theirs.

Old ladies lose weight so the gram was named after them. But for those future grammas the gram was named before them.

The past can be in front of you if you turn around & look back at it.

People who get down to the nitty gritty shouldn't eat bugs while there.

If you can't figure out what the future holds try checking its pockets instead.

Instead of being open-minded or closed-minded I recommend being crack minded. Not too open & not too closed. You're confident enough to be content but uncertain enough to learn & not be a jerk.

Abe Lincoln was named after the 16th President of the United States.

People who sign autographs are redundant.

If you say "bingo" at just the right time you could kill all of mankind. Of course this is a very particular time when the world is running out of air & everyone has to stop talking.

While most small things are obviously small, little whiles are only known to be small after you've encountered them.

While most people think surgeons do pretty good, the reality is that they do ugly good because guts are ugly.

When you run your own business you are the slave owner & the slave at the same time.

A clothes line is where poor clothes go to hang out.

People that hit the bottle really are drunks. I mean I understand crushing a can on your head but this.. wow.

They were going to call the telephone the silentephone & by "they" I mean spiders wearing jeans next to caulking because the colors go well together.

Only phonies use phones. So next time you call a loved one know it is not really them talking to you. But of course if you call them you aren't really you either.

Musical Instruments in a Homeless Band:  Sacks of phones, acoustic tars, a P & an O (cut from a box label), a flewt (a dead bird that has done flewt), a corder (a cord instead of a recorder), a triangle (any triangle will do), a clearanet (a net you can see through the holes), an o-bow (a circle of hairbows), a pickle-o (a sliced pickle with a hole in it), a board (it has no keys because they are homeless).

Christmas is celebrated in winter because if people's hearts were warmed with such holiday cheer during the more heated months hearts the world over would melt.

People shop until they drop because they are forced to buy things they break & are too embarrassed to continue shopping in the same store.

Struggling farmers need only to put yield signs in front of their crops to be more successful.

Here's a kind thing to do. Get a gun & a mask & say to a stranger, "Gimme your wallet!" When they do fill it with loads of cash & give it back to them.

If your car breaks down don't call AAA. 222 doesn't connect to anyone.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
If WHO loves Him? They will keep WHAT commandments?
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Melody making me proud by eating pie.

Sunday, December 8, 2013
Sum guz en ah kaa

Sunday, December 1, 2013
New Lyrics: All our candles

All our candles have been told when to light & when to blow.
We're shown the handles & told to grab or He'll let go.
But no no no! He'll never let go.

Saturday, November 30, 2013
November Lessons
If you think you've lost the will to live you're confused. A will is for someone who has died.

Love is a many spendered thing. Spending money for women lets the woman realize that you value her enough to spend the money you earned slaughtering chickens and/or wombats at the Wonderbread factory. As the greedy corporations said in the 20th century “Money is the honey to get honeys.”

Mimes never run out of time but they do run into it. Ouch!@mime.com

Remember, "If spiky hair with an insane glare don't go there!" Actually you really only need the insane glare.

Time was the way you knew a man was content was if he didn't know how to properly open a newspaper.

Statistically people who steal are the ones who have stolen the most things ever in history.

Renting a box for shelter can be expensive if it rains because box rental services have no box insurance for rain related weather.

Even stoppers stop sometimes. Actually stoppers in sinks, tubs, showers, & sinks spend more time not stopping than they do stopping.

The best secret you've ever heard was still a pretty lousy secret because you heard it.

Wish people a terrible weekend so the next weekend will be great, if by nothing else but comparison.

Throwing money into the air (non-coins) is a great feeling & catching it is even better. Refs who do coin tosses just don't know what they're missing on the next level.

Some don't like how bologna tastes so they name it (usually O-S-C-A-R) instead of eating it because they know it will be around a while like a pet unless it is eaten by the pet.

You can be sure of this, being sure of things is easier than you think. Well not easier than you thinking, but at best it is as easy.

If you could go back in time & read the history books you'd think "What about starships?" & I'd think, "What about canteen shards?"

In times of trouble be appreciative that you are not in a time of troubles. Replace the word lucky with the word blessed & you may sound more thankful.

11/18/13 Flashback Edition:
If you've never been crushed by a panda you don't know what you are missing.. & trust me, you don't want to know.

Breaking something while dancing is not uncommon in hypothetical circles. But are hypothetical circles really squares?

Flashback Edition:
Elevators on farms have a lot of hick ups but they have just as many hick downs too.

A fun game for friendless persons to play is "chase the chaser" because all you do is run around in a circle.

What could be better than the worst? Everything, that's right.

The strongest case always carries the most weight.

I don't know what a bel is but when a bel happens twice a rebel is born.

Thoughts let you say things in your head, feelings let you say things in your heart, hunger lets you say things in your stum, gas lets you say things in & out of your.. butt.

When people own each other it is slavery but when they own pets the animals are treated like ancient kings.

Dependency does not have a holiday but Thanksgiving is close.

From decades in the past came the present.

If you're on the 2nd floor of a 2 story structure with the kids only on the 1st floor, you're not down with the kids.

Spinning around doesn't mean you've gone around the world.

Monday, November 25, 2013
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
We've Been Holy for a While Now..
Thursday, November 14, 2013
New album by MARS for the 10th Anniversary of MARS' debut release
Its the 10th Anniversary of the First MARS Album so we bring to you a new MARS album Those Songs About Us. It is guitar based & a rival for my catchiest album.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
New Renderings, Emperor MAR as Mega Man

Link:  Renderings Section
Friday-Monday, November 6-9, 2013

Thursday, October 31, 2013
October Lessons
If you listened every once in a while you wouldn't listen very much.

If you think the weather is bad today just wait for the past. There was some serious weather back then!

A fine way of teaching an old dog new tricks is to hit the dog a few times in the head so it'll forget the old tricks. The problem with that method is that it is a complete waste of time lest you enjoy hitting your dog.

A finer way of teaching an old dog new tricks is to teach your dog nothing its whole life until it is old & then teach it tricks & there you go. You've taught an old dog new tricks.

If money were recycled it would be true that it takes money to make money however money is not recycled so you should use any land you obtain to plant trees because it takes trees to make money.

Sweeping broken things creatively can actually cause those things to break dance.

10/7/13 Flashback Edition:
You don't have to walk sideways on a sidewalk.

Some animals have hands yet they don't wear hand me downs because they wear fur because for them fur isn't murder, fur is life.

A candle may not be a game but it, like most light matter, can be used in a game of catch.

If you can fit in a tank it probably isn't a gas tank.

If you forget the name of your shoe you are too prideful with your head in the air & all.

If you forget the name of your horse it runs, possibly away, but horses will run anyway, as in any direction AND regardless of you forgetting WHO they are.

Being late multiple times equals getting fired. And standing next to fire makes you sweat just like being broke & jobless (in the summer time).

Spending large amounts of time driving could mean you are a retired golfer or a retired golfer's caddy.

Some things never change. You can always rely on things like style, technology, & today's date to be the same for years & years to come.

People disagreeing with you can be a harsh thing. So harsh in fact that some people change what they think just so they can be agreed with.

A loser is nothing more than a quitter who finished, just like a winner is nothing more than a loser who won.

Like is spelled like lick (using letters) so when someone likes something crappy it is like they are tasting it thus getting an acquired taste for crud. This is why baloney means guff.

A D fence isn't so smart.

Off color remarks usually mean that the teacher’s regular pen has run out of ink.

Candy taste good going in but should only be eaten once.

One is a magic number because most magic wands are shaped like ones rather than other numbers. Eight used to be the magic number but magicians' children would race their toy cars on their parents' wands. So then they changed the magic number to three, which was some time in the 1970s. Three had children's cars running off the track which was funny for a while until the parents had to buy more toys. One then became the magic number & the wands were made to be rounded to make any & all cars fall off of them.

Umpires are like vampires but with less va va va & more u u u (pronounced as a grunted 'oo').

Shallow people & ugly people can both enjoy Halloween together.

Celebrating Halloween is like eating a hollow bean because Halloween is all about the surface. Except the internal digestion of candy which later becomes an external thing..

The best time to train up a child is on Halloween. This way you won't look weird dressing your child up like a train. Even better if you have multiple children you can dress them as one cart each.

Because people go around looking maimed already Halloween is the perfect night to give someone a savage beating & get away with it.

Monday, October 28, 2013
Piemerica's 15th Anniversary
Two new songs from MARS

Tuesday, October 15, 2013
+=- Dominoes
Can someone help me knock these dominoes over?
Even without gravity pillows are awesome.

I'll never fall off the map because I've got it tattooed on my feet.

Sign cabbages, spoil, get another one.

So I used to think tourettes was another way of saying stewardesses.

I'll be there around 10 somethingish.

Some say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a 1 year old & I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came over & started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires, & digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.
There aren't nine enough.
Alright! I figured out how to knock down the dominoes!
▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
MARS Taglines
I like to take the song titles from my albums & make some poetry or a story from them as a "tagline" for the album.

There was almost a purpose but it robbed my rest. I'm not at home. I'm here affected by empty effects.  ~Norvon Mac

Smothered by survival with pleasure that never knocks. Love is not idle but we're all in the garage.  ~Food Dood

There is nothing to remember & we will help you get up. We'll keep you warm in December & loved for the rest of your life.  ~Zer- Cred--

Anywhere or alone, I have it all, I have a home.  ~Prodigious in Paltry

I want what you want yet I don't know. I fight & I scrape feeling dark & alone. But there you are freeing me & filling me up because I found what you wanted. You simply wanted me.  ~Mirroring Wishes

I could hear how my brain handles morning light.  ~A.M. Rang a Song

To save time I only looked at me then I grew my mind & was set free. The packers & gardeners could not let me go ungroomed. I wanted them out of my ear so they lost root. Now I am free to live while resting complete. A whole new language is opened up to me. You won't make me into a goat again. I am a warrior who doesn't need to win.  ~Wonbex Ider

Through the barren I found what I could be. Beautiful lights shining on & from me. I heard blue explode & drift away. But still they were searching as if it persisted to the day.

Making it impossible is the easiest thing. Fear will depress you & grate on your brain. They couldn't get started. They aren't enjoying the good they deserve. For them it is sadder than sunset in a wilderness world.

The cuffs stay on for all of their lives. You have to erase your heaven's eyes. I wish you were all riding with me in this amazing place but your self-imposed night is always ready to lay waste. Some day you will know what it was really about. When the credits are rolling just don't walk out.
  ~When Blue Blew

If you look at the song titles on When Blue Blew each paragraph is for a side of the album (1st one for dry side, 2nd for wet side, 3rd for out side). So I took the titles that were only meant to describe the sounds of the songs & somehow they magically can turn into a story. It is almost eerie writing it out because of how much unintentional sense is there to be made.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
New Album by MARS, When Blue Blew
When Blue Blew Album Promos
My new abtracticalreish album, When Blue Blew, with mental imagery & heart emotion painted with sound.

Piemerica's Classic Lessons from this Day:
Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.

Poke a staircase in the lid it might open.

Is your throat sore from laughing so hard at our lessons? Well why not give your throat a break & make your ears sore..ly appointed by listening to the new album by MARS, When Blue Blew

Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day:
A candle may not be a game but it, like most light matter, can be used in a game of catch.

That's right, I can come out with a new lesson & a new album all on the same day. I'd like to see you door-to-door cantaloupe salesmen try to top that!

Listen to When Blue Blew, the new album by MARS so you too can stop being plagued by memories of being thrown off the handball team your the IIIrd year.

Everyday Codes Cracked
To Star & Micey
I cracked the code in your album. I took every 3rd word from each song then every fourth word & every fifth word minus the last two songs & got your secret message. & here it is for everyone to see!!

You was the me.
The unknown night fire all in love.
A frontseat smiles sky to when baby.
In the me time, yeah when its yourself, you.

I did the same thing with I Can't Wait but with the 2nd-5th words.

A got had had.
Corner home,
80s you in late jeans on Memphis last.

Amazing work hiding these profound things in the lyrics!

To Geoff Smith
I found your secret message from the first verse of Get Up Billy I took every 2nd, 3rd, & 4th word beginning the cycle over at the 6th word skipping the last four of the fourth & got your amazing message!

A where freeze.
The you, his star one.
This schoolhouse, the these streets & name wars.
Look is in buses kids, they're me.

To Scary Smile Man
Wow! I found your amazing cryptic art that you hid in the 576 Square pixels from the bottom left corner of your last 5 mobile uploads (as of 8/8/13 3:33PM EST) that was meant to be placed together.

Cool work dude!

To Ryan Munson
I found your secret message hidden as the 2nd word of each of your last 5 status messages in reverse chronological order.

"Rides gang really selling! Believe!"

I do.. Now!

I know sometimes we can't always say what we really feel so we hide our feelings in anagrams of what we do say. & I just want to thank you for saying this in the second half of your last sentence, "Deep, Wept Rough, kook."
Sunday, October 6, 2013
New MARS music releases
Zer- Cred-- featuring Exclusive Remixes of Other Artists including Star & Micey, also includes Other People Performing my Lyrics.
Previously unavailable download & in page stream of
Music from the AudiOcular Manifestation Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh? Vol. 3- Food Dood
Friday, October 4, 2013
MARS Website updates
MARS Songlisting Now Sortable by Title, Length, & Release
Different artwork added to the top corner of each MARS page.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
September & October Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Wondering About How We Relate to God...
..Make Believe..

Monday, September 30, 2013
September Lessons
Flashback Edition:
Cheesecake is pie's undercover agent in the evil world of cake.

Take it from me, Emperor MAR, building an empire is tough. I know this because I still haven't.

There is nothing wrong with being perfect.

If you own a store don't just store things there. Let people utilize monetary transactions to obtain what you store.

A tidily wink is when you wink while crying.

One man's meat is another man's poison especially after digestion has completed its course.

10 out of 10 recommenders recommend recommending.

Some people have a taste for blood but I say let blood taste its own food!

Following by this example can annoy it. Be sure to follow at a safe distance behind the example.

You're better off tooting your own horn than someone else's.

Letters are free online. We can use as many ms as we want but I only want to use 1 m. Happy Birthday Melody Joy!

The only surefire way to get rid of nightmares is to sleep during the day. Anyone every heard of a daymare? Sure they have but at least it won't be dark when you wake up in terror.

Everyone has problems & telling people that is patronizing & unhelpful.

Advice is a difficult thing to give especially when you don't know anything.

A four seater made of four cedars would intimidate aliens.

You can hold off forever but can only hold on for so long.

Babysitting is the worst kind of sitting.

An eggplant is what happens when you bury an egg or place an egg in someone's pocket.

Funning is like running but with a different letter.

If someone tells you that they'll think about what you said for a bit, demand instead they think about it for at least a byte.

It's good to be out of your mind because your mind is the one who should be in you.

If you are afraid of someone who is bad to the bone just give them a whole chicken & their badness will have to stop there.

The easiest way to find anything out is to go through your front door & away from your home.

Imaginary knives have moot points.

Most people are smarter than you think. Their mental hard drives are pretty full, of course it mostly consists of poorly encoded video files of movies & tv shows.

If you turn the hose on them then the hose won't have any friends left.

Do not fret losers for victory is not all that far away.. for the winners. In order for there to be winners there must be losers, so feel proud about your role in society.

Some say "Why am I a loser? Why can't that jerk from wherever be a loser?" Well winning makes you a jerk. Be happy you're a loser because people never dislike a loser.. unless they're depending on one.

The loser doesn't get a free dinner like the winner but look at it this way, they stay thinner.

Nothin says lovin like somethin from the oven and nothing says oven like a yak. Really you've got to hear it to believe it!

You can't tell when the tables have turned if the tables are round.

If you spend your time way below sea level you won't be able to see anything.

Friday, September 27, 2013
Equal Non-Equal Neutral Verses 0-6.5 Text Highlights
Equal Non-Equal Neutral consists of 6,397 words written with the intent to be the longest, stupidest, & most non-sensical song ever. It was written on various dates staring 10/27/00 & ending 11/15/02. These words were used to finally make the "song" in two albums by MARS, 2007's Besides: Equal Non-Equal Neutral & 2009's 86 minute, 41 track Equal Non-Equal Neutral. They were also collected into a book based on how they were divided on the albums. Below are my favorite 539 words from the 1,237 words included in Verses 0 to 6.5. [Also see Equal Non-Equal Neutral Verses 7.1-7.10 Text Highlights]

Nothing is as cold as that bitter feud between Superman & some dude.
Use up all my useless things.
Cataclysmic window washing.
Airway City is under water right now!
I am hiding under the atomless floor
Stir crazy butterflies with big sticks.
Strategically planned breathing for the week.
Looking over castles face down in the mud.
Harmless asteroids destroy the earth.
Fake snow made out of melted marshmallows doesn't make a very good movie prop.
Don't pull the plug on the trees cause there'll be no air, that's what the roots really are electrical growing cords.
Pretend there's no hens in the ballroom until something goes wrong.
Bring your nominees for least likely to get nominated.
A wearing suit made of car wax, transistors, & bulbs.
Bright blue evergreens sit around a fire discussing who should satire the next wolf.
Buy some land canoes from Mr. Scoundrel.
When the farm animulls get out of control just teach them how to bowl.
That darling little seed didn't have to be so abrasive.
Shiny & dull, ready to spit.
Generation to generation of trapezoids.
Lemon eye drops for her pleasure.
Sweet flavored light liquid dust.
The mailbox across the street said, "Its only 11 more days till Major Antigovernment Conspiracy Day. So lets all join in the fun. On November 13th this year. It's a terrible thing when a building is demolished. I know I've illegally read so much mail about this. So, Woo he he ha ha hey hey Major Antigovernment Conspiracy Day. Sleep well tonight for the 13th we'll get our revenge the conspiracy way.
Solid wind blow!
Cape it's no just for Superheroes anymore!
Try triumph.

Sogg my portable star in the foot.
Homeless are not a consequence in the conspiracy against the fence.
It's lying on the floor with a giant garage collapsed by the kicking of sod.
Convoluted railing in the shape of shark's teeth means nothing if you're sleeping in the garden with a hose that spews skyscrapers.
My flat square building peels my fork, like I never even had a cat.
The stamp bill collectors are knocking up my leaf.
Lob took a slow Lee at for cool a mint.
Nothing cuts paint better than police sirens.
Synthesized hot platypuses boil in the ice pot.
Salmonella flavored arm chair covers.
Clear wood amebas wearing my shirt.
Close your chair window.
Microscopic eclipse in my bathroom.
Throw the hand parade ala mode.
Sinking band rubber eyeballs that are sharp square.
The fire blames the tire for the eggshell mold.
Frisbee who la hats here for a snake cooling
Going to the drive in with my broken jar & a standing cape.
Time sure flies by faster when in an underground box.
Before youse know it your starting to see a punching bird.
Granulated cement in your tea.
Exstroodle math singers make a request.
Ingredients are butter, pork apples, sod hairclips, chairs bolted on, maximum distance, & piece of mind.
Make me some bacon muffins or a mist filled swimming pool with a 200 foot ladder to the bottom.
Caramel courage for loaf of said.
WAR albums on leg.
Life long lasting gnomes for a ticking spider!
Electric Choctaws steaming up the woods. Revolving dinner plates all over your car hood.
Desk fence chalk slime ravioli.
Heavy done corralled fears.
Sir lid friends.
Lower a trend meat.
Teeth proof sudden bills.
Regard the thick.
Mischief answered stretched head.

It's a fundamental street sign with a love for bolt torque.
A stage song written about barb wire clots.
In the cold night I will sleep well, as my socks fight over the bell.
The hallway glistens with the sounds of dead air.
Soar men will follow apple steel cream pool.
Plates are wearing gingerbread beads.
Tape line container of sloping trot.
Mustard skiing torches leave my leg in an air of cellular phones.
Admit rather a leprechaun paper sword.
Corn mono bull add.
Sleeping ladders on the plateau.
Sleeking Pat wool sewed up a sign.
Lightpost cereal tosses Trix at cloudy dimes.
Master Bees plotting our sapienism.
Roast foreign I be, list for a knob in.
Cabbage sitting on an earthquake surfboard.
Yacht full of sand in a window wiper windmill can.
Flower bought multi-lot down my the sky.
Crumbled up bag is a name for a 2 way street. Rocks are laden with carnival seats.
The beakers have slipped on mud magnet.
Architecture barrel, shopping sprees.
Salt water hood carrot phase.
A short film deep sea diver barely fits on the projector
They could've been the best! no. why for a double? no. single mess.
Quantumsurgeiality in a thrown away paper ball.
Paintings on a calculator forged then bought.
somewhere in the lateral peace
Scrape light thievery!
Fish fin de sauder, I'm important, I'm deportant now!
Cactus morphing interface blinking stone macaroni wood.
Melt or side sign.
Pier sink tar branding.
Sighlilly kelp fit stiff applied pin faughts.
Humping froff tay singe tis Martést fat lever.
Case but close heart.
Fuss well cow sea already ever clammed.
lost sight would bust crash leer too trite.
I pan latter crying forward.
Pay Mello Crete.
Punting sow cloud La Paz fearing yen roof fizz Kind tanned either. Fair pout side loft.
Sand feel frame.
Meating leaks May. Pearing feed soul.
Wouldn't that grave I slow?
cover cup mending cans.
Trim decision nothing Kept.
Dive crum mirror thousand.
Tin mumble crown.
Towers again.
Brother lime my mall cram seek.
Clay? Seal cruthch cope door.
Brims we feet in me traces.
Tactical clean 2-way long.
Amnesia lump fork.
Guss crum feathers. Didn't easier. To retrieve land.
Flight silouhettes career.
Faith driving hurts smell.
Fact of oxyen axphiate.
Support mung.
Floor couldn't took.
Skin float feather.
Notice now ones around.
Fire pictures.
Fused planet.
I'm glad fan box.
Lines on lines towels on towels
Force sit will robot sum.
Clear alway chasing fleas into a dome laying.
Where flow here.
Brave these conceived, warn the envenoméd.
Answering even exigent.
Mistrust face parley.
Compass spur light, fourth.
Spoil hide posture.
Peevish mask set bark stomachs.
False stare commend mace.
Upon raise touch.
Mother a cynic or companion tidings.
Question power tense.
Aught art alive added.
Affection stand contribution.
Moved indirection mirth.
Trash mart bait hedge me out slight health.
Budge palm digest choler.
Gently hollow but resolved.
Appoint a wind barren objects, soon imitations.
Voice prescription drivers
Leave, walks on utterance.
Envious rent hearse mantle.
Grief with as abide issue.
Vesture napkin dent flourished
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
+=- More colors than you could imagine with your heart.
Sleep Juggling,
I juggle in my sleep
& then I butter sheep

That's not what Eddie Johnson-Suarez said at the hardware store when I was buying pool nails.

She's in a class by herself & she's the teacher.

I'm the thing from the crystal lake. I've got a taco bucket & a pile of shanks.

How many hands does it take to chew marbles? You're a shaker, a stew baker & your arms are never rude. Holes made of glass, glass holes. Brillo tear mask. A cabbage called Bikemichael. Sweet gas smells. No one hated bunny eyebrows. He was only interested in owl sounds coming from the dashboards of wrecked cars.

I bet you're on this planet & sci-fi makes us feel alone. Well I'm not standing on Norvon Mac where its shady. I've come back from home. You can test your eyelids with honey to see if they attract wasps. I'm gonna keep it light & funny like a 4 ton hammer hammering gauze. That roll don't need hammered you can just roll it out. Take that white strip that ain't a sammich thru a balloon shaped route.

Our belts are hungry for more bellies so they hang loose. I spelled loose like a looser & yelled "Ramen!" like a moose. I grainy carrot fencing plotted to plod. A knuckle under white horse leather simmering in its mind's jackhammer fawn dose alivener.

Amidst rope, yellow salad coming, combing. Ferries without upsidedownlids. A fawl carpet lens on your camera trigger courting counting because a relationship with counting can easily last forever.

Clouds were tender eyevelopes, no opener but fog. A like quilted funny paper. Why are they always signing funny papers? We live with funny screens? Paper left its job at the microphone.

Clean left him poor his whole life. I told him to stop ironing his cars, that those wrinkles were tread. Well he told me all wrinkles come from treading my man & home is wherever your sweat is from fun. He liked using air quotes even while typing so he never got 1 editing job. He hated cars that were all drive & no parking. He said scissors pray to the mob. Which mob I never knew but one thing was for sure. The rest of the things went to mystery & whatever lung sucking thing that's out that door. I called him a hero but he said he just row down the shore. I made a million boxes out of eagles & they never told me what for.

And I've got a fire in my eye. I keep tryin' by cryin' to put it out. But no matter how much I scream, shout, & pout it never goes out. So I took my fillet to the canyon & knocked the hall right out. So now no one doubts me because they've heard all about me & I don't wear chalk. I hear that chalk helps you talk but I don't want to walk or talk, just balk, balk, balk. Then balk at balking.

I review hammocks in my spare time but I review how well they hold their liquor.

Someone told me that he has neighbors from hell & I said that's a good thing because it means they are on their way up in life. Coming from hell is much better than going to hell. It's hard to escape hell you have to win a fiddln' contest.

Tugging at a toast ghost.

Zombies have prosthetic life but their body parts are real.

They weren't grochers, they were grochests!

You'll never meet a hemophiliac box.

Flydeep Frin Felgest juggled conspiritists with a spoon.

Punch My Cat in the Face music video in HD
Made an HD version of my 10 year old classic music video. Now you can really watch the fur fly!

Friday, September 13, 2013
+=- One Day They Will Take Our Faces Too
I've spelt with B's before. Like, I've spelt the word before before.

Belts made of glass.

It is like septic elves spinning cartoon projections onto a forged stallion's ear.

If I weren't a sentient skillet I would sue the farm for all of its bees. They'd have to catch them because it is not a bee farm.

Invisible question marks are true question marks because their existence is questionable.

I have 7 equal signs in my trunk because 7 is an uneven number.

I'm not a cannibal but I like human meat because it lets me move.

The sky gets crowded with summer in June.

Being cool sucks & so does being lame because you have to un-be.

I watch lots of hammers in case they are planning something..

I may be city folk now but I can still milk a cow faster than a horse can!

Just being here with you makes me want to cry with a bushel of arrows on my lap.

MAR:  Your Welching the pillow dome?
Edward:  No I'm stuffing the welch with toilet paper and sending it off to sea
MAR:  Are you a super villain who is trying to soak up the ocean?
Edward:  Where would I put it in?
MAR:  Another planet to create life there.
Edward:  Yeah no one would find it there
MAR:  Except the new guys that are born from the space ocean.
Edward:  I'll put in on dark side of the moon, the moon is like a giant sponge. They won't know cause it'll be too dark.
MAR:  But I thought the moon was flat.. Oh I guess flat things have too sides two.
MAR:  Do you ever count your tears so you can become a living geology?
Edward:  How would counting my tears make me a geology?
MAR:  Yeah you must not have tried it then since you are asking.
Edward:  I have tried counting my prayers so that I can become a living God.
MAR:  Because you can hear yourself?
Edward:  I can also see myself.
MAR:  I love it when people know their terror soup!
Edward:  I use terror sauce on my crime burger with my offensive hot dog.
MAR:  Offensive like a futbol player or like a guy we hate because he says verbal hot dogs?
Edward:  Offensive like people who talk on the phone loudly while you are waiting for the light to change on the street
MAR:  You have streets where you live? I live in a vending machine (for now). This hungry poor guy keeps eyeballing me.
Edward:  I'm actually a tree. At night I uproot and move to places with better sunlight and less smoke in the air.
MAR:  Can you smell smoke?
Edward:  It sticks to my leaves and blocks my pores.
MAR:  So when you dream about banks who is sitting to the 3rd door to the left in the 2nd seat from the right?
Edward:  The man who is up when he is down while the bread crumbs are besides the oven which is to the left of the freezer.
MAR:  I hate that guy (on Tuesdays). I hate punk rockers too. They always breaking when I sit in them.
Edward:  You are the last tear of the sun, dried.
MAR:  I was hired by SPAM® to have meaningful conversations online to improve their image. How meaningful would you rate this conversation on an electronic scale of Aleph to Yod?
Edward:  Bet.
MAR:  with Aleph being the highest or lowest?
Edward:  I think it's the lowest.
MAR:  Ok. One final question then. Has this conversation made you depressed enough to eat SPAM®? Diet is so important. Eat more SPAM® (visit www.spam.com or your local grocer).

Wednesday, September 11, 2013
+ = - A Van of Regular Turtles.
It's a superliminal delauch array. If you unfocus your eyes for 3 months.. you're on the team!

2 page real trace review. Look again.

How many cubes do you have? I've spelt the word cube.

People decompose in dirt but plants compose in dirt so what do submarines do?

Gross income is gross because I should get all my money. They better stop taxing us when we all have jet packs since we won't need streets or schools anymore.

Yeah I'd deliver boat crust too if I were a marmoset.

I'm willing to bet Edgar's gramnana 3 cents that you can cut the unfrozen mustard without leaving a streak on the napkin.

Do you remember that guy.. the president. He sure has wacky hair huh? I used to be the president.. of a van.. of turtles. They weren't ninjas either :(

MAR:  I had a horse in my circus days that walked on four globes. We called him the globe trotter.
armyghost88:  I once digested a diary and drew the perfect parallelogram.
MAR:  Was it the diary of a bear ghost with teeth? Because they are the only ghosts with teeth.
armyghost88:  I have yet to see such shining sails and rubber hoses. I doused the treble in the orange paint and kept on marching.

I saw him on my tv once. I was all like get off of my tv that is a flatscreen you cad! I was polite. I used lego curse words.

MAR:  You don't blend hippos do you?
Stranger:  Are you drunk?
MAR:  Yeah this vampire totally made me light headed without even a helmet.

I had a bowl then I saved up for 6 fortnites & bought another bowl but then that one broke so I borrowed a bowl to trade for 2 bowls at the Sandpete so I could make a bowling ball that doesn't roll away.

You are too rich to have so many lands. You should give yourself a robot that acts as shoulder pads that can talk & be a cartoon rugby player who uses pads.

No one ever misspells frost they just invent 3rd world editions of bord-games.

I have 2 lions named Kid so I can say I have kids because I hateish goats & my kids don't like being sounded like they owned.

I wish I weren't made of Diet Crystal Pepsi 3000 as advertised in an alternate reality on the DuMont Television Network.

I KILL plants for breakfast!! Look out!

yeah... *shoots self.. in the foot.. for using too many ellipses...*... ...(because ellipses look like bullets & dot feet)

Monday, September 9, 2013
Time Inside Flowers Art Gallery

When Blue Blew - Album Preview

Monday, September 9, 2013
You don't like selling your soul but you do like selling your unused exercise equipment.

You don't like being driven crazy but you do like being driven to the donut shop.

You don't like biting the dust but you do like biting fresh fruit.

You don't like throwing in the towel but you do like throwing in the first pitch at a major league baseball game.

You don't like the smell of defeat but you do like the smell of fresh baked bread.

You don't like being caught on fire but you do like being caught while jumping out of a window to escape from a fire.

You don't like paying taxes but you do like paying for goods & services of your choice.

You don't like being cut from the team but you do like being cut from a giant alien's spider web.

You don't like picking up the check but you do like picking up your favorite pet.

You don't like passing a golden opportunity but you do like passing people with golden teeth.

You don't like feeling sad but you do like feeling things to know you still have a sense of touch.

You don't like eating out of the trash but you do like eating pre-trash.

You don't like mailing threatening letters but you do like mailing birthday cards.

You don't like wasting time but you do like wasting waste.

You don't like being called yellow but you do like being called on the phone by your best friend.

You don't like losing your mind but you do like losing the maniac who is vehicularly chasing you.

You don't like having your pants fall down in public but you do like having your pants fall down while testing the consistency of earth's gravity to keep you from being paranoid about your car floating away on your morning commute to work.

You don't like waiting at the doctor's office but you do like waiting for meat to be thoroughly cooked.

You don't like seeing doctors play god but you do like seeing doctors play hopscotch.

You don't like facing your fears but you do like facing your television while watching it instead of having all of your furniture facing the opposite direction.

You don't like arrogant people but you do like feeling superior to arrogant people.

You don't like hearing about a tragedy but you do like hearing your favorite tune.

You don't like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some turbulence" but you do like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some nacho surplus."

Read on Swood
Friday, September 6, 2013
+=- That's not
He eats gazpacho with armoured billie goat pendants.

I hate those M&Ms puzzles they sell next to the checkout at the grocery. I never get enough brown pieces to make the picture on the front. What a rip off!!

Found under a pound of warp. Nice tree, nice tree. Don't fall my sound. I can ever. You'll be the last frame. They'll never see us again. The stillness is the world & motion is imagination. Three minks coughing shadows. Daytime. The ledge of a lost envelope. 0-22 are 23 spurious numbers. 1 or none. 23 or none. Helping a heap. Helping a heap. Helping a heap. Mylar explodes ostrich bandages. Color was my taste & five wings flew over nothing. Wingface was a terrible super villain because he was an awesome hero. We are the vestiges of the future. Hold your grip while your crew stands. They were all lying.. or was it laying? The button was depressed because it was a shirt button & not a button that can be pressed & de-pressed.

Putting the cart before the horse is a good idea if the cart floats & the horse is in water.

Thursday, September 5, 2013
+=- Who is the sandwich?
Who is the sandwich?
I write my alabama sideways. 67 envelopes deplore happiness because they have to be ripped open for ours. If fire were colours that you couldn't see, how many Frenchmen would have flat tires? The water was dusty. I picked a cloud from the dirt. Pleated was inspired by hooks on the wall. Headless ghosts would bump into walls if they weren't ghosts.

Caren was named after her attitude because she cared that she was born. Bill was named because his parents had no insurance. Greg was named because his parents liked dog marmoset hybrids. Now you know who you are Greg.

He heard bats with his eyes & heard liver with his spleen. In their climate they only painted with light jackets of paint. The light growled as its spectrum inverted. There are so many colors that don't exist. I fought my way up the stairs by stomping the steps' heads in. He looked both ways before crossing a friend. His way & his other way.

A pile of parties fumigated in the backyard. The lawn never wanted to be mowed again. Cameras let us capture moments but moments aren't domesticated so sometimes moments capture us back. Francis was at the hill cooking stew without a pot & cooling pots without stew. Spiders have a lot of pockets because of their awesome pants.

He was the flotsamest man in the universe.. after he was teleported to an empty universe.
Who is the sandwich & what did I truth?

Saturday, August 31, 2013
August Lessons including Lesson Mania Week
Census workers are out for the count & so are Dracula's minions. Let's hope they aren't one & the same.

If you replace your desk chair with a pilates ball your boss will be forced to compliment you by saying that you are always on the ball.

Your number's up when the number held up by your judges goes down.

Lesson Mania Week 2013
8/4/13, Day 1- 3 Lessons
If life is a game we're all on the same side & our opponents are dead people which means we're all winners because they are easy to beat.

Some people are faster than others. For example, someone read this lesson faster than you.

Every story is a true story, an authentic story.

8/5/13, Day 2- 4 Lessons
When someone calls you up & says, "You'll never guess who I just saw.." Say, "You're right" & hang up.

People who take pictures are strange thieves & are probably stalkers.

When your favorite thing is leaving places half of your life sucks because there is no way around having to go to places in order to leave them.

If you're ever in a blackout at a wax museum light Hendrix's guitar on fire, he would have wanted it that way.

8/6/13, Day 3- 4 Lessons
Masking a mask is also called stacking.

The Big Gov aimed for one day where people wouldn't say "one day" but the only name for the holiday they could come up with was "One Day" so the idea was scrapped.

Only something that lacks the palpability of the 5 senses could LITERALLY make NO sense to us.

When someone exaggerates saying something like, "It was literally 200 degrees out there." Say, "Oh I bet.. against it."

8/7/13, Day 4- 6 Lessons
If someone is copying your style don't worry, even if they use a color copier their paper clothes will look stupid. Of course this still wouldn't stop them from becoming the hit of the high fashion world.

People are too scared to walk on the hot sun. I don't blame them, I blame the sun.

If you're stupid forget about success & just get something shiny.

Even the worst jokes are funny if someone laughs at how much of a loser you are for making bad jokes. Trust me :'(

There are a lot of things that suck but nothing sucks more than Vacubat the Cyborg Vampire.

Everyone who has seen a cow has seen a cow with 3 legs.

8/8/13, Day 5- 4 Lessons
The technical term for food is unnessecarous technicalnamous.

Sports are nerdy things for jocks. Knowing sports stats is like knowing wizard & orb names from some nerd book. Jocks are the ultimate nerds. At least the real nerds aren't memorizing annual numbers.

Some people's eyes bug out when they see bugs.

Free Willy ultimately drowned because he was SO free he decided to breathe air while still living underwater. This is why they are called killer whales. If you gave them magical freedom (or tons of cash like Willy) they'd be so stupid they'd kill themselves.

8/9/13, Day 6- 7 Lessons
The golden pirate has a treasure chest.

The reason high schools lack car racing classes is because doing laps couldn't be considered punishment.

Things that make you blue are often out of the blue.

You can't start a camp fire by rubbing two marshmallows together but if you can figure out how to rub them apart on each other the sun will unexplode & turn into Italian Ice.

Hard to find cuisine:  A vampire cooked super rare.

One of the best thing about elevators is that if you let people off in front of you they will say "Thank you." This is great because people thank you for standing still.

When someone tells you to "get outta town" tell them, "I'm tired of wandering this harsh & foreboding earth. I try to be a nice guy & do what my friends say but all of my so called friends always end up telling me to get out of town. Well I'm finished listening to you people! YOU get out of town! YOU GET out of MY town!" then weep openly.

Never ask yourself, "Am I seeing things?" Because it is your ears that will hear you & not your eyes. You need to write that question down & if your eyes don't read it that means you aren't seeing things.

A dingo is just a backwards bingo and a bingo is a forwards dingo. So this must mean that dingos spin around a lot.

People who write their fours rounded make a b line four.

Most people don't sit in the streets so it is quite easy to be an upstanding citizen.

There is a point in every person's life that gives them directions.

Tire irons do not promote tire traction.

Deaf people can hear at least one thing, silence.

Kids who spend a lot of time in a tree house are in the arms of that tree more than they are in the arms of their parents.

Bad builders use briquettes instead of bricks.

Saying goodnight is like saying goodbye. Yet saying Good day or good evening is like saying hello.

There are plenty of conflicting situations & decisions which come about in life. Such as which stove to buy or how many times to peel the same orange.

Blind & deaf cooks have the best taste.

Airplanes are like people because they enjoy taking off then landing.

Cannibals enjoy foods such as ear rings, eye balls, finger food, ham hock burgers, buns, ribs, chopped liver, hand shakes, & thumb tacs for freshening breath.

Thieves prey on the unsuspecting which is why thieves themselves never get robbed.

The reason old tymey kings had multiple wives is because it takes a lot of women to do castle work as opposed to housework.

The first time someone was called a pig for eating too much was at a BBQ.

I can show you a good time but you wouldn't be in it unless there are mirrors involved.

Winter could have been called fall because of all the slippery ice.

On certain occasions partners in crime have to part ways during a chase. The slower partner sometimes says "Make a run for it!" The faster, often dumber partner, confused runs for it but not knowing what it is. While traveling down the street in leg foot fashion he passes a sign then chooses to stop and take it along with him. Returning to the hidden layer with his partner arriving soon thereafter they begin to discuss the sign and the potentials it expounds regarding a run for public office. They decide doing so would be more profitable, stealing money wise, than robbing banks ever had been and thus another politician is born.

A prisoner is an inmate but a jailer is not.

Money can't buy love unless it is Valentine's Day apparently.

A burning toast can be disappointing especially from your friends.

Most of the things you can get for free come with no strings attached, especially free guitars.

Obese people can't afford to use cheap seats.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
August Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
What do you want to be... no artificial colors, flavors or preservatives
The world isn't partying, the world is performing.
Imagination or Illumination
Monday-Saturday, August 26-31, 2013
+=- New Creative Catch All Posts
+=- The Preprequel
+=- The Prepreprequel
+=- The Pre-quill
+ = - Banana Brot

+=- Grey Spray Painted Windows
+=- Tresident

+=- 27.9972602739726027

Equal Non-Equal Netural was a song later become album with the strangest & most senseless lyrics of all time. + = - is its sequal but is more of a collective umbrella of anything goes art & writing released as it is produced. +=- will be posted to Piemerica Swood whenever I come up with things. The first posts ares linked above which include visual art, jokes, scripts, future lessons, & my uncategorizable creative thoughts.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Star & Micey's of Other Dimensions
The truth of life is that in every alternate dimension the only thing different is that proper nouns are all anagrams of each other. I've been to 45 alternate dimensions & Star & Micey has a different name in each one. Here are my favorite ones. Note this is with "and" spelled out & not as &, Ampersands are the enemy of extra-galaxian-phonospheric-talmadge. If you thought Star & Micey's name was silly in this dimension check out these hilarious alternate reality names they DO have.
Dramatic Yens
Daycare Mints
Marinade Cyst
Dairyman Sect
Yardman Cites
Cards Anytime
Amnesic Tardy
Semantic Yard
Scream Dainty
Ancestry Maid
Carneys Admit
Narc Daytimes (as in narcoleptic, I know because I asked Job Cos Shy, Heft Fig Oms, & Doc Nerd Mink)
Scant Midyear
Cyan Readmits (Pronounced Red mitts)
Sac Dynamiter
Cat's Dairymen
A Card's Enmity
A Mantis' Cyder
Maniac Ed's Try
My Dance Stair (My favorite)
Cayman Stride
Arcades Minty
Canary Misted
Tradesman Icy
Syndicate Arm
Cyanide Trams
Decay Martins
Dancers Amity
Dynamic Rates
Rancid Steamy
Miscreant Day
Stance Myriad
Antics Dreamy
Scanty Admire
Can't Midyears
A Dynastic Rem
Canard Ye Smit
Dry Satan Mice
Aced My Trains
A Candy Remits (A C&y Remits)
A Sandy Metric
AM Stridency A
Mandate Cry Is..
Get closer to this dimension's Star & Micey @ starandmicey.com
Star & Micey of dimension 25 (hexadecimal 25)
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
July Lessons
The reason we have index fingers is to help us remember to file our nails.

Hollywood's young starlets often suffer from StaRvation.

Reading and writing are the fundamentals of education but don't worry if you can't read or write itdle be aight just become a famous rapper.

I'd rather be friends with an odd number than an even number because even numbers always have to get revenge.

Posters are most often under a tack.

The smartest thing on earth is the temperature in summer. It has like over a 100 degrees.

If it walks like a fish & talks like a fish it doesn't exist.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery & the second largest cause for assault & battery.

Don't try to give heart transplants to aquatic plant life because they show you no love.

The brief case says, "This won't take long."

Going out of the frying pan into the fire is actually better. The frying pan makes you suffer longer.

Summer isn't a bummer but kids do get dumber.

If the moon really were made of cheese its smell or lack thereof would certainly sway some people in the evolution vs. creation debate.

If you are bad at guessing things & answering questions draw a face on your fingernail so that way people will be forced to say you hit the nail on the head even when you are wrong.

The term "politically correct" is an oxymoron. Since when are politics & politicians correct?

In and out that is what it is all about, digestion.

For some getting approved for a credit card is equivalent to being sentenced in court to pay a fine monthly.

Going to school can make your dreams come true. Particularly the dream about going to school in your underwear.

7/12/13 Flashback Edition:
The only restaurants that can really have homemade food are ones where the broke owners sleep in the back.

Animals that are eaten alive see pearly gates the soonest.

When deciding where to put the lane separation lines the Highway Department went with the typical middle of the road approach.

Mumbo jumbo gumbo is Cajun alphabet soup.

Be ambitious, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, make a mountain out of an anthill. You can only get one mole out of a molehill but you can get hundreds of ants out of an anthill.

The reason people are buried six feet under is so that no one can hold a candle to them.

Puppets always speak off the cuff.

Sure being on cloud nine sounds great but from all the talk of it the cloud is probably so crowded no one there is actually happy.

Chefs who are in a rush to have things minced don't mince words.

It is better to call fall autumn so it won't hurt as much.

Mothers should be the ones who get presents on their children's birthdays.

Money is the root of all evil and pirates buried their treasure which means pirates are far more evil than we ever imagined.

When a shoe salesman tells you to "put a sock in it" they aren't telling you to shut up. So you can put down that gas can & match now.

People never pay attention to their windows, they always look right through them instead.

People tell you to pull your own weight because if you push your own weight you'll always be falling over.

A currently unspecified percent of trashcans don't have lids because I'm too lazy to do the research.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Video Game Reviews
Alex Kidd in Miracle World Master System "Difficult but one of the finest platformers ever made"
Alex Kidd: The Lost Stars Master System "Simple sidescroller with great enemy variety."
Alex Kidd: High-Tech World Master System "Cruel or Lazy Western Mascot Adaptation"
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle Genesis "Don't let the 1st level fool you. This game is a platforming classic."
Alex Kidd in Shinobi World Master System "Truly Plays like Shinobi + Alex Kidd. A Must Play for the Master System."
Shadow Dancer Master System "If you really like Shinobi its worth a try."
Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi Genesis "Shinobi comes out of retirement & is a brittle old man."
Borderline SG-1000 "Early Stealth Action Game with fast paced opening stage"

Monday, July 8, 2013
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
When Ideas Oppose Identities
Friday, July 5, 2013
An Authentic Story.
Me & Frank went out of business..es after going in them. We crashed upwards through the ceiling. We used a catapult with red wheels to bury things in the air because gravity was different for 6 hours on the weekend where we lived.  The dog leash was invented in our town to keep the dogs from floating away. During harvest time we'd soak the ground just before so the gravity would pull all of the vegetables out of the ground for us & we'd catch them on the way up.

People with long hair would tickle the feet of those living above them because the 2nd story floors were always made of grates. The well off people would live on the 2nd floor so they wouldn't have to clean up their spills. Everything would just spill through the floor to the poor people below. They had water balloon fights every Halloween so anyone on the 1st floor dressed as witches would melt.

We stopped writing letters to one another because whatever we misspelled would come true. I had a hand sandwich once because of this. Another time I had a handle sandwich but only because I wanted it to become true. For everyone else but me & Frank it had to be a mistake instead. We were the ones the strawberries feared & we didn't even have a blender.

One weekend the gravity stopped changing.. back. It was very easy to move out of town but very hard to move into another town. We coined the slang term "heavy" in our van but we were only referring to things of normal weight. I hated weekend gravity. It was so hard to relax. There was a secret in this new town going around that only I could be kept from secrets. They were right. A flood of shadows promulgated hope to us but I wasn't sure if I'd be 5 times stronger if my life was 5 times harder. There was so much left to say to farmer oGnelt but none of it was coherent. I could say a lot to a lot of people & none of it would mean anything to them.

Now there aren't any more people around who know the thrill of floating glass. I tried to go back Home, but they held my arms while I held my head & Home held my heart. But then... fish fell.. on the wall. Home came to me, and then, everyone else floated away as I floated in the glass.

This was a True Story, An Authentic Story.

Me & Frank, we were best friends until the end.. but the end came before we ever met.

Monday-Tuesday, July 1-2, 2013
Lesson Calendar split into 2 columns with the good lessons on the left (the ones I will post to Facebook yearly) & the crappier ones on the right.
Removed pointless "Flashback Edition" Labels from Lesson Calendar
Sunday, June 30, 2013
June Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
We are the church... Well not really..
Scripture is NOT the Living & Active Word of God, Jesus is
The Bible: Inspiration & Intimacy
Is The Law of Moses The Law of God?
The Lawless Gospel or: The Lost Gospel to the Gentiles
What's Your Focus, Trust or Obedience?
What is the Greatest Command?
The Bible is the Greatest Antichrist in All of History
No More Shadows
Being REAL
Why Equality is a Weak Concept
God is not omnipotent. God is not omniscient. God is not omnipresent.
Ecclesiastes Excerpts
About God & Beliefs
Sunday, June 30, 2013
June Lessons
Fraternities have punch lines without the jokes while hazing.

The underground music scene tends to be darker.

Lurch went to church because it rang.

Teasing hair can be a good thing or a bad thing.

Open minded people need surgery.

It is no justice when your to-go drink is just ice.

You can have your appetite curbed by a diet pill and still be curved afterwards.

The best way to get to the root of a problem is to use a lumber jack.

When we start living under the sea high-pressure salesman will be even worse.

A cuckoo clock is when someone is hit on the head & it makes him or her crazy.

People who are double crossed the right way become stars.

It's easy to catch a train because it leaves tracks everywhere it goes.

Fireworks don't always work but fire works every time.

Business damages caused during a bar fight can be repaired with scotch tape.

Dogs & cats didn't used to be enemies until they started watching cartoons.

Kangaroos are the best at growing leaps & bounds.

If you ever lose your eyeballs the best place to look for them is.. oops sorry.

Single people, live everyday as though it were the last day of your life. Even better married guys, live everyday as though it were the first day of your wife.

When someone wins millions of dollars there are many screams & hollas.

Chinese shoes made of leather are called mooshoes.

A sun set is a beautiful thing too bad you humans will never find that out. Ahahahahahar (Flies away in spaceship)

The reason why white supremacists are bald is because they don't even like black hair.

Money well spent is spent on time well spent with family and friends.

Failure is a fact of life. This is why so many people have differing opinions on what failure is.

Most people cannot keep a secret because they don't know where it is.

It can be difficult to carry on the family business but to life guards I say dive right in!

Being tickled by a deadly weapon is a conflicting experience. It makes you laugh yet it also makes you fear for your life.

When you act perfect doing so proves that you are not.

Award shows are famous for their thanksgiving speeches, which is why the losers don't get to make speeches.

If an elevator's weight limit is surpassed a new seemingly unlimited wait will ensue.

A penny saved is a penny earned but in the south a penny saved is a penny ironed.

Cashiers handle the most money but make the least.

Rock climbers usually get thrown off the stage.

Setting short-term goals for yourself can lead to a better life if you're on the right road.

Electricians shouldn't be shocked when they get electrocuted that way it won't hurt.

Due to the current state of American teenagers, when one of them is thinking, everyone thinks that something is wrong with them.

The Jolly Green Giant is jolly because he has never had to eat vegetables; he claims, "Eating vegetables would be like cannibalism to me".

Everyday is a new day. There are new things to learn and old things to burn.

Daydreaming can actually help you concentrate.. on what went horribly wrong.

Rock, Paper, Scissors isn't so good for settling disputes when you use the real rocks, cutting white paper, & extra sharp scissors.

People who get trapped in a maze never seem to say "I'm aMazed!" They should!
Friday, June 28, 2013
New MARS Song new dew

All Lessons Spell & Grammar Checked
Missing entries from Lesson Calendar added

Wednesday, June 26, 2013
New Advice Oven
The Guy was a Porch
Advice Oven Index
Saturday, June 22, 2013
My Funny Daughter Melody

Wednesday, June 21, 2013
New Lyrics
Live Without Trying
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
New Jokes
What is it called when a prisoner is set free and leaves the prison?
Con descending.
What is the difference between jello and jello mold?
A few weeks.

Links:  Joke Page

Jibber Jabber 2012 Complete
  • What makes you tick, Swiss engineering?
  • Ahhh I like eating under waterfalls
  • I ain't no lie I'm a man.
  • some people like climbing puddles y'know
  • Thanks to Jesus now I only feel empty inside when I'm hungry!
  • Cruise control could be called coasting.
  • That football player casts a long shadow, that can't be good for his kids.

  • Most people can only count from 1-10 on their fingers but I can count from 1-17 using Roman Numerals.
  • Blahblahblahblahblah toad with a mowhawk Blahblahblahblahblah relationship trouble Blahblahblahblahblah crazy relatives Blahblahblahblahblah PUNCHLINE Blahblahblahblahblah & that's how Jim used his space heater as an eyedropper.
  • I don't do any celebrity impersonations vocally but I do do any impersonation of the back of Tom Cruise's hand. Google that hand, this is a good impersonation.
Links:  Jibber Jabber 2012
Friday, May 31, 2013
May Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Ananias & Sapphira
Can Christians Renounce Their Salvation?
If you're going to preach against sin you should also preach against the law.
God Predicted His People Rejecting the Fullness of His Grace
Living Under the Law Puts the Gun in Sin's Hand. Examining Romans 7-8
Putting God to the Test
God NEVER Forgave You
The Filthy Rags Myth
Entertaining Angels Unaware
He who the Son sets free is free indeed
God's License to Sin?
Friday, May 31, 2013
May Lessons
Unlocked safes aren’t safe anymore.

Full is as full as full is.

Stop signs are written in manuscript, quite deceiving.

Having a celebrity's signature as a tattoo is just like having life insurance.

There's no tell'n what happened because there's no ask'n.

Every boat needs a row bot.

Water is better than fodder.

Being a medical patient makes you patient.

A brainstorm can be more dangerous than a hailstorm.

Many fathers are bums because when in the car with their kids they are always looking for a hand out.

The worst kind of dentist is the one that is root'n & toot'n

Cerebral Pawsy is the name of the disease where a dog has a foot stuck in its head.

The best vehicle to get in a wreck with is an ambulance.

The reason why people refer to cars as feminine is because most car lovers are men & they don't want to sound gay.

Poor attributes need enrichment.

Soldiers fill in the blanks with b_ullets.

People who repeat themselves are always repeating themselves.

You can't put a price on happiness except with a Happy Meal.
You can't put a price on love except with roses & a card.
You can't put a price on family unless it is bail.

Hole punchers are useless.

With balloons once you pop the fun does stop.

People who do security at shoe factories have to pay very close attention due to all of the sneakers.

Don't shoot the messenger lest the message recites, "I am the messenger & I'm going to kill you!"

Thursday, May 30, 2013
3 New Advice Ovens
That Eggy.. Am I Right?, Unmarketable Art, Animal Thoughts

Original Comedy eCards

Wednesday, May 28, 2013
Original Comedy eCards

Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Traded Society for Technology Album Retrospective
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Original Comedy eCards

Sunday, May 19, 2013
I graduated High School on this day 10 years ago.
Thankfully I haven't lost my eyebrows after all these years.
Under that robe my legs are broken because that cop ensured (The Joe) didn't dance a jig on stage that night. Thankfully they gave me the boots from Ocarina of Time with a Gameshark code for infinite hover, otherwise I would have never made it on stage to accept my fake diploma.
Full Gallery
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
2 New Advice Ovens
Things just got unREAL, Risk Watch
Monday, May 13, 2013
New MARS Song with video, I Blew Blue


Friday, May 10, 2013
New MARS Song with video, Headlights on a Pillow

New MARS YouTube Channel
Thursday,May 2, 2013
2 New Advice Ovens
Kiddo(wn), Send Tense
Wednesday,May 1, 2013

Because updating a website with the editing & uploading is time consuming Piemerica has a new Swood where misc content will be posted. We've got new Advice Ovens over there now. Visit Piemerica Swood.
Also New Lessons are being posted on Piemerica's Facebook Page all year long.

After 4 regular length years Piemerica's Advice Oven Returns!
3 new Advice Ovens- bel bel, Rulered, What do you think? No, REALLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
April Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Did God have to save us? We don't deserve to be saved? We're Unworthy?
How to Create a False Doctrine in Christianity
The Most Dangerous People on Earth
Seeing God as Father: Grace Comes with Counsel
Made in the Image of Love
We Are No Longer Victims of Sin
Being Changed by Love
Gnostic Writing Excerpts that Don't Suck
Examining The Didache & Finding Out Most Falsehoods Have Been Around Right from the Start
But God is also just...
Come! Choose Life & Live!
Why People Mock Christianity
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
April Lessons
Written by an Elephant Edition:
"An elephant never... uh.. how does that saying go again?"
Well I guess elephants do forget. However, amazingly they can type with those big feet.

Circles always make ends meet, so much so that you couldn't even tell that they once had ends.

The moon orbits the earth, by & large.

Its easier to turn over a new leaf than it is to leave no stone left unturned.

Clown is the perfect occupation for cross dressers.

Tall walls fall and make you drop your jaw when it's on y'all.

Summer salt & seasoning salt is the same thing.

Thick fog can lead to thick log.

A drug addict’s favorite time of day is high noon.

More school kids use high lighters than it may seem by looking at their notes.

If you have a yellow belly that means you eat too much butter.

Pharmacist will prescribe you medicine because farms didn't insist you eat vegetables.

Money can be expensive so that is why it is important to save.

Take pictures of gum it'll last longer.

Even though they are called 'waiters' we are the ones waiting.

At revivals Methodists use the sprinkler system to accept people in the church.

If you're out of shape go back inside.

Not even sunglasses could make the sun look cool.

If you ever think to yourself "It is hot as Hell in here" you probably died.

Offering people coins is a good way to get them to change.

Kitty cats' favorite types of instruments are stringed.

The cheese stands alone because it cuts itself.

The sky is blue all day and wears black at night it must be depressed, possibly because it looks beat up.

When the mob throws someone in the river there is plenty of concrete evidence.

Chicken pox is still better for you than chicken nuggets.

The early bird gets the worm. This principle is also why your dogs & cats should sleep in.

Big business leads to big consumers.

The grass is always greener when you sneeze.

Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots inspired Tom Cruise’s role in Risky Business

Thursday, April 18, 2013
Some missing photos added to Other People Mentioned on the Site
Sunday, March 31, 2013
March Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Better to Be Single or Married? OR Why I Don't Believe Much of 1 Corinthians 7
How to "Put God First" for real this time
3 Doctrines That Really Don't Believe God is Love
Christian, Your Heart is Not Deceitfully Wicked
The Idea That the Bible Replaced God
How Satan Steals the Truth
God Never Wants His Children to Feel Shame
Reality check: Is sin your god?
1 John 1 in Light of the Gospel of John
Fear of Freedom
The Gospel Revealed by Translating Genesis 1:1-8 from Hebrew Pictographs
The Myth of "Making an Idol"
Children, The Sin Nature, & The Nature of Good & Evil
"You are in Me and I am in you." -Jesus
Two Sides of the Same Graceless Coin
What Kills You Doesn't Make You Stronger
Jesus or Traditions?
Hate Sin?
Should we look at King David as an example of how to live the Christian life?
Sin makes you self-centered. Sonship makes you secure, satisfied, & sympathetic.
The Gospel Hidden in the Gospel! Names from Matthew 27-28 Translated.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
March Lessons
If you double dot your i's your one i will have two eyes. If you double cross your t's they won't be happy.

If your mind is drawing a blank you have amazing powers!

It is good to have a Chip on your shoulder if you have a Dale on the other one.

It is strange that people in SoCal are more concerned about their diet than people in NoCal.

Every cloud has a silver lining except the ones drawn with the cheap box of crayons. Those just have gray linings that we pretend are silver.

The grass is always greener on the other side, except during winter, then the grass is always snowier.

A trainee cook is the one person who is ok with hearing "fork over the dough" while at work.

A bucket ain't water but it draws water well. Chalk ain't milk but it draws milk well.

The way to win at rock paper scissors hand over fist is to put hand over fist when someone throws rock.

The Atkins Diet really goes against the grain.

Never let your toddlers wear long sleeves at breakfast or else they will end up with a few Trix up their sleeve.

He who laughs last laughs best.. unless he's part of a studio audience. In that case he's getting kicked out of the taping.

If you're looking to relax after lunch don't use a toothpick because toothpicks are often in a pickle.

Touring bands rock before they roll.

Early executioners tried hanging by a thread but instead of leaving the criminals hanging by a tread to life the executioners found their jobs hanging by a thread as they scrambled for a thread of hope in the newly contrived item they called the rope.

A gingerbread house is a home sweet home.

Fair & square is not fair for circles.

When regular guns run out of ammo you have to put bullets in them. When phasers run out of ammo you have to jump the gun.

Everybody wins in online arguments because no one ever goes away thinking they were wrong.

Mr. Bucket was "buckets of fun" but he could only be 1 bucket of fun at a time.

If you're looking for a way to break the ice with your date stir her drink with a knife rather than a spoon.

When your back is to the wall at least you have some back support. I'd rather have my back up against the wall than fall over a balcony or something.

Sometimes you've gotta walk away from a fight to live to fight another day so you can die on that day instead.

Friday, March 15, 2013
Review of Astrosmash for Intellivision
"A fun mix of classic arcade gameplay"
Thursday, March 7, 2013
New Lyrics
Put your Head in the Sand, Most Joyous, Track Two
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I put my face in the snow 18 times in a row.

Saturday, March 2, 2013
E is for added to Lyrics Section

2012 Updates Archived
Thursday, February 28, 2013
February Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Real Talk: God is Just, Calling a sin a sin
Even More Reasons why 1 John 1:9 is Not for Christians
On Offices in the Church
Free & Fearless: The Truth Behind God, Humanity, & The Law
Handling Discipline As God Desires
As high as the heavens..
Screw You "Sin breaks fellowship with God" Doctrine!!
"Hyper-Grace" is True!
I Must Decrease † Let Him Increase You
Die to the Lie of "I Must Die to Self"
Life From Self Not Death to Self
Good News vs. Wood Pews or Sins Taken Away vs. Sins Poured On
Fear Behind the Curtain
Where's the Party?
Who's Counting? The Honest View of Christians & Sin in The New Testament
Friday, February 27, 2013
My grandpa passed today.

This is about him
Love Without a Wink

Death is a fracture that keeps us apart
It doesn't heal until we're all broken off
There are so many reactions & so many words that don't exist
Tears from our eyes, clinch of our fists
I can't let you know what I'm longing to say because words don't feel & you're not here anyway
But let me at least tell you that you were quite a man
Joy in your heart, care in your hands
You made us laugh you made us think
You loved us without a wink

If there comes a time when my mind can't remember much of you
My heart will still remember everything
We were safe & relaxed in your tender house
I thank God for the hours & the years
I love you grandpa & that's from the life of my heart not from an event puppeteer

Tuesday, February 26, 2013
New Lyrics: Left the Mike on

He was the one who was a son
He had a father like no other
He wanted to free himself
He wanted to be himself
And his father would not let his son be buried under the world
Some would say he was a mistake
Some would want, his life to rake
But his dad would not let his son be run
Whether fall or fun
Even if everything could come undone
He left the Mike on
He would fight for him
He would adore him

With his social eyes he found the prize
But with risk of demise he would have no lies
He couldn't try calling
The lights were falling to be picked up again when the world was worth looking at.

The father let his son be free
To be whoever he wanted to be
And his son's night turned to dawn because he left the Mike on
He left the Mike on... for him
Life isn't something to win
It is a place to begin & a time to spend being who you are
(being who you are, being who you are)
& knowing who's palm is in your hand
& knowing who's palm is in your hand
You want to be a man I'll let you be
You don't have to fake a thing, I'll let you be
Because you mean so much to me & I so want the world to see me leave the Mike on
My loving heart will be with you
In your time & in your room
Don't change but stay new
Leave the Mike on
Leave the Mike on
I love who you are

New Lesson
Your days are numbered buddy! But of course they are because everyone else's are too. Ain't you ever seen a calendar pal?
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Piemerica's 15th Anniversary
Piemerican Highlights 1998:  Highlights from Piemerica's first year. This time we're not talking a cold list of accomplishments or major events. We're talking entertainment! The Biggest laughs Piemerica had to offer 15 years ago.

New Lesson
News stations are both great & terrible at cutting to the chase.

New Lyrics: Forever New

The dream was yours not mine
But I have to live sometime
And that time is right now
I am letting me out
I am letting me out
Out of my shell that was made by you
Out of the hell that you put me through
And now do you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna say I'm through, I don't need you
I'm forever new

Now I am being what a man was meant to be
Not treating himself like a flea
If I have gone a little wild
That's just the joy that freedom brings
If I'm not living like a child I'm dying on a tree, I'm dying on a tree
And I will not let you limp into my heart again
You won't call Him a warring friend
So I choose not to be used, not to be taught, not to be confused
So I choose to lift my hands, grab the sky & free my legs

I am forever new, forever free, I don't need you to shackle me
I'm resting but I'm not waiting
The food is already on my table
I thought you were insightful but you were the one doing the stabbing
& now the knife I pull..
Now the knife I pull out
Out of my back & out of my brothers
I want to take your knife out of all of the others
Who are forever new, forever free, forever how they should be
Your news was deadly & I won't wait for you to kill again
To lie & call Him a warring friend
Now I'm warning you that you are fading
I feel heaven's pulse & His love is amazing

Friday, February 22, 2013
Geoff Smith Playlist on Swirltube
Piemerican & Star & Micey Bassist & Vocalist's solo music relased on MySpace in 2007-2008. Some of this awesome music has been offline for years. You won't regret listening.

Tuesday-Friday, February 5-22, 2013
New Lessons
Walking the plank was an effective form of execution across the board.

Any Tom, Dick or Harry can abbreviate his own name.

Whoever came up with the Hebrew alphabet called off all bets but one.

Everyone is as old as Methuselah just not as old as he was when he died.

If you are going to try to write with chalk underwater it will be easier if it is not running water.

"Back to basics" could mean a return to basics or a departure from basics.

Those with the gift of gab also have the apprehension of abbreviated alliteration.

Only the most confident salesmen knock on Death's door.

When the ball is in your court but you're a judge, its time to call the bailiff.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Home page now has thumbnail links to most photo galleries on the site
Galleries on index linked with thumbs
Some photos from Photos 1996-2003 have been replaced with better quality or retouched photos.

New Lesson
If you're really in love with someone you won't just have butterflies in your stomach, you'll have caterpillars too because the lifespan of a butterfly is less than that of a human so for true love you'll constantly be producing new butterflies in your belly.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Animated Gifs added to Golfulating I & III, Comfort, Chump On A Log, Emperor MAR:  The Beard. The FaceMay Day Photo Galleries.
Gifs & Streaming Audio added to Golfulating IV
Streaming Audio Added to Glen Phillips Gallery
Misc Photos touched up

New Lesson
One way to tell someone you have a crush on them is to say, "When I think about you I feel caterpillars in my stomach."
Saturday, February 2, 2013
New Lesson
Never start a bet saying, "I bet you can't guess.." because anyone can guess. Instead say, "I bet you can't guess right.."
Friday, February 1, 2013
Piemerca's Spider Vision Online 11 Years
Piemerica.org went online 11 years ago Friday, Feb 1, 2002
Piemerica will make you laugh & Piemerica will make you cry if there are onions near by.

New Lesson
In Dnalsdrawkcab Three Strikes Laws are based on bowling instead of baseball so criminals are rewarded for committing crimes 3 times.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
January Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
All the Specific Things the New Testament Labels as Sins
Belief & Religion or Trust & Jesus?
Why Does Grace Have to Be Received?
Who Killed Jesus?
The Good News is The Way to Life and Immortality
Jesus is Living & Loving
No Longer Falling Short..
Living by Labels Instead of Local Love
Forcing Hate
Seeing Mixed Covenant Teaching
To Fear or Not to Fear?
The Idea that We Should Read the Bible Every Day
Religion Does Not Need A Living God
The Gospel Without Repentance
The Meaning of "My Word shall not return to Me void"
Ways to Not Listen to Someone
Dare to Believe that God is No Longer Counting Your Sins
Seeing God as Father: Tithing
Agreement & Apology: Confessing Sin in James 5:16 & 1 John 1:9
John 20:23 - Could The Apostles Forgive Sins?
What if The Story of 'The Woman Caught in Adultery' Never Happened? Examining John 7:53-8:11
Satan Wants You to Make Promises to God
An Alternate Look at Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord’
Boiling it Down

Donatello Toy Emoticon

Sunday-Thursday, January 6-31, 2013
New Lessons
It would be a real surprise if someone literally "threw a surprise party" from like a giant catapult or something.

Everyone is a natural, except androids.

The Future is Now! except.. no its not. Now was the future but now now is now.

If you add a lock to anything it is safer. So if you have to lock a safe it was not very safe to begin with.

Spotting the differences could save your life!
If you ever get into a car wreck..
If you ever get into a car, wreck.

When arriving at a planned destination people say, "Well, this is the place." When arriving at an unplanned destination when lost you can say, "Well, this is a place."

When someone says they've told you something "over & over again" tell them, "That is impossible. You can't tell me something over again because that would mean it wasn't over in the first place."

It is good to get your priorities out of whack.

It is strange that being pressed is hard but being depressed is harder. Even stranger is the fact that the press depresses people.

If someone tells you, "I love you more than words can express" they're lying to you because they just used words to tell you. If someone really loved you like that they'd just say, "I love you more than......"

You can't be married to your work unless your boss is a minister & even then it is only legal in 6 states & D.C.

How to make people into hypocrites:
Complain so much that people will begin to complain about your constant complaining.

"I" "can" "put" "any" "preexisting" "word" "in" "quotes" "and" "be" "quoting" "the" "dictionary" "out" "of" "order."

If men are from Mars & women are from Venus none of us are Native Earthicans.

An excon is the 3rd worst kind of con.

The best photographers don't use tripods, they use successpods.

You can always have a white Christmas if there are white clouds in the sky.

Everyone is a child of the 60s because minutes are 60 seconds & hours are 60 minutes.

Corn Flakes® do not look like corn flakes. I know I've shucked corn.

Monday, January 21, 2013
How I look at then end of my break at work
I found out I could blow at snow & it would stick to my face.

Saturday, January 5, 2013
Game.com Video Game Reviews
Fighters Megamix "Probably better than you'd expect from the Game.com. Worth a full play through."
Henry "Pointless & Time Consuming even for a Video Game"
Duke Nukem 3D "You can't turn around & you walk down corridors most of the time"
Centipede "If you like Centipede this is Centipede"
Frogger "Good game of Frogger for amateurs"
Friday, January 4, 2013
Artwork for A.M. Rang a Song

New Lesson
Of course history is written by the victors. Why would the losers want to keep records of their loss?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Lesson Mania Year
We already have lessons for every day of the year. This year I am having new lessons for every day of the year that only has one lesson or needs funnier lessons.

New Lesson
No one will ever see you coming if you are always stationary.
What The Eat?
Update Archive
Lyrics & Poems
COMEDY Sections:
Piemerican Knews
Advice Oven
Book Drinking Central
Tae Kwon Dumb
Piemerican Airlines
Top 3
Find the Irony
Multimedia Site
Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh?
Locked in..
Dailymotion Channel
Rose Garden Dream
I'm Tired. Sleep Tonight.
Piemerican Records
Photo Galleries
Meet Piemerica
Emperor MAR
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Games & Activity

About Us
Old Indexes
Mail Collection
Site Guide
Pledge of Pielegiance
The darkened Reality of Real-Estate
Piemerican Magazine
Piemerican Elementary Knews
Piemerica Christmas Catalog
Lesson Mania!
(The Joe)'s Autobiography
The Essentialness of Essentiality
Main Index
The Song
Art Book
Freezer Freezer Problem
The Journey
Jibber Jabber
Banana Towels
'ot 6 Review
Content Index
Warning! May contain trace amounts of food.

Featured Content
Lead Me
The Band
A New Song
Out There..
I know The Door
All I really know is you
Where is your love?
Fake Feathers
Toppled Siphon Blower
Pin the Tail on the Muffin
Seedless Wrench Mime
No Reception Hall
Five Stories at the End of 2005
Other Featured Content
Homes & Other Places to Live
Piemerican Fun Run
The Guy With An Alarm Clock For A Roommate
Recent Content
arrow length length length arrow head
I am in correct.
I Saw a Man Keep the Faith
Wrapped in True Love
Cage Deed
Advice Ovens
The Touch of No Love
Advise the Wise
The Scope of Nope
Your Store For
Take a Walk in Rock Shoes
Glass makes sand hammers.
Today & The Years Gone Bye
Time Cotton
My Dog
Passed out in the Lawn
Other Recent Content
Piemerican Magazine #4
25th Comedy Quote Collection
Cats Action Comics
Equal Non-Equal Neutral Book
Leisure Parkland
Leisure Parkland
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Ramily Circus
Ramily Circus
Photos 2012
Photos 2012
The Big Onion
The Big Onion
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
24 Roses for Lori's 24th Birthday
24 Roses for Lori's 24th Birthday
Water Cube
Water Cube
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Cordova Snow Fun
Cordova Snow Fun
Photos 2011
Photos 2011
The Love Fell Like Leaves
The Love Fell Like Leaves
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos 2010
Photos 2010
Meadow View Charms
Meadow View Charms
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Robert Randolph
Saying it without a Thousand Words
Saying it without 1,000 Words
What My Chick & I Saw
What My Chick & I Saw
Some Things Afoot
Some Things Afoot
Golfulating IX- Disc Golfulating
Golfulating IX Disc Golfulating
Golfulating VIII
Golfulating VIII
The Battle for #4
The Battle for #4
Snow Show
Snow Show
Photos 2009
Photos 2009
I saw the light.
I saw the light.
Star & Micey Live at Otherlands, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey w/ Emperor MAR at Otherlands
Henderson's Waiting
Henderson's Waiting
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Before Photoshop
Before Photoshop
May Day
May Day
Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
The Years Gone By
The Years Gone By
Moving On
Moving On
Lake Ship
Lake Ship
Lamp Head
Lamp Head
Photos 2008
Photos 2008
Metal Morrow
Metal Morrow
Star & Micey Live at American Apparel, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey at American Apparel
Photos 2007
Photos 2007
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Warm Shower
Warm Shower
Lesson Mania!
Lesson Mania!
Star & Micey Mid
ED Wed
ED Wed
The Watcher
The Watcher
P. E.
Mi Familia
Mi Familia
Muddy Waters
Muddy Waters
Playing A Ground
Playing A Ground
Tae Kwon Dumb
Tae Kwon Dumb
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle
The Wedding
Earning Stripes
Earning Stripes
Photos 2006
Photos 2006
Homes & Hearts
Homes & Hearts
No Parking
No Parking
Sticks & Stones
Sticks & Stones
The Bookster
The Bookster
Trampoline Terror
Trampoline Terror
Golfulating VII
Golfulating VII
Wonder & Time
Wonder & Time
Golfulating VI
Golfulating VI
Glen Phillips Newby's, Memphis, TN
Glen Phillips
at Newby's,
Memphis, TN
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Relative Things
Relative Things
Golfulating V
Golfulating V
Golfulating IV
Golfulating IV
Golfulating III
Golfulating III
Golfulating II
Golfulating II
Muchos Tacos
Muchos Tacos
Perpetual Change
Perpetual Change
April 22, 2005
April 22, 2005
Chump On A Log
Chump On A Log
April Fool(s)
April Fool(s)
Emperor MAR: The Beard. The Face.
Emperor MAR:  The Beard.
The Face.
Photos 2005
Photos 2005
Rose Garden Dream July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream
July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream June 26
Rose Garden Dream
June 26
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Photos 2004
Photos 2004
Tree Farm
Tree Farm
Tripple Seven Joenan
Tripple Seven
Tripple Seven (The Joe Legend)
Tripple Seven
(The Joe) Legend
Punch My Cat in the Face
Punch My Cat in the Face
Graduation Photos
Graduation Photos
Photos 2003
Photos 2003
Photos 2002
Photos 2002
Photos 2001
Photos 2001
Photos 2000
Photos 2000
Photos 1999
Photos 1999
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1985-86
Photos 1985-86

Classic Lessons
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.

Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em unless they're beating you.

When the noose becomes the latest fashion it won't last long.

Talk is cheap, unless you are a television psychic.

If a tree falls in the forest be glad you don't live in the forest.

When I'm looking at my folder I have a paper view.

When arguing at sea don't go overboard.

Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

Hole punchers are useless.

Not all hillbillies are named Billy but they are all related to him.

Pollution is good for you. It makes you realize there should be less pollution.

Read All Lessons, Watch Video Lessons
Top 3 ways to loose money in a business:
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of your building.
2. Using the classic sales pitch & then putting it into action,
    "We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds
Comedy or Coma?
Caffeine free huh? What, that makes it cost like 15 cents less?

I'm a real vocabulary buff. In fact I just finished reading the dictionary. I didn't like it, it wasn't wordy enough for me.

I love team sports because one part of the crowd is always happy.

nah.. oops! dropped some dots

I'm going to be a record producer because i eat a lot of vinyl.

I don't lik3 it wh2n p712 tal3 li33 this. especially out loud, "lik three it wh two n p seven tweleve tal three li three three this."

I remember Living Magazine had a spin off called Dying Magazine. It had a lot of subscriptions but no one ended up paying their first bill.

When I yawn it is contagious because I always yawn again.

I have a big sore, it is so big it is like a dino-sore.

I can spoil any movie from the past 20 years. Ready?
They all end with credits.

How do you know this site is weird? Maybe this is normal and regular things are weird.

Pie is the greatest food of all time.! If it weren't I really would have changed the name some time ago.
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