School life is like a sitcom. There are all sorts of background
characters that never get any lines in your story & you don't
any in theirs.
Old ladies lose weight so the gram was named after them. But for those
future grammas the gram was named before them.
The past can be in front of you if you turn around & look back
People who get down to the nitty gritty shouldn't eat bugs while there.
If you can't figure out what the future holds try checking its pockets
Instead of being open-minded or closed-minded I recommend being crack
minded. Not too open & not too closed. You're confident enough
be content but uncertain enough to learn & not be a jerk.
Abe Lincoln was named after the 16th President of the United States.
People who sign autographs are redundant.
If you say "bingo" at just the right time you could kill all of
mankind. Of course this is a very particular time when the world is
running out of air & everyone has to stop talking.
While most small things are obviously small, little whiles are only
known to be small after you've encountered them.
While most people think surgeons do pretty good, the reality is that
they do ugly good because guts are ugly.
When you run your own business you are the slave owner & the
at the same time.
A clothes line is where poor clothes go to hang out.
People that hit the bottle really are drunks. I mean I understand
crushing a can on your head but this.. wow.
They were going to call the telephone the silentephone & by
I mean spiders wearing jeans next to caulking because the colors go
Only phonies use phones. So next time you call a loved one know it is
not really them talking to you. But of course if you call them you
aren't really you either.
Musical Instruments in a Homeless Band: Sacks of phones,
tars, a P & an O (cut from a box label), a flewt (a dead bird
has done flewt), a corder (a cord instead of a recorder), a triangle
(any triangle will do), a clearanet (a net you can see through the
holes), an o-bow (a circle of hairbows), a pickle-o (a sliced pickle
with a hole in it), a board (it has no keys because they are homeless).
Christmas is celebrated in winter because if people's hearts were
warmed with such holiday cheer during the more heated months hearts the
world over would melt.
People shop until they drop because they are forced to buy things they
break & are too embarrassed to continue shopping in the same
Struggling farmers need only to put yield signs in front of their crops
to be more successful.
Here's a kind thing to do. Get a gun & a mask & say to
stranger, "Gimme your wallet!" When they do fill it with loads of cash
& give it back to them.
If your car breaks down don't call AAA. 222 doesn't connect to anyone.
November 30, 2013
If you think you've lost the will to live you're confused. A will is
for someone who has died.
Love is a many spendered thing. Spending money for women lets the woman
realize that you value her enough to spend the money you earned
slaughtering chickens and/or wombats at the Wonderbread factory. As the
greedy corporations said in the 20th century “Money is the honey to get
Mimes never run out of time but they do run into it. Ouchfirstname.lastname@example.org
Remember, "If spiky hair with an insane glare don't go there!" Actually
you really only need the insane glare.
Time was the way you knew a man was content was if he didn't know how
to properly open a newspaper.
Statistically people who steal are the ones who have stolen the most
things ever in history.
Renting a box for shelter can be expensive if it rains because box
rental services have no box insurance for rain related weather.
Even stoppers stop sometimes. Actually stoppers in sinks, tubs,
showers, & sinks spend more time not stopping than they do
The best secret you've ever heard was still a pretty lousy secret
because you heard it.
Wish people a terrible weekend so the next weekend will be great, if by
nothing else but comparison.
Throwing money into the air (non-coins) is a great feeling &
catching it is even better. Refs who do coin tosses just don't know
what they're missing on the next level.
Some don't like how bologna tastes so they name it (usually O-S-C-A-R)
instead of eating it because they know it will be around a while like a
pet unless it is eaten by the pet.
You can be sure of this, being sure of things is easier than you think.
Well not easier than you thinking, but at best it is as easy.
If you could go back in time & read the history books you'd
"What about starships?" & I'd think, "What about canteen
In times of trouble be appreciative that you are not in a time of
troubles. Replace the word lucky with the word blessed & you
sound more thankful.
11/18/13 Flashback Edition:
If you've never been crushed by a panda you don't know what you are
missing.. & trust me, you don't want to know.
Breaking something while dancing is not uncommon in hypothetical
circles. But are hypothetical circles really squares?
Elevators on farms have a lot of hick ups but they have just as many
hick downs too.
A fun game for friendless persons to play is "chase the chaser" because
all you do is run around in a circle.
What could be better than the worst? Everything, that's right.
The strongest case always carries the most weight.
I don't know what a bel is but when a bel happens twice a rebel is born.
Thoughts let you say things in your head, feelings let you say things
in your heart, hunger lets you say things in your stum, gas lets you
say things in & out of your.. butt.
When people own each other it is slavery but when they own pets the
animals are treated like ancient kings.
Dependency does not have a holiday but Thanksgiving is close.
From decades in the past came the present.
If you're on the 2nd floor of a 2 story structure with the kids only on
the 1st floor, you're not down with the kids.
Spinning around doesn't mean you've gone around the world.
November 14, 2013
New album by MARS for the 10th Anniversary of MARS' debut
Its the 10th Anniversary of the First MARS
we bring to you a new MARS album Those Songs
Us. It is guitar based
& a rival for my catchiest album.
October 31, 2013
If you listened every once in a while you wouldn't listen very much.
If you think the weather is bad today just wait for the past. There was
some serious weather back then!
A fine way of teaching an old dog new tricks is to hit the dog a few
times in the head so it'll forget the old tricks. The problem with that
method is that it is a complete waste of time lest you enjoy hitting
A finer way of teaching an old dog new tricks is to teach your dog
nothing its whole life until it is old & then teach it tricks
there you go. You've taught an old dog new tricks.
If money were recycled it would be true that it takes money to make
money however money is not recycled so you should use any land you
obtain to plant trees because it takes trees to make money.
Sweeping broken things creatively can actually cause those things to
10/7/13 Flashback Edition:
You don't have to walk sideways on a sidewalk.
Some animals have hands yet they don't wear hand me downs because they
wear fur because for them fur isn't murder, fur is life.
A candle may not be a game but it, like most light matter, can be used
in a game of catch.
If you can fit in a tank it probably isn't a gas tank.
If you forget the name of your shoe you are too prideful with your head
in the air & all.
If you forget the name of your horse it runs, possibly away, but horses
will run anyway, as in any direction AND regardless of you forgetting
WHO they are.
Being late multiple times equals getting fired. And standing next to
fire makes you sweat just like being broke & jobless (in the
Spending large amounts of time driving could mean you are a retired
golfer or a retired golfer's caddy.
Some things never change. You can always rely on things like style,
technology, & today's date to be the same for years &
People disagreeing with you can be a harsh thing. So harsh in fact that
some people change what they think just so they can be agreed with.
A loser is nothing more than a quitter who finished, just like a winner
is nothing more than a loser who won.
Like is spelled like lick (using letters) so when someone likes
something crappy it is like they are tasting it thus getting an
acquired taste for crud. This is why baloney means guff.
A D fence isn't so smart.
Off color remarks usually mean that the teacher’s regular pen has run
out of ink.
Candy taste good going in but should only be eaten once.
One is a magic number because most magic wands are shaped like ones
rather than other numbers. Eight used to be the magic number but
magicians' children would race their toy cars on their parents' wands.
So then they changed the magic number to three, which was some time in
the 1970s. Three had children's cars running off the track which was
funny for a while until the parents had to buy more toys. One then
became the magic number & the wands were made to be rounded to
any & all cars fall off of them.
Umpires are like vampires but with less va va va & more u u u
(pronounced as a grunted 'oo').
Shallow people & ugly people can both enjoy Halloween together.
Celebrating Halloween is like eating a hollow bean because Halloween is
all about the surface. Except the internal digestion of candy which
later becomes an external thing..
The best time to train up a child is on Halloween. This way you won't
look weird dressing your child up like a train. Even better if you have
multiple children you can dress them as one cart each.
Because people go around looking maimed already Halloween is the
perfect night to give someone a savage beating & get away with
October 28, 2013
Piemerica's 15th Anniversary
Two new songs from MARS
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Can someone help me knock these dominoes over?
Even without gravity pillows are awesome.
I'll never fall off the map because I've got it tattooed on my feet.
Sign cabbages, spoil, get another one.
So I used to think tourettes was another way of saying stewardesses.
I'll be there around 10 somethingish.
say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But those
people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a 1 year old & I
don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came over &
started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires, & digging
through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.
There aren't nine enough.
Alright! I figured out how to knock down the dominoes!
▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬
October 8, 2013
I like to take the song titles from my albums & make some poetry or a story from them as a "tagline" for the album.
There was almost a purpose but it robbed my rest. I'm not at home. I'm here affected by empty effects. ~Norvon Mac
Smothered by survival with pleasure that never knocks. Love is not idle but we're all in the garage. ~Food Dood
There is nothing to remember & we will help you get up. We'll
keep you warm in December & loved for the rest of your life. ~Zer- Cred--
Anywhere or alone, I have it all, I have a home. ~Prodigious in Paltry
I want what you want yet I don't know. I fight & I scrape feeling
dark & alone. But there you are freeing me & filling me up
because I found what you wanted. You simply wanted me. ~Mirroring Wishes
I could hear how my brain handles morning light. ~A.M. Rang a Song
To save time I only looked at me then I grew my mind & was set
free. The packers & gardeners could not let me go ungroomed. I
wanted them out of my ear so they lost root. Now I am free to live while
resting complete. A whole new language is opened up to me. You won't
make me into a goat again. I am a warrior who doesn't need to win. ~Wonbex Ider
Through the barren I found what I could be. Beautiful lights shining
on & from me. I heard blue explode & drift away. But still they
were searching as if it persisted to the day.
impossible is the easiest thing. Fear will depress you & grate on
your brain. They couldn't get started. They aren't enjoying the good
they deserve. For them it is sadder than sunset in a wilderness world.
cuffs stay on for all of their lives. You have to erase your heaven's
eyes. I wish you were all riding with me in this amazing place but your
self-imposed night is always ready to lay waste. Some day you will know
what it was really about. When the credits are rolling just don't walk
out. ~When Blue Blew
If you look at the song titles on When Blue Blew each paragraph is for a side
of the album (1st one for dry side, 2nd for wet side, 3rd for out
side). So I took the titles that were only meant to describe the sounds
of the songs & somehow they magically can turn into a story. It is
almost eerie writing it out because of how much unintentional sense is
there to be made.
October 8, 2013
New Album by MARS, When Blue Blew
When Blue Blew Album Promos
My new abtracticalreish album, When Blue Blew, with mental imagery & heart emotion painted with sound.
Piemerica's Classic Lessons from this Day:
Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.
Poke a staircase in the lid it might open.
Is your throat sore from laughing so hard at our lessons? Well why not
give your throat a break & make your ears sore..ly appointed by
listening to the new album by MARS, When Blue Blew
Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day:
A candle may not be a game but it, like most light matter, can be used in a game of catch.
That's right, I can come out with a new lesson & a new album all on
the same day. I'd like to see you door-to-door cantaloupe salesmen try
to top that!
Listen to When Blue Blew, the new album by MARS so you too can stop being plagued by memories of being thrown off the handball team your the IIIrd year.
Everyday Codes Cracked
To Star & Micey
I cracked the code
in your album. I took every 3rd word from each song then every fourth word
& every fifth word minus the last two songs & got your secret message.
& here it is for everyone to see!!
You was the me.
The unknown night fire all in love.
A frontseat smiles sky to when baby.
In the me time, yeah when its yourself, you.
I did the same thing
with I Can't Wait but with the 2nd-5th words.
A got had had.
80s you in late jeans on Memphis last.
Amazing work hiding
these profound things in the lyrics!
To Geoff Smith
I found your secret
message from the first verse of Get Up Billy I took every 2nd, 3rd, & 4th
word beginning the cycle over at the 6th word skipping the last four of the
fourth & got your amazing message!
A where freeze.
The you, his star one.
This schoolhouse, the these streets & name wars.
Look is in buses kids, they're me.
To Scary Smile Man
Wow! I found your
amazing cryptic art that you hid in the 576 Square pixels from the bottom left
corner of your last 5 mobile uploads (as of 8/8/13 3:33PM EST) that was meant
to be placed together.
Cool work dude!
To Ryan Munson
I found your secret
message hidden as the 2nd word of each of your last 5 status messages in
reverse chronological order.
"Rides gang really selling! Believe!"
I do.. Now!
I know sometimes we
can't always say what we really feel so we hide our feelings in anagrams of
what we do say. & I just want to thank you for saying this in the second
half of your last sentence, "Deep, Wept
September 30, 2013
Cheesecake is pie's undercover agent in the evil world of cake.
Take it from me, Emperor MAR, building an empire is tough. I know this
because I still haven't.
There is nothing wrong with being perfect.
If you own a store don't just store things there. Let people utilize
monetary transactions to obtain what you store.
A tidily wink is when you wink while crying.
One man's meat is another man's poison especially after digestion has
completed its course.
10 out of 10 recommenders recommend recommending.
Some people have a taste for blood but I say let blood taste its own
Following by this example can annoy it. Be sure to follow at a safe
distance behind the example.
You're better off tooting your own horn than someone else's.
Letters are free online. We can use as many ms as we want but I only
want to use 1 m. Happy Birthday Melody Joy!
The only surefire way to get rid of nightmares is to sleep during the
day. Anyone every heard of a daymare? Sure they have but at least it
won't be dark when you wake up in terror.
Everyone has problems & telling people that is patronizing
Advice is a difficult thing to give especially when you don't know
A four seater made of four cedars would intimidate aliens.
You can hold off forever but can only hold on for so long.
Babysitting is the worst kind of sitting.
An eggplant is what happens when you bury an egg or place an egg in
Funning is like running but with a different letter.
If someone tells you that they'll think about what you said for a bit,
demand instead they think about it for at least a byte.
It's good to be out of your mind because your mind is the one who
should be in you.
If you are afraid of someone who is bad to the bone just give them a
whole chicken & their badness will have to stop there.
The easiest way to find anything out is to go through your front door
& away from your home.
Imaginary knives have moot points.
Most people are smarter than you think. Their mental hard drives are
pretty full, of course it mostly consists of poorly encoded video files
of movies & tv shows.
If you turn the hose on them then the hose won't have any friends left.
Do not fret losers for victory is not all that far away.. for the
winners. In order for there to be winners there must be losers, so feel
proud about your role in society.
Some say "Why am I a loser? Why can't that jerk from wherever be a
loser?" Well winning makes you a jerk. Be happy you're a loser because
people never dislike a loser.. unless they're depending on one.
The loser doesn't get a free dinner like the winner but look at it this
way, they stay thinner.
Nothin says lovin like somethin from the oven and nothing says oven
like a yak. Really you've got to hear it to believe it!
You can't tell when the tables have turned if the tables are round.
If you spend your time way below sea level you won't be able to see
Nothing is as cold as that bitter feud between Superman & some dude.
Use up all my useless things.
Cataclysmic window washing.
Airway City is under water right now!
I am hiding under the atomless floor
Stir crazy butterflies with big sticks.
Strategically planned breathing for the week.
Looking over castles face down in the mud.
Harmless asteroids destroy the earth.
Fake snow made out of melted marshmallows doesn't make a very good movie prop.
Don't pull the plug on the trees cause there'll be no air, that's what the roots really are electrical growing cords.
Pretend there's no hens in the ballroom until something goes wrong.
Bring your nominees for least likely to get nominated.
A wearing suit made of car wax, transistors, & bulbs.
Bright blue evergreens sit around a fire discussing who should satire the next wolf.
Buy some land canoes from Mr. Scoundrel.
When the farm animulls get out of control just teach them how to bowl.
That darling little seed didn't have to be so abrasive.
Shiny & dull, ready to spit.
Generation to generation of trapezoids.
Lemon eye drops for her pleasure.
Sweet flavored light liquid dust.
The mailbox across the street said, "Its only 11 more days till Major
Antigovernment Conspiracy Day. So lets all join in the fun. On November
13th this year. It's a terrible thing when a building is demolished. I
know I've illegally read so much mail about this. So, Woo he he ha ha
hey hey Major Antigovernment Conspiracy Day. Sleep well tonight for the
13th we'll get our revenge the conspiracy way.
Solid wind blow!
Cape it's no just for Superheroes anymore!
Sogg my portable star in the foot.
Homeless are not a consequence in the conspiracy against the fence.
It's lying on the floor with a giant garage collapsed by the kicking of sod.
Convoluted railing in the shape of shark's teeth means nothing if you're
sleeping in the garden with a hose that spews skyscrapers.
My flat square building peels my fork, like I never even had a cat.
The stamp bill collectors are knocking up my leaf.
Lob took a slow Lee at for cool a mint.
Nothing cuts paint better than police sirens.
Synthesized hot platypuses boil in the ice pot.
Salmonella flavored arm chair covers.
Clear wood amebas wearing my shirt.
Close your chair window.
Microscopic eclipse in my bathroom.
Throw the hand parade ala mode.
Sinking band rubber eyeballs that are sharp square.
The fire blames the tire for the eggshell mold.
Frisbee who la hats here for a snake cooling
Going to the drive in with my broken jar & a standing cape.
Time sure flies by faster when in an underground box.
Before youse know it your starting to see a punching bird.
Granulated cement in your tea.
Exstroodle math singers make a request.
Ingredients are butter, pork apples, sod hairclips, chairs bolted on, maximum distance, & piece of mind.
Make me some bacon muffins or a mist filled swimming pool with a 200 foot ladder to the bottom.
Caramel courage for loaf of said.
WAR albums on leg.
Life long lasting gnomes for a ticking spider!
Electric Choctaws steaming up the woods. Revolving dinner plates all over your car hood.
Desk fence chalk slime ravioli.
Heavy done corralled fears.
Sir lid friends.
Lower a trend meat.
Teeth proof sudden bills.
Regard the thick.
Mischief answered stretched head.
It's a fundamental street sign with a love for bolt torque.
A stage song written about barb wire clots.
In the cold night I will sleep well, as my socks fight over the bell.
The hallway glistens with the sounds of dead air.
Soar men will follow apple steel cream pool.
Plates are wearing gingerbread beads.
Tape line container of sloping trot.
Mustard skiing torches leave my leg in an air of cellular phones.
Admit rather a leprechaun paper sword.
Corn mono bull add.
Sleeping ladders on the plateau.
Sleeking Pat wool sewed up a sign.
Lightpost cereal tosses Trix at cloudy dimes.
Master Bees plotting our sapienism.
Roast foreign I be, list for a knob in.
Cabbage sitting on an earthquake surfboard.
Yacht full of sand in a window wiper windmill can.
Flower bought multi-lot down my the sky.
Crumbled up bag is a name for a 2 way street. Rocks are laden with carnival seats.
The beakers have slipped on mud magnet.
Architecture barrel, shopping sprees.
Salt water hood carrot phase.
A short film deep sea diver barely fits on the projector
They could've been the best! no. why for a double? no. single mess.
Quantumsurgeiality in a thrown away paper ball.
Paintings on a calculator forged then bought.
somewhere in the lateral peace
Scrape light thievery!
Fish fin de sauder, I'm important, I'm deportant now!
Cactus morphing interface blinking stone macaroni wood.
Melt or side sign.
Pier sink tar branding.
Sighlilly kelp fit stiff applied pin faughts.
Humping froff tay singe tis Martést fat lever.
Case but close heart.
Fuss well cow sea already ever clammed.
lost sight would bust crash leer too trite.
I pan latter crying forward.
Pay Mello Crete.
Punting sow cloud La Paz fearing yen roof fizz Kind tanned either. Fair pout side loft.
Sand feel frame.
Meating leaks May. Pearing feed soul.
Wouldn't that grave I slow?
cover cup mending cans.
Trim decision nothing Kept.
Dive crum mirror thousand.
Tin mumble crown.
Brother lime my mall cram seek.
Clay? Seal cruthch cope door.
Brims we feet in me traces.
Tactical clean 2-way long.
Amnesia lump fork.
Guss crum feathers. Didn't easier. To retrieve land.
Flight silouhettes career.
Faith driving hurts smell.
Fact of oxyen axphiate.
Floor couldn't took.
Skin float feather.
Notice now ones around.
I'm glad fan box.
Lines on lines towels on towels
Force sit will robot sum.
Clear alway chasing fleas into a dome laying.
Where flow here.
Brave these conceived, warn the envenoméd.
Answering even exigent.
Mistrust face parley.
Compass spur light, fourth.
Spoil hide posture.
Peevish mask set bark stomachs.
False stare commend mace.
Upon raise touch.
Mother a cynic or companion tidings.
Question power tense.
Aught art alive added.
Affection stand contribution.
Moved indirection mirth.
Trash mart bait hedge me out slight health.
Budge palm digest choler.
Gently hollow but resolved.
Appoint a wind barren objects, soon imitations.
Voice prescription drivers
Leave, walks on utterance.
Envious rent hearse mantle.
Grief with as abide issue.
Vesture napkin dent flourished
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
+=- More colors than you could imagine with your heart.
I juggle in my sleep
& then I butter sheep
That's not what Eddie Johnson-Suarez said at the hardware store when I was buying pool nails.
She's in a class by herself & she's the teacher.
I'm the thing from the crystal lake. I've got a taco bucket & a pile of shanks.
How many hands does it take to chew marbles? You're a shaker, a stew
baker & your arms are never rude. Holes made of glass, glass holes.
Brillo tear mask. A cabbage called Bikemichael. Sweet gas smells. No one
hated bunny eyebrows. He was only interested in owl sounds coming from
the dashboards of wrecked cars.
I bet you're on this planet & sci-fi makes us feel alone. Well I'm
not standing on Norvon Mac where its shady. I've come back from home.
You can test your eyelids with honey to see if they attract wasps. I'm
gonna keep it light & funny like a 4 ton hammer hammering gauze.
That roll don't need hammered you can just roll it out. Take that white
strip that ain't a sammich thru a balloon shaped route.
Our belts are hungry for more bellies so they hang loose. I spelled
loose like a looser & yelled "Ramen!" like a moose. I grainy carrot
fencing plotted to plod. A knuckle under white horse leather simmering
in its mind's jackhammer fawn dose alivener.
Amidst rope, yellow salad coming, combing. Ferries without
upsidedownlids. A fawl carpet lens on your camera trigger courting
counting because a relationship with counting can easily last forever.
Clouds were tender eyevelopes, no opener but fog. A like quilted funny
paper. Why are they always signing funny papers? We live with funny
screens? Paper left its job at the microphone.
Clean left him poor his whole life. I told him to stop ironing his cars,
that those wrinkles were tread. Well he told me all wrinkles come from
treading my man & home is wherever your sweat is from fun. He liked
using air quotes even while typing so he never got 1 editing job. He
hated cars that were all drive & no parking. He said scissors pray
to the mob. Which mob I never knew but one thing was for sure. The rest
of the things went to mystery & whatever lung sucking thing that's
out that door. I called him a hero but he said he just row down the
shore. I made a million boxes out of eagles & they never told me
And I've got a fire in my eye. I keep tryin' by cryin' to put it out.
But no matter how much I scream, shout, & pout it never goes out. So
I took my fillet to the canyon & knocked the hall right out. So now
no one doubts me because they've heard all about me & I don't wear
chalk. I hear that chalk helps you talk but I don't want to walk or
talk, just balk, balk, balk. Then balk at balking.
I review hammocks in my spare time but I review how well they hold their liquor.
Someone told me that he has neighbors from hell & I said that's a
good thing because it means they are on their way up in life. Coming
from hell is much better than going to hell. It's hard to escape hell
you have to win a fiddln' contest.
Tugging at a toast ghost.
Zombies have prosthetic life but their body parts are real.
They weren't grochers, they were grochests!
You'll never meet a hemophiliac box.
Flydeep Frin Felgest juggled conspiritists with a spoon.
Punch My Cat in the Face music video in HD
Made an HD version of my 10 year old classic music video. Now you can really watch the fur fly!
September 13, 2013
+=- One Day They Will Take Our Faces Too
I've spelt with B's before. Like,
the word before before.
Belts made of glass.
It is like septic elves spinning cartoon projections onto a forged
If I weren't a sentient skillet I would sue the farm for all of its
bees. They'd have to catch them because it is not a bee farm.
Invisible question marks are true question marks because their
existence is questionable.
I have 7 equal signs in my trunk because 7 is an uneven number.
I'm not a cannibal but I like human meat because it lets me move.
The sky gets crowded with summer in June.
Being cool sucks & so does being lame because you have to un-be.
I watch lots of hammers in case they are planning something..
I may be city folk now but I can still milk a cow faster than a horse
Just being here with you makes me want to cry with a bushel of arrows
on my lap.
MAR: Your Welching the pillow dome?
Edward: No I'm stuffing the welch with toilet paper and
it off to sea
MAR: Are you a super villain who is trying to soak up the
Edward: Where would I put it in?
MAR: Another planet to create life there.
Edward: Yeah no one would find it there
MAR: Except the new guys that are born from the space ocean.
Edward: I'll put in on dark side of the moon, the moon is
giant sponge. They won't know cause it'll be too dark.
MAR: But I thought the moon was flat.. Oh I guess flat things
have too sides two.
MAR: Do you ever count your tears so you can become a living
Edward: How would counting my tears make me a geology?
MAR: Yeah you must not have tried it then since you are
Edward: I have tried counting my prayers so that I can become
MAR: Because you can hear yourself?
Edward: I can also see myself.
MAR: I love it when people know their terror soup!
Edward: I use terror sauce on my crime burger with my
MAR: Offensive like a futbol player or like a guy we hate
he says verbal hot dogs?
Edward: Offensive like people who talk on the phone loudly
you are waiting for the light to change on the street
MAR: You have streets where you live? I live in a vending
(for now). This hungry poor guy keeps eyeballing me.
Edward: I'm actually a tree. At night I uproot and move to
with better sunlight and less smoke in the air.
MAR: Can you smell smoke?
Edward: It sticks to my leaves and blocks my pores.
MAR: So when you dream about banks who is sitting to the 3rd
to the left in the 2nd seat from the right?
Edward: The man who is up when he is down while the bread
are besides the oven which is to the left of the freezer.
MAR: I hate that guy (on Tuesdays). I hate punk rockers too.
always breaking when I sit in them.
MAR: *GASP GAPS*
Edward: You are the last tear of the sun, dried.
MAR: I was hired by SPAM® to have meaningful conversations
to improve their image. How meaningful would you rate this conversation
on an electronic scale of Aleph to Yod?
MAR: with Aleph being the highest or lowest?
Edward: I think it's the lowest.
MAR: Ok. One final question then. Has this conversation made
depressed enough to eat SPAM®? Diet is so important. Eat more SPAM®
or your local grocer).
September 11, 2013
+ = - A Van of Regular Turtles.
It's a superliminal delauch
array. If you
unfocus your eyes for 3 months.. you're on the team!
2 page real trace review. Look again.
How many cubes do you have? I've spelt the word cube.
People decompose in dirt but plants compose in dirt so what do
Gross income is gross because I should get all my money. They better
stop taxing us when we all have jet packs since we won't need streets
or schools anymore.
Yeah I'd deliver boat crust too if I were a marmoset.
I'm willing to bet Edgar's gramnana 3 cents that you can cut the
unfrozen mustard without leaving a streak on the napkin.
Do you remember that guy.. the president. He sure has wacky hair huh? I
used to be the president.. of a van.. of turtles. They weren't ninjas
MAR: I had a horse in my circus days that walked on four
We called him the globe trotter.
armyghost88: I once digested a diary and drew the perfect
MAR: Was it the diary of a bear ghost with teeth? Because
are the only ghosts with teeth.
armyghost88: I have yet to see such shining sails and rubber
hoses. I doused the treble in the orange paint and kept on marching.
I saw him on my tv once. I was all like get off of my tv that is a
flatscreen you cad! I was polite. I used lego curse words.
MAR: You don't blend hippos do you?
Stranger: Are you drunk?
MAR: Yeah this vampire totally made me light headed without
I had a bowl then I saved up for 6 fortnites & bought another
but then that one broke so I borrowed a bowl to trade for 2 bowls at
the Sandpete so I could make a bowling ball that doesn't roll away.
You are too rich to have so many lands. You should give yourself a
robot that acts as shoulder pads that can talk & be a cartoon
player who uses pads.
No one ever misspells frost they just invent 3rd world editions of
I have 2 lions named Kid so I can say I have kids because I hateish
goats & my kids don't like being sounded like they owned.
I wish I weren't made of Diet Crystal Pepsi 3000 as advertised in an
alternate reality on the DuMont Television Network.
I KILL plants for breakfast!! Look out!
yeah... *shoots self.. in the foot.. for using too many ellipses...*...
...(because ellipses look like bullets & dot feet)
September 9, 2013
Time Inside Flowers Art Gallery
When Blue Blew - Album Preview
September 9, 2013
YOU ARE NORMAL IF..
You don't like selling your soul
but you do
like selling your unused exercise equipment.
You don't like being driven crazy but you do like being driven to the
You don't like biting the dust but you do like biting fresh fruit.
You don't like throwing in the towel but you do like throwing in the
first pitch at a major league baseball game.
You don't like the smell of defeat but you do like the smell of fresh
You don't like being caught on fire but you do like being caught while
jumping out of a window to escape from a fire.
You don't like paying taxes but you do like paying for goods &
services of your choice.
You don't like being cut from the team but you do like being cut from a
giant alien's spider web.
You don't like picking up the check but you do like picking up your
You don't like passing a golden opportunity but you do like passing
people with golden teeth.
You don't like feeling sad but you do like feeling things to know you
still have a sense of touch.
You don't like eating out of the trash but you do like eating pre-trash.
You don't like mailing threatening letters but you do like mailing
You don't like wasting time but you do like wasting waste.
You don't like being called yellow but you do like being called on the
phone by your best friend.
You don't like losing your mind but you do like losing the maniac who
is vehicularly chasing you.
You don't like having your pants fall down in public but you do like
having your pants fall down while testing the consistency of earth's
gravity to keep you from being paranoid about your car floating away on
your morning commute to work.
You don't like waiting at the doctor's office but you do like waiting
for meat to be thoroughly cooked.
You don't like seeing doctors play god but you do like seeing doctors
You don't like facing your fears but you do like facing your television
while watching it instead of having all of your furniture facing the
You don't like arrogant people but you do like feeling superior to
You don't like hearing about a tragedy but you do like hearing your
You don't like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're
experiencing some turbulence" but you do like the pilot saying, "Ladies
and gentlemen, we're experiencing some nacho surplus."
gazpacho with armoured billie goat pendants.
I hate those M&Ms puzzles they sell next to the checkout at the
grocery. I never get enough brown pieces to make the picture on the
front. What a rip off!!
Found under a pound of warp. Nice tree, nice tree. Don't fall my sound.
I can ever. You'll be the last frame. They'll never see us again. The
stillness is the world & motion is imagination. Three minks
coughing shadows. Daytime. The ledge of a lost envelope. 0-22 are 23
spurious numbers. 1 or none. 23 or none. Helping a heap. Helping a
heap. Helping a heap. Mylar explodes ostrich bandages. Color was my
taste & five wings flew over nothing. Wingface was a terrible
villain because he was an awesome hero. We are the vestiges of the
future. Hold your grip while your crew stands. They were all lying.. or
was it laying? The button was depressed because it was a shirt button
& not a button that can be pressed & de-pressed.
Putting the cart before the horse is a good idea if the cart floats
& the horse is in water.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
+=- Who is the sandwich?
Who is the sandwich?
I write my alabama sideways. 67 envelopes deplore happiness because
they have to be ripped open for ours. If fire were colours that you
couldn't see, how many Frenchmen would have flat tires? The water was
dusty. I picked a cloud from the dirt. Pleated was inspired by hooks on
the wall. Headless ghosts would bump into walls if they weren't ghosts.
Caren was named after her attitude because she cared that she was born.
Bill was named because his parents had no insurance. Greg was named
because his parents liked dog marmoset hybrids. Now you know who you
He heard bats with his eyes & heard liver with his spleen. In
climate they only painted with light jackets of paint. The light
growled as its spectrum inverted. There are so many colors that don't
exist. I fought my way up the stairs by stomping the steps' heads in.
He looked both ways before crossing a friend. His way & his
A pile of parties fumigated in the backyard. The lawn never wanted to
be mowed again. Cameras let us capture moments but moments aren't
domesticated so sometimes moments capture us back. Francis was at the
hill cooking stew without a pot & cooling pots without stew.
Spiders have a lot of pockets because of their awesome pants.
He was the flotsamest man in the universe.. after he was teleported to
an empty universe.
Who is the sandwich & what did I truth?
August 31, 2013
August Lessons including Lesson Mania Week
Census workers are out for the count & so are Dracula's
Let's hope they aren't one & the same.
If you replace your desk chair with a pilates ball your boss will be
forced to compliment you by saying that you are always on the ball.
Your number's up when the number held up by your judges goes down.
8/4/13, Day 1- 3 Lessons
If life is a game we're all on the same side & our opponents
dead people which means we're all winners because they are easy to beat.
Some people are faster than others. For example, someone read this
lesson faster than you.
Every story is a true story, an authentic story.
8/5/13, Day 2- 4 Lessons
When someone calls you up & says, "You'll never guess who I
saw.." Say, "You're right" & hang up.
People who take pictures are strange thieves & are probably
When your favorite thing is leaving places half of your life sucks
because there is no way around having to go to places in order to leave
If you're ever in a blackout at a wax museum light Hendrix's guitar on
fire, he would have wanted it that way.
8/6/13, Day 3- 4 Lessons
Masking a mask is also called stacking.
The Big Gov aimed for one day where people wouldn't say "one day" but
the only name for the holiday they could come up with was "One Day" so
the idea was scrapped.
Only something that lacks the palpability of the 5 senses could
LITERALLY make NO sense to us.
When someone exaggerates saying something like, "It was literally 200
degrees out there." Say, "Oh I bet.. against it."
8/7/13, Day 4- 6 Lessons
If someone is copying your style don't worry, even if they use a color
copier their paper clothes will look stupid. Of course this still
wouldn't stop them from becoming the hit of the high fashion world.
People are too scared to walk on the hot sun. I don't blame them, I
blame the sun.
If you're stupid forget about success & just get something
Even the worst jokes are funny if someone laughs at how much of a loser
you are for making bad jokes. Trust me :'(
There are a lot of things that suck but nothing sucks more than Vacubat
the Cyborg Vampire.
Everyone who has seen a cow has seen a cow with 3 legs.
8/8/13, Day 5- 4 Lessons
The technical term for food is unnessecarous technicalnamous.
Sports are nerdy things for jocks. Knowing sports stats is like knowing
wizard & orb names from some nerd book. Jocks are the ultimate
nerds. At least the real nerds aren't memorizing annual numbers.
Some people's eyes bug out when they see bugs.
Free Willy ultimately drowned because he was SO free he decided to
breathe air while still living underwater. This is why they are called
killer whales. If you gave them magical freedom (or tons of cash like
Willy) they'd be so stupid they'd kill themselves.
8/9/13, Day 6- 7 Lessons
The golden pirate has a treasure chest.
The reason high schools lack car racing classes is because doing laps
couldn't be considered punishment.
Things that make you blue are often out of the blue.
You can't start a camp fire by rubbing two marshmallows together but if
you can figure out how to rub them apart on each other the sun will
unexplode & turn into Italian Ice.
Hard to find cuisine: A vampire cooked super rare.
One of the best thing about elevators is that if you let people off in
front of you they will say "Thank you." This is great because people
thank you for standing still.
When someone tells you to "get outta town" tell them, "I'm tired of
wandering this harsh & foreboding earth. I try to be a nice guy
& do what my friends say but all of my so called friends always
up telling me to get out of town. Well I'm finished listening to you
people! YOU get out of town! YOU GET out of MY town!" then weep openly.
Never ask yourself, "Am I seeing things?" Because it is your ears that
will hear you & not your eyes. You need to write that question
& if your eyes don't read it that means you aren't seeing
A dingo is just a backwards bingo and a bingo is a forwards dingo. So
this must mean that dingos spin around a lot.
People who write their fours rounded make a b line four.
Most people don't sit in the streets so it is quite easy to be an
There is a point in every person's life that gives them directions.
Tire irons do not promote tire traction.
Deaf people can hear at least one thing, silence.
Kids who spend a lot of time in a tree house are in the arms of that
tree more than they are in the arms of their parents.
Bad builders use briquettes instead of bricks.
Saying goodnight is like saying goodbye. Yet saying Good day or good
evening is like saying hello.
There are plenty of conflicting situations & decisions which
about in life. Such as which stove to buy or how many times to peel the
Blind & deaf cooks have the best taste.
Airplanes are like people because they enjoy taking off then landing.
Cannibals enjoy foods such as ear rings, eye balls, finger food, ham
hock burgers, buns, ribs, chopped liver, hand shakes, & thumb
for freshening breath.
Thieves prey on the unsuspecting which is why thieves themselves never
The reason old tymey kings had multiple wives is because it takes a lot
of women to do castle work as opposed to housework.
The first time someone was called a pig for eating too much was at a
I can show you a good time but you wouldn't be in it unless there are
Winter could have been called fall because of all the slippery ice.
On certain occasions partners in crime have to part ways during a
chase. The slower partner sometimes says "Make a run for it!" The
faster, often dumber partner, confused runs for it but not knowing what
it is. While traveling down the street in leg foot fashion he passes a
sign then chooses to stop and take it along with him. Returning to the
hidden layer with his partner arriving soon thereafter they begin to
discuss the sign and the potentials it expounds regarding a run for
public office. They decide doing so would be more profitable, stealing
money wise, than robbing banks ever had been and thus another
politician is born.
A prisoner is an inmate but a jailer is not.
Money can't buy love unless it is Valentine's Day apparently.
A burning toast can be disappointing especially from your friends.
Most of the things you can get for free come with no strings attached,
especially free guitars.
Non-Equal Netural was a song later become album with the
& most senseless lyrics of all time. +
= - is its sequal but is more of a collective umbrella of anything goes
art & writing released as it is produced. +=- will be posted to
whenever I come up with things. The first posts ares linked above which
include visual art, jokes, scripts, future lessons, & my
uncategorizable creative thoughts.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Star & Micey's of Other Dimensions
The truth of life is that in every alternate dimension the only thing
different is that proper nouns are all anagrams of each other. I've been
to 45 alternate dimensions & Star & Micey has a different name in each one. Here are my favorite ones. Note this is with "and"
spelled out & not as &, Ampersands are the enemy of
extra-galaxian-phonospheric-talmadge. If you thought Star & Micey's
name was silly in this dimension check out these hilarious alternate
reality names they DO have.
Narc Daytimes (as in narcoleptic, I know because I asked Job Cos Shy, Heft Fig Oms, & Doc Nerd Mink)
Cyan Readmits (Pronounced Red mitts)
A Card's Enmity
A Mantis' Cyder
Maniac Ed's Try
My Dance Stair (My favorite)
A Dynastic Rem
Canard Ye Smit
Dry Satan Mice
Aced My Trains
A Candy Remits (A C&y Remits)
A Sandy Metric
AM Stridency A
Mandate Cry Is..
July 5, 2013
An Authentic Story.
Me & Frank went out of business..es
in them. We crashed upwards through the ceiling. We used a catapult
with red wheels to bury things in the air because gravity was different
for 6 hours on the weekend where we lived. The dog leash was
invented in our town to keep the dogs from floating away. During
harvest time we'd soak the ground just before so the gravity would pull
all of the vegetables out of the ground for us & we'd catch
the way up.
People with long hair would tickle the feet of those living above them
because the 2nd story floors were always made of grates. The well off
people would live on the 2nd floor so they wouldn't have to clean up
their spills. Everything would just spill through the floor to the poor
people below. They had water balloon fights every Halloween so anyone
on the 1st floor dressed as witches would melt.
We stopped writing letters to one another because whatever we
misspelled would come true. I had a hand sandwich once because of this.
Another time I had a handle sandwich but only because I wanted it to
become true. For everyone else but me & Frank it had to be a
mistake instead. We were the ones the strawberries feared & we
didn't even have a blender.
One weekend the gravity stopped changing.. back. It was very easy to
move out of town but very hard to move into another town. We coined the
slang term "heavy" in our van but we were only referring to things of
normal weight. I hated weekend gravity. It was so hard to relax. There
was a secret in this new town going around that only I could be kept
from secrets. They were right. A flood of shadows promulgated hope to
us but I wasn't sure if I'd be 5 times stronger if my life was 5 times
harder. There was so much left to say to farmer oGnelt but none of it
was coherent. I could say a lot to a lot of people & none of it
would mean anything to them.
Now there aren't any more people around who know the thrill of floating
glass. I tried to go back Home, but they held my arms while I held my
head & Home held my heart. But then... fish fell.. on the wall.
Home came to me, and then, everyone else floated away as I floated in
This was a True Story, An Authentic Story.
Me & Frank, we were best friends until the end.. but the end
came before we ever met.
1-2, 2013 Lesson
Calendar split into 2 columns with the good lessons on
the left (the ones I will post to Facebook yearly) & the
ones on the right.
Removed pointless "Flashback Edition" Labels from Lesson Calendar
What is it called when a prisoner
is set free
and leaves the prison?
What is the difference between jello and jello mold?
A few weeks.
Jibber Jabber 2012 Complete
What makes you tick,
Ahhh I like eating
I ain't no lie I'm a
some people like
climbing puddles y'know
Thanks to Jesus now I
only feel empty
inside when I'm hungry!
Cruise control could
be called coasting.
That football player
casts a long
shadow, that can't be good for his kids.
Most people can only
count from 1-10 on
their fingers but I can count from 1-17 using Roman Numerals.
toad with a
mowhawk Blahblahblahblahblah relationship trouble Blahblahblahblahblah
crazy relatives Blahblahblahblahblah PUNCHLINE Blahblahblahblahblah
& that's how Jim used his space heater as an eyedropper.
I don't do any
vocally but I do do any impersonation of the back of Tom Cruise's hand.
Google that hand, this is a good impersonation.
I graduated High School on this day 10 years ago.
Thankfully I haven't lost my eyebrows after all these years.
Under that robe my legs are broken because that cop ensured (The Joe) didn't dance a jig on stage that
night. Thankfully they gave me the
boots from Ocarina of Time with a Gameshark code for infinite hover,
otherwise I would have never made it on stage to accept my fake diploma.
Because updating a website with the editing
uploading is time consuming Piemerica has a new Swood
content will be posted. We've got new Advice Ovens over there
Also New Lessons are being
posted on Piemerica's
Facebook Page all year long.
April 30, 2013
Written by an Elephant Edition:
"An elephant never... uh.. how does that saying go again?"
Well I guess elephants do forget. However, amazingly they can type with
those big feet.
Circles always make ends meet, so much so that you couldn't even tell
that they once had ends.
The moon orbits the earth, by & large.
Its easier to turn over a new leaf than it is to leave no stone left
Clown is the perfect occupation for cross dressers.
Tall walls fall and make you drop your jaw when it's on y'all.
Summer salt & seasoning salt is the same thing.
Thick fog can lead to thick log.
A drug addict’s favorite time of day is high noon.
More school kids use high lighters than it may seem by looking at their
If you have a yellow belly that means you eat too much butter.
Pharmacist will prescribe you medicine because farms didn't insist you
Money can be expensive so that is why it is important to save.
Take pictures of gum it'll last longer.
Even though they are called 'waiters' we are the ones waiting.
At revivals Methodists use the sprinkler system to accept people in the
If you're out of shape go back inside.
Not even sunglasses could make the sun look cool.
If you ever think to yourself "It is hot as Hell in here" you probably
Offering people coins is a good way to get them to change.
Kitty cats' favorite types of instruments are stringed.
The cheese stands alone because it cuts itself.
The sky is blue all day and wears black at night it must be depressed,
possibly because it looks beat up.
When the mob throws someone in the river there is plenty of concrete
Chicken pox is still better for you than chicken nuggets.
The early bird gets the worm. This principle is also why your dogs
& cats should sleep in.
Big business leads to big consumers.
The grass is always greener when you sneeze.
Rock'Em Sock'Em Robots inspired Tom Cruise’s role in Risky Business
March 31, 2013
If you double dot your i's your one i will have two eyes. If you double
cross your t's they won't be happy.
If your mind is drawing a blank you have amazing powers!
It is good to have a Chip on your shoulder if you have a Dale on the
It is strange that people in SoCal are more concerned about their diet
than people in NoCal.
Every cloud has a silver lining except the ones drawn with the cheap
box of crayons. Those just have gray linings that we pretend are silver.
The grass is always greener on the other side, except during winter,
then the grass is always snowier.
A trainee cook is the one person who is ok with hearing "fork over the
dough" while at work.
A bucket ain't water but it draws water well. Chalk ain't milk but it
draws milk well.
The way to win at rock paper scissors hand over fist is to put hand
over fist when someone throws rock.
The Atkins Diet really goes against the grain.
Never let your toddlers wear long sleeves at breakfast or else they
will end up with a few Trix up their sleeve.
He who laughs last laughs best.. unless he's part of a studio audience.
In that case he's getting kicked out of the taping.
If you're looking to relax after lunch don't use a toothpick because
toothpicks are often in a pickle.
Touring bands rock before they roll.
Early executioners tried hanging by a thread but instead of leaving the
criminals hanging by a tread to life the executioners found their jobs
hanging by a thread as they scrambled for a thread of hope in the newly
contrived item they called the rope.
A gingerbread house is a home sweet home.
Fair & square is not fair for circles.
When regular guns run out of ammo you have to put bullets in them. When
phasers run out of ammo you have to jump the gun.
Everybody wins in online arguments because no one ever goes away
thinking they were wrong.
Mr. Bucket was "buckets of fun" but he could only be 1 bucket of fun at
If you're looking for a way to break the ice with your date stir her
drink with a knife rather than a spoon.
When your back is to the wall at least you have some back support. I'd
rather have my back up against the wall than fall over a balcony or
Sometimes you've gotta walk away from a fight to live to fight another
day so you can die on that day instead.
February 27, 2013
My grandpa passed today.
This is about him
Without a Wink
Death is a fracture that keeps us apart
It doesn't heal until we're all broken off
There are so many reactions & so many words that don't exist
Tears from our eyes, clinch of our fists
I can't let you know what I'm longing to say because words don't feel
& you're not here anyway
But let me at least tell you that you were quite a man
Joy in your heart, care in your hands
You made us laugh you made us think
You loved us without a wink
If there comes a time when my mind can't remember much of you
My heart will still remember everything
We were safe & relaxed in your tender house
I thank God for the hours & the years
I love you grandpa & that's from the life of my heart not from
an event puppeteer
He was the one who was a son
He had a father like no other
He wanted to free himself
He wanted to be himself
And his father would not let his son be buried under the world
Some would say he was a mistake
Some would want, his life to rake
But his dad would not let his son be run
Whether fall or fun
Even if everything could come undone
He left the Mike on
He would fight for him
He would adore him
With his social eyes he found the prize
But with risk of demise he would have no lies
He couldn't try calling
The lights were falling to be picked up again when the world was worth
The father let his son be free
To be whoever he wanted to be
And his son's night turned to dawn because he left the Mike on
He left the Mike on... for him
Life isn't something to win
It is a place to begin & a time to spend being who you are
(being who you are, being who you are)
& knowing who's palm is in your hand
& knowing who's palm is in your hand
You want to be a man I'll let you be
You don't have to fake a thing, I'll let you be
Because you mean so much to me & I so want the world to see me
leave the Mike on
My loving heart will be with you
In your time & in your room
Don't change but stay new
Leave the Mike on
Leave the Mike on
I love who you are
Your days are numbered buddy! But
of course they are because everyone else's are too. Ain't you ever seen
a calendar pal?
February 24, 2013 Piemerica's
15th Anniversary Piemerican
Highlights from Piemerica's first year. This time we're not
talking a cold list of accomplishments or major events. We're talking
entertainment! The Biggest laughs Piemerica had to offer 15 years ago.
News stations are both great
& terrible at cutting to the chase.
The dream was yours not mine
But I have to live sometime
And that time is right now
I am letting me out
I am letting me out
Out of my shell that was made by you
Out of the hell that you put me through
And now do you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna say I'm through, I don't need you
I'm forever new
Now I am being what a man was meant to be
Not treating himself like a flea
If I have gone a little wild
That's just the joy that freedom brings
If I'm not living like a child I'm dying on a tree, I'm dying on a tree
And I will not let you limp into my heart again
You won't call Him a warring friend
So I choose not to be used, not to be taught, not to be confused
So I choose to lift my hands, grab the sky & free my legs
I am forever new, forever free, I don't need you to shackle me
I'm resting but I'm not waiting
The food is already on my table
I thought you were insightful but you were the one doing the stabbing
& now the knife I pull..
Now the knife I pull out
Out of my back & out of my brothers
I want to take your knife out of all of the others
Who are forever new, forever free, forever how they should be
Your news was deadly & I won't wait for you to kill again
To lie & call Him a warring friend
Now I'm warning you that you are fading
I feel heaven's pulse & His love is amazing
February 22, 2013
Geoff Smith Playlist on Swirltube
Piemerican & Star
& Micey Bassist & Vocalist's solo music relased on
MySpace in 2007-2008. Some of this awesome music has been offline for
years. You won't regret listening.
February 5-22, 2013
Walking the plank was an effective form of execution across the board.
Any Tom, Dick or Harry can abbreviate his own name.
Whoever came up with the Hebrew alphabet called off all bets but one.
Everyone is as old as Methuselah just not as old as he was when he died.
If you are going to try to write with chalk underwater it will be
easier if it is not running water.
"Back to basics" could mean a return to basics or a departure from
Those with the gift of gab also have the apprehension of abbreviated
Only the most confident salesmen knock on Death's door.
When the ball is in your court but you're a judge, its time to call the
February 4, 2013
Home page now has thumbnail links to most
photo galleries on the site Galleries
on index linked with thumbs
Some photos from Photos 1996-2003 have been
replaced with better quality or retouched photos.
If you're really in love with
someone you won't just have butterflies
in your stomach, you'll have caterpillars too because the lifespan of a
butterfly is less than that of a human so for true love you'll
constantly be producing new butterflies in your belly.
One way to tell someone you have
a crush on them is to say, "When I think about you I feel caterpillars
in my stomach."
February 2, 2013
Never start a bet saying, "I bet
you can't guess.." because anyone can
guess. Instead say, "I bet you can't guess right.."
February 1, 2013
Piemerca's Spider Vision Online 11 Years
Piemerica.org went online 11 years ago Friday,
Piemerica will make you laugh & Piemerica will make you cry if
there are onions near by.
In Dnalsdrawkcab Three Strikes Laws are based
bowling instead of baseball so criminals are rewarded for committing
crimes 3 times.
January 6-31, 2013
It would be a real surprise if someone literally "threw a surprise
party" from like a giant catapult or something.
Everyone is a natural, except androids.
The Future is Now! except.. no its not. Now was the future but now now
If you add a lock to anything it is safer. So if you have to lock a
safe it was not very safe to begin with.
Spotting the differences could save your life!
If you ever get into a car wreck..
If you ever get into a car, wreck.
When arriving at a planned destination people say, "Well, this is the
place." When arriving at an unplanned destination when lost you can
say, "Well, this is a place."
When someone says they've told you something "over & over
tell them, "That is impossible. You can't tell me something over again
because that would mean it wasn't over in the first place."
It is good to get your priorities out of whack.
It is strange that being pressed is hard but being depressed is harder.
Even stranger is the fact that the press depresses people.
If someone tells you, "I love you more than words can express" they're
lying to you because they just used words to tell you. If someone
really loved you like that they'd just say, "I love you more than......"
You can't be married to your work unless your boss is a minister
even then it is only legal in 6 states & D.C.
How to make people into hypocrites:
Complain so much that people will begin to complain about your constant
January 4, 2013
Artwork for A.M. Rang a Song
Of course history is written by the victors.
would the losers want to keep records of their loss?
January 3, 2013
Lesson Mania Year
We already have lessons for every day of the
This year I am having new lessons for every day of the year that only
has one lesson or needs funnier lessons.
No one will ever see you coming if you are
Top 3 ways to loose
money in a
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of
2. Using the classic sales pitch &
it into action,
"We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds