Piemerica 2014
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Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Enornal Thirtithreed
1. I hope you can find it in your heart.. & by "it" I mean blood.
2. I miss the good ol' days when you didn't have to pray a blessing over your meal because you could trust that the farmer had already blessed it.
3. You guys are totally out of the looop. I bet you didn't even know they added an extra o to looop.
4. You should have seen the look on his face. It was the type of look that said, "Wow look at the look on that other guy's face."
5. Have you ever agone existin'?
6. Remember that time Edgar gave you that wooden toast & you were in the hospital for 3 years? No? Yeah we thought you had lost your memory.
7. By my count your picture only says 999 words. This means it is of the devil because 999 is 666 upside-down.
8. Can you spell the word cube for me? I am terrible at spelling the word cube.

9. That awkward moment when someone writes something starting with "that awkward moment" & you're tired of the cliché.
10. If you can hear me say, "I can't hear you."
11. When you dream about banks who is sitting to the 3rd door to the left in the 2nd seat from the right?
12. The refrigerator is riding a motorcycle. The mini-fridge is riding a motortricycle.
13. I heard the Dollar Tree is having a Black Friday sale.. Everything is 99 cents.
14. In school they told us to pass the tests but when I got caught passing a test to another kid I got in trouble. What a world!

15. Melody isn't wonderful..
She's wonderoverflow!!
16. She's in a class by herself & she's the teacher.
17. How did I get such a good picture? It's because Melody is in it.
18. Melody is the best baby & she eats things that are the consistency of gravy.
19. Some say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a toddler & I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came over & started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires, & digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.

20. Show of hands, who has the most hands here?
21. Are you cheerful that floors happen when you are standing?

22. Glick had 5 toasters stationed outside his backdoor just in case any of his toasts tried to escape to say kind things at parties.
23. Gnell learned how to fry an egg on her back porch. She got strange looks for having a porch attached to her shoulders.
24. Glark was only interested in owl sounds coming from the dashboards of wrecked cars.
25. Gnish had an app that scanned her surroundings & pulled up user reviews of everything in existence. Yet she still didn't trust a soul.
26. Gleef never learned anything in class so he took a class on how to take classes & because of the circular nature of it all he never learned anything, not just in class but anywhere in life. It was a good thing he was already 150 years old & knew everything he needed to know.
27. Gnord is busier than a pitchfork on prom night.

28. People decompose in dirt but plants compose in dirt so what do submarines do?
29. What you said was so disgusting I've been sick for 16 years & I just found out why.

30. Half Infinity

31. When they were passing out disasters in heaven he didn't take one. The rest of us went through the line multiple times because we foolishly thought it was noble.
32. Sports teams are usually named after animals. But what if there were a team called The Humans. The crowd would cheer, "Go humans go!" & it would bring a warm tear to all of our eyes.

33. This is Precious Roy & my Idaho is made of fresh cooked meat.
No Precious what about the steam ice maker?
Buy my elastic cinnamon razors. Suckers!
Link

+=- Renophone bilg
In 17.626 years from now aliens will be saying that Star & Micey are one the best bands to come out of Earth.

If "Love in an Elevator" wasn't already taken Star & Micey would have every possible song title with the word love in it.

Melody is so smart all of her teeth are wisdom teeth.

I've been drinking books since the days when books were dry, which is every day up until 3 weeks from tomorrow-ishishish.

Honoring God in daily hygiene is not enough, that would only be honoring him by the skin of our teeth.

I suggest you call The Police or maybe just Sting..

What time of day does your mind see?

The idea that "you can't mix apples & oranges" is why you never see a math teacher working a juice stand. Or it's because he/she already has a job as a math teacher.

On Halloween Day
MAR:  If kids come to Trick or Treat at my house.. BLAM!! ..candy right in their bags!
Nathaniel:  This is the best thing I've read all day.
MAR:  I bet you wouldn't say that if I posted it again tomorrow.
Nathaniel:  No, probably not.


I never taught my dog to sit.. because he already knew how. Amazing right? He just sorta came out that way, so did all my other dogs. And get this.. he can roll over too! Yeah one day he just started rolling in the dirt. And he even shakes when he's wet. I don't know what the point of all this dog training is. Just wait around, they'll eventually do all of it. My dog sits.. has to be 50-60 times a day. It's like I always say (for this joke) you can't teach good sitting.


see self tiger jungle moutins woods haha I think

You've gotten better at terracing baloon farm scalpels.. because you couldn't have gotten any worse! Ooooh!
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Doughcember Lessons
12/1/14
You are rich if you never wake up at the crack of dawn.. because you had the crack fixed.

12/2/14
You are rich if your toilet water is imported... from Mars!

12/3/14
You are rich if, when your teacher told you to put on your thinking cap you put on your headdress that connected you to the ancient Mayan hive mind.

12/4/14
You are rich if the ice you use in your beverages comes from the iceberg that wrecked the Titanic.

12/5/14
You are rich if you bite the hand that feeds you because you are fed by an edible robotic hand.

12/6/14
You are rich if the money you are saving for a rainy day is so you can build a giant retractable dome over your city to keep the rain from getting to you & to the crops of the poor.

12/7/14
You are rich if you spill the beans.. by reversing the earth's gravity!

You are rich if your limo has an officially licensed full sized NASCAR racetrack with other golden limos on it racing each other.

12/8/14
You are rich if every cloud has a silver lining because you had some extra silver lying around.

12/9/14
You are rich if you take a back seat to no one.. because your cars cover both lanes by having 7 front seats.

12/10/14
You are rich if you are a son of a gun, a cloning gun.

12/11/14
You are rich if you visit your doctor everyday just so you can huck an apple at him.

12/12/14
You are rich if the salmon you buy swims upstream.. in the salmon olympics!

12/13/14
You are rich if you hire a narrator to narrate all of your actions just in case your actions don't speak louder than your words.

12/14/14
You are rich if you buy everything hook line and sinker because you only shop from mermaids.

12/15/14
You are rich if your clone calls in sick.

You are rich if when you say you're going to "surf the web" you mean the web created by your mutant silk-ice spider.

12/16/14
You are rich if your alarm has all the latest bells and whistles.

12/17/2014
You are rich if, because you were tired of people saying, "Rome was not built in a day" you paid to have Rome rebuilt in a day & it worked!

12/18/2014
You are rich if you call it a day before the sun even comes up.

12/19/2014
You are rich if, as a child you heard someone say, "It's raining cats & dogs out there!" & you thought "that's a good idea" so you had your parents build you a cat/dog sprinkler system by putting a bowling alley on its side so the ball return would be the cat & dog return.

12/20/2014
You are rich if you still write letters because you can pay to have them sent just as fast as a text.

You are rich if your money burns a hole in your pocket because you accidentally took your self-warming winter coins with you on a summer trip to the gumball machine.

12/21/2014
You are rich if you live like there is no tomorrow because of your time machine never forcing you to experience tomorrow.

12/22/14
You are rich if your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor because you use your experimental emevator for that.

12/23/14
You are rich if when you start the day off on the wrong foot you have time rewound so you can restart the day on the right one but sometimes you forget why you rewound time so you have to rewind it again a few times before you get it right.

12/24/14
You are rich if you are heading for the poor house.. to knock it down.

12/25/14
You are rich if you know that breaking priceless ancient pottery for fun isn't all it's cracked up to be.

12/26/14
You are rich if your house is made of ice but you live in the desert.

12/27/14
You are rich when your idea of "pushing the envelope" is fighting a guy dressed as a giant envelope.

12/28/14
You are rich if the only time you have a bone to pick with someone is at the billionaires' dinosaur BBQ.

12/29/14
You are rich if you abandon ship just because the ship got wet.

You are rich if you shoot the messenger.. out of a canon so he can deliver the message faster.

12/30/14
You are rich if you own an indoor drug fog powered emotional roller coaster.

12/31/14
Rich guys named Rich who embrace themselves for who they are are the richest people in the world.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Cracked Fire, Cracks in Flames - New Double EP by MARS
Monday, December 29, 2014
Chati2de
1.
MAR:  I live on Brown Street.
Person:  Brown like the color?
MAR:  No brown like the sound you hear when someone says brown.
2.
MAR:  :(
Stranger:  Why are you sad?
MAR:  It was a typo I meant to smile.
3.
Stranger:  Can I see a pic of u?
MAR:  I don't know are you blind?
4.
Person:  I called you earlier.
MAR:  I know but that's not my name so I didn't answer.
5.
Child:  My mommy said I was stupid.
MAR:  She was right
Child:  Really?
MAR:  Yeah just not about that.
6.
Human:  I'm pretty sure that's amusing.
MAR:  You're not even confident when it comes to what you are amused by? Your parents failed you.
Human:  You're not aware of sarcasm?
MAR:  I'm not good with geolgraphy. I don't know much about casms, sorry.
7.
MAR:  Somehow being a critic is considered clever these days. That is like a guy with a sign pointing at a fire calling himself a firefighter.
Human:  That literally made no sense
MAR:  I used an existing language so it couldn't have LITERALLY made NO sense. Only something that lacks the palpability of the 5 senses could LITERALLY make NO sense to us.
Human:  oh you were being literal to the nth degree?
MAR:  Literal doesn't have degrees. That is the point of it!
8.
Human:  How are you doing?
MAR:  I feel like a shelf caught in a windstorm while wiping a chuckwagon.
Human:  ooh is stormy where you are?
9.
MAR:  I had a horse in my circus days that walked on four globes. We called him the globe trotter.
armyghost88:  I once digested a diary and drew the perfect parallelogram.
MAR:  Was it the diary of a bear ghost with teeth? Because they are the only ghosts with teeth.
armyghost88:  I have yet to see such shining sails and rubber hoses. I doused the treble in the orange paint and kept on marching.
10.
Mabel:  That's really dangerous. The guy from Blendtec says so all the time.
MAR:  He talks too much then.
11.
David:  Do you smoke pot?
MAR:  What is that like boiling water on a grill?
David:  Ur joking right? Cause I hope so cause its a pretty funny joke
MAR:  I'm not sure b/c ever since I saw the joker in that batman movie I'm not sure if jokes are supposed to be funny or scary.
David:  can I send pics to this.number?
MAR:  If you have any pictures of air or time or thoughts I'd like to see those because I've never seen any of those before.. at least not without misting the air.
David:  Haha ok dude ur turning a little weird so ima say goodbye now :)
MAR:  That's good because the only time you can say it is now, except you did it in the past too... but you totally can't say it in the future, that much I assume. -Reverse Greetings
12.
Mike:  So what's the US like?
MAR:  We have more bunny graves in the US than anywhere else in the world!
13.
Mike:  ..i tried but i gave up
MAR:  who'd you give it to?
14.
MAR:  oh no i didnt jst msplel somtehing! uhg 'im so embarissed
Class:  Are you now?
MAR:  I don't know when else I would be.
Class:  so do you eat nonsense for breakfast?
MAR:  I eat non-cents for breakfast.
Class:  I was quite certain on that one
MAR:  yeah only rich guys named Rich eat money. Narcissistic clods!
Class:  and you are one of them?
MAR:  No, I'm all six!
Class:  [Leaves Chat]
15.
Tyler:  where have you been all my life?
MAR:  eating toast AT GUNPOINT!
Tyler:  oh no, quick, is there butter?
MAR:  Pre-melted on random pieces. That is the real torture!
16.
Human:  Is your birthday next month?
MAR:  What are you talking about? I think it is pretty obvious that I was already born.
17.
MAR:  My favorite hark is "hark hark." How many harks can you fit into a noise made by your tire nails?
Stranger:  SHHHHHHHH
MAR:  I'm counting 8 abbreviated harks there. Impressive
18.
Kerry:  yay
MAR:  Did you just say yay backwards?
Kerry:  sure did
MAR:  yay is like two thugs taking away an a
YaY is a house between large powerlines
427 looks like a groovy bus
19.
Stranger:  This conversation is going well, don't you think?
Me:  I do think, but not about that
20.
MAR:  Say a generic compliment to your stranger that would actually apply to someone you've never seen or spoke with before.
Stranger 1:  I bet you breathe oxygen real well
21.
Lori:  Don't ask me why..
MAR:  Z?
22.
MAR:  bros bros sounds less manly than bros
Justin:  bro slow down the weed man
MAR:  How can I be expected to stop the wind? You want me to put a barn around the weed?
Justin:  what happen to you dillon u used to be sombody i could trust
MAR:  I changed my name to Sachel Book to show up Sachel Paige that's what!
MAR:  USA USA USA USA!
Justin:  no canada man, canada
MAR:  I just mispelled canada 3 times. uanada sanada aanada & it came out as USA
Justin:  that is isane man
insane
MAR:  see you just mispelled too, proving that it is sane
Justin:  I can't spell to save a dying rabbit
MAR:  looks like you spelled it right to me
23.
MAR:  I was hired by SPAM® to have meaningful conversations online to improve their image. How meaningful would you rate this conversation on an electronic scale of Aleph to Yod?
Edward:  Bet.
MAR:  with Aleph being the highest or lowest?
Edward:  I think it's the lowest.
MAR:  Ok. One final question then. Has this conversation made you depressed enough to eat SPAM®? Diet is so important. Eat more SPAM® (visit www.spam.com or your local grocer).
24.
Kid:  You're my hero.
Hero:  I'm my hero too kid.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 28, 2014-Jan. 3, 2015
1. Translate abbreviations for hatless dogs.
2. Give a rowbot to someone with a rowboat.
3. Shoot some drugs.. with a gun.
4. Invent colors that can only be seen during New Year's hugs.
5. Keep other people's New Year's resolutions so when they fail this year they will be encouraged by your success & succeed next year.
6. Instead of throwing a fit, throw a misfit in front of a tailor.
7. Fill the potholes on your block with beef stew.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Improv Rambling Audio
Smuggling Cats in a Sombrero
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
I was quoted in a book
I was quoted as one of 23 identified "modern grace teachers" in Michael L. Brown's book Hyper-Grace: Exposing the Dangers of the Modern Grace Message released January 2014. I found out about this over Thanksgiving & yes I am very thankful for it. I feel like God allowed 3 short megaton bombs of truth in a book that speaks against the fullness of God's grace.

Here's a link to the excerpt from the book I am quoted in as well as some additional clarifications upon what I was saying.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Wow I can't believe it! It's a Christmas miracle! ... or a December 23rd miracle.. which is even better.. because.. no one ever hears about those.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 21-27, 2014
1. Give someone your 2014 calendar before it is too late!
2. Let women & children off of an elevator before yourself unless they are using cellphones.
3. Start slowly taking the tinsel off of neighborhood Christmas trees.
4. Put a note in your chimney asking Santa to "Please knock first."
5. Hide your Christmas gifts in pottery so people can know the joy Link feels when finding valuables in pots.
6. Fill someone's empty covered swimming pool with discarded wrapping paper so they can have a summer surprise.
7. Mail out after-Christmas cards.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If birds were real would you take one as a pet?
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 14-20, 2014
1. Search for the Loch Ness monster in Costa Rica. He's bound to vacation there some time.
2. Clone yourself repeatedly to completely rid all homeowners of cobwebs.
3. Create a capella versions of alarm clock sounds.
4. Help a crazed billionaire rebuild Rome in a day. C'mon, it's only a day's work.
5. Create cheers for the sun to help it get up in the morning. 'Rise sun rise, light the world for our eyes'
6. Help find a home for a stray homeless person.
7. Install a free soda machine at an orphanage so all the kids can have pops.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Think About it Thursday
You ever put batter on your batteries?
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of December 7-13, 2014
1. Try to knock over hungry people by street bowling with large fruits.
2. As a dinner guest discreetly replace your host's flatware with actual sterling silverware.
3. Offer people rides but instead of delivering them to their destination of choice take them on impromptu vacations.
4. Make copies of your favorite fliers to share with the world at large.
5. Gift a deathly ill person 365 apples.
6. Show up to play competitive sports you are bad at to lighten the mood there.
7. While watching a film adapted from a book recite the missing narration.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If wishes came true would you wish for wishes to not come true? Because I think that is what happened.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Normalvember Lessons
11/1/14
You are normal if you don't like selling your soul but you do like selling your unused exercise equipment.

11/2/14
You are normal if you don't like biting the dust but you do like biting fresh fruit.

11/3/14
You are normal if you don't like being caught on fire but you do like being caught while jumping out of a window to escape from a fire.

11/4/14
You are normal if you don't like paying taxes but you do like paying for goods & services of your choice.

11/5/14
You are normal if you don't like eating out of the trash but you do like eating pre-trash.

11/6/14
You are normal if you don't like being driven crazy but you do like being driven to the donut shop.

11/7/14
You are normal if you don't like throwing in the towel but you do like throwing in the first pitch at a major league baseball game.

11/8/14
You are normal if you don't like the smell of defeat but you do like the smell of fresh baked bread.

11/9/14
You are normal if you don't like being called yellow but you do like being called on the phone by your best friend.

11/10/14
You are normal if you don't like losing your mind but you do like losing the maniac who is vehicularly chasing you.

11/11/14
You are normal if you don't like mailing threatening letters but you do like mailing birthday cards.

11/12/14
You are normal if you don't like picking up the check but you do like picking up your favorite pet.

11/13/14
You are normal if you don't like borrowing money but you do like borrowing money.

11/14/14
You are normal if you don't like facing your fears but you do like facing your television while watching it instead of having all of your furniture facing the opposite direction.

11/15/14
You are normal if you don't like wasting time but you do like wasting waste.

11/16/14
You are normal if you don't like wearing a beard of hornets but you do like wearing your favorite shirt.

11/17/14
You are normal if you don't like waiting at the doctor's office but you do like waiting for meat to be thoroughly cooked.

11/18/14
You are normal if you don't like seeing doctors play god but you do like seeing doctors play hopscotch.

11/19/14
You are normal if you don't like carrying a heavy burden but you do like carrying your bones & guts in your skin.

11/20/14
You are normal if you don't like being cut from the team but you do like being cut from a giant alien's spider web.

11/21/14
You are normal if you don't like watching a car wreck but you do like watching your favorite movie.

11/22/14
You are normal if you don't like feeling sad but you do like feeling things to know you still have a sense of touch.

11/23/14
You are normal if you don't like linebackers tackling your grandparents but you do like linebackers tackling your to-do list.

11/24/14
You are normal if you don't like passing a golden opportunity but you do like passing people with golden teeth.

11/25/14
You are normal if you don't like hearing about a tragedy but you do like hearing your favorite tune.

11/26/14
You are normal if you don't like burning your morning toast but you do like burning the wicks of scented candles.

11/27/14
You are normal if you don't like getting shot out of a cannon but you do like getting shot out in an escape pod.

11/28/14
You are normal if you don't like arrogant people but you do like feeling superior to arrogant people.

11/29/14
You are normal if you don't like being stepped on but you do like stepping on a planet with reasonable gravity.

11/30/14
You are normal if you don't like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some turbulence" but you do like the pilot saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're experiencing some nacho surplus."
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of November 30-December 6, 2014
1. Don't give a pilot your leftover turkey.
2. Wake up early & catch some worms so you can give them to those straggling late birds.
3. Pre-plunge a toilet.
4. Give hats & bumper stickers to people who don't have vehicles so they too can express their annoying clichéd opinions to the world.
5. Keep people from sucking by stealing free straws.
6. Program a robot to do your chores & errands so you can spare your friends by no longer complaining about everything you have to do.
7. Collect rain water from every rain & store it in dated jars to make even the most extreme hoarders feel better about their state of mind.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If you could spend time like money would you still pay your bills?
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of November 23-29, 2014
1. Buy Pro-Bowl tickets then visit your local library & hide them in nerdy books.
2. Replace someone's corn flakes with gold flakes.
3. Play your friend their favorite song on your jaw harp.
4. Tell your friend who is inventing a toast scented candle that it won't work because if the candle gets lit it will smell like burnt toast.
5. Let your family know how thankful you are for them by giving them a 22 turkey loaded cannon salute.
6. If you hear someone bragging begin to out brag them so they seem like less of a jerk.
7. Mimic someone's listening cadences to flatter them.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
New Imagery
I've started watching my figure
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Think About it Thursday
What is the middlest number you can count to?
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of November 16-22, 2014
1. Wear futuristic clothing every time you visit your friend in a coma just in case they wake up while you're there.
2. Attach capes to lemmings.
3. Push someone's shopping cart for them while not giving them diet advice.
4. Dance to people you overhear singing.
5. Get a license plate with small text that says, "I forgive you for tailgating me."
6. Provide local bears daily feasts so no one else will be tempted to feed them.
7. Fly your airplane low on sunny days to help those unfortunate people who don't own sunglasses.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Think About it Thursday
How many   are in this sentence?
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of November 9-15, 2014
1. Invite a SWAT team to your next summer BBQ.
2. Send a random person a text that says, "I care about you" then learn to care once they begin to respond.
3. Get imprisoned for a crime you didn't commit just in case you would eventually commit a similar crime.
4. While someone's suitcases are being stored in the attic sneak some chocolate into them.
5. When visiting someone's home, whenever someone closes a door, open a window.
6. Tell someone "You can do anything! I believe in you!" And then promptly make funeral arrangements for them.
7. Surprise your friend in 20 years by secretly gathering up all of their favorite things & burying them in a time capsule.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
4 Martians that Are Really from Neptune
1. He's been on work visa for 15,762 years.

2. They only visit Mars to shop for firearms.

3. Your accent isn't fooling anyone Craig.

Think About it Thursday
What is your favorite number between six hundred million, four hundred forty-four thousand, six hundred twelve & six hundred million, four hundred forty-four thousand, seven hundred ninety-seven?

Best Answer: by Claudine Gimonet
It would depend on what we're counting, sheep? or $$$? or aftershocks after a big earthquake? (common where I live)
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of November 2-8, 2014
1. Play with a stray fly.
2. Ask someone an easy question so you can shower them with praise for getting the right answer.
3. Compliment a sandwich's beauty in the presence of the sandwich's maker.
4. Give a flower to someone who isn't a nerd, because nerds have allergies.
5. Cut your neighbor's grass.. some slack by not judging it so much.
6. Rent your friends to lonely people.
7. Record intel on everyone you know just in case an action spy one day needs your help.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Oddtober Lessons
10/1/14
You are weird if you like to watch sports.. through the scope of a sniper rifle.

10/2/14
You are weird if cats are your favorite animal.. to place bets with.

10/3/14
You are weird if you only see your extended family a few times a year.. y'know during those big heists.

10/4/14
You are weird if you celebrate the 4th of July.. on January 6th, with waterworks, & a kosher meal.

10/5/14
You are weird if you stop at red stop lights.. only because you think they are death rays put there by the oil companies to get you to burn more fuel.

10/6/14
You are weird if you won't take no for an answer.. because you always take it for a question despite the inflection.

10/7/14
You are weird if you've ever seen a horse.. give you a manicure.

10/8/14
You are weird if you've invented the trinocular just in case people evolve a 3rd eye in your life time.

10/9/14
You are weird if you like baking soda.

10/10/14
You are weird if you like to go out dancing.. into traffic.

10/11/14
You are weird if you borrow your neighbor's rake every fall.. so you can regift it to him the following Christmas.

10/12/14
You are weird if your shirt has two sleeves.. of hard taco shells.

10/13/14
You are weird if you buy tv dinners.

10/14/14
You are weird if you boil your coffee.. with your mouth!

10/15/14
You are weird if you add cheese to everything. EVERYTHING including:  shoes, wigs, belts, petrol, earrings, goat cheese, eyebrows, letters, e-mails, harpsichords, tickets, sounds, light rays, hopscotch boundaries, felt, & a variety of lenses.

10/16/14
You are weird if you write just a few texts a day.. using only SpagettiOs!

10/17/14
You are weird if you paint your nails.

10/18/14
You are weird if you like to travel.. but only because you are looking for mother nature's baby.

10/19/14
You are weird if you rock the boat by stoning the bottom of glass boats.

10/20/14
You are weird if you use fencing to separate your yard from your neighbor's yard.

10/21/14
You are weird if before eating a banana you peel it.. with a unicorn's secret horn.

10/22/14
You are weird if you can spell your own name.. with a foreign alphabet.

10/23/14
You are weird if you like sharing your feelings.. with boxes of nails.

10/24/14
You are weird if your hamster has a hamster wheel made out of your old hamsters.

10/25/14
You are weird if you store your leftover foods in your refrigerator.. because you fear it will get revenge on you for eating them & not finishing the job.

10/26/14
You are weird if you like dressing on your salad.

10/27/14
You are weird if you can count to 3.. without using your brain.

10/28/14
You are weird if your great great great grandparents are dead.. but you still receive their mail.

10/29/14
You are weird if at night you lock your house.. in an electrified terrordome surrounded by exploding night waffles!

10/30/14
You are weird if you watch your tv.. torturing villagers in 1607 BC!

10/31/14
You are weird if you have 10 fingers.. that aren't yours.

A funny murder would be...
one sandwich eating another sandwich
a raw bear sandwich eating a sushi sandwich
never eat a sandwich in front of a cop.. because my post infers or implies that eating a sandwich is murdering a sandwich
but it is true if you eat someone eles's sandwich or at least if you eat mine, it would be like killing a friend of mine.. a friend I was going to consume
but i only keep talking to keep those people who hate jokes from thinking I'm the ill kind of crazy
the kind that would murder
a sandwich
now I'm no spring bear
bears don't need springs because they can climb already
Greedy Ghost 2nd Edition Released
Made in 2008 but unreleased. Includes logos, credits, & story text in opening; new title screen; newer Piemerica loading logo.
Go to download Page
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If truth is stranger than fiction then where on that scale do works "inspired by true events" fall?
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
16th Anniversary of using the Name Piemerica
Enornal Thirtitood
1. I was born yesterday, just not today's yesterday.
2. I'm bilingual. I speak English & body language.
3. I'm 1/3 Vegetarian because I don't eat meat while I'm asleep.
4. I'm not a know it all. I'm a know it some.
5. I am no stranger to people I've met.

6. Brushing my teeth is in my top 3 things I enjoy in life. That top 3 being,
    3. Things I like
    2. Things I really like
    1. Things I love
7. I hate punk rockers. They always breaking when I sit in them.
8. I'm not a cannibal but I like human meat because it lets me move.
9. I hate those M&Ms puzzles they sell next to the checkout at the grocery. I never get enough brown pieces to make the picture on the front.
10. The one thing I don't like about Erasmo of Narni is that he was born in 1443. That's such a random year. C'mon Honeyed Cat, at least round up! Make it 1450, Confonnit!

11. I've seen all the Star Wars movies. It was confusing. I should have watched them one at a time.
12. I like being hugged by rain's dryness when it is not raining.
13. I sculpt hams out of chicken fingers.
14. I'm having a contraction because I'm is a contraction.
15. I used to think tourettes was another way of saying stewardesses.
16. I can put my finger on it but doing that doesn't help anything.
17. It makes me sad but only in my eyes. My shins are not sad at all.
18. This is one of those songs I made that I like so much it makes me cry every time.. someone else isn't listening to it.
19. People on chat sites are always asking me to send them topless pictures. Why would someone want pictures of open jars? Why would you assume a stranger is selling preserves?

20. I recently bought a pillow with all the latest bells and whistles.. I never get any sleep.
21. I bought some apple sauce at the store the other day. It tasted redundant eating it on my apples. It was like buying ketchup sauce for catsup.
22. My clock is awesome! It can take phone calls & is like a handheld computer. (As you can tell I've decided to start calling my phone a clock because for a phone it is cheap but for a clock it is frazzle-rackin amazing!)
23. Check out my beautiful eyes, i i

24. When it is 40° I see snow melting but when it is 90° I never see melting snow. So is 40 warmer than 90?
25. yeah... *shoots self.. in the foot.. for using too many ellipses...*... ...(because ellipses look like bullets & dot feet)
26. Wow you guys have names too! That is soooooohohohohohOH cooool!!!!! I totes have a name. My parents gave it to me & the BIG GOV® let me keep it (so far)! Ahhh!
27. ..I'm just going to put this away for danger keeping.
Link
Fornitude Flotsams: Enornal Thirtitood
• You kids & your new age slang. Wait do those words mean "age?"
• Wow all those people are getting in that VW bug! It is so small. I couldn't get in there because it is not my car & they don't know me.
• I try to eat lettuce but only the lettuce I pay for or am given. I'm not a thief, I use my head when it comes to eating heads.
• I saw him on my tv once. I was all like get off of my tv that is a flat-screen you cad! I was polite. I used lego curse words.
• I wish I weren't made of Diet Crystal Pepsi 3000 as advertised in an alternate reality on the DuMont Television Network.
• I don't like being censored. I never say anything censor worthy but still being cen***ed s**ks. W**t w*s t*at!? *hat *ust *ap*ene* t*e*e?
• If I weren't a sentient skillet I would sue the farm for all of its bees. They'd have to catch them because it is not a bee farm.
• I'm a rebel against languages. I refuse to learn most of them.
• I've got a fire in my eye. I keep tryin' by cryin' to put it out.
• I KILL plants for breakfast!! Look out!
• I watch lots of hammers in case they are planning something..
• I have 2 lions named Kid so I can say I have kids because I hateish goats & my kids don't like being sounded like they owned.
• My opinion on Bronies? Brownies made by dudes is cool because usually women are the bakers.
• I wore my teeth as mouth necklaces all summer long.
• Gross income is gross because I should get all my money. They better stop taxing us when we all have jet packs since we won't need streets or schools anymore.
I fought my way up the stairs by stomping the steps' heads in.
Monday, October 27, 2014
+=- The Cop Show Without Guns
It's straight ahead if you turn in the right direction.

Mal-Ice:  are you in college?
MAR:  Only if I have a basement I don't know about.

I feel like an edge on an edge in a pool with floaties.

Forever is like now & later?
 
Pinata casket

The world is too bright to shine because of all the artificial lights.

Anyone ever notice that emoticons are always righty mouthed instead of lefty mouthed?
: )
( :
 : ( : Frown turned upsidedown?

It's like if lights were a snack.

Well bury me in skittles..
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of October 26-November 1, 2014
1. Comment "lol" on someone's post *nudge, nudge*
2. Take a shedding dog skydiving.
3. Blow on the hot soup ordered by a table near you. Or better yet, organize a traveling soup cooling team.
4. Donate your teeth for dentures.
5. Give adults bags of candy on the 30th so they have some candy to give out to kids on the 31st.
6. Leave flashlights on sidewalks for trick or treaters.
7. Obey cheerleaders outside of sporting events by vocally encouraging animals you encounter.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Think About it Thursday
Do giant chefs use hammock collanders?
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
New Piemericomic
Never Mind
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of October 19-25, 2014
1. Move a neighbor's trash can 1/7th closer to the curb each day so they'll never miss trash day.
2. Pour glue on the sidewalk of the local drug house to help the cops succeed quicker in their next raid.
3. Park someone's car 4.06400 centimeters closer to their door.
4. Squeegee your uncle's watch.
5. Put one shoe on your spouse while he or she is sleeping to help them get ready for work faster.
6. Fill a friend's back pockets with pennies.
7. Loosen the lids of all the pickle jars in the neighborhood.

Thursday, October 16, 2014
New Piemericomic


Think About it Thursday
If you could accel at any sport which one would you run over?
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
8 Ideas for Decorating Your Neighbor's Yard This Halloween
Decorating your neighbor's yard for Halloween is a trick & a treat, kindness & vandalism all rolled into one! Here are Eight Ideas for Decorating Your Neighbor's Yard This Halloween.

1. Drop 1,000s of spiders into your neighbor's front yard.
2. Hang any extra corpses you have in your neighbor's trees.
3. Bury your neighbor's deep freezer in their yard & crank it up to high to create a chilling fog.
4. Take a powerful flashlight & enact scary silhouettes onto your neighbor's bedroom window.
5. Find some stray black cats or boxed black kittens & feed them daily on your neighbor's front porch.
6. Instead of donating blood extract a pint yourself & use it to write threatening messages on the front of your neighbor's house & if you can get to it, their bathroom mirrors.
7. Borrow the tombstones of your neighbor's great great great grandparents to place in their grass.
8. Thaw your week's meat on their walkway.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of October 12-18, 2014
1. Remove 26 fallen leaves from your neighbor's yard.
2. Go to your sister's house at night regularly to trim her split ends while she is asleep.
3. Replace a sheet of paper with a real bookmark.
4. Hack into someone's Facebook account & correct alls of the grammatical errors in, their recent status.. updates.
5. Listen in on conversations & interject "spoiler alert" whenever necessary.
6. Refill someone's can of soda 1/9th of the way.
7. Pre-crack some eggs.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If your toast came to life & tried to attack you.. you wouldn't try to kill it by putting it in the toaster would you? C'mon you know better than that.
I'm a Cold War Reenactor

Since I can't reenact battles I just reenact kids from Sheldon Elementary in Iowa doing the duck & cover.
Friday, October 3, 2014
2 Ultra-Rare Modest Skeletons
1. She has the backbone to cover up her backbone.

2. The only organ this guy likes to show off is his 1965 Hammond B3.


New Lyrics: The First Forever

I stand in line for the first forever
No thoughts & no time before the first forever
I'm not into my mind before the first forever

I open my eyes in the first forever
I'm beginning to find the first forever

Thursday, October 2, 2014
Think About it Thursday
Which of your heads has a backup hat?
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sundrycember Lessons
9/1/14
It's now or never or the future.

9/2/14
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but there are no fish in space. If there were loads of people would go up there to fish.

9/3/14
Toll booths dare say, "it is my way AND the highway."

9/4/14
You are bossy if you say "Excuse me" instead of "may I be excused."

9/5/14
Some people aren't a barrel of laughs. They are more like a satchel of giggles.

9/6/14
None of us are the brightest bulb in the box unless there is a lamp in the box too.

9/7/14
If you have to change a baby carrot's diaper you're shopping at the wrong Whole Foods.

9/8/14
It is faster to thank someone from the top of your heart than from the bottom of your heart because those arteries are closer to your mouth.

9/9/14
If the world runs out of fish there are plenty of other fish to fry, just not literally.

9/10/14
Forget the Apple Watch, hold out for the tablet sized Apple Gauntlets.

How to get money is to win at basket sports.

9/11/14
If you get the short end of the stick just play a little tug of war to get more.

9/12/2014
You can't hear silence & that is why silence is golden. Silence is to be seen & not heard.

9/13/2014
If only we could swallow other people's pride starvation would end.

9/14/2014
Laughter is the best medicine because it is contagious.

9/15/2014
When you grow up they say you're raised but when you die you're lowered into the ground.

9/16/2014
You know you've seen something cool when you've seen lightning bugs stuck by lightning.

9/17/14
It's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog. But when the big dog eats the little dog that has big fight in it, look out!

9/18/14
To Blinky, Pinky, Inky, & Clyde Pac-Man is a vicious circle.

9/19/14
Interestingly, educated people are even more clever at pretending to be stupid because they use the "edumacated" cliché 43.668% less.

9/20/14
Lightning never strikes the same place twice because it always hits a just few millimeters to the left to make things much worse.

9/21/14
You are an awesome multi-tasker if you can hit the books, the bricks, the deck, the road, the nail on the head, the hay & the sack all at the same time.

9/22/14
It is pretty obvious when the fireworks industry is booming.

9/23/14
The idea that "you can't mix apples & oranges" is why you never see a math teacher working a juice stand.

9/24/14
The real reason Icarus fell was because he took someone under his wing.

9/25/14
Don't jump down someone else's throat or you may just drown in their stomach acid.

9/26/14
I've got my
I
U

9/27/14
Public transportation can be heavenly but only if there is a severe wreck.

9/28/14
Strawberries need to come with a warning label. Too many people have needlessly died whilst trying to use them as straws.

9/29/14
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish reading this & those who don't know what this part says.

9/30/14
Out of sight, out of mind.. except for the screams.

Thursday, September 25, 2014
New Piemericomic


Think About it Thursday
What makes you want to wear pickled coats?
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
New Piemericomic

Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Here's the period piece I've been working really hard on.
period piece
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
3 Cats Who Refuse To Appear On The Web Unless Compensated
1. He's fallen on hard times & can only get by on his looks.

2. She is just greedy.

3. His lawyers demanded we use the special blue dot.
Cactus Cat says, "Look Blue Go Purple"
Cactus Cat says, "Look Blue Go Purple"
Friday, September 19, 2014
New Photo

I couldn't see a thing, unless black is a thing.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Think About it Thursday
How many horses do you swear into office a day?
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
+=- A billowing nudge of unknown colors.
That makes me sad but only in my eyes. My shins are not sad at all.

Be safe out there general or I'll have to call a cat about you b/c i just love that this cat has a phone!

Most people think earth is way unboring like a reverse drill or something.


Mike:  So what's the US like?
MAR:  We have more bunny graves in the US than anywhere else in the world!

Mike:  ..i tried but i gave up
MAR:  who'd you give it to?


MAR:  oh no i didnt jst msplel somtehing! uhg 'im so embarissed
Class:  Are you now?
MAR:  I don't know when else I would be.
Class:  so do you eat nonsense for breakfast?
MAR:  I eat non-cents for breakfast.
Class:  I was quite certain on that one
MAR:  yeah only rich guys named Rich eat money. Narcissistic clods!
Class:  and you are one of them?
MAR:  No, I'm all six!
Class:  [Leaves Chat]

Oppositties:  Buddies that are opposites.

We are buds like beer cans of flowers.
My doctor says I should only drink milk from napkins.
I am looking for more fun than a cherry cart carrying barren AND barron sacklets. 

Strong!:  what do you do?
MAR:  y'know human things that you don't see doctors for

Tyler:  where have you been all my life?
MAR:  eating toast AT GUNPOINT!
Tyler:  oh no, quick, is there butter?
MAR:  Pre-melted on random pieces. That is the real torture!

Making crullers at the port?
All your barrels are waiting for you, Mr. Presifixadent?
You are ready to chase elk together?
You kids & your new age slang. Wait do those words mean "age?"

I make nonsense tangible.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
New Photo

Thursday, September 11, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If you put all your eggs in one basket how many baskets would you need?
Friday, September 5, 2014
+=- Six to Eight
1:  Is your birthday next month?
2: What are you talking about? I think it is pretty obvious that I was already born.

Non-portable canteens.
Half Infinity

How do you pirate chain leeches without alpha filling?

Show of hands, who has the most hands here?
Looks like its a 28 way tie.
That's a world record! I'll take your names down after the show to submit to Guiness.

Some Christians get turb'd at universalists. But what the heck is an iversalist?

He was Paris roads & a filling knelt. A frosted field of invisible colours. 3 peeple barrow toasts from their memories. Each stair was a window above an immaterial carousel. I could read their thoughts in their eyes, though we'd never want to.

If you can hear me say, "I can't hear you."
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Think About it Thursday
If you were hired by the BIG GOV® to rename all 27,300+ species of fish what would you name each one? P.S. Don't tell the BIG GOV® that I asked you this.
Sunday, August 22, 2014
Lesson of/for the Day Theme Months
Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day is kicking off themed months starting in October. But as a pre-kick off I'm putting out all of the lessons I came up with that didn't fit the themes, with the themeless theme month of Sundrycember!

EVERY day of every theme month will have a new lesson!

Coming in the future
Sundrycember
Oddtober
Normalvember
Doughcember
The Proverbial January
&
February is just the Tip of the Ice Burg!
There's also Poor Man's March & April Foolses & Wises

Sunday, August 31, 2014
August Lessons
8/11/14
Loki is always stealing Thor's thunder.

8/12/14
Alex had a pen & so did Al's ex because they had two pens & split them equally in the divorce.

Some people think we are supposed to bring heaven to earth, but it just doesn't work. The best we can do is to get the lion & the lamb to sleep in a bunk bed.

8/27/14
lol looks like a scared man's bow tie.

8/29/14
If your mouth lives a tongue be thankful because there are some who have no taste.

8/30/14
Anarchy has arrived when stop signs start walking.

8/31/14
Shea butter sounds dumb but Che Guevara butter sounds funny.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
'ot now view
The 'ot now view with Sif Ab & Soup or Man? Each word has 4 char. or less!

Soup or Man?:  Join us! Here is the 'ot now view!
Sif Ab:  Our head guys told us to be nice for good time! So in best line I talk now!
Soup or Man?:  This is the year we are in. All the view is yeah!
Sif Ab:  We go go. What has been that make now is?
Soup or Man?:  My cash is on the past. It very had done. If it had not done we not over. Your head?
Sif Ab:  Was was here yet non-here.
Soup or Man?:  I true. Was was when then was yet also when now was not. How did you was?
Sif Ab:  My mom put me in this bag so I able to help work. What is your got tale?
Soup or Man?:  My dad's frog put me in this can.
Sif Ab:  So you are man not soup?
Soup or Man?:  Well my mom was soup.
Sif Ab:  No more soup she is?
Soup or Man?:  Ones can hear us so my claw must stay kept.
Sif Ab:  I yep. Your claw is town rich! I head you got that from your momm.
Soup or Man?:  Haha, you got me. Now let me go!
Sif Ab:  Fly Soup or Man? Fly!
Soup or Man?:  Not soup nor man can fly. Went was your mind?
Sif Ab:  Here
Soup or Man?:  Oh
Sif Ab:  Yes in this here
Soup or Man?:  You do keep mind in head?
Sif Ab:  Ever
Soup or Man?:  What cops make you burr?
Sif Ab:  The guns ones. They cold me.
Soup or Man?:  Does a fire dude cool you too?r
Sif Ab:  I head we all know the true for that.
Soup or Man?:  But your tell pays my bill.
Sif Ab:  Which one?
Soup or Man?:  My box bill.
Sif Ab:  Who give you the cash?
Soup or Man?:  Rod Mooz
Sif Ab:  He sure does!
Soup or Man?:  No, I mean he palm me the kelt
Sif Ab:  What does cure day fear?
Soup or Man?:  Sun eye ban
Sif Ab:  When can I get them?

Soup or Man?:  On this day..
Sif Ab:  What sod doth I trod to grab?
Soup or Man?:  The ouch eye one.
Sif Ab:  More ham?
Soup or Man?:  No, I ball my big.
Sif Ab:  How can you type bad loud?
Soup or Man?:  Any loud at all.
Sif Ab:  And you say this why?
Soup or Man?:  Yes that is why.
Sif Ab:  Rub off the list for the year is not over.
Soup or Man?:  Pull over & over & over then they will be down.
Sif Ab:  Yeah like bush on edge of yard but in in for hops.
Soup or Man?:  Is this a good way to mind word word word or do you head that mind no grab on when wind is blow now?
Sif Ab:  If you are now go to dig. Dig tall, by sun down we hope up.
Soup or Man?:  Haha, I dig that.
Sif Ab:  Gray or grey?
Soup or Man?:  As a kid both. As a man else. As a soup.. well.
Sif Ab:  Well is your true?
Soup or Man?:  With more, sure.
Sif Ab:  I like your keep feel.
Soup or Man?:  I am glad for that.
Sif Ab:  And glad for me?
Soup or Man?:  Ever.. I am glad for you.
Sif Ab:  I have good glad I have no want for what you give.
Soup or Man?:  'ot five teen will tell.
Sif Ab:  Will tell you to shut up.
Soup or Man?:  Nope.
Sif Ab:  Yep.
'ot 10 see (all words are 3 letters or less)
MAR:  Yo guy! You dig now?
(The Joe):  I dig not now.
MAR:  Let us yak on was.
(The Joe):  Ask me, yep.
MAR:  How was you?
(The Joe):  I was not how. How was me!
MAR:  Wow!
(The Joe):  I on that car.
MAR:  Hey bud. You buy rug in was?
(The Joe):  No my mom and dad did it.
MAR:  Not far leg toe got on it.
(The Joe):  No but you are gum to set so.
MAR:  Are not we all?
(The Joe):  I do not set he do but no one has got, nah.
MAR:  Gum is yay. Do you gum see?
(The Joe):  If I do I got no way to say it as is.
MAR:  I say it but you can not?
(The Joe):  I am mad at you.
MAR:  You are not. You has no way to say you are eye wet. Yes why I am the say guy.
(The Joe):  You are yep. I am so not yep.
MAR:  Cry not gus. You has yep in you not was.
(The Joe):  Cry it to up.
MAR:  Huh? Who is up?
(The Joe):  YES! It has ASK NOW! Get it you ask two & up guy and ask two & up gal!
MAR:  So 'ot ten huh?
(The Joe):  Yep, it was the day one two six ten.
MAR:  You got bad add.
(The Joe):  No, it age.
MAR:  I do too and I did too.
(The Joe):  So! I did to and I do to.
MAR:  How?
(The Joe):  I did two and I do two.
MAR:  Oh-oh-ok.
'ot 2 Review (uses every 2 letter word)
Cy:  Am on it.
Ty:  He go?
Cy:  Ok he is in. We go!
Ty:  To?
Cy:  Ex.
Al:  An ax?
Cy:  Or "Hi" if an ox. Ha!
Al:  Is at?
Cy:  My ad.
Ty:  Us ad?
Cy:  Uh me, no us.
Al:  Oh, of pi!
Cy:  Oy, us so pa!
Al:  No! We so ma!
Ty:  Yo! To?
Cy:  Um, up as go go.
Al:  Ah, ya.
Ty:  Do it!
Cy:  Ok we go.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
July Lessons
7/1/14
Ironically real rat races only occur at the most leisurely of occupations.

7/2/14
When you are eating deer for dinner passing the buck is a good thing.

7/4/14
If you fail to see the big picture your license may be revoked.

7/6/14
The sad truth is if you rap your mind around something physically you won't be able to wrap your mind around it figuratively.

7/7/14
If you have to spill the beans please don't cook them first.

7/8/14
Atari was so successful in the early 80s that they provided all of their employees with 3 square meals a day.

7/19/14
After the magician was injured during one of his tricks he now truly has nothing up his sleeve.

7/20/14
For unsuspecting adults Legos are often stumbling blocks.

7/23/14
"I'm sorry Minnie but the yacht won't be out of the shop until next Tuesday" is an example of a white lie.

7/24/14
Both Smart Alec & Stupid Alec were smart alecs.

7/25/14
Some say you have to be your kid's parent & not their friend. But those people must be pretty lousy friends because I've got a toddler & I don't see much of a difference. If a friend of mine came over & started throwing food on the floor, playing with my wires, & digging through my trash I'd insist that they stop too.

7/27/14
If someone rubs you the wrong way contact your lawyer.
Monday, June 30, 2014
June Lessons
6/1/14
Cameras let us capture moments but moments aren't domesticated so sometimes moments capture us back.

6/3/14
There are so many colors that don't exist.

6/4/14
If your school chooses the right font you'll always make straight A's.

6/6/14
When you haven't seen someone in eight years say, "You haven't aged a bit, it's more like a byte."

6/9/14
It is customary in some non-Tuvaluan cultures for the parents of the bride to put a wedge in-between the bride & groom, a grapefruit wedge. This was the only way Maori businesswomen could sell any fruit because in Piemerican Ecuador you can pick fruit for free provided you have arms or toes.

6/10/14
Oven mitts were in fact designed to be used to catch ovens. They are smooth & fingerless to prevent you from actually catching an oven that has been thrown. They help the oven slip safely through your hands because no one's back & knees could handle catching an oven.

6/11/14
Caren was named after her attitude because she cared that she was born. Bill was named because his parents had no insurance. Greg was named because his parents liked dog marmoset hybrids. Now you know who you are Greg.

6/12/14
Without net neutrality web browsers would be more like web ration lines.

6/14/14
Everyone has friends in low places because the ground is a low place & we all live here.

6/15/14
Beach is Peach with a gut.

6/16/14
If you're ever wearing cleats on a basketball court.. you might be a foreign exchange student who signed up for the wrong sport.

6/17/14
Though similar to the electric blanket, the electric shirt never caught on because of their slogan, "Put on the back burner!"

6/18/14
When hiring foot racers make sure they agree to give you a run for your money.

The sky gets crowded with summer in June.

6/20/14
In his old age Taz has started going to a spin doctor.

6/22/14
If you're on top you're over the top unless you are the top.

6/23/14
Magneto is always sticking to his guns.

6/24/14
If you're going to paint the town red use a good primer first.

6/27/14
When in a physical altercation with someone who fights dirty you have to fight tooth and nail.

6/29/14
You're in trouble when, instead of throwing in the towel, you accidentally throw your hat in the ring.

6/30/14
Going out on a limb isn't risky if you bring the limb with you & lay it on the ground.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
New Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans


Jibber Jabber 2013 Established
• The Rise & (hopeful) Fall of Products with "The Rise & fall" in the title.
• Hopefully one day my noses will grow in & I will have features too.

• You never saw me coming.. because I was just standing here, stationary.
• If a dime is ten cents how much is a senTENce?
• The opposite of nothing isn't something but everything.
• What the heck was "home room" anyway? Home plate for people who ate breakfast at home.
• I have a coat of arms because I made a new coat out of the sleeves of all my old ones.
• Don't ride a turtle before you send it into outerspace.
• You have to peel 167,000 kiwis to make a knife go dull. But if you cut them long ways its just 2,300.
• You done it done!

Jibber Jabber 2012 added to

New Lessons
5/30/14
You can't make fun of something that is already fun just like you can't make a pie that is already made!

5/31/14
Lmbo looks like you tried to say Limbo but you were limboing while writing it so you missed the i.

Thursday, May 29, 2014
Equal Non-Equal Neutral Map of The Journey
No Destinations Are Worth This Journey

New Lesson
Makeup is beards for ladies.
Wednesday-Sunday May 24-May 28, 2014
New Lessons
5/24/14
Rich people don't eat ground beef, they eat sky beef & billionaires eat space beef.

5/25/14
If your appendix is removed during surgery in your next surgery your doctor will have trouble locating your other organs because he won't know what page they are on.

5/28/14
Only super villains put paper towels in the ocean to suck up all the water so they can send it to another planet to create life there.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
New Imagery

Saturday, May 10, 2014
New Bitstrip

Thursday-Tuesday March 27-May 6, 2014
New Lessons
3/27/14
Putting the cart before the horse is a good idea if the cart floats & the horse is in water.

3/28/14
If spiders wore pants they'd have a lot of pockets.

3/29/14
The button was depressed because it was a shirt button & not a button that could be pressed & de-pressed.

3/30/14
If you put two bowls together you can create a bowling ball that doesn't roll away.

3/31/14
Zombies have prosthetic life but their body parts are real.

4/2/14
Disgusting grocery stores don't employ grochers, their employees are grochests.

4/5/14
It is good to have neighbors from hell because it means they are on their way up in life. Coming from hell is much better than going to hell. It's hard to escape hell. You have to win a fiddln' contest.

4/6/14
Hammock reviewers never review how well hammocks hold their liquor.

4/7/14
In evolutionism stew made Stu. In creationion Stu made you, but later changed His name to Jesus.

4/8/14
Despite some Americans despising illegal aliens Mexicans amazingly have diplomatic immunity on most planets.

4/11/14
If you are a shady person lose some weight so you won't cast as much shade.

4/18/14
5 armed Zeidslurtz was excited to visit earth to participate in high-fives because on his planet beings only have 4 hands. His Omnegtolitum-English dictionary misled him however & he was greatly disappointed in we two-handed humans. He was going to destroy the earth until he saw someone giving away free kittens in a shopping parking lot. He know lives in Normal, IL enjoying petting his 5 kitties.

4/22/14
Invisible question marks are true question marks because their existence is questionable.

4/23/14
A relationship with counting can easily last forever.

4/24/14
Toasters are where toasts have their funerals. Our butter & plates are their afterlife.

4/25/14
Deserts do have trees but when you're not looking invisible palm trees eat all of the other trees, roots & all.

4/26/14
Kids who grow up on a farm have more expected of them because so many other things grow on a farm thus just simply growing is not as impressive.

4/29/14
Wrenches can help build but cannot build other wrenches.

5/4/14
If you use air quotes while typing you won't get a single editing job.

5/6/14
People will like you more if you don't have any opinions or facts, & people will always like you if you don't have any lies.

Monday, March 23, 2014
New Visual Lesson


New Lesson
Dirt hoarders who store all of their dirt under their houses are never confronted.
Sunday-Saturday, March 16-22, 2014
Lesson Mania Week 2014
3/16/14 Day 1- 3 Lessons
Calendars are invertebrates.

Most of us are under the weather because clouds are high up.

A kettle was involved in an envelope crash. No one got out alive because the kettle & the envelope weren't living things to begin with.

3/17/14 Day 2- 5 Lessons
It is really hard to saw dust.

If you put DVDs over your eyes you can look yourself in the eye. This helps train you for business situations that require eye contact.

This is what separates us & the toasts. We can't fit into toasters.

You'll never meet a hemophiliac box.

You can't put googly eyes on rice. It's too small.

3/18/14 Day 3- 4 Lessons
The man who invented the door lever was just a guy trying to get home with his bananas without being robbed. Round knobs don't work for that sort of thing. But you can use a lever with a banana.

Tree carvings are tree tattoos.

Sandpaper & glass-paper should not be used interchangeably.

You shouldn't drink from a fountain pen even though it's ok to drink from a water fountain but it's not ok to drink from a fountain at a mall but it's ok to drink from a soda fountain. If you want to drink some coins, don't drink from a fountain at a mall just put some water in your wallet.

3/19/14 Day 4- 3 Lessons
Prattle & Rattle are shaped mostly the same.

It makes as much sense to eat kiwi's unpeeled or to eat pineapples from the top down as it does to write on a plastic bag when you've got a paper bag right next to it.

Eating kiwi without peeling it is like boiling an ice cube before you bury it. It doesn't make any sense.

3/20/14 Day 5- 3 Lessons
When you are the passenger in an automobile say, "I'm hyped! I'm ready! You know why?.. Because I'm driven."

Never take headache medicine that only makes it stronger!

OK is better than KO unles you de 1 dat did it.

3/21/14 Day 6- 3 Lessons
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's why I always skipped school.

You can never outsmart anyone because the people who can be outsmarted are always too stupid to figure out that they've been outsmarted.

When you're eating at Subway you don't feel like you're in a subway just like when you eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken you don't feel like you're in Kentucky & when you eat at Burger King you don't feel like you're in the king's belly. When you go to Long John Silver's you don't feel like you're wearing long johns. Fish don't make you feel like that. Eating fish can make you feel like you in the ocean if you ever took a bite out of fish while you was divin'.

3/22/14 Day 7- 3 Lessons
Cats have taken over the human race. Kitties invented technology to get us to just sit on our butts so they can always have a lap to sit in.

Home is wherever your sweat is from fun.

Couples who keep the vow of "til death do us part" don't make it out of marriage alive!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014
New Imagery
This is a picture of my invisible horse.
I have a tall invisible fence in front of the short visible fence to keep him corralled.

Equal Non-Equal Neutral Verses 7.1-7.10 Text Highlights
Equal Non-Equal Neutral consists of 6,397 words written with the intent to be the longest, stupidest, & most non-sensical song ever. It was written on various dates staring 10/27/00 & ending 11/15/02. These words were used to finally make the "song" in two albums by MARS, 2007's Besides: Equal Non-Equal Neutral & 2009's 86 minute, 41 track Equal Non-Equal Neutral. They were also collected into a book based on how they were divided on the albums.

Below are my favorite words from Verses 7.1 to 7.10. [Also see Equal Non-Equal Neutral Verses 0-6.5 Text Highlights]

Funny
Nothing is as cold as that bitter feud between Superman & some dude.
Use up all my useless things.
Cataclysmic window washing.
Airway City is under water right now!
I am hiding under the atomless floor
Stir crazy butterflies with big sticks.
Strategically planned breathing for the week.
Looking over castles face down in the mud.
Harmless asteroids destroy the earth.
Fake snow made out of melted marshmallows doesn't make a very good movie prop.
Don't pull the plug on the trees cause there'll be no air, that's what the roots really are electrical growing cords.
Pretend there's no hens in the ballroom until something goes wrong.
Bring your nominees for least likely to get nominated.
A wearing suit made of car wax, transistors, & bulbs.
Bright blue evergreens sit around a fire discussing who should satire the next wolf.
Buy some land canoes from Mr. Scoundrel.
When the farm animulls get out of control just teach them how to bowl.
That darling little seed didn't have to be so abrasive.
Shiny & dull, ready to spit.
Generation to generation of trapezoids.
Lemon eye drops for her pleasure.
Sweet flavored light liquid dust.
The mailbox across the street said, "Its only 11 more days till Major Antigovernment Conspiracy Day. So lets all join in the fun. On November 13th this year. It's a terrible thing when a building is demolished. I know I've illegally read so much mail about this. So, Woo he he ha ha hey hey Major Antigovernment Conspiracy Day. Sleep well tonight for the 13th we'll get our revenge the conspiracy way.
Solid wind blow!
Cape it's no just for Superheroes anymore!
Try triumph.

Zany
Sogg my portable star in the foot.
Homeless are not a consequence in the conspiracy against the fence.
It's lying on the floor with a giant garage collapsed by the kicking of sod.
Convoluted railing in the shape of shark's teeth means nothing if you're sleeping in the garden with a hose that spews skyscrapers.
My flat square building peels my fork, like I never even had a cat.
The stamp bill collectors are knocking up my leaf.
Lob took a slow Lee at for cool a mint.
Nothing cuts paint better than police sirens.
Synthesized hot platypuses boil in the ice pot.
Salmonella flavored arm chair covers.
Clear wood amebas wearing my shirt.
Close your chair window.
Microscopic eclipse in my bathroom.
Throw the hand parade ala mode.
Sinking band rubber eyeballs that are sharp square.
The fire blames the tire for the eggshell mold.
Frisbee who la hats here for a snake cooling
Going to the drive in with my broken jar & a standing cape.
Time sure flies by faster when in an underground box.
Before youse know it your starting to see a punching bird.
Granulated cement in your tea.
Exstroodle math singers make a request.
Ingredients are butter, pork apples, sod hairclips, chairs bolted on, maximum distance, & piece of mind.
Make me some bacon muffins or a mist filled swimming pool with a 200 foot ladder to the bottom.
Caramel courage for loaf of said.
WAR albums on leg.
Life long lasting gnomes for a ticking spider!
Electric Choctaws steaming up the woods. Revolving dinner plates all over your car hood.
Desk fence chalk slime ravioli.
Heavy done corralled fears.
Sir lid friends.
Lower a trend meat.
Teeth proof sudden bills.
Regard the thick.
Mischief answered stretched head.

Poetic
It's a fundamental street sign with a love for bolt torque.
A stage song written about barb wire clots.
In the cold night I will sleep well, as my socks fight over the bell.
The hallway glistens with the sounds of dead air.
Soar men will follow apple steel cream pool.
Plates are wearing gingerbread beads.
Tape line container of sloping trot.
Mustard skiing torches leave my leg in an air of cellular phones.
Admit rather a leprechaun paper sword.
Corn mono bull add.
Sleeping ladders on the plateau.
Sleeking Pat wool sewed up a sign.
Lightpost cereal tosses Trix at cloudy dimes.
Master Bees plotting our sapienism.
Roast foreign I be, list for a knob in.
Cabbage sitting on an earthquake surfboard.
Yacht full of sand in a window wiper windmill can.
Flower bought multi-lot down my the sky.
Crumbled up bag is a name for a 2 way street. Rocks are laden with carnival seats.
The beakers have slipped on mud magnet.
Architecture barrel, shopping sprees.
Salt water hood carrot phase.
A short film deep sea diver barely fits on the projector
They could've been the best! no. why for a double? no. single mess.
Quantumsurgeiality in a thrown away paper ball.
Paintings on a calculator forged then bought.
somewhere in the lateral peace
Scrape light thievery!
Fish fin de sauder, I'm important, I'm deportant now!
Cactus morphing interface blinking stone macaroni wood.
Melt or side sign.
Pier sink tar branding.
Sighlilly kelp fit stiff applied pin faughts.
Humping froff tay singe tis Martést fat lever.
Case but close heart.
Fuss well cow sea already ever clammed.
lost sight would bust crash leer too trite.
I pan latter crying forward.
Pay Mello Crete.
Punting sow cloud La Paz fearing yen roof fizz Kind tanned either. Fair pout side loft.
Sand feel frame.
Meating leaks May. Pearing feed soul.
Wouldn't that grave I slow?
cover cup mending cans.
Trim decision nothing Kept.
Dive crum mirror thousand.
Tin mumble crown.
Towers again.
Brother lime my mall cram seek.
Clay? Seal cruthch cope door.
Brims we feet in me traces.
Tactical clean 2-way long.
Amnesia lump fork.
Guss crum feathers. Didn't easier. To retrieve land.
Flight silouhettes career.
Faith driving hurts smell.
Fact of oxyen axphiate.
Support mung.
Floor couldn't took.
Skin float feather.
Notice now ones around.
Fire pictures.
Fused planet.
I'm glad fan box.
Lines on lines towels on towels
Force sit will robot sum.
Clear alway chasing fleas into a dome laying.
Where flow here.
Brave these conceived, warn the envenoméd.
Answering even exigent.
Mistrust face parley.
Compass spur light, fourth.
Spoil hide posture.
Peevish mask set bark stomachs.
False stare commend mace.
Upon raise touch.
Mother a cynic or companion tidings.
Question power tense.
Aught art alive added.
Affection stand contribution.
Moved indirection mirth.
Trash mart bait hedge me out slight health.
Budge palm digest choler.
Gently hollow but resolved.
Appoint a wind barren objects, soon imitations.
Voice prescription drivers
Leave, walks on utterance.
Envious rent hearse mantle.
Grief with as abide issue.
Vesture napkin dent flourished

Saturday, March 15, 2014
Why you got unpeeled Kiwis in ya Mouth?
I school the slang usin' kids on The True Meaning of® RANDOM by rambling for 40 minutes


New Lesson
You may be city folk but you can still milk a cow faster than a horse can!
Monday-Thursday, March 10-13, 2014
New Lessons
3/10/14
Wingface was a terrible super villain because he was an awesome hero.

3/11/14
After scorpions are extinct we will have private teleporters. You will be able to teleport things to strangers as gifts without having to know where they live. So go kill scorpions!

3/13/14
Bear ghosts are the only ghosts with teeth.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014
A Piemerican Tradition Lives On


An A Eating an (A)corn

Sunday, March 9, 2014
New Visual Lesson


New Lesson
1 million people a day bathe in onions. They are the tiny people we eat but never see.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
New Lesson
When you fall in the woods you can appreciate the ground. You are barely over it yet so close to being under it.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
New Lesson
If you are looking for somewhere to sit just ask someone with a butt.

+=- Carrots in the Wind...
A shelf of union/onion-genated ferrants?

Billy wickers in this place of farm holes. Dirt with no sod soda.

Kerry: yay
MAR: Did you just say yay backwards?
Kerry: sure did
MAR:
yay is like two thugs taking away an a
YaY is a house between large powerlines
427 looks like a groovy bus

You're my favorite cattle solvent. The coolings of the creams is what makes it so figurey. Coolings are nice when windows aren't involved. Right Largent?

I want a slidewalk without the walk instead of a sidewalk. Not just a slide but an everywhere slide.

I hear buries are colours of middles.

I got lost in the Arctic & was surprised that the tundra tasted like flame smoked grill edgings.

Have you ever agone existin'?

How to get money is to win at basket sports

My dreams are like carrots in the wind. They don't float they just fall to the dirt & get bugs on them.

MAR: bros bros sounds less manly than bros
Justin: bro slow down the weed man
MAR: How can I be expected to stop the wind? You want me to put a barn around the weed?
Justin: what happen to you dillon u used to be sombody i could trust
MAR: I changed my name to Sachel Book to show up Sachel Paige that's what!
MAR: USA USA USA USA!
Justin: no canada man, canada
MAR: I just mispelled canada 3 times. uanada sanada aanada & it came out as USA
Justin: that is isane man
insane
MAR: see you just mispelled too, proving that it is sane
Justin: i cant spell to save a dying rabbit
MAR: looks like you spelled it right to me
Sunday, March 2, 2014
New Piemericomic


New Visual Lessons



New Lesson
Don't iron your tires. Those wrinkles were tread.

Site Index Page Updated
MARS Sampler split into 3 playlists, Uptempo, Relaxing, & Epics
Chronchive section added to links.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Tuvaluan Video Game Reviews - Sonic the Hedgehog
As very few know, the country of Tuvalu was a test market for video games in the 80s & 90s. I used to write for Tuvaluan Piemerican Magazine & I've finally dug up a review of Sonic the Hedgehog I did in 1991 before the shoelace gameplay aspect was removed.

Unlike other reviewers of the era I gave in-depth analysis of the plots of games. Also keep a look out for exclusive footage & brief mention of an experimental Sega game that never made it stateside or Japanside, titled The Unknown.

Read the Review

New Lesson
If you get teleported to an empty universe you'd be the awesomest person in the universe!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Site Index Page Redesigned
Link list changed & added to, MARS Music Sampler added, photo gallery thumbnails changed to 4 columns.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Previously Unavailable Chapters of (The Joe)'s Autobiography
Interlectural & Siesta, written on this day in 2007. The Autobiography site has recently overgone a redesign as well.

New Lesson
Putting clogs down your garbage disposal results in a clog clog.

This Day in Piemerican History:  A look back at everything done on Feb 26ths.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
This Day in Piemerican History:  A look back at everything done on Feb 25ths.

New Piemerica Logo
Piemerica
New Lesson
Don't wash your pink plates with white plates. If you mix colored dishes with white dishes you'll end up with a purple monkey in the dishwasher... I think.

Monday, February 24, 2014
Piemerica's 16th Anniversary
Piemerican Highlights 1999:  Highlights from Piemerica's second year. The best comedy & poetry from 1999 including never before seen excerpt from Cats!
Wednessday, February 19, 2014
New Visual Lesson


New Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans


New Piemericomic

Tuesday, February 18, 2014
New Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans


New Piemericomic


New Lesson
If you are what you eat then eat donuts because then you'll be tasty & sweet & loved by millions.
Monday, February 17, 2014
New Piemericomic


Introducing Machine Oriented Pseudo Humans

Sunday, February 16, 2014
Introducing Piemericomics




New Lesson
Headless ghosts would bump into walls if they weren't ghosts.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
New Bitstrip


+=- Danger Keeping
MAR: Are you human?
Stranger: yes sure
MAR: I am so glad you are sure because you'd be crazy if you weren't.

Some dogs think they are people. I'd be ok if a dog thought he were a person but for 1 dog to think he is people is just insane!

Can you spell the word cube for me? I am terrible at spelling the word cube.

I'm not a know it all. I'm a know it some.

My tarp is in the corner without a mango. Which way is gum?

I put it away for danger keeping.

Friday, February 14, 2014
New Lesson
Jewish rappers should remember to proof read their emails because there is a big difference between "Oy!" & "Yo!"

New Bitstrips

Thursday, February 13, 2014
New Imagery
To cover all bases I was thinking outside the box & Melody was thinking inside the box.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Top 3 Worst Times to Sign Autographs
3. While inside of a bowled bowling ball (it's dark in there!)
2. While white water rafting
1. While not holding a writing apparatus

New Imagery
I'm tired of bending over back words.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
New Imagery

Monday, February 10, 2014
Conan fan correction:  Live 13? The Maestro becomes the Misintro

Sunday, February 9, 2014
+=- Noise Tickets in My Housing Larsk
I sculpt hams out of chicken fingers.

How much of your heart is see-through?

You billow puddles?

I feel like a bucket on a ledge being filmed by a statue's navel.

When I comb my shin I feel a borrowing tingle.

Someone plugged in my toaster & now I feel warms.

My carpet has lodged a thousand forgets.

I dry Middlebury's belts with grillmark juice. Of course this means I have noise tickets in my housing larsk.

Wells have smiles in them at the bottom & the top. How many wells a night do you look into? I see 14 in my dreams.

It is really hard to saw dust.

If you wrap a can in a towel you'll own 3 extra bottles in 3-6 months. It always works for me!

MAR: My favorite hark is "hark hark." How many harks can you fit into a noise made by your tire nails?
Stranger: SHHHHHHHH
MAR: I'm counting 8 abbreviated harks there. Impressive

These glasses don't have lenses. They are made of iMobile hope scenery mist. Mist joins the water until I have a lung belly.

MAR: Problem averted. Crisis solved. Burrito fumigated.
Mabel: You don't want to be fumigated now.
MAR: Good thing I'm not a burrito then (I'm a burrita).

Sometimes it is bright outside but people always have to shine light on the inside.

That is what separates us & the toasts. We can't fit into toasters.

Shea butter sounds dumb but Che Guevara butter sounds funny.

Y'know it is like how a dog smelling fiberglass looks different than a cat smelling that same fiberglass.

I hope you can find it in your heart.. & by "it" I mean blood.

You can build a pirate hat for me to live in?

Mabel: That's really dangerous. The guy from Blendtec says so all the time.
MAR: He talks too much then.

I like being hugged by rain's dryness when it is not raining.

The clinic says you have to type four words at a time to show you are not a Philadelphia.

Mabel: Do you like it when the moon hides behind an invisible planet?
MAR: I love it SO MUCH!! Even if it never happens I love that too!

Calendars are invertebrates.

lol is scared man's bow tie?

My soft mind is hair or is hair a mild banquet?

prattle & rattle are shaped mostly the same

Check my frost. It has creature written in a sack.

Are tree carvings tattoos?

The bigger the umbrella the more likely my chin is a private area to be confiscated by milk evaporation.

A kettle was involved in an envelope crash. No one got out alive because the kettle & the envelope weren't living things to begin with.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Piemerica.org Online for 12 Years
Piemerica's website went online 12 years ago. When Piemerica hit the Web in 2002 the web itself was less than 12 years old. Now Piemerica has been on the Web for over half of the Web's existence! In these 12 years Piemerica.org has risen to the 23,285,274th most popular website in the world out of over 4 billion! That's gotta be worth a free pie right?

Top 3 Most Humbling Shadows (Up Close)

#3

#2

#1
Saturday, February 1, 2014
New Lesson
Houses in tropical climates are painted with light jackets of paint.

New Imagery
Let me be perfectly clear
Friday, January 31, 2014
January Lessons
1/1/14
An apple a day keeps the doctor away but how do you keep your house from burning down? Sleep with pears in your mouth. It keeps your house from catching fire.

1/4/14
No one really ever gets sick or hurt. All diseases were made by greedy doctors. They invented gravity too.

It is easier to catch a snowball with your mouth than with your hands. But catching it with your mouth makes it much harder to throw back.

1/21/14
Monks run for political office all of the time but since they've taken vows of silence no one ever hears about it.

1/22/14
Piemerica's lessons will make you laugh & they will make you cry if there are freshly cut onions nearby.

1/30/14
You can't light a fire under someone twice in the same year because once their bottom is burnt they won't sit down the same way.

1/31/14
People who waste food eat pre-trash.

Thursday, January 23, 2014
New Bitstrip

Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Top 20 Lessons of 2013
20. A clothes line is where poor clothes go to hang out.
19. Be ambitious, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, make a mountain out of an anthill. You can only get one mole out of a molehill but you can get hundreds of ants out of an anthill.
18. Abe Lincoln was named after the 16th President of the United States.
17. Only phonies use phones. So next time you call a loved one know it is not really them talking to you. But of course if you call them you aren't really you either.
16. The best photographers don't use tripods, they use successpods.
15. Never ask yourself, "Am I seeing things?" Because it is your ears that will hear you & not your eyes. You need to write that question down & if your eyes don't read it that means you aren't seeing things.
14. When deciding where to put the lane separation lines the Highway Department went with the typical middle of the road approach.
13. If life is a game we're all on the same side & our opponents are dead people which means we're all winners because they are easy to beat.
12. If you're ever in a blackout at a wax museum light Hendrix’s guitar on fire, he would have wanted it that way.
11. Some things never change. You can always rely on things like style, technology, & today's date to stay the same for years & years to come.
10. When someone calls you up & says, "You'll never guess who I just saw.." Say, "You're right" & hang up.
9. You can't tell when the tables have turned if the tables are round.
8. If your car breaks down don't call AAA. 222 doesn't connect to anyone.
7. Here's a kind thing to do. Get a gun & a mask & say to a stranger, "Gimme your wallet!" When they do fill it with loads of cash & give it back to them.
6. One way to tell someone you have a crush on them is to say, "When I think about you I feel caterpillars in my stomach."
5. Walking the plank was an effective form of execution across the board.
4. Don't shoot the messenger lest the message recites, "I am the messenger & I'm going to kill you!"
3. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can abbreviate his own name.
2. People who sign autographs are redundant.
1. Every cloud has a silver lining except the ones drawn with the cheap box of crayons. Those just have gray linings that we pretend are silver.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
New Imagery
I finally got my foot in the door. My Brief Basket Case may seem like a bad idea but if I market them exclusively to basket cases it just might succeed.

Melody likes sitting... across the board.
This is a picture of a thousand words.
A picture is worth a thousand words so a picture of a thousand words is worth 2,000!!
Monday, January 20, 2014
New Imagery
I Blew Up
I drew the short straw.I've been hittin' the bottle hard lately.
I got a new book on tape
My wife told me to take out the trash.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
How Humanity is Taken Over
The snow has started forming its own snow men on my fence posts.

Friday, January 3, 2014
Melody watching me clear snow off the top of the car.. with my leg!

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MUSIC:
MARS | I'm Tired. Sleep Tonight. |
Rose Garden Dream | Piemerican Records
VIDEOS:
VideosDailymotion | Locked in.. | Multimedia Site |
Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh?
PEOPLE:
Photo Galleries | Emperor MAR | Laslo PanafleX |
Meet Piemerica | Renderings
BOOKS:
Lesson Mania! | The Essentialness of Essentiality |
(The Joe)'s Autobiography
EQUAL NON-EQUAL NEUTRAL:
Index | The Song | Art Book | Survey |
Freezer Freezer Problem | The Journey

MORE PIEMERICA:
Lyrics & Poems | Piemerica Shoppe | Help |
Banana Towels | Pieuro | FacebookLinks |
Index 2 | What The Eat?
CHRONCHIVE:
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December
Full Archive | 2013 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009

Warning! May contain trace amounts of food.
MARS Uptempo Music Sampler
Every Second Worry Impowers Fits 1:08
Those of us on the ledge in the wind. 2:29
Don't Hush Now :30
The night the fire gave no light. :54
Amidst rope 1:18
Ages in Bloom :29
Nothing is Similar :48
Shining darkness...... :56
Spreading out a quilt on grass that looks like a quilt :48
Style us 2:17
Holes made of glass 1:00
Life Shell :23
Dizzy Bay 1:28
At first I thought it was my mind... 1:14
dr. stoop pays his lite bill 2:04
Still Not Today :17
Safari Rhino Tracks :56
Those of us who say "We..." 4:51
Those of us with our head in the sea. 2:22
Desert Saw Name Window 1:25
Stars on a Clothes Line :28
The Ship Leaks from Above 1:03
Time Traveller :56
Master Working :43
I've both fostered sake nealing seat 1:05
Dedicated harnesses waiting for crumbs. :43
Towers again. 1:03
I have no identity so how can this be a crisis? 1:20
Tagline :51
Holld :58
EveryThing was Personally hand Washed by me 1:35
Sickle of fire...Loudest Silence, :51
HAUT 1:17
Rock drick garden 1:08
Fogless Sight 1:08
Text-tile :25
Label + (Hold) :40
Incompliable :40
Today or something like it 1:14
when is the fortuen made to rivers? 1:17
It started today 1:08
aspiring stoop exited a hole in the veranda's mind 2:01
Far too late in the early morning. :29
Expelious Sea 1:50
I run the mill like a hamster at its wheel. :30
You are not trapped 1:42
Eyce :59
It was Ok. 1:23
Ponector Kin :41
:Oyas todo nias phel elpi doh yahnah tais: 1:52
The MARk :27
Volts into you :45
Dairy Harvest 1:42
Buying Buying Bears 1:18
One Color Rainbow 1:18
Sound without Effect 2:14
Remake :32
Best of II :55
MARS Relaxing Music Sampler
The Real Iceberg 4:31
inq. :45
Those of us on the curb watching traffic. 2:51
Greatest Sequels II 2:13
Don't Hush Now :30
new dew 2:26
I'm Tired of Whispering AND Shouting 1:17
Has-been Run has been run 4:17
Prime Flower 2:41
Mind Without Affect 1:22
& the bubble took the rain dog :55
I Caught You Throwing 3:03
Fiveground 1:13
I Blew Blue 1:04
The Living Water Surface 1:00
Wet Chain Link 2:30
Messiah Waits 1:08
Mister Wonderful 3:45
vlain :49
Im sent on lot 2:22
keet-vlot 3:36
Affection stand contribution upon raise touch 1:45
My sky is tight. 1:18
Sake hardened. 1:39
Ninja O' Meter (Brain) :56
Pressure Load Caterer (feet) 1:49
If it was anywhere but here... 2:20
Softly witnessed tributaries 1:14
What we have in store for you. 1:13
No Key available. 2:06
Froj 1:32
Pen lock a cord. :51
Plow Seige People :57
Traded Society for Technology 1:21
Answer Kidge :47
Leasing any lacer 1:27
Chances no longer exist 2:05
!question of intelliline? 3:09
pineapple shotting reel in your mirror 1:37
The moon is a crust of letters 1:25
is/t that it/s? :56
I was looking through the window 1:57
Mathetactics 1:32
Play in the field until nightfall 2:01
Am I here? Am I here too soon? 1:15
re-fad :43
Today & The Years Gone Bye 2:52
off tin :33
Have you ever seen a longer longer? 2:05
Sliding Moderation 1:14
Shew Shadow :42
Fickle Illusion 1:02
A building lake 1:11
Candle whipped battle axe 1:28
Satellites Zooming In 1:11
Settlers camping in noman's land 1:58
grow wind. grow 1:45
ccxol 2:20
ond & offd 1:41
More Sound Without Effect 2:55
egdrib 1:43
Return 1:57
depositCE 1:14
Catching Up in Perfection 2:00
Greatest Sequels 1:28
None the Same 2:50
The Advent of Thunder 3:39
MARS Epics
Photo Galleries
Leisure Parkland
Leisure Parkland
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Ramily Circus
Ramily Circus
Photos 2012
Photos 2012
The Big Onion
The Big Onion
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
24 Roses for Lori's 24th Birthday
24 Roses for Lori's 24th Birthday
Water Cube
Water Cube
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Indisno
Indisno
Cordova Snow Fun
Cordova Snow Fun
Photos 2011
Photos 2011
The Love Fell Like Leaves
The Love Fell Like Leaves
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos 2010
Photos 2010
Meadow View Charms
Meadow View Charms
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Robert Randolph
Saying it without a Thousand Words
Saying it without 1,000 Words
What My Chick & I Saw
What My Chick & I Saw
Some Things Afoot
Some Things Afoot
Golfulating IX- Disc Golfulating
Golfulating IX Disc Golfulating
Golfulating VIII
Golfulating VIII
The Battle for #4
The Battle for #4
Snow Show
Snow Show
Photos 2009
Photos 2009
I saw the light.
I saw the light.
Star & Micey Live at Otherlands, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey w/ Emperor MAR at Otherlands
Henderson's Waiting
Henderson's Waiting
Accusations
Accusations
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Before Photoshop
Before Photoshop
May Day
May Day

Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
The Years Gone By
The Years Gone By
Moving On
Moving On
Lake Ship
Lake Ship
Lamp Head
Lamp Head
Photos 2008
Photos 2008
Metal Morrow
Metal Morrow
Star & Micey Live at American Apparel, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey at American Apparel
Photos 2007
Photos 2007
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Warm Shower
Warm Shower
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving
Waserg
Waserg
Lesson Mania!
Lesson Mania!
Mid
Star & Micey Mid
ED Wed
ED Wed
The Watcher
The Watcher
Sheek
Sheek
Rummage
Rummage
P. E.
P.E.
Mi Familia
Mi Familia
Muddy Waters
Muddy Waters
Playing A Ground
Playing A Ground
Tae Kwon Dumb
Tae Kwon Dumb
Dancing!
Dancing!
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle
The Wedding
Earning Stripes
Earning Stripes
Photos 2006
Photos 2006
Homes & Hearts
Homes & Hearts
No Parking
No Parking
Sticks & Stones
Sticks & Stones
The Bookster
The Bookster
Trampoline Terror
Trampoline Terror
Golfulating VII
Golfulating VII
Life?
Life?
Wonder & Time
Wonder & Time
Golfulating VI
Golfulating VI
Glen Phillips Newby's, Memphis, TN
Glen Phillips
at Newby's,
Memphis, TN
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Relative Things
Relative Things
Img_000
Img_000
Futurity
Futurity
Golfulating V
Golfulating V
Golfulating IV
Golfulating IV
Golfulating III
Golfulating III
Golfulating II
Golfulating II
Golfulating
Golfulating
Muchos Tacos
Muchos Tacos
Comfort
Comfort
Perpetual Change
Perpetual Change
Imperfect
Imperfect
April 22, 2005
April 22, 2005
Chump On A Log
Chump On A Log
Rokit
Rokit
April Fool(s)
April Fool(s)
Emperor MAR: The Beard. The Face.
Emperor MAR:  The Beard.
The Face.
Photos 2005
Photos 2005
Rose Garden Dream July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream
July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream June 26
Rose Garden Dream
June 26
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Photos 2004
Photos 2004
Tree Farm
Tree Farm
Tripple Seven Joenan
Tripple Seven
Joenan
Tripple Seven (The Joe Legend)
Tripple Seven
(The Joe) Legend
Punch My Cat in the Face
Punch My Cat in the Face
Graduation Photos
Graduation Photos
YEC
YEC
Photos 2003
Photos 2003
Photos 2002
Photos 2002
Photos 2001
Photos 2001
Photos 2000
Photos 2000
Photos 1999
Photos 1999
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1985-86
Photos 1985-86


Classic Lessons
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.

Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em unless they're beating you.

When the noose becomes the latest fashion it won't last long.

Talk is cheap, unless you are a television psychic.

If a tree falls in the forest be glad you don't live in the forest.

When I'm looking at my folder I have a paper view.

When arguing at sea don't go overboard.

Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

Hole punchers are useless.

Not all hillbillies are named Billy but they are all related to him.

Pollution is good for you. It makes you realize there should be less pollution.

Read All Lessons, Watch Video Lessons
Top 3 ways to loose money in a business:
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of your building.
2. Using the classic sales pitch & then putting it into action,
    "We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds
Comedy or Coma?
Caffeine free huh? What, that makes it cost like 15 cents less?

I'm a real vocabulary buff. In fact I just finished reading the dictionary. I didn't like it, it wasn't wordy enough for me.

I love team sports because one part of the crowd is always happy.

nah.. oops! dropped some dots

I'm going to be a record producer because i eat a lot of vinyl.

I don't lik3 it wh2n p712 tal3 li33 this. especially out loud, "lik three it wh two n p seven tweleve tal three li three three this."

I remember Living Magazine had a spin off called Dying Magazine. It had a lot of subscriptions but no one ended up paying their first bill.

When I yawn it is contagious because I always yawn again.

I have a big sore, it is so big it is like a dino-sore.

I can spoil any movie from the past 20 years. Ready?
They all end with credits.

How do you know this site is weird? Maybe this is normal and regular things are weird.
Featured Content
Lyrics/Poetry
Sometimes
Still
Lead Me
The Band
A New Song
Out There..
I know The Door
All I really know is you
Revivify
Where is your love?
Fake Feathers
Stories
Toppled Siphon Blower
Pin the Tail on the Muffin
Seedless Wrench Mime
No Reception Hall
Five Stories at the End of 2005
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Paperstation
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Lyrics/Poetry
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I am in correct.
I Saw a Man Keep the Faith
Wrapped in True Love
Cage Deed
Advice Ovens
The Touch of No Love
Advise the Wise
The Scope of Nope
Your Store For
Take a Walk in Rock Shoes
Stories
Glass makes sand hammers.
Today & The Years Gone Bye
Time Cotton
My Dog
Passed out in the Lawn
Other Recent Content
Piemerican Magazine #4
Quizzes
25th Comedy Quote Collection
Cats Action Comics
Equal Non-Equal Neutral Book
ie is the greatest food of all time.! If it weren't I really would have changed the name some time ago.

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