Saturday, October 31, 2015
My halloween costume is Road Mustard

Oddtober II
You are weird if you regularly drive your car.. off a cliff.. as a fish hook.

You are weird if you watch primetime tv.. with intact paper sacks over your head, hands, & remote.

You are weird if you are just shy.. of speaking 600 words per minute.

10/4/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if on sunny days you try to talk the sky into seeing your therapist because it looks blue.

You are weird if you wish others happy birthday.. as your birthday wish when you blow out your candles.

10/6/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if you put Betamax tapes in cocoons hoping they'll transform into Blu-Ray discs.

You are weird if when someone says, "You'll never guess who I ran into today!" you grab a hidden duffel bag & disappear from their lives forever.

You are weird if you regularly go shopping.. for camels in Alaska.

You are weird if you take pictures of the summer breeze blowing above your head.

10/10/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if you fear death.. will never find a good woman to settle down with.

You are weird if your cell phone has a camera.. that uses flash powder.

You are weird if you never say "never".. and you speak English.

You are weird if you take responsibility.. for inventing the steam engine.. on your resume.. while trying to get a job at a business you just started & interviewing yourself in an unlit trunk.

You are weird if tuck your kilt into your socks.

You are weird if you like to give mad props to actors.

You are weird if you cut watermelon.. out of your will.. as an inheritance because they spoil faster than you do.

You are weird if you catch snowflakes so you can clone them to throw the world into disarray.

You are weird if your pantry is full of cans.. of WiFi.

10/19/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if you wear many hats at work because it is cheaper for them to pay you than it is to buy mannequins.

10/20/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if like to play God.. at shuffle board because you can always win by default.

You are weird if you think America is going downhill.. because a mountain of lobster eggs is growing under it soon to tilt us all into the ocean. But on the bright side people on the east coast will have the longest, awesomest slide ever.

You are weird if you mark important dates on your calendar.. with your urine.

10/23/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if you think paragraphs jump out of paper planes.

10/24/15 [Vine Video]
You are weird if you bury your beloved pets.. under other people's potted plants.

You are weird if like to light farts.. in hospital nurseries.

You are weird if you have a tree in your yard.. that won't shut up about its fear of being turned into a push broom. We all know push brooms are the most honorable broom.

You are weird if you feel like a million bucks.. being burned in front of hundreds of poor people.

You are weird if you feel embarrassed when your shadow touches other people's shadows yet you can't help but gawk at how intimate the shadows get with one another.

You are weird if you took other kids' lunch money.. to prom.

You are weird if you never wear sandals because you don't want the NSA to have data on your toes.

You are weird if you weep openly when a loved one dies.. their hair.

Oddtober II Lesson Vines

October Think About It Thursdays
What is your favorite fish.. to use as a harmonica?

What's your favorite food.. to bribe seals with?

Do you think cornbread helmets are safe?

Do you promise that you don't swear?

October Friday's Feelings
I feel like a legless oil painting confusedly running from a jewel thief.

I feel like I was born yesterday but live 30 years in the future.

I feel like a 4th grade report card with no As because it's in Chinese.

I'm more irked than a glassless butterfly.

I'm hungrier than a pigeon that has been tortured to eat waffles for 3 days straight.

New Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
The Humble God of Rest
Meanings of Fear & Shame
Wednesday-Thursday, October 28-29, 2015
17th Anniversary of Using the name Piemerica
Redesigned Index Pages with new links.
Navitgation frames added to Scripts, Speeches, Lyrics & Poems, Stories, Journals, & Advice Oven sections

Paths page for Equal Non-Equal Neutral now has music, images, & links for each section.
Scrib added to 2003 MARS discography. MARS stats corrected.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

3 New Vines

Wednesday, October 14, 2015
+=- Incremental High 5
Fake Channels:
Death Match Channel where corpses go on blind dates
Invisible Snowmen Channel
The Morally Upstanding Clown with a Chainsaw Channel
Bottled Water Training Channel
The Evangelize a Lost Sock Channel

I enjoy sleeping on my life bed.

I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing for you, so you can see the humor in the situation.

I hit a bifecta!

I'm an expert in uninary. It's easy, it's just zeroes.

Once & a half

You should wear grippers instead of slippers. You could get hurt!

I like that you use verbs. I can understand you that way.

"Hello" is a quote from 4,600 movies.

Click for Vine Video
This is an arrow that doesn't point.
Sorry that was a pointless joke.

I'm unpopular, so I just bought a bunch of box fans at the store to keep myself from crying.

You should hang Christmas ornaments from your eyeglasses.

Wagons made of jello cotton candy

What's in the cup, strawberry blood, otherwise known as strawberry juice?

Ordered some toast online. Gotta say I prefer home made toast. It's not hot when you get it in the mail & if you re-heat it in the toaster, it burns. That's a no recurring customers business model.

Opposites matter:
I'd sure like to bone her.
I'd sure like to debone her.

Click for Vine Video
I'm classy.  I only send middleless pics online.

Back in my day we only had two notes, B & B#. Before that they only had B#.

When I was a lad, Bill Gates was just Bill Gate.

It's a little known lie that most ghosts are Siamese ghosts.

You really regargoyle my onion. You know that?

KJ12:  You should write a book.
MAR:  Why? Books can't write back.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Emperor MAR Secretly Periscoping from a Stranger's House

Shaddy (Periscope)

Lights of indeterminate vertical placement (Periscope Selections)

Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Sundrycember II
The future was now.

Summer time is the best time to have feelings because if you get hotheaded you'll burn up, if you get cold hearted you'll warm up, if you get pigheaded they'll cook you on July 4th!

The word conundrum looks like the sounds a drum makes.

By & large is easy. By & small is harder.

Statistics are perhaps the best dehumanizing way to help us learn about humans.

No roads can talk so when we judge the roads we are on we put gravelly words in their mouth to fill their pot holes.

The only people you have to feel bad about not getting Christmas presents for are people whose birthdays are Dec. 26-31 because everyone else has already had presents on their birthday earlier in the year.

Smokey the bear is actually pro forest fire that is why he refuses to take responsibility.

When Thing T. Thing dies & becomes a ghost he won't be able to find his way around because he has no eyes & will not be able to touch walls.

Everyone has a dark heart because it is inside their chest.

There is no such thing as a fake color.

You don't earn nickels from chopping pennies.

Don't order toast online. It's not hot when you get it in the mail & if you re-heat it in the toaster, it burns.

You can lose a fight to the death & survive, if the death is of your pride.

The opposite of a puddle is a dry hill.

If live wires make you chuckle don't take them internally. The type of laughter that will produce isn't the best medicine.

If someone asks for your first name make sure they don't mean chronologically.

Bottling sand is like making a chicken coop out of KFC.

There's dark chocolate & there's milk chocolate because milk isn't dark.

Lesson Mania Week
The reason college sports teams wear their state's name on their jerseys is so if they get lost people know what state to return them to or if they get too drunk or high they know what state to return themselves to.

A cocktail toothpick is a onek instead of a fork.

All computers are nerds except the ones inside of robots, those are jocks.

Chess players always be gambling because they request, "Check, mate" after winning.

Everybody is always intense, the present tense.

Upping the steaks is bad for tents.

It is impossible to honestly tell someone "I'm not talking to you."

Getting hugged by a zipper hurts!

Never shave your arm hair or someone might come by with some mannequin sauce & take a bite out of ya.

If you ever travel back in time into pre-industrial revolution eras don't say anything about space ships, you'll sound like an idiot. "People spend billions on transporting space? What a bunch of rubes!"

If you find a hair in your hair complain to your mother & demand a replacement head at no extra charge.

Noodles make us all suck.

For optimists the princesses in distress clichรฉ doesn't represent helplessness of women but the high value of daughters.

We are all out of our minds because our minds are in us.

Outerspace is a spaceship's yard.

The reason cheap food is fattening is so when poor people get even poorer they have some fat stored up to help them survive.

In the Spider Navy all subs are footlongs.

Bone dry isn't dry at all. Bones are soaked for like 80 years.

Set a tree on fire in the fall then shake the branches & it will rain firey leaves.

Those who are good at saving money from being destroyed are often bad at saving money.

I we see I

Ketchup found in captivity is always anal. Ketchup in the glass bottle stubbornly refuses to come out & ketchup in the plastic bottle farts about.

Cheaters try to pass the test, in more ways than one.

Human value is not comparable to numbers, where one person is greater than another. Human value is more like an alphabet where no letter is greater than another. Each letter looks different & sounds different yet they are always intersecting to make something great together.

You never know if someone has a pocket knife until they put it away.

September Weigh It Wednesdays
Your web browser says, "Server not found"
Pessimistic view:  Ahh guff! I can't get to my favorite world wide website!
Optimistic view:  Good for her, she needs some time off.

Windows 10 is crashing again
Pessimistic view:  *weeping & gnashing of teeth*
Optimistic view:  Thankfully they never released Windows 9. I would have hated to use that.

Your dinner is burnt
Optimistic view:  We get to eat out tonight!
Pessimistic view:  My asparagus died for nothing.

You're sentenced to prison for a crime you didn't commit
Pessimistic view:  I've been screwed. I don't deserve this!
Optimistic view:  Now I can learn how to do some real crimes for when I get out.

Survived a plane crash
Optimistic view:  I'm alive!
Pessimistic view:  Somebody's gonna have to clean all this up.

September Think About It Thursdays
How many noons does today have?

Have you ever held a sรฉance for your dead pet rocks?

How can you live with yourself.. if you don't have a clone?

Anyone see the ellipses constellation come out the other night? It filled the whole sky!

September Friday's Feelings
I'm more content than a lobster watching a rodeo.

I'm more ticklish than a cobra that swallowed a pet rock.

I feel like a loaf of bread floating in pine oil.

I'm more buoyant than a pillow full of love letters to a wombat.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
....Undelivered Master Cherries..
Followed by infinitely defeated liver costumes, race was a ripe window of underused silk radishes. I was a thigh lift roanoke of undelivered master cherries. Thoughts reinforce tiger laundry. Trains rattle inside of string jars. Who farmed seeing invisible lights? My thoughts, "Exactly." Did you shrink down to basket size? But baskets can be lots o' sizes. How many chandeliers can you hang in your treeless yard?

I multiceive groups'. How many costs to shearing quarters? A middling non-abundance of phantom barrishes. Bread testimonies about transtoasting. How many histograms does it take to walk your dawg to the 3rd moon of Neptune?
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Are These Flags Any Less Prejudice?
The Lone Star, Lone WHITE Star

What? No polar bears?

Not a triangle in sight..
Monday, August 31, 2015
Alternate August
Dominoes can be used to simulate bookshelf collapses.

A hollowed out CRT tv can be used as a giant pasta strainer or a very leaky & pointless foot bath.

Junk mail & phone books make great temporary toys for toddlers.

You can use brownies as declicious elbow or kneepads.

You can use a cheese grater to test any nerve on the surface of your body.

Properly lit kettle steam can make a convincing whistling ghost to young people who know not what a kettle is.

If you eat all but one kernel from a corn cob that's a unicorn.

Replace your bindle with a briefcase & you'll look like the richest hobo in the city.

To hypnotize birds you can attach a flexible roll-up piano to a zebra on a merry-go-round.

Drive wooden stakes around the perimeter of your domicile to act as a buffetesque termite deterrent.

Some bugs can save you from downing if you put them in your nose.

Coins & strings can help you style your tan.

Throwing enough black cats through mirrors can send you around the orbit of bad luck into stupendous luck.

A fishing pole can be used as a grappling hook to climb a building, if you have a highly trained fish or the building is under water.

There's more than one way to skin a cat. 3D modeling software for example.

Giant monsters can use baseball stadiums as engagement rings. Since all baseball diamonds are the same size, there is no jealously in the monster world.

Diapers make excellent rain bonnets.

Rub ash on your feet to pretend like you've walked a long way without shoes.

Topless buses stood on end make great ladders.

A can opener can also be used as a jar opener, if you throw it hard enough.

You can use bibles in place of kevlar to make a superior bullet proof vest.

Basketballs make great bouncers for private orange parties.

A common steak knife can be used as a forgiveness tester (requires some lite to vigorous stabbing). You decide what to stab:  pillows, pets, waterbeds, tires, sandwiches, balloons, trees, "other," or even knife handles.

A divining rod that has gathered moss will lead you to swamp water.

If you can't afford dark chocolate just eat regular chocolate with the lights off.

A paddle can not only be used as an oar but also as a floatation device for legless dogs who cannot doggie paddle themselves.

Replace your outdoor ceiling fan's blades with swords to chop up unwelcome bugs, birds, & overly curious cats.

Lumber can be used to visually simulate water if you have a blue marker.

A pile of aluminum cans makes a great affordable security system.

Only a few years of unused Christmas sweaters can create an excellent winter hammock. Normal hammock's mesh is too wide to sustain warmth but my patented sweater hammock is great for sitting next to the outdoor fall fire, aside from the excessive flammability.

If the dangers of food coloring worries you as a cult leader, driving a clown car off a cliff is another excellent form of mass suicide.

August Think About it Thursdays
Where did you get your delightful glass unicork holder?

How have you been since the turtle shell accident?

Who's you're favorite superzero? Mine is the binary zero.

If you could recolor the orange, but the name stays the same, what colors would you use?

August Friday's Feelings
I'm more floored than a fish on a treadmill.

I feel like a taco in a birdbath.

I feel like an unloaded shotgun firing at a mobile pharmacy on a farm.

I'm less popular than a gator at a pett'n' zoo.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Weigh It Wednesday
Hit a deer with your vehicle
Pessimistic view:  That's gonna cost a lot to repair.
Optimistic view:  It masks the other blood on the hood of my car.
Friday, August 21, 2015
+=- Lakes in Boxes
What's shakin'?
Yo, what's icedtean'?
Yo, what's cherrylimeaidin?
Hey, what's bottledwaterin'?
What's liptonbriskicedtean'?

I know more about camels than jars of nails do but you don't see me bragging about it more than once.

MAR:  I'm from an alternate dimension
Stranger:  No you're not
MAR:  Not alternate to yours, alternate to someone else's

If I prefer my closets be painted white on the inside does that make me a closet racist?

I graduated when I was 17 because I was smart.. enough to be born at the right time of the year.

I live by the motto:  Don't make up a motto to live by because you'll box yourself in.

Wicker cups

I like to take siestas down short term memory lane.

M D: What do you define as rich?
MAR:  Yachty instead of Yahtzee.

โ€ฆ.have a lot of extra dots. Do you want some?โ€ฆโ€ฆโ€ฆ

M D:  Let's talk about how I burned 600 calories at the gym
MAR:  You set fire to a double cheeseburger? My gym doesn't like me setting fires, that why I don't go.
M D:  Ohhh is that why?
MAR:  Well that & it's not there anymore, it burnt down somehow. We had a meat lovers pizza party to celebrate it.

I used to try to get people to catch my drift & they'd always miss. Now I ain't got no drifts left.

I eat twice a year, if a year is 2 days long.

M D:  I'm driving in the rain.
MAR:  I was always the caddy.

I'm some about using subtle word differences. If I were all about it that would be peculiar.
Internet is better for your teeth than candy.

If you could rate your mood on a scale of 1-7 leaving out 4-6 what would it be?
For me, I'd say a wire of unknown metal 3.-3548216

Does not compute or brainpute.

Stranger:  Where are you from?
MAR:  Here or there, depending on where I am at the moment

Did you ever meet the shale oil whisperer of saskawaukee?

Y'know... If I had a fridge for every color in the alphabet I don't know what I'd have.

Transmogrify any corn ice lately?

I don't think I know everything but I do think I know a decent bit about things I care to know. Knowing everything is boring. Knowing something is what's awesome.

I like the star that whispers about hamburger cooking safety in sentient cows ears.

If we used a scale from negative infinity to positive infinity we'd know 0 was in the middle. So, if you asked "How was your day?" & I was judging my day on the -/+ infinity scale & I, without telling you what scale I was using, said "I'd rate my day at a 0" it would sound like the worst to you but would actually be right in the middle.

Howdy, Whichdy, Wheredy, Whody, Whatdy
Thursday, August 20, 2015
New eCards

Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Weigh It Wednesday
Discovery of alien life
Optimistic view:  This is amazing, there is so much we could learn.
Pessimistic view:  They probably won't like my cooking.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Things You've Never Heard on Your Birthday
Since you knew you'd be hearing "Happy Birthday" today here is something you never thought you'd hear

If you scribble on tarmacs with frozen air by next next next June you'll never need chalk scissors again.

The eggs are growing leather inside to infiltrate breakfast with beef. But I know you'll keep everything springy for the rest of us.

Congrats your life has not been erased by a time traveler in this timeline unless you're General Geoinge.

Your ridged pelt has a fine left. Put rights on the almonds & you will have a smelted foyer.

I was going to put caterpillars in my veins but I wasn't strong enough. You're good at welcoming palisades underwater with felt.

Hope your garbanzo lengthening is going well.

You'll now spend 5year% time on the wallet train basking in fjord canyons.

Have fun spackling the werewolf factory with fire cone lettering!

It is a good time to still be alive. Have some bread with the gopher at the park.

I heard your ears & they work! You can never be too shelf.

I have an invisible & immaterial hang glider for you in the twelfth dimension. But don't feel bad because everything in that dimension is incorporeal, so much so I'm beginning to think the 12th dimension doesn't exist.

Enjoy milking the peppers from your garden with your new desk wrench!

Party on with your landcolor diamondique lizard ranch envelope!

If you were a piece of paper no one would ball you up. You'd be the hoop, net, end zone, or other size of the fence.

The leaves are ripe today. It is thrilling to have such a foamed vest!

A branch joyous weds. A breach wounds joys. A cab sojourned whys.

You were born too!! That explains how you got here.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
New Bitstrips
Friday, July 31, 2015
Julyfe: Life Lessons
7/1/15 [Vine Video]
Life is like a potato. It doesn't start out very clean.

Life is like the game of Life except there aren't a lot of topless family sedans.

Life is like a bottle of ketchup. The red on the inside is very important.

Life is like a fire. It produces light & warmth.

Life used to be like the open sea. The people who said "Yo Ho" were considered outcasts.

Life is like an onion. Sometimes it makes you cry. Other times it tastes great.

[Vine Video]
Life is like a cat. You spend a lot of time sleeping & wanting to be petted.

[Vine Video]
Modern life is like a police car. There are a lot of lights & loud noises.

[Vine Video]
Life is like a balloon. It can come in animal shapes.

Life is like a pie, flaky & sticky but sweet all around.

Life is like a spider web, fragile yet strong & easily blown by the wind.

Life is like a greeting card. The givers mean more than the words.

Life is like that time when you're not dead. Ohh what's it called, you know what I'm talking about.

Life is like Life Cereal, we call them both by the same name.

Life is like a vine. Sometimes it is in full swing, sometimes it is all tangled up.

Life is like an apple, the sweetness is around the core.

Life is like a little teapot, short & stout.

Life is like a playground. It is more fun with friends.

Life is like money. You spend it on what you love or what you owe.

Life is like a calzone, warm & gooey on the inside.

Life is like a straw. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it blows. Sometimes you can just drink it all in.

[Vine Video]
Life is like an alligator. You'll see a lot of green & you'll see a lot of teeth.

[Vine Video]
Life is like a jet plane, few are trained to operate it properly.

[Vine Video]
Life is like a car. With more money you get a smoother ride.

Life is like a beach. Sure you leave footprints everywhere you go but the butt prints leave the greatest impression.

Life is like a roller-coaster. Sometimes it makes you scream with joy. Other times it makes you want to puke.

Life is like a movie but much much longer & cheaper.

Life is like a knife. Sometimes it is about cutting, sometimes cutting up. And like a knife life can spread.

Life is like a calendar. It begins on a certain date & ends on a certain date.

Life is an egg. Sometimes it's scrambled, sometimes it's sunny side up, & sometimes it's over easy.

Life is like a taco buffet. There is a whole lot of crap after it ends.

Julyfe Life Lesson Vines

Friday's Feeling
I'm thirstier than a windmill in a Zebra fire.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
New Bitstrips

Think About it Thursday

What if knives have guts too?

Wednesday, July 29, 2015
New Bitstrips

Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Concert Matches
Yankeedoodletiger was riding the wind like a toast riding a butter slide. Cee the Bee saw him flying by. Cee thought to herself, "Why do human eyes like varnish?"

Yankeedoodletiger flew into an outdoor hammer, exploding into more bits. He lost what was himself & his family at the same time. As Cee made her way to him she remembered all the times she grabbed onto flowers that wouldn't blow away.

Cee wasn't a shell of herself, no that was the locust. But Cee couldn't rhyme in Chinese while visiting Florida for fear of remembering the helpless or brave Yankeedoodletiger & the hammer that could just as well have been another flower.
+=- |up|
The answer in short is yes,  in slightly less short is yeah, in medium is indeed.

Does your middle name get jealous of your first name?
M D: I'm more of a sausage person than a bacon person.
MAR:  I look more sausagy than bacony too, rounded forearms & all. 
People think it is silly when I say, "Back in my day.." yet they have no problem asking "How was your day?"
You're the reason I think I had a day!

This is the end of the day's trail for the old sandusky spike cruller.
I rank my day as somewhere between a kaleidoscope of only oranges & a ziplock bag of water, like 6/7ths full.
1:  How did you sleep?
2:  Horizontally
Shut up = |up|

Monday, July 27, 2015
+=- Fresh Anchors


I'm no expert when it comes to communication. I don't even know what a pert is, so there's no way I coulda been one.

Cats taught me everything I know, except "what aren't cats like?" Well I guess they did teach me that inversely.

I am older than most peaches at the grocery. At least I hope so.

I'm so old I've got grandkids.. of my mother, otherwise known as my kids.

Some say talking to me is like pulling teeth. They're right. It should only be done by professionals. #TheyreComingToTakeMeAwayHaHaaa

They don't let me near zebrasโ€ฆ of course they don't let anybody else near them either.

Usually fingers don't fing but when they do ohohoh nelly, you better have a full size cabbage in your back pocket!

I am expressing my appreciation in this sentence, this sentence right here, the one you are reading now because you can only read now.

To say next to the least.. I'm fearless because I don't take up new fears.

I'm amusing & bemusing all rolled into 1 or however many I am.

M D:  Question
MAR:  I can answer those! :) Unless I don't know the answer :( .

You've gotta warn me next time & all the other next times after that.

MAR:  I checked & myiceweasel is ok with purple pens flying under Tampane Bridge mockups.
Char:  I actually have no idea what you are talking about
MAR:  No worries, I only have 1 idea what I'm talking about
Char:  really?
MAR:  Yeah but I lost it so I couldn't tell you what I meant anymore

I always wanted to talk to a block of ice that's why I do it regularly.

You're all so young. I've got antiques older than you.

I'm older than the oldest person you know by at least 3 days. If the oldest person you know disagrees with me I will fight them.

Questions are dumb & so are statements.

Why did the wallet throw away the man?
Because he was broke.

I'm half white, like a milk you'd throw away.

What do you call a cop without a mustache?
A kindergarten cop

Who's the nicest person you've ever.. kicked in the family jewels?
Mine was the first pope, then he made a whole rule about popes & priests & nuns not having kids to cover his embarrassment. I did it because he wouldn't let me wear his pope hat. I don't take nope from a pope.

I can read almost any language. I just don't know what the words mean or how to pronounce the properly.

Rubbing a bank using a guy named Rob is robbing a bank? or no?

People eat catfish but would you eat dogfish or peoplefish?

I'd only date you if I were an archeologist & you were bones.

The importance of punctuation inclusion.
M D:  What's your name
MAR:  No sorry, guess again.

My name is spelled with letters.

Would you like to hear a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down.. because i owed bullies money..?

A drama king is good at plays.

beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans
Sorry, looks like I spilled the beans.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
New Bitstrip

Friday, July 24, 2015
Stupid Questions with Stupid Answers
Is a hot dog a sandwich?
No, because if I say, "Get me a sandwich woman!" She ain't ever comin' back with a hot dog.

What is it about death that you fear, exactly?
The skeleton face & the scythe, oh and the power to kill me.

Who says it can't be done? You know it can be done, don't you? If you want it enough, right?
You're right. Time to drown my neighbor's gerbils. I live next to a pet store.

Do you give more than you take? Or take more than you give?
I'm more of a stasis guy.

Who are your role models? How would they act in the situation you are in now?
They'd be like Wow! What is this fancy light book you have?

If you just go for it, what do you have to lose? Is the risk not smaller than doing nothing?
But I was going to take that self-amputation class first.

Are you waiting for permission? What permission do you think you need to move forward, and from whom?
Well those senators never answer my letters directly anyway. So.. It's time to invade Poland.

If you were to start a business, what would it be? What would it do? What would you need to have in place first?
If I started a business I'd be 100% owner so, none of your business.

If you have an important message to offer the world are you delivering it effectively?
No, I tweet it.

How much time have you spent in nature lately? Enough time to calm your mind and rejuvenate your soul?
Naw, there's bugs & dust out there.

If you could wave a magic wand and be anything, be anyone, who would you be?
I'd be a magic wand manufacturer so I could give wands to everyone but kids because they'd turn into cool monsters & accidentally eat their parents.

How do you best connect with others?
Through our Rigellian long protein strings.

What one piece of advice would you offer a newborn child?
Learn to speak English so you can eventually understand other people's advice.

Where would you rather be, than right here, right now?
A couple of minutes from now, but I'll wait.

Is there a supreme power?
Yeah supreme pizzas have a power over me.

What makes you, you?

Do you know that delayed gratification is one of the most powerful habits of successful individuals?
No, I was delaying learning about the most powerful habits of successful individuals. Thanks a lot spoiler!

Who did you make better today?
No one, I decided to quit cooking people after the first try. No taste is worthโ€ฆ that.

Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
Is that a fat joke?

How old would you be if you did not know how old you are?
I'd be the same but stupid.

When it is all said and done, will you have said more than you have done?
That's the goal #LikeABoss

Where does the universe end?
In the universe?

Friday's Feeling
I'm happier than a sentient pickle in an unopenable jar.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
+=- Strange Man with Speaking Feature
I can't afford dark chocolate so I just eat regular chocolate with the lights off.

What is this "ios" I keep hearing about? Is it the cool new way of saying Cheerios?

Kid's Birthday Party Idea:
A Hindenburg themed party where a team of ninja archers blow into to the place to shoot down all the balloons with flaming arrows.

I'm gonna pretend like the space key on my keyboard is some kind of awesome futuristic key that has something to do with outerspace.

When in jail you can read toast with your left hand.

Can someone be bisexist? Bias against both sexes?

Having living animals in your pie is the healthiest way to eat because the sport of it lends vigorous exercise. If you have gorilla pie with living gorilla in it make sure he has a less than 3 day life expectancy or else he'll be too strong for all humans.

I'm a thing that can have words. You read any words today (other than these)?

I think you aight as blue bread ya dig?

You look like you could fit in my hat.

Tell your grandkids to tell their grandkids to expect the package in 6-8 lifetimes.

I knew you'd understand after you indicated that you concurred.

My ghost is my spirit animal.

I'm from the corner of here & now.

Fabric egg caller.
Chicken ghost eggs.

You look young.. enough to have been born in the past 65 million years. What do humans eat now? I gotta keep up appearances.

Rider Drive:  Good luck
MAR:  That's just the kind of luck I needed! How did you know? Are you my bayou bouncing billy goat baton bro?

If only bears were as confident as you, we'd all be dead. Good thing bears are still self-loathing. That is why they sleep so much.

One scratch on the screen & you can't read nil. Sure you can read longer words like kanoodle. But nil with the I & the L, it's hopeless.

L Ren:  -face palm-
MAR:  That would be one creepy hand & so unsanitary.

It is fun for people to have thinks about you in your thoughter.

Think About it Thursday
What would a jury of pirates be like?
Friday, July 17, 2015
New Posts on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Our Father's Love Decides our Infinite Worth
The Fruit of the Spirit: God's Fruits

Friday's Feeling
I'm busier than a pitchfork on prom night.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Think About it Thursday
Have you ever put rocky road in a pot hole to catch an ice cream truck?
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Vine of shortest song I've ever made

Link to the album it's from
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Some'n You Don't See Everyday

New Bitstrips

Monday, July 13, 2015
New Vine

New Bitstrip

Saturday, July 11, 2015
+=- I'm out of      .
[You are my laugh track.]

I hold the world record for most hands. I have a whopping two. But the record is a 7 billion way tie. :'(

I picked up a magazine about "100 people who changed the world." To my disappointment it was mostly gardeners.

I love cracking seriousness with jokes.

So the point of these new smart watches is now when you have to put down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing idea. You can hug while discretely reading this very post.

I think cows & pigs & chickens are ruining the planet by being so tasty & thus making us fat. They evolved tastiness so they could survive by us breeding them. They didn't much fancy being hugged like dogs & cats do. It is actually meat eaters that have prevented these animals from going extinct.

Meowkaiser:  ikr?
MAR:  i don't know if you know

Does LoL stand for soccer?

don't be a pacifist, pass dat fist!

I'm like an American Hero because I use the bathroom just like they do.

MAR:  How many Irish sunsets have you seen while in a cave?
Kangi Andrew:  None you?
MAR:  None unless sleeping with your eyes open counts, then thirty-six-thousand. Oh sorry I'm thinking sunrises, of course I don't go to bed before sun sun sun.

pecans are apples for sailors?

Roman wants answers from Wyatt? That's like asking for a good comparative analogy from me.

I don't need to get used to. I've already got used to & right now.

Since June of last week

Stroons kick cactus nickels!

I'd like to punch the internet in it's wifi because that wouldn't hurt my hand!

MAR:  It would be a real surprise if someone literally "threw a surprise party" from like a giant catapult or something.
Lori:  And what would a thrown surprise party look like? U know so I can be on the lookout
MAR:  People & streamers falling from the sky but balloons falling up into the sky.

an arch of rebel wings?

Hunkering around

Time before eyelids

The twist ending is love.

Site Updates
Some missing content from 2011-2015 added to archives pages.
Missing photos added to 2011 galleries.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
New Imagery
I was bitten by the acting bug.
Wednesday-Thursday, July 8-9, 2015
80s Gaming Controversy

Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Rare Double Remix

Thursday, July 2, 2015
Mr. Piemerica on Vine
Follow on Piemerica on Vine to get lesson vines plus many more videos. To save page space/load some vines will later be linked at the end of each month.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Soon June Lessons
Soon TVs will start to watch us back & promptly wish they could change the channel.

Soon salmon will start preventing forest fires just to make Smokey look like an idiot.

Soon other brands of food will have names similar to I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!ยฎ, such as:  I Can Totally Believe It's Not Charred Cantaloupeยฎ, I Would Like to Believe It Doesn't Contain Pig Anus Hotdogsยฎ, I'm Having Trouble Believing It's Taste is Worth It Ricecakesยฎ, & I Believe This is Tasty But Don't Believe in God Atheikosher Pickles.

Soon it will be revealed that all silent prank calls were made by lonely mutes.

Soon smooth peanut butter will be outlawed for wooing people into becoming PBsexuals.

Soon Hollywood will go bankrupt after a boycott of films with "Rise of" or "Resurrection" in the title.

Soon the tatthree will replace the tattoo because it will come with bluetooth.

Soon cell phones will again be called mobile phones. They will have legs & they will come when we call.

Soon shoes will rise up & become stinky hats.

Soon machetes will find everyday kitchen usage after linoleum becomes fertile.

Soon people will stop saying "sooner or later" because sooner is still always later. In its place will be, "sooner or less sooner."

Soon flying cars will be getting stuck in your potato salad.

Soon all payphones will have cameras too as photo booth makers & phone booth makers join "forces."

Soon many sports will cease to exist after all spheres evolve into a new 5D without any of the Ds being the 3 we know & love.

Soon firefighting will be fighting like prowrestling is fighting. Our firefighter heroes will begin to work together with the villainous fire we love to boo to put on a good show.

Soon roosters will unite for a global alarm clock heist.

Soon Disney will send marketing messages to fetuses through ultrasounds.

Soon ants will be trained to bring food to share at picnics.

Soon down on their luck angels will come to earth to sell their wings as hotwings.

Soon the lazy will rise up & create a social justice movement because of all the discrimination they've suffered. Boy that sounds like a lot of work, nevermind.

Soon the Penultimate Fighting Championship will be founded & fights will take place in a 7 sided Mocktagon.

Soon Morse Code will make a comeback as the first form of communication that can be sent directly to your mind.

Soon Apple will introduce the Apple Ankle Monitor to help enforce consequences & boundaries for addicts, ex-cons, & dieters. Sadly only the richest & suckerest of people will be able to afford it.

Soon trash cans will take themselves out because their lives stink.

Soon ghost hunters will be exposed as frauds by very successful ghost fishers.

Soon in the US Lays will release crisp flavored potato chips. Nerds who can taste semantics will buy them in droves.

Soon peaches will finally grow mustaches.

Soon MMA will inspire other arts to mix together. Tattoo artists will be accompanied by interpretive dancers. Graffiti artists will tag urban locations while jazz bands improv a soundtrack to their work. Poetry will be primarily written during laser shows. Movies will have music & paintings in them.

Soon politically correct terms will be replaced with single syllable terms because most racists will be revealed as lazy rather than prejudice because the number of syllables in politically correct terms are higher than those in prejudice terms.

Soon the making of violent video games will come to an end as the human race comes to an end.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
New Imagery
My but is on the line.
Saturday, June 13, 2015
My 105 Game Controllers

Link to Unfinished Webpage
Video of me talking about each one

Sunday, June 7, 2015
New Imagery
Old Digital Camera Photo
This was taken with my old digital camera back before digital cameras used pixels. They only used color digits, that's why we call them digital cameras today. This one is so old it only used 0s & 1s.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
MiscelMaynia Lessons
If it's true that you are what you eat then don't eat vegetables. Being a vegetable is not a good thing.

Everyone who ends up in a grave changes the world.

A bicycle without wheels is not a cycle at all.

If you own a black cat keep your kids in the corner so it can never cross their path.

Belenor's 11th sister was named Elanor.

If pennies were made of Lincoln impersonators they'd be worth more than 1 cent.

The reason we pay attention is because it is so valuable to others.

I guarantee my new line of steam soap will be a hot seller.

Some people are such cowards when it comes down to it they can't even save a buck!

Burying bunnies in a cotton field is like giving them unmarked graves.

This is a trick question.

The first name "Real" will grow in popularity so future generations' twitter handles will make more sense.

The word "good" doesn't look good. It is filled with holes!

Robots will use curly landline phone cords for their weaves. So keep some extras in your pockets because fembots will rob you for phone cords instead of money.

If someone tells you "I'm quite a catch," remember in fishing quite catches are hard to get.

If a ghost invited you to dinner you would be eating alive animals & fruits attached to roots.

If there was just one parachute left on earth it would only be useful for jumping off of a cliff.

It is worse to pass out in the gutter above the house.

In some cultures they wear pants to hold up their belts because their English is so bad they call pants belts.

Great minds actually think exactly alike but when born in different time zones they think 1 or more hours off from each other.

Werewolves suffer from narcolepsy & amnesia.

Recipes are food for thought.

Keep your chin up, stop looking at your phone all the time.

All of us can shoot spider webs, with our guns.

Greedy parachutes take too many people along.

If it weren't for ghost repairmen there would be a whole lot more resurrections.

The reason why Donkey Kong was such an arcade hit was because every barrel was a barrel of monkeys.

You eat a lot of corn if you have cob webs.

Be glad buttons aren't mini-zippers instead.

Since mummies & zombies are dead they also have ghosts, yet you never see them team up with their ghosts.

This is how a robot types goodnight.
Saturday-Monday, May 23-25, 2015
Missing Updates added to index & archive
Recent Facebook posts ticker added to top of page to keep site always up to date
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Superlatives I'd Like to See
Most likely to..
lure hidden staircases out into the open
use ointment in front of the FedEx Pope
die six times in one day
take a Left to dinner
juggle turnips when you aren't looking

Least likely to..
use shards of dried bread as tape
use a Smartie to open a sardine can
kill a monkey using a monkey wrench while trying to save the monkey with said wrench

Mediumliest likely to..
compliment a flying duck's kneepad durability
take a carrot's temperature.. too seriously

Best Dressed cacti
Most ticklish during a horse race
Least likely to be named Wiltmor by their parents:
Winner, everyone but Wiltmor Fids

New Imagery

Friday, May 22, 2015
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
No Buts
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
New Comic Series Reflections

New Imagery
My new chameleon skin shoes are awesome!

Sunday, May 17, 2015
New Bitstrip

New Visual Lesson

Monday, May 11, 2015
So the point of these new smart watches is so now that when you have to put down your phone to hug someone you can keep your addiction going by looking at the watch behind their back? If not that is a good marketing idea. You can hug while discretely reading this. โ€ช#โ€Žmorehugsโ€ฌ
Thursday, May 7, 2015
New Videos
Unappreciated 21st Century Artist Gimmick Promos (Short, Medium, Long)
These are prowrestling character sample rants/promos of an unappreciated artist character. Bad guy promo on entertainment, technology, parenting, opinion, personal identity, & education.

Heel Promo on Charismaless Tough Enough Auditions
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Michael Reyes is Tough Enough (WWE Tough Enough Application Video)

Sunday, May 3, 2015
New Post on my Loved by God Loving Others Blog
Infinite Love
Thursday, April 30, 2015
April Fools & Wises Lessons
On April 1st the internet is filled with fools.. uh I mean April Fools jokes. But only Piemerica.org is talking fools all month long with Piemerica's Lessons of/for the Day's newest theme month April Foolses & Wises.

The wise man orders pizza in the morning. The fool orders pizza to do his morning chores.

The dofus peels his lemon with his eyes wide open but the smarty pants never shaves with glass.

The brainiac wears his clothes in winter but the blockhead wears winter in his clothes.

The clod refills his gastank with bees. But the virtuoso only fills his beetank with bees.

The nincompoop keeps all of his eggs in one carton but the maven hides his eggs throughout his yard more than once a year.

The pundit will buy watermelons with change whether sticky or loose. But the desperate ignoramus will try to split logs with chop sticks.

The Stanislaus has an extensive vocabulary & spells the word HAM nicely but the Bubba couldn't spell the word toast with a hammer.

The dignitarious doyen captures monkeys in cages but the pulp headed pupil irons apes instead of hiring a stylist.

The schmuck stores his winter coat in a freezer but the science-noggin uses mannequins as ringers in freeze tag.

The goon wears umbrellas on his feet but the graduate strategically hangs umbrellas from balloons for hands free dryness.

The fitness guru works out frequently but the laziness guru doesn't have to buy socks as often.

The esteemed expert explicates entertainingly. The goof uses "goof" as an insult.

The intellectual charms his or her constituents. The illiterate uses Lucky Charms to buy mice in Cardif, Wales.

The mixer modulates publicly but the monk high-fives in private.

The buffoon only knows the names of 5 colors but the boffo can color her hair a realistic red.

The binger stops a headache with pills but the Blargg prevents headaches caused by pounding plumbers by living in lava.

The prudent lad buries his comicbooks in mylar but the improvident chum buries his groceries behind the fence at the police station impound lot.

The erudite homeowner uses Liquid Plumber. The dumbudolt homeowner calls a plumber & melts him despite having no plumbing issue.

The mindscaper male portends pugilation but the Macho Man drops elbows from the top rope. OOOOH YEEAH!

The protester may sound like an optimist but is actually a pessimist. The antitester however is pro protests ending.

The old hand shakes hands to improve his status but the young hand literally rubs elbows until he is asked to leave.

The learned only indulge in candy as often as YOU think they should. The lout thinks the 1st M in M&M's stands for B & the 2nd M stands for lower case b.

The architect uses CAD software to create blueprints. The airhead eats blueberries to create blueprints & demands a refund when the prints turn out to be purple.

The magician sets things on fire only to entertain. The moron sets things IN fire repeatedly because he keeps trying to set things ON fire.

The inordinate dress in a revealing manner. The bordinate wear clothing with their revealing blog posts printed on them.

Greats pen memorable messages. Giddiots photobomb the blind.

The wittish buys a plane ticket to an island paradise. The wumpus removes the seeds from a strawberry, fills a hat with dirt, & leaves the hat on the floor.

The thinker disparages bandanas. The thunker deeply searches Amazon for solodanas.

The thrifty superficial hunt for clothing deals at stores. The thrifty stuperficial look for clothes in decks of cards.

The bequeather passes down money to his family. The dequeather passes croquet mallets upfield at senior tee-ball games.
Friday, April 10, 2015
+=- Bending Colors
Jhon10:   Have you ever played Oujia?
MAR:  no but I almost smelled one once
Jhon10:  Where are you from?
MAR:  today

I don't read Spanish, though I speak it perfectly. I'm semi-bi-illiterate.

Well doesn't that just shake a glazed ham in the wind?

I only believe what I hear, not what I see. The bad part is sometimes I hear lies.

Texas Marco Polo:  Where are you from?
MAR:  I prefer no regional bias be in conversations, but you being from Texas wouldn't understand that oooooh!

Texas Marco Polo:  I come to you in speed of microwave
MAR:  When it is set on 80 hours right?
Texas Marco Polo:  Yup

I will not be boxed in by nouns like box or swami. 

Adjacent aces borrow your colours good lad?

Court:  I saved a turtle that was in the road
MAR:  like hiding in a pot hole?

We are from earth. This earth to be less specific.

You cloud wearing, egg thumping, Charminavores!

Large liver, small dier.

Plays, I write plays. I just wrote two plays & finished a third one.
Here comes a fourth one.... "plays"

I'm serious guys. I write plays in my spare time.

Captain M.:  And your name is?
MAR:  Nothing" "is" there 'is' only was & ever will be.  The present is an illusion fabricated by the past & paid for by the future.  The first time someone truly lives in the moment is when they die.  Because there are no moments, only momentum.  So when you live in something false like a moment you fully lose momentum & the momentum of your life ceases.  Or so a cartoony sea barge once told me.
Friday, April 10, 2015
+=- Orbit without the sun.
Hearing is like a mirror if you can hear them they can hear you right? Is that why people yell at movies?

Lori:  Are you sure you're not remembering something else?
MAR:  I'm not remembering at all. I made it up.

vanity bucket

My me loves that!

Pokes You:

My memory is so good I unscrewed my head.

I'm in IN.

Ether in Simon Gotchโ€™s mustache oil! Truly one of the finest ideas ever put to #FFFFFF
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Poor Man's March Lessons
You know you're poor if you're still saving up for that other scis.

You know you're poor when you use birdbath water as the base of your soups.

You know you're poor when you squirt lemons in your eyes to go colorblind just so you won't be covetous.

You know you're poor when you can't afford to eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken so you eat at Puerto Rican Raw Bird.

You know you're poor when you use lightning bugs to light your house at night.

You know you're poor if instead of insurance you have well-probably-not-ance or mildly-unlikely-ance.

You know you're poor when the only toppings you can afford on your pizza are your own tears.

You know you're poor when you use cheese as a mirror.

You know you're poor if you've antagonized someone because you were so hungry you'd settle for a knuckle sandwich.

You know you live in a poor city when the water tower ain't nothin' but knee high.

You know you're poor when your windshield looks like it's been used in an actual war.

You know you're poor when you couldn't afford tooth-picks so you had to settle for tooth-we-tell-you-what-to-dos. Emancipated tooth cleaning sticks just cost way too much!

You know you grew up poor when you encourage your kids to litter just so other folk can find somethin' real nice.

You know you're poor when the only crayon you can afford is the color blue.

You know you're poor when you've got a gun with no ammo, a soup with no moisture, a dog with no legs, a shirt with no front, & a scarf with no arf.

You know you're poor when you never take anything out of a box except for yourself!

You know you're poor when you get stuck in traffic & you aren't in a rush to get home because you're already home.

You know you're poor if you've never recycled aluminum cans because you need them for the coils in your homemade mattress.

You know you're poor if the only steak you've ever eaten was the steak to your tent because it was softened by protein filled termites.

You know you're poor if in lieu of buying a hat or sunglasses you only go outside when it is cloudy.

You know you're poor if the speedometer on your car never goes past zero either because it is broke or because your car is.

You know you're poor if the birds in the park leave you bread.

You know you're poor when your wardrobe consists of short, glass, & pant.

You know you're poor when you commit a crime just to get some free police tape to use as a clothes line.

You know you're poor if you only go to the movie theater to collect discarded ticket stubs so you can burn them for warmth.

Penny pinchers keep a sack of corroded pennies just so they won't go nuts on St. Patrick's Day.

You know you're poor when your favorite meal is shadow toast. Mmmm taste that shaddy!

You know you're poor if save your kid's hair clippings so you can give your kids beards for the winter because you can't afford scarves.

You know you're poor when you can pick up your pickup truck because you done sold all the parts off that dang thang.

You know you grew up poor if your parents asked you what you wanted for Christmas & you said "A firetruck!" so they just took the truck you already owned & set it on fire & gave it to you. Fortunately they didn't try to wrap that one & put it under the tree.

You know you're poor when the only reason you dye your hair is to either absorb or deflect the sun's warmth.

You know you're poor when you go to the mail room on your lunch break just so you can lick the envelopes for sustenance.

You know you're poor if your tires are retired.

You know you're poor when the blinker on your car just stares.

You know you're poor when instead of buying strawberry jam you buy imitation strawberry sortacrappydubstepsong.

You know you're poor when your idea of an air freshener is to just stop fartin'.

You know you're poor if you get into too much monkey business, which is any & all monkey related business ventures.

You know you're poor if when you talk about "change" no one ever assumes you are talking about politics.

You know you're poor that when you look for enough money to buy an air conditioner you have to settle for either an air-junkfooder, an air-heathrisker, or an air-baconsundae.

You know you're poor if the closest you've ever come to royalty is that time your uncle rented a bouncy castle for your cousin.

You know you grew up poor if your momma didn't let you play as a princess. She only let you play dead because it was the one thing you could realistically aspire to.

You know you're poor when the only basketball you've ever owned was made out of old baskets. It bounc'd a littl' bit.

You know you're poor if the closest thing you've ever had to a mirror is your finger nails after you ran em through your greasy hair.

You know you're poor when you have hardwood floors in your house.. because your floor is made of tipped over trees.

You know you're poor when instead of a cheese greater you've got a cheese worser.

You know you're poor when instead of painting your house, you sharpie it.

Flashback Edition:
You know you're poor when you're afraid to look at billboards because you're afraid you'll get charged for it.

You know you're poor if you've never had a birthday cake with candles to wish upon so you go to the scene of local fires & try to blow them out to make one big wish.

You know you're poor when your trash can doubles as your soup pot.

You know you're poor when you request your last meal to be beans & cornbread because you ain't never had the luxury of eatin' either one.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Very Poor Man's March - Lesson Leftovers Rejected Lessons from Poor Man's March
You know you're poor if the closest you've ever been to an airplane is when they were dropping off crates of food for your people.

You know you're poor when your tricycle is a bicycle.

You know you're poor when you look for products that will help you go bald so you can save money on haircuts.

You know you're poor when the closest you've ever been to an airport is that hole in a manhole cover.

You know you're poor when you can't afford mustard on your sandwich even though it is free of charge.

You are poor if on your 16th birthday instead of a car your parents got a you a job.

You know you're poor if the only musical instrument you've ever owned was a triangle made out of a medical syringe & a paper clip bent into a passable triangle.

You know you're poor when you eat off your license plate.

You know you're poor when you save used corn cobs to use as hair brushes.

You know you're poor when your breakfast isn't fruity peddles, its just pebbles & your teeth go "Bam! Bam!" as they break.

You know you're poor if, instead of eating fast food, you eat snails, the slowest food there is!

You know you're poor if you eat your oranges peel & all, just calling it natural marmalade.

You know you're poor when your cell phone is made out of radishes because radishes have cells right?

You know you're poor when your water hose ain't nothin' but an air hose.

You know you're poor when city hall comes & condemns your bath tub.

You know you live in a poor city when at the border the road stops having pavement & just has a sign that says, "Meant to be paved."

You know you're poor if the only time you've been on a golf course was to hunt the geese there to have something to eat that night.

You know you're poor if the only meal you eat in the winter is chilly, not chili the food but chilly the frosty air.

You know you're poor if need glasses but all you can afford is white plastics. They don't call you 4 eyes, they call you no eyes.

You know you're poor when the only thing you can do to save more money is to flush less.

You know you're poor when you support illiteracy campaigns because books cost too much money.

You know you're poor when you lose weight just so your kids can give you their clothes as hand me downs.

You know you're poor when your bed is a flower bed in your neighbor's yard & your only blanket is the stars.

You know you're poor when you gather up the hay people decorate with in the fall to have something to sleep on.

You know you're poor when look for open graves to sleep in because rustled dirt is much more comfy than unrustled dirt.

You know you're poor when putting your best foot forward requires you gettin it out of the case first.

You know you're poor when your backyard & your frontyard are the same yard because you don't have a house on your land.

You know you're poor when you show up to JC Penny hoping to buy whatever you want & they're like, "You're crazy." And you're like "Doesn't JC Penny stand for Jesus Christ Penny. I know Jesus I've got a penny how come I can't have whatever I want in this store?"

You know you're poor if the only Christmas tree you've ever had was made of twigs with pine cones tied to them using blades of grass because you couldn't even afford tape.

You know you're poor if the way you get haircuts is by rubbin' grease on your head & just lettin' the animals in the woods chew your hair off.

You know you're poor when you went to a school where the math books were also history books because they were written before anyone know what the heck math was.

You know you're poor when instead of having a toy 18 wheeler you just had a 1 wheeler made out of a matchbox & a tainted Cheerio. Because you gotta eat those untainted ones.

You know you're poor when your first box of crayons ain't got no crayons in it, it was just a box.

You know you're poor when the only doctor you've ever seen is the one that guesses weight at the fair.

You know you're poor when your favorite hat is a cloud.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Melody Tickled My Shadow
Melody Tickled My Shadow
Friday, March 6, 2015
New Artwork
Saturday, February 28, 2015
February is just the Tip of the Iceberg for Lesson Theme Months!
Tip of the Iceberg:  "If an iceberg tells you, 'Come on in! The water is fine.' remember that temperature preference differs between the animate & inanimate."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't wreck into me."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "To boost their self-esteem whales stopped wearing clothes so they could always be skinny dipping."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "I don't like ice breakers. I'm huge why would I like small talk?"

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Simply wear a chin guard & you are ready to ride a pretend sled."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Statistics wrought by poller bears have a bias that is heavier than the bears themselves."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "It's so cold where I live you can literally hold your breath underwater."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Wearing snow shoes is only slightly better for crossing a bed a nails than a bed of hot coals. I suggest you use them for neither."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "In the coming centuries if you ever go to an iceberg zoo, make sure to feed us iceberg lettuce to keep us from floating violently toward you."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Not all of us Icebergs are Jewish. Some of us just married in."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "I think you're the one that's slippery."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Snow is not a good fertilizer."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can actually see the wind but since it keeps giving you & everyone else the cold shoulder mankind has unconsciously chosen to ignore the sight of it."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Ice fishing is best done with a net."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't slip on me, it tickles."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Last year I vacationed at the beach & lost 440,000 lbs!"

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't play polka near ice, it is too heartwarming."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you have to shave your ice cream you shouldn't eat it."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Where I come from water doesn't get ice cold, ice gets water cold."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you don't want your snowmobile to have an accident put a diaper on it."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you think really hard while you see your breath in the arctic it will become a brief thought cloud."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Don't use ice cubes they are an affront to my kind."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "If you're coming to see me bring some crayons. All I ever see is white & blue!"

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Penguins aren't flightless birds. They fly underwater. Hey whaddahya want from me? I'm an ice burg. I don't know the vocabulary for that underwater movin' thingy."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Santa Claus used to travel by ship but I showed him!"

Tip of the Iceberg:  "Never trust a seal to open your mail."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can melt the entire polar ice caps with only 9 ramen seasoning packets."

Tip of the Iceberg:  "You can defrost anything with sunlight if you get close enough to the sun."
Thursday, February 26, 2015
New Imagery
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Piemerica's 17th Anniversary
The Wrong Words for Sleep - New EP by MARS
Thursday, February 19, 2015
New Imagery
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of February 15-21, 2015
1. Wear extra shoes in case you see a person who needs some.
2. Eat bacon on Presidents' Day in honor of all of our non-Jewish presidents.
3. Pre-buckle seatbelts so when people have to unbuckle them they have one last reminder to buckle up.
4. Scoop the invisible poop of invisible dogs.
5. Put a megaphone next to running water at night to help the neighbors sleep.
6. Leave capes near trampolines.
7. Shave your beard & donate the hair to "Soul Patches of Love."
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of February 8-14, 2015
1. Set out hundreds of plastic bags to catch winter breezes, tie them up & in the summer donate them to families in need of cooling.
2. Cut down all the trees in a neighborhood to prevent future tornado damage.
3. Make use of your spray tanning skills by volunteering nightly at your local seemingly abandoned bat infested castle.
4. Carry around a swear jar & put a quarter in it every time you hear someone else swear.
5. Leave parachutes on the tops of tall buildings.
6. Paint hearts around the edges of mirrors.
7. To help your local police force trim their budget throw free nightsticks at any officers you see passing by.
Friday, February 6, 2015
New Bitstrips
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
New Bitstrips

Sunday, February 1, 2015
Piemerica's Website has been online 13 years!

Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of February 1-7, 2015
1. Attach an inflatable birdhouse to your kite to give birds some sky rest.
2. Light a fire with an elaborate LED display.
3. Bury treasure that won't stand the test of time like artifacts of current technology & fashion. Bury some fake gold too just to make that treasure hunt 400 years from now more exciting.
4. Design a word a day calendar using 365 different languages.
5. Combat banditalism by putting sneezing powder on for sale bandanas.
6. Give a horse high top horseshoes.
7. Mail snow cones to our troops in the middle east.

+=- Dust Carried to Land
I'm halfway to Mexico by nowโ€ฆ from Canada because that is where I live.

The McDonalds golden arches make you think of their french fries. Yeah they make you wonder if the arches & the fries are made out of the same material.

I don't have a musical bone in my body. Yeah I have all my marrow.

I couldn't see a thing, unless black is a thing.

I resist a rest when I'm not tired.

I am out of my mind because my mind is in me.

I like to beat savages to the punch of kindness.

Salman: are you this random with everyone?
MAR: No, I haven't met everyone yet. People keep dying before I can finish my list.
MAR: I'll just pretend you're everyone who ever lived, except me. Boy you sure are all over the place, one minute you're Gandhiing & next minute you're Mussoliniing.
Salman: yeah, I am also being blown up and get born simultaneously
MAR: โ™ซโ™ชWe are the world... but mostly just youโ™ซโ™ช

MAR: that is not how it works my dude
Salman: "my dude" never heard that
MAR: yeah & you still haven't unless you read it aloud
Salman: I read it aloud now

Nick: I empathize with you
MAR: Me too. I empathize with me. That makes me a good person right?

I am an amalgam of cereal mascots being forced to watch paint dry in the ocean.

Check briefcases for baby bears & one day you will win ah PRIZE!

I place $1,000 dollar orders all the time. I'm like "hey you, give me $1,000 dollars!
Saturday, January 31, 2015
The Proverbial January Lessons
The dog with the biggest bite is also the dog with the highest dentist bill.

The road less traveled has less pot holes, unless the local hillbillies warm their soup in it.

A buzzard without teeth & a clock with no hands are the same. You can use neither to tell time. That is unless they are both wearing digital watches.

A puzzle with 6-14 pieces missing is like a car missing its engine. Unless you've ever driven a car, in which case the comparison is laughable.

The road less traveled enunciates "quaff" no better than the motorway covered in marmalade.

You can't teach a fish to juggle cheese whiz but you can teach an elk how to limp.

A barrel of dead monkeys isn't much fun at all.. unless you are very very VERY hungry.

An ambitious person without wings can fly just as high as a lazy bird that has no wings.

Sometimes the smallest people have the biggest hearts so shorties, go get that checked out by your doctor.

One bad apple spoils the whole bunch but the whole bunch, left uneaten, spoils together. So eat a whole bunch!

The weasel with the longest tail is easier stepped upon than the farthest asteroid.

Some people are best left alone & those people are already buried.

One man's rainbow is another man's "I'm not sure what you call it but it sure looks cool."

Money can't buy you contentment but it can buy you a gorilla that jogs in place.. if you're willing to shop around for a while.

The man with 7 houses does not have more to be thankful for than the man with one. Or is that the other way around?

The bigger the pillow, the more oblivious we are to the ostrich behind it.

The most embarrassing angels are those who choose the harpsichord over the harp.

Those who always keep their chin up will likely be scared of their own shadow.

A blister earned by hard work is far sweeter than a blister covered in motor oil & chalk dust.

Even the prettiest flower cannot be seen or smelled by a boxlet of staples.

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.

You can teach a deaf man's parrot to talk, but.. why?

A child with a stick of butter is more powerful than imaginary ocelot fur.

The light at the end of the tunnel is always brighter than the light in the trunk while it's closed.

A wise man does not build his house on hairy ice but a wise man does stock his house with quality Roncoยฎ products.

The smallest pebble can be thrown but the largest rock cannot be lifted. So in the end the tiny pebble makes the bigger splash. Likewise the smaller Cheeto dissolves in Mellow Yellow slower than the larger cheesepuff.

A pilot can steer the plane but the passenger doesn't have to.

People with their eyes closed cannot see the the glass as half full but they can still drink out of it.

Teach a kid to catch a football & he could become a millionaire. Teach a kid to juggle & he may never earn a cent.

The man who feels enslaved to his shoe strings needs to look up what the word "enslaved" means.

Whoever has the most gold doesn't win in the end but he sure can fix a lot of games while he's still around.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 25-31, 2015
1. Put some candles on the ground at night so the falling snow can avoid falling on something that will injure it.
2. Use diced tomatoes as dice.
3. Break your poor friend's phone, laptop, or camera so they can finally justify an upgrade.
4. Save the world a wreck by not driving your motor vehicle for 17.9 years because statistically that is how often the average person has a wreck.
5. Tear a constipated person a new one.
6. Get a jump start on daylights saving time by setting all of the clocks at your work forward.
7. Crash birthday parties everyday to blow out the candles. Soon you'll have enough wish power to bring world peace.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 18-24, 2015
1. Start a beard farm but don't use fertilizer.
2. Sweet talk a bitter person until they become palatable.
3. Put googly eyes & mini-scarfs on stapler removers so they look less menacing.
4. Learn to juggle wads of gum.
5. Use chicken fingers to accuse people.. of being hungry.
6. At your local grocer replace the innards of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!ยฎ" containers with Swiss cottage cheese so some people can finally believe it's not butter!
7. Invite your friends on a staycation inside a wanted criminal's trunk.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 11-17, 2015
1. Sell decorated lizard tails to bobcats.
2. Stop refurbishing used caskets.
3. Body paint a blind person so they can finally experience art.
4. Go on a shopping spree for that special arachnid in your life.
5. If you are a homeowner invite the neighborhood kids over to write on your walls.
6. Buy a feather pillow then hire a forensics team to help you get the bird's remains back to his or her family.
7. Forget about angel food cake & try to make authentic angel hot wings.
Sunday, January 7, 2015
New Imagery
These aren't moles. I just used to be black & the tatthree artist missed a few spots. #dontworrythatwasntracist
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Piemerica's 7 Random Acts of Kindness for the Week of January 4-10, 2015
1. Regurgitate those puzzle pieces you've been eating out of spite.
2. Mail a traffic cone.
3. Counsel a wounded animal. A lot of them have parental abandonment issues.
4. Share your magic wand during lunch break.
5. Buy some hot wings & give them to an unattractive chicken.
6. Go to your doctor for a checkup.. on how he's doin'.
7. Donate a buttock to someone who tragically lma'od'ed.

New Swood Post
Is it a good idea to body paint blind people so they can finally experience art?

Lessons๐ŸŽ“ | Fornitudes๐Ÿ’ฌ | Top 3s๐Ÿ†Find the Irony๐Ÿ”
Feel๐Ÿ’• | Think๐Ÿ‘† | Weigh๐Ÿ’ช | Act๐Ÿƒ | Joke๐Ÿ’ƒ | Answerโ˜‘
COMEDY Sections:
Advice Oven๐Ÿ”ฅ | Piemerican Knews๐Ÿ“ฐ | Scripts๐Ÿ“œ Advertisements๐Ÿ’ฐ | Tae Kwon Dumb๐Ÿ‘Š | Stories๐Ÿ‘‚
Journals๐Ÿ““ | Piemerican Airlinesโœˆ | Speeches๐ŸŽค
Games & Activity๐Ÿ„ | Book Drinking Central๐Ÿ“š
Jibber Jabber๐ŸŽ’ | 'ot 6 Review๐Ÿ‘“ | Quizardry๐Ÿ’ซ | Chat๐Ÿ“ž
MARS๐ŸŒ‘ | Lyrics & PoemsโœŽ | Piemerican Records๐Ÿ’ฟ
Rose Garden Dream๐ŸŒน | I'm Tired. Sleep Tonight.๐Ÿ“ป
Comics๐Ÿ’ข | The darkened Reality of Real-Estateโœ‚
| Piemericomic๐Ÿ‡ | Cats๐Ÿฑ | eCards๐Ÿ’ณ
Piemerican Magazine๐Ÿ“– | Christmas Catalog๐ŸŽ„
Piemerican Elementary Knews๐Ÿซ
Videos๐ŸŽฅ | Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh?๐Ÿ“น | VineโŒ‡
Photo Galleries๐Ÿ“’ | Emperor MAR๐ŸŒ | Laslo PanafleX๐ŸŽฏ
Meet Piemerica๐Ÿšƒ | Renderings๐Ÿ‘ค | MAR's Facebookโ’ก
Lesson Mania!๐ŸŽ“ | The Essentialness of Essentiality๐ŸŒ›
(The Joe)'s Autobiography๐ŸŒ…
Pathsโ‰  | Art Book๐ŸŽจ | The Song๐ŸŽถ | Surveyโœ”
Freezer Freezer Problem Artbookโ† | The Journey๐Ÿš‘
About Us๐Ÿฐ | Lingo๐Ÿ‘‚ | Encyclopedia๐Ÿ”‘ | Help๐Ÿ‘‹
History๐Ÿ“… | Pledge of Pielegianceโš‘ | What The Eatโ‡
Promos๐Ÿ“จOld Indexes๐Ÿ”™ | Site Guide๐Ÿ‘ƒ
Piemerica Swood๐Ÿ | Pieuro๐Ÿš€ | Piemerica Shoppe๐Ÿ‘•
+=-๐Ÿ’– | Banana Towels๐ŸŒIndex 2๐Ÿ“‡ | Links๐Ÿ”—
Facebookโ’ก | Twitter๐Ÿฃ | Misc Downloads๐Ÿ“ฅ
Full Archive๐Ÿ“… | ยฒโฐ14 | ยฒโฐ13 | ยฒโฐ12 | ยฒโฐ11 | ยฒโฐ10 | ยฒโฐ09 | ยฒโฐ08 | ยฒโฐ07 | ยฒโฐ06 | ยฒโฐ05 | ยฒโฐ04 | ยฒโฐ03 | ยฒโฐ02 | ยฒโฐ01
Jump to:  January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October

Warning! May contain trace amounts of food.
MARS Uptempo Music Sampler
Every Second Worry Impowers Fits 1:08
Those of us on the ledge in the wind. 2:29
Don't Hush Now :30
The night the fire gave no light. :54
Amidst rope 1:18
Ages in Bloom :29
Nothing is Similar :48
Shining darkness...... :56
Spreading out a quilt on grass that looks like a quilt :48
Style us 2:17
Holes made of glass 1:00
Life Shell :23
Dizzy Bay 1:28
At first I thought it was my mind... 1:14
dr. stoop pays his lite bill 2:04
Still Not Today :17
Safari Rhino Tracks :56
Those of us who say "We..." 4:51
Those of us with our head in the sea. 2:22
Desert Saw Name Window 1:25
Stars on a Clothes Line :28
The Ship Leaks from Above 1:03
Time Traveller :56
Master Working :43
I've both fostered sake nealing seat 1:05
Dedicated harnesses waiting for crumbs. :43
Towers again. 1:03
I have no identity so how can this be a crisis? 1:20
Tagline :51
Holld :58
EveryThing was Personally hand Washed by me 1:35
Sickle of fire...Loudest Silence, :51
HAUT 1:17
Rock drick garden 1:08
Fogless Sight 1:08
Text-tile :25
Label + (Hold) :40
Incompliable :40
Today or something like it 1:14
when is the fortuen made to rivers? 1:17
It started today 1:08
aspiring stoop exited a hole in the veranda's mind 2:01
Far too late in the early morning. :29
Expelious Sea 1:50
I run the mill like a hamster at its wheel. :30
You are not trapped 1:42
Eyce :59
It was Ok. 1:23
Ponector Kin :41
:Oyas todo nias phel elpi doh yahnah tais: 1:52
The MARk :27
Volts into you :45
Dairy Harvest 1:42
Buying Buying Bears 1:18
One Color Rainbow 1:18
Sound without Effect 2:14
Remake :32
Best of II :55
MARS Relaxing Music Sampler
The Real Iceberg 4:31
inq. :45
Those of us on the curb watching traffic. 2:51
Greatest Sequels II 2:13
Don't Hush Now :30
new dew 2:26
I'm Tired of Whispering AND Shouting 1:17
Has-been Run has been run 4:17
Prime Flower 2:41
Mind Without Affect 1:22
& the bubble took the rain dog :55
I Caught You Throwing 3:03
Fiveground 1:13
I Blew Blue 1:04
The Living Water Surface 1:00
Wet Chain Link 2:30
Messiah Waits 1:08
Mister Wonderful 3:45
vlain :49
Im sent on lot 2:22
keet-vlot 3:36
Affection stand contribution upon raise touch 1:45
My sky is tight. 1:18
Sake hardened. 1:39
Ninja O' Meter (Brain) :56
Pressure Load Caterer (feet) 1:49
If it was anywhere but here... 2:20
Softly witnessed tributaries 1:14
What we have in store for you. 1:13
No Key available. 2:06
Froj 1:32
Pen lock a cord. :51
Plow Seige People :57
Traded Society for Technology 1:21
Answer Kidge :47
Leasing any lacer 1:27
Chances no longer exist 2:05
!question of intelliline? 3:09
pineapple shotting reel in your mirror 1:37
The moon is a crust of letters 1:25
is/t that it/s? :56
I was looking through the window 1:57
Mathetactics 1:32
Play in the field until nightfall 2:01
Am I here? Am I here too soon? 1:15
re-fad :43
Today & The Years Gone Bye 2:52
off tin :33
Have you ever seen a longer longer? 2:05
Sliding Moderation 1:14
Shew Shadow :42
Fickle Illusion 1:02
A building lake 1:11
Candle whipped battle axe 1:28
Satellites Zooming In 1:11
Settlers camping in noman's land 1:58
grow wind. grow 1:45
ccxol 2:20
ond & offd 1:41
More Sound Without Effect 2:55
egdrib 1:43
Return 1:57
depositCE 1:14
Catching Up in Perfection 2:00
Greatest Sequels 1:28
None the Same 2:50
The Advent of Thunder 3:39
MARS Epics
Piemerican Magazine Issues
Photo Galleries
Leisure Parkland
Leisure Parkland
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Melody's Down Home Southern Baby Shower
Ramily Circus
Ramily Circus
Photos 2012
Photos 2012
The Big Onion
The Big Onion
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
My Dad's 62nd Birthday at Work & More
Water Cube
Water Cube
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Horsefeathers & Applesauce!
Cordova Snow Fun
Cordova Snow Fun
Photos 2011
Photos 2011
Games New Years Play
New Years Play
The Love Fell Like Leaves
The Love Fell Like Leaves
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos of Swingn' Lovers!
Photos 2010
Photos 2010
Meadow View Charms
Meadow View Charms
Robert Randolph & The Family Band
Robert Randolph
Saying it without a Thousand Words
Saying it without 1,000 Words
What My Chick & I Saw
What My Chick & I Saw
Some Things Afoot
Some Things Afoot
Golfulating IX- Disc Golfulating
Golfulating IX Disc Golfulating
Golfulating VIII
Golfulating VIII
The Battle for #4
The Battle for #4
Snow Show
Snow Show
Photos 2009
Photos 2009
I saw the light.
I saw the light.
Star & Micey Live at Otherlands, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey w/ Emperor MAR at Otherlands
Henderson's Waiting
Henderson's Waiting
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Trapped in a Produce Bag
Before Photoshop
Before Photoshop
May Day
May Day

Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
Piemerica 10th Anniversary Sadebration
The Years Gone By
The Years Gone By
Moving On
Moving On
Lake Ship
Lake Ship
Lamp Head
Lamp Head
Photos 2008
Photos 2008
Metal Morrow
Metal Morrow
Star & Micey Live at American Apparel, Memphis, TN
Star & Micey at American Apparel
Photos 2007
Photos 2007
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Christmas Ape Goes to the Moon
Warm Shower
Warm Shower
Lesson Mania!
Lesson Mania!
Star & Micey Mid
ED Wed
ED Wed
The Watcher
The Watcher
P. E.
Mi Familia
Mi Familia
Muddy Waters
Muddy Waters
Playing A Ground
Playing A Ground
Tae Kwon Dumb
Tae Kwon Dumb
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Michael & Lori The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle The Wedding
Corey & Chantelle
The Wedding
Earning Stripes
Earning Stripes
Photos 2006
Photos 2006
Homes & Hearts
Homes & Hearts
No Parking
No Parking
Sticks & Stones
Sticks & Stones
The Bookster
The Bookster
Trampoline Terror
Trampoline Terror
Golfulating VII
Golfulating VII
Wonder & Time
Wonder & Time
Golfulating VI
Golfulating VI
Glen Phillips Newby's, Memphis, TN
Glen Phillips
at Newby's,
Memphis, TN
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Working Together For a Better Tomorrow
Relative Things
Relative Things
Golfulating V
Golfulating V
Golfulating IV
Golfulating IV
Golfulating III
Golfulating III
Golfulating II
Golfulating II
Muchos Tacos
Muchos Tacos
Perpetual Change
Perpetual Change
April 22, 2005
April 22, 2005
Chump On A Log
Chump On A Log
April Fool(s)
April Fool(s)
Emperor MAR: The Beard. The Face.
Emperor MAR:  The Beard.
The Face.
Photos 2005
Photos 2005
Rose Garden Dream July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream
July 3-5
Rose Garden Dream June 26
Rose Garden Dream
June 26
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Partially Sanctioned Official Piemerican Party
Photos 2004
Photos 2004
Tree Farm
Tree Farm
Tripple Seven Joenan
Tripple Seven
Tripple Seven (The Joe Legend)
Tripple Seven
(The Joe) Legend
Punch My Cat in the Face
Punch My Cat in the Face
Graduation Photos
Graduation Photos
Photos 2003
Photos 2003
Photos 2002
Photos 2002
Photos 2001
Photos 2001
Photos 2000
Photos 2000
Photos 1999
Photos 1999
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1996-98
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1992-95
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1990-91
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1987-89
Photos 1985-86
Photos 1985-86

Classic Lessons
If a thug draws a knife on you wash it off.

Some people will never learn. The sad thing is most of those people go to school.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em unless they're beating you.

When the noose becomes the latest fashion it won't last long.

Talk is cheap, unless you are a television psychic.

If a tree falls in the forest be glad you don't live in the forest.

When I'm looking at my folder I have a paper view.

When arguing at sea don't go overboard.

Never whisper behind someone's back. Whispering is enough.

Ice cubes are excellent substitutes for chill pills.

Hole punchers are useless.

Not all hillbillies are named Billy but they are all related to him.

Pollution is good for you. It makes you realize there should be less pollution.

Read All Lessons, Watch Video Lessons
Piemerica Christmas Catalogs
Piemerican Elementary Knews
Comedy or Coma?
Caffeine free huh? What, that makes it cost like 15 cents less?

I'm a real vocabulary buff. In fact I just finished reading the dictionary. I didn't like it, it wasn't wordy enough for me.

I love team sports because one part of the crowd is always happy.

nah.. oops! dropped some dots

I'm going to be a record producer because i eat a lot of vinyl.

I don't lik3 it wh2n p712 tal3 li33 this. especially out loud, "lik three it wh two n p seven tweleve tal three li three three this."

I remember Living Magazine had a spin off called Dying Magazine. It had a lot of subscriptions but no one ended up paying their first bill.

When I yawn it is contagious because I always yawn again.

I have a big sore, it is so big it is like a dino-sore.

I can spoil any movie from the past 20 years. Ready?
They all end with credits.

How do you know this site is weird? Maybe this is normal and regular things are weird.
Pie is the greatest food of all time.! If it weren't I really would have changed the name some time ago.

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What? You mean not everything is true?